Radiohead

Last night's Radiohead concert at the Molson Ampitheatre in Toronto was awesome. The ampitheatre apparently holds about 16000 and it was definitely packed full for the concert.

The opening band, Grizzly Bear, was ok but they were sort of forgettable, unfortunately. It wasn't that they were bad or anything; they just didn't really stand out. Radiohead definitely stood out. It wasn't just that their music was awesome (it is), but that the stage and lighting were amazing.

The back of the stage was had screens alternating with spots for big hemispherical things hold six or seven lights. So at the bottom, behind the band, was a lighted screen that was either projected or permanent LED lights, then there was a black space, and above that was a projection screen. The hemispherical light things mostly stayed above the upper screen.

In front of the screens above and beside the band, filling most of the stage, were twelve columns of six pole-things each. The poles could be lit from outside or from within. There were camera people on top of the pole structure and in other places filming the band members from different angles. Above the stage was a band of four rows of individual lights. There's an interesting discussion on the lighting and generator system they used here.

While the band played, the film from the camera people was manipulated and projected onto the upper portion of the screen at the back and onto the jumbotrons facing the crowd. Some of the manipulations were cool; for example, one of the band members was wearing a shirt with a cat's head on it, and that image was continually brought down over one of the other bandmates, turning his head into a cat. Sometimes the image was reversed and overlapped. The lower screen usually had some sort of free-flowing wave pattern on it. Everything on the back screen was pretty well monochromatic in reds or yellows or magentas or whatever.

In deference to their latest albums, In Rainbows, a lot of colours were used in the show. These colours didn't necessarily go together :) At one point the poles were cyan or turquoise in colour and the back screen was all magenta. The lights on top sometimes stayed stationary and sometimes moved; their colours varied between the pole and back screen colours. Personally, I think that much of the light show was designed to foil people with cameraphones and portable cameras. Using complementary colours of the same intensity for the poles and back screen with lots of movement in those colours, plus the fact that the band was backlit, made the pictures we saw just big blobs of colour in the centre.

Some of the things they did with the poles were just beautiful; at one point it looked like sparkly bits of light everywhere, and at another, they had a checkerboard effect moving over the poles. It was very sophisticated.

The music was fantastic. It sounded very much like the albums, which I liked. They did a lot of instrument changes in order to play all of the different songs. One of the things that I liked about the image projections was that you could see what each band member was doing (in a way) and that, together with the other lighted stuff going on, meant that the band members didn't really need to "perform". It was clear that each person was just doing what they do as though they were doing it in their own living room; they seemed sort of relaxed and intent on their music at the same time. In this way, there was less pressure on the band to be "on" as it was hard to see them as they were anyways. I'd read that they burned out after their world tour about ten years ago and I think that this technique will help them get through this world tour.

Interestingly, they didn't ever announce the band's name or the band members; in fact, the band barely spoke to the crows at all. I think the lead singer spoke to the crowd twice. They also didn't play some of our favourite older songs like Karma Police, Paranoid Android, Creep, Hail to the Thief, and 2+2=5. They do have 20 years of material to draw on, of course, and there's only so much they can play in two hours.

The band did two encores but the second one was very short. Their final exit from the stage was beautiful. They played Everything In Its Right Place while scrolling the lyrics across the poles. There's a lot of repetition in the song and as each band member set up their repetition, starting with the lead vocalist, they raised their hands to the crowd and exited the stage. Eventually the music wound down and two roadies came on stage to turn the rest off while the light show dimmed and went out. This exit gave the crowd a chance to acknowledge each band member and gave each band member a chance to say goodbye to the crowd. It was very cool.

We both enjoyed the concert very much. If Radiohead does come your way or you do get a chance to see them play live, I'd strongly urge you to go and see them. Their show is well worth the time and cost.

We got very lucky with the seats we had. They were just on the outside of what was covered by the roof and so we hardly got wet when it rained. As well, since there was only an aisle directly in front of us and we were raised above that aisle, I could see the stage quite clearly throughout the concert. Everyone stood for the whole thing so seeing was easy; if we were sitting down, I wouldn't have been able to see because people were standing in the aisle in front of us.

One thing that amazed us was the number of people who were not at all prepared for the weather. It's like they never bothered to check the forecast and so there were some very, very cold people even though they were selling rain ponchos for $4. We both enjoyed looking at all of the people and seeing what they were wearing.

Feeling slightly better

I'm starting to feel better - at least my fever is down. I still have a cough but it's a productive wet cough so I guess that's ok. The cough is worse in the mornings as well.

I'm definitely going to the concert tonight :) The forecast is calling for rain/thundershowers this evening so last night we went out and bought a couple of rain ponchos. The last thing I want is to get soaked and have to sit there for another two hours! We're also bringing a variety of layers because the low is fairly low tonight and we don't want to freeze.

I'm watching the women's Canada-US soccer game and it's pouring there! They're in overtime and it's tied 1-1. Of course I want Canada to win because then they'll go to the semi-final and there's hope that we might win a medal.

UPDATE: Canada lost by one goal in the second extra period :( But they did take it through to those two extra periods and played very, very well. The US was ranked first and Canada ninth so the fact that Canada didn't lost by more was amazing. It was a very exciting game.

More Olympics

How is it possible that I feel worse today than yesterday? Arrrggh. My low fever appears to be back and I've still got this cough and I feel generally icky. We're supposed to be going to see Radiohead in concert on Friday and I don't want to miss it - we paid a lot for the tickets and I was really looking forward to the concert.

We were watching the Olympics today and one of the segments was on women's epee fencing; unfortunately, Sherraine Schalm, who was representing Canada, lost in the round of 16. I was very unimpressed with her behaviour both after the loss and other times that they showed her. She screamed in triumph after every point in a very unsportsmanlike manner. After she lost, she barely congratulated the other player and claimed that the fault called against her was bad. I also clearly saw her shout "F*ck you all" after she lost. And then she tried to rush past her opponent without shaking her hand; the resulting handshake couldn't, in my mind, even be called perfunctory.

I found Ms. Schalm's behaviour extremely unsportsmanlike and I am embarrassed that she is representing this country at the Olympics. One of the commentators said that she had reason to be unhappy, and that might be true, but there is absolutely no excuse for her to be rude.

Laughter and sleep are good medicines

So I think that I've got some kind of chest cold or something. I'd sort of noticed that my chest was sore last week but nothing came of it and I thought I was fine... until today. Not only did I sleep until 3:30pm, but I had to wake up periodically to cough and clear my lungs. Sigh. I'm supposed to go for dinner on Thursday with some well-fit people and if I'm still coughing like this then I'll have to cancel.

At least I'm getting plenty of rest and drinking plenty of hot fluids which will help to make me better.

They do say that laughter is the best medicine and I certainly got a big dose of that medicine today. Ian showed me the Cake Wrecks blog, which shows real cakes that people have paid for that are, well, different. The funniest ones are the ones where there are a) spelling errors or b) the decorator has taken the instructions verbatim. I'd say that you should all go and have a look because just about everyone needs to laugh more :) I've left a link on the side for your viewing pleasure as well.

Fun at the dentist

I got to see the dentist this morning - lucky me. They were doing their usual check when all of a sudden they said that my old amalgam fillings needed to be replaced. Sigh. I've also managed to lose my teeth whitening trays and so needed them to make new ones for me which they didn't have time to do at my 8:30am appointment.

Fortunately(?) the office had a cancellation at 10:40am so I was able to come back to have my fillings replaced and to get my trays re-done. Two fillings, one on each side of my upper jaw, needed to be replaced and so I ended up quite chipmunk-like from the freezing. I get extra freezing because it doesn't "take" very well in me. A few hours after the appointment was over I was still pretty frozen and needed to eat... let's just say that it's a good thing that no one was here to see that.

At least all that is over now and my whitening trays will be ready next week. My dentist is also getting a pre-approval for a new night mouthguard from my insurance company as my current nightguard is three years old. I asked my dentist how often people replaced theirs and she said that some replace it twice a year or once a year (!). So between that and my new fillings it's probably a good idea to get a new nightguard. Hopefully the insurance won't be a problem.

I also had to have my tumour markers and other bloodwork done today which is scheduled to be done through my port because my veins are so bad. By the time I was done all that at around 2pm, I was feeling very tired and sore so I had a brief nap. I didn't get quite enough sleep and my face was still sore and poufy so I was quite cranky early this evening.

No sewing but lots of Olympics

I thought about sewing today but it's been raining and it's humid and dreary. Since I had the oophorectomy in October, 2006, my body has changed. I sweat more when it's hot and I get warm more easily, which are expected changes, but I also sweat more when it's cold and damp. That was not a change that I expected, but as a result of it, working downstairs in the basement can be unpleasant on days like today. So no sewing for me today.

Instead, I sorted my vintage patterns (while watching Olympics!). It turns out that I have around 90 or 95 vintage patterns which seems like a lot. Most are from the 50s and 60s. If I were to sell them, I think I could easily get about $5-10 for each one and I know I didn't pay that much for them. Some of them are worth much more than that and could get at least $20; others (like the 1950's German Simplicity patterns and British Simplicity pattern) should go for more than that. Once I sort through all of my contemporary patterns I'll be thinking of selling some of them off as well. I don't expect to get much for them but then I bought most of them on sale anyways.

Having made the decision that I will sell a bunch of patterns at some point, I'm thinking about the best way to actually sell them. I could open a second etsy shop (but I don't really want to do that), or I could open a shop somewhere else, or I could sell them on eBay individually or in groups, or I could approach one of the major sellers and sell them the lot.

I don't know what would be easiest for me. Thinking about it, I want to use some of the patterns and so probably wouldn't be able to sell all of them at once, unless I wait to sell them for a while. I could get rid of a bunch at once, though. I'm sort of hesitant to open up a shop somewhere because I don't really want to turn this pattern-selling into a business; it's more like a de-stash for me, and I don't want to have to be buying patterns to try to sell them. So I'm probably going to have to go the eBay (or another auction site) route. Blerg. I've never sold anything on eBay.

Today in Olympic coverage we watched some more water polo, some boxing (the poor Canadian guy was trounced), some judo (we don't understand the scoring system at all), some rowing, the women's road race, the US-China basketball game, and tonight we're watching swimming. I like the rowing quite a lot; in some ways it's similar to dragonboating. I think I'd actually enjoy rowing a lot more than paddling, and even though I'm unlikely to get a chance to really try it, I very much enjoy watching it. I find myself moving in the same sort of rhythm as they are, which is kind of odd :) The women's road race was amazing to watch and not just for the scenery - it rained heavily once they hit the mountains. I can't imagine riding in the weather they had.

One thing that I really do like about the Olympics in Beijing are the buildings they built for the event, especially the Birds Nest Stadium and the Water Cube. I love how both are buildings and have function and all of that but at the same time both are very organic. I like that they're not just boxes, and I think that we're not likely to see that kind of architecture in other places. I do hope that when new venues are needed, the architects will look at incorporating organic elements like these buildings do.

More Olympics and sewing

Ok, so I'm still working on the great dress with the collar... I'm almost finished adjustments. After making pattern adjustments, I sewed some seams together and basted others and made yet a few more adjustments. It's almost perfect now, except that there's a little bit extra that I need to put into the side dart and I need to change it's point a little bit. I basted that dart and that part of the side seam several times already today :) It really is just about done and then I can retrace the facings and figure out what the collar pattern looks like now, after my new changes.

When this dress is done I think I'm going to use the pattern as sort of a base pattern for some of the other, similar, dresses that I want to make. I'd rather not go through this kind of fitting again :)

We watched more Olympics today. We got to watch men's gymnastics and some of the swimming. Kyle Shewfelt's performance was beautiful, especially given that he had broken both knees last year. And watching Michael Phelps shatter the freestyle 400m world record was amazing! The commentary for the swimming was hilarious - we could swear the guy kept giving the swimmer's heights as 5point6inches and not 5feet6inches. Maybe the events in Beijing are occurring on a much smaller scale than we think they are. After all, doing everything in 10th scale would certainly be cheaper once you figure out how to shrink the competitors and spectators.

We also watched some beach volleyball and a very little bit of equestrian and water polo. We would have watched more water polo if it had been on but equestrian just isn't our sport. This equestrian wasn't even the jumping one and we thought it was much less interesting watching the horses walk (and occasionally canter) around the field. More Olympics tomorrow.

The Olympics!

The Olympics started today. I didn't wake up for the very first airing of the opening ceremonies but it was shown quite a few times today. The ceremonies were gorgeous and brilliantly executed. I found myself staring at the tv, absolutely rapt with wonder at a few of the things they did - like when they lifted the rings up, or the dancers in glo-suits, or the dancers on the ball, or any number of other gorgeous displays. I also loved the happy-face fireworks :) If you haven't seen the opening ceremonies up until the parade of nations, then try and watch it. It's definitely worth seeing. I expect we'll be watching as much of the Olympics as possible over the next couple of weeks.

A small note about work - if I were to go back, I would start off as part-time and work my way back to full-time. The company I work for doesn't want permanent part-time employees on its payroll so I couldn't do that forever (or I'd have to find another company to work for - not that I'd necessarily mind that). Unfortunately, I'm not ready even for part-time there just now.

Someone told me that I should stay off work until I'd had 30 good days in a row. For me, a good day is getting up in the morning, doing stuff, and staying awake all day until bedtime, when I go to sleep quickly - even when I'm upset about something or if something bad has happened, although it wouldn't apply if I were sick. I've had lots and lots of those good days but over the last couple of months but definitely not 30 of them and certainly not 30 in a row.

Ian also figures that I'm pretty happy doing the things I do with patterns and whatnot and he's right there. At some point, all of that is going to get pretty boring because it'll stop being a challenge and at that point he figures that I'll be much, much closer to being able to work. This summer is really the first time that I've been able to do reasonably complicated things - where I feel that I have to actually think about stuff. And it's a good idea to get used to thinking critically and doing reasonably complicated tasks before going back to work.

Finally! I think I'm better

The fever broke yesterday and I think that the headache left today. After three days of almost continuous sleeping, I'm finally feeling better. I'm still a bit tired but I think that's ok. A lot of the sleep I've had hasn't been good quality sleep because it's been feverish or headachy and so I'll need to catch up on my good sleep.

This latest illness has got me to thinking about work again. When I'm feeling healthy and together, I love the idea of going back to work. But over the last month I haven't felt healthy and I've been very glad that I haven't been working because I know that I couldn't handle it. I want to think I'd be able to work but I suspect that I'm not quite there yet. So I won't be going back to work in the fall. I do hope to go back eventually but I'm not going to set a deadline for that just yet as I don't want to push myself.

I'm not feeling good

I developed a low-grade fever last night along with a bad headache/migraine and lightheadedness. I slept all day today and I'm heading back to bed now. Lucky I don't have any plans for this week because I don't think I'll be able to do much for a while.

Babies are not unlike zombies

Babies learning to walk and talk are a lot like zombies. They make funny noises and they don't really have that much control over their movements. Ian and I figure that it would be fun to teach one to say "Braiiiins" so that it could stumble around (preferably after eating something like ketchup) and say braiiins like a zombie :) I guess it's just as well that we're not going to have kids :)

This comes up because we spent the weekend in Ottawa with some friends who had a baby boy in January as well as some other friends. We had a wonderful time visiting and hanging out. It was great fun. The people in that circle have all spread out now and so we don't see each other as much as we used to. We're all growing up and getting lives and if we didn't meet once in a while some could drift away completely. Keeping my friends is much more important to me now than it used to be; while I'm not great at keeping in touch with people, I do try.

My new glasses are in!

Yep, my glasses came in a whole day early :) I'm really happy with them; they are comfortable and I find it easy to look through them. I still think they look good on me although it's a different style than I've been wearing; they have a darker top than bottom and they're a bit more rectangular. The colours are similar to my old glasses. I also found out that fixing my old glasses won't cost very much so I'm going ahead and doing that, too. Since it won't cost much I'll be able to have a more recent backup pair of glasses. My eyes are -9.25 now and the latest backup I had is around -8 or so.

I rode my bike to and from the glasses place - I should have known that the wind was against me coming back uphill when I could hardly pedal fast enough getting there. It's the first time I've been out on the bike this season and I hope to be able to go out riding some more.

We're heading up to Ottawa this weekend to visit with some friends there. We leave tomorrow afternoon and expect to be back on Monday sometime. I don't expect to be posting while we're gone, so I hope that everyone has a good long weekend.

No more stitches!

My family doctor took my stitches out today and I look WAY more normal now :) Part of the scab has also fallen off and I think the long cut (which was more superficial) won't scar too much. I'm crossing my fingers about that, anyways :)

My doctor said that I definitely had a concussion but that I'm ok now and that I shouldn't experience any long-lasting effects. The side effects I had - dizziness, headaches, and nausea - were normal. He also said that I didn't need an xray or anything and that nothing should show up on next year's bone scan. Whew!

Tonight we went to a friend's place for game night and played Power Grid. Some say that playing this marks us as hard-core German board game players because there's a lot of strategy involved in it... which might be true. There are some elements of chance but much of the player success is determined by strategy on several levels with auctions, commodities markets, and building networks. I'd definitely play this game again as it's quite fun, but I wouldn't play it on a night when I was tired.

Seeing the doctor tomorrow

I'm seeing my family doctor tomorrow to get my stitches out. Yay! The bottom two have closed up the shorter cut and the top one doesn't appear to be doing anything to the longer cut. The longer cut is looking pretty good. My head is feeling better - I've hardly been dizzy at all lately and I don't have much in the way of headaches. I would like to talk to my doctor about whether I need any follow-up treatment because I think I had a concussion.

I heard from my optometrist's office and my new glasses will most likely be in by Friday :) They also said that they could set my current lenses into new frames (well, a new version of my frames) so that I have a backup pair of glasses. I suppose that's a good idea, but I'm able to see out of these glasses as-is and I don't think I'd wear a second pair. I love new glasses because it's fun to wear new frames :) If I fixed the old ones then it would be a waste of money if I didn't wear them.... but they'd be old and less fun, so I wouldn't want to wear them as much. Still, I'll think about it.

A new way of grading for me

We saw The Dark Knight today. It was quite good although I don't think I'd see it twice in the theater (as I've heard some people are doing). Heath Ledger does a fine, crazy Joker and the movie itself is compelling. I'd recommend that you see it if you haven't yet.

I have pretty well finished grading and altering this pattern and I'm going to be making it next. I have some bias-printed pink/red gingham and we found some red for the collar today. I think it's going to be awesome when it's done - at least, I hope so :)

When I finish this one, I have another pattern that I want to prepare because I've already decided which fabrics to use. The pattern is similar to the other one (which is fine, because I think that the silhouette is fairly flattering on me): it's a sheath dress with princess lines and flap pockets at the hips with a large collar. I'm going to use some black on cream alphabet fabric for the body and black for the collar, flaps, and on the princess seams. It'll also be awesome, I think.

I'm still learning how vintage patterns fit me and how to change them so each project is a bit of an experiment. I was just grading the patterns up but that doesn't really work. Even if the pattern is exactly my size - and some are - my proportions are quite different than bodies used to be. Yes, I'm short, but people were shorter back then. Also, ease amounts were quite different than they are today and I like a little bit less ease, except at the waist, where I like a bit more. So what ends up happening is that I can't just increase the pattern by x amount everywhere; another way of putting it is I can't just grade the pattern. Instead, I have a slightly different approach to making the pattern fit.

First, I have to measure the pattern bust, waist, and hips to see how much to add to each to get the measurements + ease that I want. The amount to add is usually different for each of these primary points. So I do that, and then I have to make the neck to the high bust area (or, the neck to the top of the shoulder blades in the back) narrower. I almost always re-position and shorten the bust darts a bit - I don't have the cone-shaped breasts that they had then, and their bust darts are almost always too far apart for my taste. That usually takes care of the circumference measurements, although if the pattern is very fitted through the waist and hip I'll make sure that I've increased the high hip area a bit.

With the circumference measurements done, I check the vertical measurements. First I measure the pattern bodice front and back and compare that to my measurements. I decrease the entire front bodice by the difference in measurements, if there is any - sometimes there isn't. Sometimes I even have to increase the measurements, if the original pattern is very different from my size. If the change is small, I make it between the underarm and waist, and if it's large I do 1/3 of it above the underarm and 2/3 below it. I remove about 1/2" at the center back bodice waist for my swayback and take the rest of the vertical difference out as for the front bodice.

After that I just have to change the skirt length. I've been shortening the patterns from their original mid-calf length (a singularly unflattering skirt length for almost everyone) to around the knee, so I've got to take out that as well as the usual amount to shorten for my height. To make these changes, I do a combination of just chopping off some of the length at the bottom and folding out the difference. Because I'm short, it's better if I chop at least part of a full skirt at the bottom so that the bottom skirt circumference isn't too big. If the bottom skirt circumference is anything over about 80" or so and I'm using cotton, the skirt will be too big. With straight skirts it doesn't matter where the length comes off, but I have to make sure that walking vents/pleats are long enough when I'm done.

By this time I'm usually tired of making pattern changes, but I'm not done yet: I actually pin-fit the pattern. Yes, I tape the darts shut (and clip them if I have to) and pin the seams together on the seam allowance. Then I tape the waist center front and back to my center front and back and try to tape the front and back neck to the appropriate places. This is by no means perfect but it shows when I've got WAY too much ease somewhere. It also shows if I've retained the original pattern proportions after all of my changes.

Then I get to sew!

BTW, I have done one version of the walk-away dress and I'm mostly happy with it but I didn't take enough out of the center front and back so I'm going to play with the pattern a bit. Also, I want to re-shape some curves. I have some great fabric and binding for this next attempt, too :)

Getting better

My head is finally starting to feel better. The two lower stitches seem to have closed up that part quite effectively, and the upper stitch is... there. We're not sure that it's closing anything :) The rest of the wound seems to be healing up pretty well with me leaving it open to the air. I hope that it doesn't scar very badly. I have some pretty ugly scars and I wouldn't something that ugly on my face.

I was doing some research and I think that I probably did have a concussion. Some of the articles I read said that a person didn't have to lose consciousness to have a concussion. Seeing stars is enough. Not that there's anything they can do about that, really.Up until yesterday I had some dizziness and trouble reading (the words on the page were moving around when I tried to pin them down). I've also had some headaches. I've been fine today but I'll still talk to my doctor about it.

Today we went and found a new pair of glasses for me. I'd been waiting until I could just put a bandage over the wound (so that I didn't get stuff on their glasses or hurt myself) before shopping for frames. I'm hoping that the glasses will be in by Friday; the lenses come from Montreal and how soon I get them depends on whether they have my prescription in stock. I think I'll be quite happy with the new pair as we both liked the look of them quite a lot.

Sleep and more sleep with a side of pain

Since Tuesday evening, I've slept a lot - about 23 hours straight through to yesterday evening followed by about 5 hours being awake, and another 12 hours of sleeping. I've no idea whether I'm tired because of the Pamidronate or the wound but I'm tired.

My wound is still huge. I had it covered up to sleep last night and have had it uncovered for about four hours now and it looks kind of strange. The whole area around it (from my hairline above the right eyebrow to my upper teeth on that side) is bruised and throbbing. I did some pattern work this afternoon and every time I bent over it ached even more. Part of the area looks like it's not in the stitches and it's not really looking like a scab - I don't know what it is, but it looks kind of weird. If it still looks like that or worse tomorrow I'll go to a walk-in clinic or something as I'm worried that it might be getting infected.

I haven't tried the new skin stuff yet because the wound is so long, wide, and painful; if it was shorter and narrower I'd give it a go but I think it should be open for now. I haven't been checked for a concussion but I wish they'd done that. They didn't because I didn't black out when I hit my head. I did see "stars", though, which has never happened before. I do sort of worry that I've bruised or cracked the skullbone. I see my family doctor on Tuesday morning to get the stitches removed, and I'll talk to him then about the possibility of having done something to the bone.

I will be very happy once this is all healed and I'm not tired from the Pamidronate and I get to live a normal life :)

UPDATE: The wound is looking better; I guess I can't leave it covered up for a long time. Whew!

Pamidronate day

I had my Pamidronate today and so far, it doesn't seem to have knocked me out like in other months. Maybe that's because I already slept almost around the clock - I was only awake for about 5 hours yesterday.

My injury seems to be healing ok. I had the nurse check it and she said that it looked fine and that it could use being aired more. I tried airing it this afternoon and I got a woogly back every time my hand brushed it. Silly me :) I hope this doesn't scar too bad - the long one is over 1" long and the shorter one is maybe 1/2" or 3/4" long.

I remember the accident from 1991 very well... I'd biked to work to pick up my cheque. On my way back, I was clearing an intersection when a woman (76 years old, speaking only German) stepped in front of me. My brow hit her forehead, slicing open an artery, and the bike and I took her groceries and went flying..... and then skidding down the road. The lady and I rode in the ambulance together and were fixed up. I went back to get my bike and rode it home as I couldn't think of anything else to do. When I finally got home, my mom was waiting anxiously for me because I was so late. My bike didn't even work that well going home because it was all out of alignment so I'm sure that she heard my bike as well.

My mom came out and gave me a big hug and I knew that she was worried about me and that she loved me. She was upset that I hadn't called but being in shock I didn't think about doing that - honestly, I would have if I'd thought about it, but as Ian will tell you I don't always think of the best thing to do. I was glad to be home. Later that night I went out with some friends as I thought I was ok - my head felt fine and we didn't give my road rash a second look. My dad found the small article in the paper about my accident the next morning (this is very much the kind of thing my dad did), and that evening I went on a first date with a man I ended up seeing for 3 years. Did that man like my bruised look? Or did he like the fact that I acted normally in spite of the bruises? Hmmmmm.

In any case, that accident marked the start of a very bad 5 years. I wonder if things would have been the same if it hadn't happened? I'm determined that things will go much better than that over the next five years. I like that things are going pretty well, overall, and I'd like things to stay that way.

Home at last

We made it home safe and sound. Aside from being a bit late to the airport, the traveling was uneventful.

I'm still very tired from the travel or the injury or something. I think that my body crashed pretty hard after the adrenalin rush from the fall and stitches. The injured area feels ok, at least.

As a result of this adventure, I highly recommend travel insurance if you're traveling out of country. I can't imagine how much it would have cost to go into the emergency room and to receive a tetanus shot plus three stitches but I'm glad that I don't have to pay it.

The world was a blur

The juggling festival is just about over and we'll be home tomorrow. We've had a pretty good time watching the juggling shows and stuff. There is some controversy over the judging for some of the competitions; they've implemented a new scoring system and I think that some of the judges had a significantly pro-American bias and scored that way. Some American performers scored higher than the Taiwanese or Japanese performers and to me (and others), they had a better performance overall. The trouble was that it was a non-American-style performance. In any case, some people are questioning the results.

We'd planned to go to the Lexington cemetery this morning before it got really hot out. As we were walking there, though, I tripped on the sidewalk. I was holding my coffee in one hand and my purse in the other and I'd looked back to read a sign when I tripped. I took three steps trying to save myself but then I went down. The temple of my glasses broke and cut me above my right eye. Sigh.

For the first time, I understand what people mean when they talk about seeing stars because I saw them for quite a while. I felt better after I sat down for a while and we were able to walk back to the hotel. I ended up going to a local hospital to get some stitches put in (there are three) and we were able to fix up my glasses so that I can wear them, at least. The world was very fuzzy for a while.

The injury was pretty scary and I know that Ian was worried. I'm glad that we had travel insurance as we don't have to pay for the hospital visit. The weirdest thing was that almost exactly 17 years ago today, in July, 1991 I had an accident on my bike which gave me the first scar on my right eyebrow. I'd like to live at least 17 more years but I hope that I don't have to get yet another scar over there. I have enough, thank you. :)

Made it to Lexington

We made it! We're in sunny Lexington, KY for the juggling festival. This is horse country, it seems - as we flew in we could see all of the ringed horse fields. The flights were pretty uneventful. We flew in from KW through Detroit and were the first plane (of 19 passengers) to go through immigration. It's very strange being just a few people in a hall designed for hundreds but I was just as happy to get through quickly.

While Ian juggled I spent some time wandering around downtown, where we're staying. I went to this fabric and variety store that is run by this woman who couldn't be less than 70, sitting in her chair watching the tv. The place was filled with fabric bolts and boxes and trim and stuff. She said that she had a lot of dress fabrics for sale but that they were all in boxes and so if I didn't know what I was looking for, well, she couldn't really help me. Which was fine with me as I just wanted to poke around anyways - I didn't expect to buy anything from her. She did have a fantastic selection of trims and laces, though!

We went to the festival opening show this evening, which was pretty good, and now we're waiting for the late-night Renegade show to start. It was posted to start at midnight but then someone said that it was oging to start at 11pm.... but it hasn't started yet. Hopefully it'll be worth staying up to see it.

Tomorrow I plan to go to a fabric store and mall - the mall is apparently the biggest in Kentucky. I'll take the bus as the center is only a few minutes from the hotel and it only costs $1 :)

Leaving tomorrow

Early tomorrow morning, we're leaving for our vacation. Did I spend the day doing anything useful? No :) I worked on that dress. I'm completely finished except for sewing in the buttons and I'm quite pleased with the result. I had to make some modifications and I think it fits pretty well now. The hardest part of making the dress was sewing all of that seam binding. I hadn't really worked with it before and it took a little while for me to figure out how to make sure that it didn't torque.

The hardest part of sewing the seam binding was sewing it over the button tab extensions at the waist. It's quite a sharp curve and I didn't want to have to pleat the seam binding. I figured out that I have to streeetch the seam binding over the curve, and I also ended up basting the stretched outside curve in place as well as the inside curve. I'm really proud of the final result. No pictures yet but I hope to have some up soon :)

I am bringing my laptop with me on vacation but I don't think our room itself will have internet access; the nearby convention center has it for free and I'll probably use that. This means that I might not post every day or possibly at all. We'll be back Sunday afternoon and I'll definitely post then.

A bellydance workshop

I went to a workshop today on American Tribal Style (ATS) bellydancing. It's a new style of dance that's only been around for about 20 years or so and which borrows from several dance disciplines including bellydance and flamenco.

Conceptually, ATS is really cool because there's a limited number of moves, each with varying extra layers that can be added. A unique "key" move is associated with each move/layer combination. There is a "leader" at the front left on stage and that person indicates with these key moves which move is coming up next. This way, it looks like the troupe is moving as one, but really it's a completely improvised dance each time. The leader changes throughout the dance as well so everyone in the troupe gets a chance to lead.

It's a very interesting dance and one I'd love to study. The guy (yes, the instructor was a guy and yes, that's unusual for bellydance) will be giving ATS classes on Wednesdays in September. It would be awesome to take the class but I'm a bit worried about my lower back.

My goodness, I must be getting old. I have aches! And pains! I have degeneration in my lower back, possibly from when I first started paddling, that can hurt when I'm dancing if I'm not very, very careful with my posture. The posture used in ATS is different than that used in regular bellydance, with the arms at shoulder height or above the head and the chest held up and out with the shoulders slightly back and new. Keeping my back long during this new posture was tricky.

So I'll see how much my back hurts tomorrow and if it doesn't hurt too much, then I'll think about taking the class either in the fall or some other time.

Working on a walk-away dress

I decided that I wanted to try and finish this walk-away dress before we leave on Tuesday (you might remember that I prefer this one over the Butterick one). The pattern grading was a little tricky for this pattern because instead of having front and back pieces, each of the three pieces is the front and back combined. The back bodice, for example, wraps around the front and so has to be graded on the front, too. Similarly, the front panel wraps partially around to the back and the back parts have to be graded, too. And the overskirt piece is for the front and back (there's a seam at center back and it's open at the front).

I think (well, I hope) that I've figured out how much I need to shorten the vintage patterns. I've also realized that my shoulders are narrow in comparison to the rest of my torso - at least at my current weight and in vintage patterns. It isn't just that the length of my shoulders is short, which is what I thought was going on, but I was also finding that the neckline was gaping a lot in the front and back.

I actually pin-fit the front panel and back bodice to me before I cut it out so I hope I have actually got things right. I'm using a fabric with a bit of stretch so a small problem won't show. We'll see how this pattern comes out. Once I get the pieces together I have to bind all of the edges and if there are any problems I can probably piece something together :) I did think about putting some pockets in the front overskir but I won't do that for this version.... maybe next time :)

Not enough sleep, or too much, or something

Wow, is my sleep schedule ever messed up! I didn't get to sleep last night until about 6am this morning. Of course that means that I slept until about 3pm this afternoon. Sigh. I assume that this is because I got too much sleep the other day - remember when I slept until the afternoon?

It used to be that I could sleep in until mid-afternoon several days in a row and still feel like I wasn't getting enough sleep. How things have changed, huh? I think I'll be basically back on track tonight and then we'll see what happens over the weekend and while we're away next week.

Kind of a normal day

I got to see some friends this evening that I hadn't seen in a while. Well, I'd seen one of them recently but the other one has been crazy busy lately. It was good to catch up over dessert.

I got home to Ian working on my bike. The chain was rubbing on the back deraullier in most gears and he was working on fixing it. Unfortunately, one of the critical bolts was stripped and another one had clearly snapped some time before. I know that he'd wished that it could have been fixed up today, but we'll have to take it in. I've no idea how those bolts could have been messed up in the first place, although I did buy the bike from a guy who was closing his shop in a few months. Maybe he'd stopped caring at that point. I did get a good four summers out of it, though.

I'm still finding myself missing Lotus. My grief is getting all mixed up between Lotus and my dad; I guess my body just feels grief as a rock in my stomach and my head assigns it to whichever being I'm thinking about. Sometimes it's Lotus, sometimes my Dad, and sometimes my other friends that have died. I have been kind of staying away from one of my lists because too many people I know are dying.

Many, many hours of sleep

Grief does funny things to a person. The fact that I was so tired yesterday - I hadn't slept well the night before and I didn't have a nap - plus the fact that Lotus is gone meant that I slept the day away. Yes, the tranquilizers I took might have had something to do with it, but I'm glad that I slept so long. My body and mind obviously needed it.

I got my big batch of patterns in today. The person threw in 5 extra patterns! They're in pretty good shape, too, and one of them is my size. I'm pretty thrilled with the selection. There are three patterns that have envelopes that are falling apart but the pattern pieces are ok. There are also a couple of muu muu patterns that I'm not going to make up :)

I need to find a way to store patterns. Given that they're paper, I'm thinking that they should be stored in an acid-free environment. I'll have to look into how to do this best.

Lotus the beautiful dog

Lotus died today.

Lotus was Ian's parent's little shih-tzu. I met her about a month after I started seeing Ian when she was about 6 years old. She was still puppy-like and clearly a dominant dog even though she was just small. She loved to play with her toys and her ball (especially her ball!). She was loved and pampered by Ian's parents and lived a very comfortable life.

When Ian's dad had appointments, I often got to look after Lotus. I loved it! After everyone left, I would sing a little song about how she and I were a family together for the day and she seemed to like it. We'd play sometimes, or else she would sit on my lap. She also knew that I was good for almost unlimited cookies :)

Lately she hadn't been feeling well; her behaviour had changed a bit and over the last few days she'd stopped eating. She wasn't able to walk very well, either, and it was clear that the end was coming soon. Today was the day :(

I loved Lotus so very much and I miss her terribly. I wouldn't have thought that I would cry and grieve so hard for a dog that wasn't mine, but that's what's happening. I thought of her as part of my family (or rather I think Lotus thought of me as part of her family :) I can barely describe how much my heart aches for all of us who loved Lotus and for Lotus herself. I've cried an ocean of tears already and I think there's an ocean more waiting to be released.

Goodbye, little Lotus. I hope you are happy and content wherever you are.

Lotus April 2, 1994 - July 8, 2008

Pattern treasures

What an awesome pattern! It's from 1956; I bought it a little while ago and it arrived today. When I first saw it I swooned over its darts, front placket, and collar. I love its "wiggle dress" shape with the princess lines and little bit of flounce in the back. I can't wait to trace this out and alter it for me.

One of the reasons that I love vintage patterns so much is that they come from times past. They offer a glimpse into the lives of other people in that time. I love the idea that someone carefully chose the pattern and made it up and then kept it. I love the smell of the old paper. I treasure any writing on the pattern as it's a peek into the mind of the seamstress who made it up.

The pattern above was very carefully cut out. The seamstress cut some seams out with pinking shears because I suppose she knew that she was going to finish those seams that way. I never thought of cutting the pattern out with pinking shears; I've only ever pinked the seams afterwards. The seamstress must have been a bit tall as she had to lengthen it above the waist. To do that, she very neatly slashed the pattern along the printed lines and ruler provided and taped newspaper to the slashed edges.

Yes, this pattern includes strips of newspaper from 1956! What a treasure! I wonder who this woman was and whether she liked the dress she made. Did she get compliments? Did she look as sexy in it as the picture? Did she feel pretty in it? When did she wear it? I very much hope she loved the dress as she clearly put a lot of work into cutting it out. I'm honoured to have this pattern and hope to make it with the same love and care that its first owner did.

Wall-E!

We saw Wall-E today. What an awesome movie!!!! I loved it very much (and may have laughed harder in some parts than anyone in the audience) and I highly recommend it for everyone. Even kids. There were a number of small children there, and even the 2-year-old that stood up grabbing the seat in front of him stayed (mostly) quiet throughout. It's a really good movie that can keep a child that young quiet, even though for the first bunch there's next to no dialogue! So go and see this one :)

I was highly entertained by this movie and at the same time, I felt that the movie really made a strong comment on the conspicuous consumption and disposability in our society. I don't want to give too much away but, as you probably know, in the movie the entire planet is covered in garbage and humans go into space so that the planet can be cleaned up. Think about that for a second: the entire planet is covered in garbage?!?!

Ok, so we're not quite covered in garbage but we do have a lot of it! Toronto is currently trucking garbage to a Michigan landfill - 74 truckloads a day, on average, in the first half of 2007. So, umm, how is this good? It gets the garbage out of Toronto but it increases pollution and it doesn't reduce the total amount of garbage on the planet. Unfortunately, as long as there is garbage, it has to be dealt with. And more unfortunately, it seems that we live in a consumerist age where we can just go out and buy things. Does consumerism lead to more garbage? I wish it didn't, but I think it does. After all, we have to get rid of the packaging of the items we purchase.... and if we're buying just to have new stuff, what happens to the old stuff? At least some of it will be thrown away.

I know that many people are working hard to recycle and compost and to reduce the garbage they produce. I wish that manufacturers were taking as much responsibility for reducing waste in the products they make. As an example, they could use less packaging. Why enclose a plastic bottle in a boxboard box? Why are DVDs that are already in plastic cases additionally completely enclosed in plastic wrap? Why do headphones come in that awful ginormous plastic packaging? All this extra packaging isn't needed, really, and is just garbage. I also wish retailers would help and re-use some of their display packaging. Just the other day, I bought some undergarments and they shoved the items including their plastic hangars into the plastic bags. Why would they do this instead of keeping and re-using the hangars?

I think I could go on like this for quite a long time, so I'll stop here. It's getting close to bedtime and if I keep on ranting like this I won't be able to get to sleep.

So much sewing, so little time

I'm almost finished a second vintage dress and I'm thrilled with it. I decided to put a full lining in this one (although I'm still putting facings around the neck because the lining doesn't stabilize the neck enough). Mainly, I put the lining in because the fabric showed the seams too much and the lining prevents that to some extent. I have to finish the facing, tack down the lining to critical points, and hem it.

We're going away the week after next to the IJA convention (juggling in Lexington, KY - this should be fun!) and I want to have all of the things I'm working on ready for that. I'd like to make at least one more dress before we go - hopefully that'll work out :) I have enough fabrics and patterns that I can make almost anything I could want to :)

Moving people around

I happened to pick up The Atlantic yesterday and have so far made it through only one article. It's about the shifting crime areas in the US and some of the causes behind that. Apparently in the last 10 years or so, the highest crime areas went from being in the projects (lowest-income housing) to being all over the place alone routes out of the projects. Coincidentally enough, the projects started being dismantled about 10 years ago and the highest crime rate areas are matching the areas in which the people from the projects wind up.

I found this article and its conclusions disquieting for a number of reasons. My first reaction was, "oh my god, the poorest people bring the violence with them." As the article went on, it explained that it had been decided that the projects would be demolished and that the people who lived there would move. They would pay 25% of their rent and the government would top up the rent, to a point, and because they were in these better neighbourhoods, these people would lift themselves out of their poverty.

I didn't mention anything about new infrastructure or education or medical clinics because those weren't provided. These people were basically thrown out of their community (and it was torn down, so they couldn't go back) with no support or anything. How appalling is that? When I realized this I started thrumming with emotion. Every time I think about this I feel the same way.

The article truthfully points out that "truly escaping poverty seems to require a will as strong as a spy's: you have to disappear to a strange land, forget where you came from, and ignore the suspicions of everyone around you." We had very little money when I was growing up and I think it's fair to say that we were at the lower end of the class spectrum, which is where most people in poverty are situated. I don't know if we were as poor as those that lived in the projects

Over the years I've managed to situate myself in the middle to upper part of the middle class, and it was much like that quote said. Not that I ever left my family behind (at least, I hope I didn't!). Things are done differently in each of the classes: it's not just the clothes, or the toys, or the education, or the mannerisms; it's the things you talk about. Like My Fair Lady's Eliza when she goes to the Ascot - sure, she looks the part, but she's not talking about the right things and it's obvious that she doesn't fit in.

So if all that is true, how could people just lift themselves out of the class their poverty puts them in? Some people who really want out will make it because they'll work really hard to do it. But they have to have the energy and the opportunity to get out. Moving out of the projects might not be enough.

The article talked about a "'weathering effect', the wearing-down that happens as a lifetime of baggage accumulates." For whatever reason, poverty brings baggage - the baggage of kids and their obligations, of working long hours, of not being really happy, of not having a lot of money for extras. Someone with a lot of baggage might not have the energy to lift themselves out of their current situation, and to them, moving is just more baggage.

For the drug dealers, gang members, and other criminal people, well, what else do they know? If they're not being given any other opportunities - if they're asked to leave the projects and they're put in these other neighbourhoods - what else are they going to do? And once a critical mass of their associates move in to the neighbourhood, it'll be just like old times.

Sigh. I'm disheartened by the decisions that these cities made in moving these people out of their neighbourhoods. Yes, the projects were awful, but you can't move people away from their neighbourhood without giving them some support. And how could they have expected all these people to change?

I don't know what they can do about this now. I wish it hadn't happened in the first place, that they'd thought a little more closely about what it was they were doing and asking.

On another note, today is my and Ian's anniversary: we've been together for eight years now. How time passes!!! Happy Anniversary, Ian :)

Happy Canada Day!

To celebrate our country's birthday, we went to the University of Waterloo festivities and watched their fireworks. It was fun although we had to kill a bit of time once we staked out our spot - the event draws a lot of crowds and we picked our spot over an hour before the fireworks started.

I started the holiday by listening to scratching in the wall beside the fridge. Sigh. When we moved in, it was clear that they'd sprayed insulating foam into a crack from the storage outside into the wall beside the fridge. Now there appears to be a small opening near one of the boards there and we are definitely hearing scratching. We checked the roof above the storage area and it looks weird, too.... like some little animal was checking things out there. It's too early in the season for mice, so it's probably one of the cute chipmunks that live in our backyard. How can something so cute be such a pain?

Braaaaaiiiiins

We watched Days of Darkness today. It's another zombie movie - in case you haven't noticed, we watch quite a number of zombie movies :) This one had an interesting idea as to the cause of the zombie infestation but unfortunately the movie itself wasn't all that well-made. There were a few things that were supposed to be scary but were more funny than scary. Still, it's worth a watch just to get a different perspective on zombies.

I've always sort of wondered how zombies could live once they'd exhausted the supply of people (and other animals) on the planet. Since they don't die, how would they live? Regardless of whetehr they need to eat, they sure like to - so what happens once there's no food for them? They don't eat each other because they're not cannibals. Would there come a point where the zombies deteriorate enough that people could kill them off?

None of the movies we've seen really address zombie life after the initial human settlements are overrun. Do they stay in packs or alone? I also think it's sort of funny how zombies are always shown to be wearing all of their clothes. They're not exactly careful about what they do so it seems to me that eventually the clothes would be little more than rags and not complete clothes. Also, since zombies eat they must have some sort of digestion system (unless of course it's a perfectly efficient, closed system), and we never see that.

Clearly there's a lot more to know about zombies than we've seen so far.

How much control do we have?

I managed to get my hands on today's New York Times magazine. Back when I got the Sunday Times I'd skim through the magazine without finding all that much of interest. Today I read the magazine from cover to cover.

The article that caught my eye was one that included a segment on why women who'd had breast cancer thought they didn't have a recurrence. The number one answer was a positive attitude, and at the very bottom was luck and Tamoxifen (4%). I thought it was odd that people give their positive attitude greater weight to their recurrence-free life than they do their treatments.

Having a positive attitude isn't all bad, as long as it's not forced and the person is genuinely happy and relatively calm. In that case, I can see how the person would not have as strong a fight-or-flight response to stress which would in turn put less strain on the immune system. I just don't know that this will prevent a breast cancer recurrence. What about all those people that ate really well, took care of their bodies, and were positive people, and who still got breast cancer? It may be that there are things other than a good diet, exercise, healthy living, and treatment that will prevent recurrence, but I don't know what those things are and I don't know if a positive attitude is it.

The thing that bothers me most with the idea that a positive attitude will prevent breast cancer is that this implies that a negative attitude will cause breast cancer and I think that's wrong. If people start thinking that way, then it's a small step to thinking that a person caused their cancer and then judging them accordingly. I know this isn't fair but it's not that unreasonable. Where do we draw the line? At what point are we responsible for a major medical problem like breast cancer?

More movies

We saw Wanted today. We both liked it - it's an interesting story with not-quite-predictable twists. The hard part is suspending disbelief for the movie because you have to accept that people can, say, shoot curved bullets. Once you've done that, the rest of the movie is believable. There's lots of action and the movie is fast-paced; if you like that sort of thing then you'll probably like this. Sadly, Angelina Jolie is not as gorgeous as she used to be as she is getting kind of scrawny. Her arms are stick-like and her body is less curvy and more angular.

We also rented some zombie movies for the long weekend. Tonight we watched Automoton Transfusion. the zombies in this movie are not your traditional zombies; they think, they plan, they sleep, and they can run. No shambling about for these monsters. The reasons for that are explained in a twist sort of thing at the end. This movie ends with a cliff-hanger and they are shooting a sequel. This movie is very, very gory. There is lots of blood and we get to see the zombies eating away at people and also tearing organs out of people while the people are still alive. In some ways, it was so gross it was funny.

One weird thing about this zombie movie is that it looks like they had three cameras: a "normal" one, a slightly grainy one, and a very grainy one. It wasn't always clear why one camera view was chosen over another. Anyways, if you like gory zombie movies, you'll probably like this one.

Reasons for the rash reaction

Sorry there was no post yesterday - I went to bed very early because I was quite tired and had to be up early.

My oncologist called and said that she talked to the pharmacist about my rash. Apparently he said that the fentanyl patch releases a histamine when it's on the skin (taping it down releases more) and so when patch is removed and another one is placed, there's extra histamine released. I can normally handle this through my allergy meds.

However, Pamidronate also releases a histamine in the first 24 hours after it's been given. So if the patch is not changed, I can handle the amount of histamine. But if the patch is changed, the three sources of histamine is too much for me and I break out like that. To prevent this from happening, I should take an anti-histamine (preferably a non-drowsy one) before the Pamidronate.

I saw my family doctor today and he's not sure that it's totally an allergic reaction. Based on the pictures we took and the remnants of the rash on my arm, he thinks that I had an infection of some sort. He's given me a prescription for Keflex (an antibiotic) and I'm to take this at the first sign of such a rash.

It's good to know that I'm not crazy and that the rash was real. I guess it might have been better if I'd had the rash looked at earlier but at least I have plans for future Pamidronate infusions.

I tell you, this cancer treatment stuff is sure complicated.

More and more patterns

I managed to win an eBay auction for about 20 patterns from the 50s and 60s. There was one pattern (a Butterick 4 yard line pattern) in there and about five or six more that I would have like to have, so I think the purchase is justified. The auction was pretty tense at the end - I put my winning bid in in the last six seconds and the automatic bids took it a bit higher than I thought they would. Ian was concerned that I might have the start of an eBay bidding problem because I was so excited about winning. I don't know - it's the first time I've bid on something down to the wire like that and it was exciting.

I will have to think about selling off some of those patterns (not ALL of them are winners for me) as well as some of the other, newer patterns I have.

I have finished altering the pattern that arrived yesterday. It turned out that the pattern had 6 1/2" of ease on the bust and since I was only going to grade the bust up 2", I didn't bother doing that - 4 1/2" is plenty of ease there for me. I stalled when deciding which fabric I want to use for it, though. A lightweight one, like my bugs on mottled pink? Or a white eyelet? Or something with some stretch, like the white stripes on red? Or the turquoise graphic pattern? I'll re-evaluate tomorrow and hopefully be able to get it mostly done.

A very, very happy day

I saw my oncologist today. As we knew, my test results are very good. It turns out that there are some tiny, tiny sclerotic lesions on my left pelvic bone that showed up on the CT 6 months ago as well, but we looked at the latest CT scan and didn't see anything. So if there is anything there, it's so tiny that it's hardly worth mentioning. Also, the lesions are sclerotic, which my oncologist says means that the bone is being built up by the bisphosphonate. We agreed to not worry about the lesions we couldn't see. And of course we also know that the bone scan was clear.

I asked my oncologist about the rash I'd had but she didn't know of any weird interaction between fentanyl and Pamidronate. She was going to check with the pharmacist whether there's any known interaction there. I see my family doctor this week and I'll talk to him about it, too.

One of the things that I said to my oncologist was that I've been stable on one treatment for two years and that I figured I would have a "good run" - meaning that I expect to live for a while yet. I know that past performance doesn't predict future performance, but with only one bone affected, chances are good that I'll be around for a while. My oncologist agreed!!!!!! Whoo hoo!!!!



I know I haven't talked about this much here, but I'm still thinking of returning to work. I'm feeling so much better and so much more on the ball - I feel like I really get things again!!!! - and I'm worried that that I will get bored sewing and making jewelry all day. I can feel the itch to do more and to be working again, and when I think about it I'm excited, not scared. So I talked my oncologist about the possibility of returning to work and she fully supports the idea; she said that she has patients that work if they want to. She also said that if it turns out that it's too much for me at any time, she'd write a note saying that I couldn't work for medical reasons. This is a huuuuuge relief because it gives me an exit strategy (unlike, say, the war in Iraq).



I haven't made a final decision about returning to work, of course, and I won't do that for a couple of months or so. The idea will be staying in the back of my head, though.

To top off all of this awesome news, a pattern I bought last week arrived today! It's this one and I love it because of the square neckline and curved belt. I'm going to make a version with short sleeves and a straight skirt first and then possibly one with a fuller skirt. I can hardly wait!

More things to fit me

I don't think I've mentioned that I bought a bathing suit recently. Yep, I bought this one at Winners. It doesn't look quite like that on me because I'm shorter and wider than the model but I'm very happy with the way that it fits and every time I put it on, I want to keep wearing it. The skirted bottom doesn't look frumpy but gives a bit of coverage, which I like. I think I will bring the top front in just a bit so that I'm not quite as exposed up top.

I'm pretty well finished the major parts of sewing the first vintage pattern I altered and it fits really well. I even put the zipper in (and matched the waist seams!) The only thing I have left to do is the bias binding trim around the neck and sleeves, sew the buttonholes, and hem it - all of this I consider to be "the trim". And I didn't feel like doing this today, so I've started altering another pattern.

I'm working on this pattern, which is another (hopefully better) version of the Butterick Walk-away dress. Apparently the Walk-away dress was so popular that Butterick had to suspend production on all other patterns to meet demand - I don't know whether that's true, but that's what I've heard. I have to grade up the pattern and then alter it for me

Rainy movie Sunday

We saw Get Smart (the movie) this afternoon. It wasn't too bad, overall. It wasn't quite like the original tv series but there were definitely some funny bits in there. If you like comedies then you might like this one. I'm sort of watching Hackers as I'm writing this, and it appears to be a pretty funny movie. I didn't know that Penn was in it :) It makes computer tasks, memory, and processes look so cool.

My vintage pattern obsession appears to be running almost unchecked. I have bought some more patterns and hope to bid on another lot in the next few days. There comes a point where I start to wonder if I'm buying more patterns than I need ... especially if I add in all of the new patterns I have. There may come a day when I decide that I need to sell some of the patterns that I have. We'll see; there are only so many patterns I'll be able to sew.

The Coz

We saw Bill Cosby perform tonight. We think that the show might be aimed at a slightly different demographic than us; perhaps it's aimed more along the lines of the retirement home members that were bussed to the show :)

Overall, the show was ok. Some of the routines went on a bit too long. One of these was the colonoscopy routine.... I guess the detailed description of how the laxative worked is funny to some but not so much to me, I'm afraid. Still, many people in the audience (like the person one row back and three seats to the left) found the show hilarious.

Regardless of how I felt about the show, there's something to be said for being able to see such a famous, iconic person at a live show. So it was worth it just for that.

Chipmunk naps

We have the cutest chipmunks in the backyard! This afternoon a chipmunk was trying to find a good place to sleep. First it did some digging:


Then it had a little snooze:


And then a streeeeeeetch:


Finally, a stretched-out rest:


Those pictures are not bad, considering that the camera was still on manual :)

Ian's home now. He took a look at my rash and said that a) I hadn't described it properly to him and b) I should have seen a doctor. The rash has got lots of red hot itchy angry-looking bumps that now have a diffuse border where the previous pain patches were. Note that those patches came off before I had Pamidronate and the rash appeared about 24-36 hours after the patches were taken off. I did talk to the pharmacist today and she said to put cortisone cream on them. That's what I'm doing. Thanks for all of your help and suggestions, everyone.

Anyways - it's nice to have Ian home :)

A unique form of exercise

I went to a trial pole dancing (polercize?) class tonight. I had a great time. We did some floor work, some practice against the wall, and a little bit on the pole (mostly walking around it and a couple of spins). It' s quite a workout! I very much enjoyed it and I'll think about taking a 6-week session later on. This studio has six levels that are offered as six-week sessions. At level 3 you get to wear high heels :)

The class made me forget about the itchy rash on my back and arm. I don't know what's happened but I have an itchy rash under where the previous fentanyl patches were (the ones before the ones I have on now). There are angry red dots that have shown up and they itch like crazy. it's almost certainly some kind of allergic reaction to the patches, although I don't know why I haven't had the reaction before (well.... I do have some bruisey things where I was leaning on an afghan on my bare leg this afternoon; this doesn't happen often and it doesn't look like that... maybe the two things are connected?). I'm reluctant to put anything on the rash dots in case I make them worse, but if anyone knows of a product that will make them not itch, I'd love to hear about it.

I get to sew some more

Sorry there was no post yesterday - I had Pamidronate and it knocked me out at 7pm. I did wake up at 1am and watched Beneath the Planet of the Apes but when I went to bed afterward at 3am I stayed there until 1pm today. So I was tired.

I've received all of the vintage patterns I ordered, and the person who sent me the last two sent me one additional one. :) Someone on etsy also asked to trade patterns for earrings and I'm definitely not going to say no to that! I get three patterns and I am sending out two pairs of earrings.

Now I just need to get sewing. On Monday, after my doctor's appointments, I stopped by Fabricland and discovered that they were having a sale. So I bought the fabrics that I'd had my eye on... and I have patterns to go with them, too. I'm hoping to have some new stuff made before we go to Lexington, KY for the International Juggler's Association festival. So I have a deadline of sorts, too :)

Stable!

I saw my family doctor today and he had my CT and bone scan results. They both showed nothing other than the sternal mets that I've had for a couple of years now. In other words, it looks like my cancer is stable. Yes!!!!! I was thrilled when I found this out and I'm still quite excited about it. I did a really big happy dance.

Later on I thought about my dad and how he'd be so happy for me and how it was Father's Day yesterday and how I was in Edmonton with my parents last year for Father's Day when things were starting (but we didn't know then how bad things were) and I dissolved into a puddle of tears. I ended up crying myself to sleep in a nap and so I missed bellydance class today. I haven't cried this hard since the day he died. Grief strikes in unexpected ways, even now. I love you, Pere, and I miss you so much.

Who needs an internet connection? Me!

Upon arriving home after a pleasant afternoon with friends, I did what I always do - plunked myself down on the couch in front of the laptop and checked mail and looked at some favourite websites.

I watched as the connection got slower and slower and finally died. I was able to ping some sites at first but eventually nothing got through. Looking at the modem, I saw that the DSL light was mostly off or flashing and I knew that this didn't bode well.

I called the provider and they are sending me a new modem. This means that I'll be without internet for at least two days until it arrives. ARGH! I'm typing this on my blackberry (I'm not totally without options, here) but I can't do all of my normal surfing on it - checking mail, yes; surfing through multiple sites, no. So if I don't post anything on this blog for a couple of days, don't be surprised.

I miss my internet already.

UPDATE: my internet is back! Yay!!!!! At least it's here now :) I'm wondering if the problem is our modem or if it's something to do with the lines that their stuff didn't catch. I know we'd had problems before with the internet cutting out like that, but they'd never offered to send a new modem.

That etsy is some place

As you know, I list the items I make over on etsy. It's been an ok arrangement so far as I don't pay much to list and their take per sold item is low. I've whined about technical problems there before (they still don't have much in the way of testing before something goes live), but I'm quite disturbed at some things that have been happening lately.

I've always thought of the list of sold items list as a record of what I sold and a snapshot of the item's description/pictures at the time it was sold. I thought that this was a good way to keep track of how things change because it is something that wouldn't change - once an item is sold, it's been sold and the content of the page wouldn't change. Right? After all, if the page changed then I have no recourse if a customer says, "the listing says xxx." I thought that the sold items pages were pretty well inviolate.

Boy, am I wrong. Etsy admin have admitted to changing the content on sold items. There are some other issues surrounding the highest-publicized case, but if you want to read up on this, the information is here. They claim to have done this at least once for DMCA reasons, but that makes no sense to me; in changing the item without identifying that it has been changed, are they not deleting possible evidence? No, they don't add any text to indicate that the content was changed - there's no notice of that at all. I'm shocked and appalled. How could they think that the way they were doing this - let alone that they were doing this at all - was ok? They have a lawyer on staff; did they even consult her or did they just go ahead without thinking? Are they that stupid?

I've tolerated a LOT of technical issues at etsy because I know that they're a young company and they're cheap for me. But now - well, something is so wrong with this picture. Etsy admin are so far refusing to describe a process for doing something like this, probably because they don't have one. They do things in an ad-hoc way and are very, very reluctant to describe processes (they refused for a very long time to describe under what conditions a shop can be shut down due to a single buyer's complaint) so it wouldn't surprise me that they wouldn't have any kind of process in place for this.

It might be time to set something up somewhere else. Not that etsy would care if I left, but I don't know if I want to continue to support a company like this. I have some thinking to do.

Pattern grading fun

You know I've been buying vintage sewing patterns, right? I always have to adjust sewing patterns to fit me but these vintage patterns are almost never the right size even before adjustment. Most times, I can only find a pattern in one size anyways so I don't even try to find one that fits. Tha'ts because measurements were very different, back in the day; in particular, bust measurements were proportionally smaller than hip measurements (they're identical now) and waist measurements were proportionally bigger than they are now. Add to this the fact that every pattern company had different measurement systems and you can see how hard it would be to buy something vintage that came close to fitting.

So I end up having to grade the pattern pieces. Grading is easy if you already have at least two sizes of the same piece, because then you can just extend the pieces along the intersection points if you're only going up or down a size. Lately I've been working on that awesome bodice, and I'm having to grade it 8" up for my bust. That's a lot of change! I'm adding 2" to each of my bodice pieces and if I don't do it right, the design lines will be wrong.

The resource most vintage pattern-sellers point to is this one. It's not bad for one or two size grades. I tried its method with this pattern and then looked at what I had and said to myself, "how can I be increasing the bust by 8" and NOT be changing the length of the underarm seam?" I found a much better resource here - check out the quick reference guide! This one takes into account the fact that the length will change (and not just at the shoulder) and it grades at the shoulder as well.

Hopefully now I can get this stuff right. Yes, I know that in some ways it would be easier to take my measurements, draft a basic block including ease (I now know how to do that - and anyways, I know how much ease is included in this pattern), and do flat-pattern alterations to get what I want. But where's the fun in that? :)

Summer support groups

Today was the last Spirituality and Healing group for the summer. I'll miss the people in the group and the thoughts and ideas that we discuss there. I usually find this group quite comforting and I don't know what it'll be like, going a whole summer without it.

I didn't go to my young women's group last night because I didn't feel like going. As it turns out, the person with whom I don't get along was there and the meeting was "lively". I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that makes the meetings "lively". Whew!

Honestly, this meeting used to be useful, but I've felt lately that I'm just not getting enough out of it. I think part of the problem is that the group isn't talking about support issues; the faciliator asks a question like "what has been the best thing someone has done for you about your cancer?" or "where have you received most of your support over the last month?" and we all answer that question. I feel that these questions haven't been touching on what I consider to be the "real" issues around being a young woman with cancer. Yes, I want the group to be uplifting, but I do tire of trying to find positive examples for these questions. And I'm finding that I'm NOT talking about the things that are important to me.

I think that I might be more comfortable if each month we picked a subject - like sexuality, or dating after cancer, or being a parent with cancer, or physical changes, or menopausal symptoms, or frustration with the medical system, or mortality (our own or anyone else's), or chemo brain, or fatigue, or working, or insurance, or money, or any one of a number of other issues that affect young women with cancer - and took turns talking about our thoughts and feelings around that issue. Some subjects could even come up multiple times because there's so much too them. I guess if I were to go back to this group I should talk to the facilitator about this.

Too many patterns, nothing to do

I was trying to figure out which pattern(s) I should work on today. To do that, I put all of the vintage patterns I've bought together and looked at them. I looked at the patterns, then over at my fabric, and back to my patterns. Sometimes I'd pick up a pattern and look at the back and then I'd put it down again. I just couldn't decide what I wanted to do. I know that I have a few more patterns that will be arriving soon and I was sad that I might have to wait until one of those arrived before I could play with the patterns.

So I went back upstairs and surfed the internet for a while. After a while I decided that I would take one of the dress patterns that I love and modify it so that it'll look good on me. I'll use the top of this pattern and put a straight skirt on it instead of this flared skirt:



Honestly, I'd love to make the dress as shown, but a skirt that gathers in to the waist just makes me look like a chubby kid. I don't have either the height or the willowy waist to carry off the skirt volume. Still, I love the top and I think that it would look awesome on me, so I'll just change the skirt and hope I come up with something good.

Home again

I'm back in Ontario again. I really enjoyed spending time with my mom in Edmonton these past few days and miss her very much already.

I knew that planes could be delayed in the winter because of weather but it didn't occur to me that the same thing could happen in the summer. There were thunderstorms last night that delayed my flight out of Edmonton by about 40 minutes. That wasn't so bad... but there were more thunderstorms this morning when the plane got to Toronto. We circled for a while and then the pilot announced that we were going to Ottawa. I guess there wasn't enough fuel to continue circling, so we landed in Ottawa and stayed on the tarmac until we could be refueled. After refueling we went back to Toronto.

All in all, my 3 1/2 hour flight took 7 hours (not including transportation to and from the airports). I was very glad to get off the plane and back to Waterloo. I've slept almost all day but I'm still tired; I'm hoping to return to normal tomorrow.

Does this label fit?

We watched Snow Cake tonight, a movie that revolves around a highly verbal, high-functioning autistic woman whose daughter has just died. Sigourney Weaver is the autistic woman and she does a wonderful job. I highly recommend this movie because it's Canadian and it feels very realistic in its portrayal of the small town. Besides, it's a good story. :)

The movie is quite interesting. I'm not autistic and I don't have Asperger's but some of the things the autisitc character did and said were not so different from things that I say and do - or think about saying or doing. For example, the woman asks someone to leave because she didn't want him around. He asks if half an hour will be long enough and she tells him that she didn't know; all she knows is that right now she wants him out of there. That's so true!

I have also wanted to hide from people, as she does, and I dislike being touched, as she does. I have certainly felt inappropriate responses to situations even if I haven't behaved inappropriately. I have rituals (like reading before bed, or the way I currently eat breakfast) and I am upset when they are changed. I have behaviours that are not at all similar to hers as well (for example, I am not at all obsessive-compulsive), but I definitely have things in common with the autistic character.

This has left me wondering at what point a collection of thoughts and behaviours becomes a recognizable disorder. Does everyone have some of these thoughts or behaviours, and it's only when they're all or almost all present that the autistic spectrum label is affixed to that person? Are some behaviours more definitive or important when determining which label applies? Or am I just this side of autistic? I don't know. It's interesting to think about, though.

A very big day

Every six months or so, the hospital in which my dad died holds a memorial service for all those that have died in the previous six months or so. Today was the memorial service that included my dad, and my mom and I went.

They said a prayer, listed the names of those who had died, said some more prayers and comforting words, and sang a song. When my dad's name came up my tears started pouring. I started to really remember his final moments and various other important times with him and I cried and cried and cried. I pulled myself together for the next prayers but fell apart again during the song. I do feel much better about my dad's death than I did before I went, though. It's as though a huge weight has been lifted off of me. I felt free to express my grief and think my private thoughts amongst all the people who were doing the exact same thing. I understand now how very useful a memorial service is for the people left behind after someone dies.

I still miss my dad very much. Being in Edmonton, my memories of and feelings about him are so much stronger. I know that this time will pass but really I wish he could have lived longer.

Later on this afternoon, we celebrated my mom's birthday. Her birthday is on Monday but it was easier to celebrate today. We had a fun time; everyone talked and we ate yummy cake and had a nice time. I wish that my other sister and her family could have come but it's not possible for them to do that right now. I also wished that I could have seen my nephews but they had prior commitments. Still, it was good to get together to celebrate life after remembering someone who died. And I liked getting together with family because I don't get to do that very often.

It was a very big day today and I'm very tired - the kid inside me is more than happy to go to bed at bedtime.

I'm not good at buying on eBay

I love to shop; shopping is one of my favourite hobbies. And when I can shop for another hobby (like sewing or making jewelry), well, the fun just doesn't end. Lately I've been bidding on various patterns on eBay and I'm finding myself frustrated when I don't win the auctions.

The optimal strategy to getting what one wants on eBay is to wait until almost the last second and to scoop it up. I've lost a couple of bids because someone else has used this strategy. I know, I should remember when each auction is supposed to end and I should monitor my bids then. I'm not good at keeping track of that kind of thing and even if I were, the auction end time is not always convenient for me.

Personally, I don't find much of a thrill in the bidding and watching the price get higher, or copeting with another bidder. I get my shopping thrills by finding what I want - the search can be the best part, but I love it even more when I stumble across some perfect item in my price range - and then buying it. So instead of bidding on things, I really just want to "Buy it now". Unfortunately, most vintage pattern sellers don't offer this option and so I wind up annoyed by yet another lost purchase.

645 is .... not prime

Cube was on tonight on tv. I love that movie and it's been a while since I've seen it. The premise is that a group of characters find themselves in a maze of cubes, some of which are booby-trapped, and they try to find their way out. One of my favourite lines in the movie is "645 is .... not prime" because of course it's not prime; it ends in a 5 and so is divisible by 5. Anything divisible by 5 is not a prime number :) There are some other oddities in the details, and the acting isn't always perfect, but I find the the concept of the movie and some of the questions posed by it very interesting. It's worth a watch.

Edmonton is so gorgeous this time of year. The air is clean and crisp and it's light from about 5am to 11pm or so. Even though I'm tired and it's bedtime, it's hard for me to go to sleep when it's still light out. I remember going for walks in Edmonton around this time of night, or even a bit later, when I was younger - there's something about being out at dusk and during the nighttime and immersing myself in the stillness of the air that I love and miss. Tonight, though, I feel like a little kid who has to go to bed before the fun starts, even though the person sending me to bed is me and there's no fun being had by me later.

I'm not radioactive anymore

The tracer used in the bone scan I had on Monday can trigger security screening devices like those at airports. Because I knew I was flying today, I got a letter explaining that I'd had this tracer in case I set the device off.

I was kind of hoping that I'd set the device off - I thought it would be sort of cool to be that radioactive, in the way that I think it would be cool to be a superhero. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), I did NOT set the screening devices a-buzzing. From this I conclude that I'm not radioactive anymore.

In case you're wondering, I'm in Edmonton for a few days. I'm taking the redeye back Monday night and arrive back in Toronto Tuesday morning.

End of my scan-o-rama

I got a pleasant surprise at the CT scan today. Instead of having to drink the "tasty" barium drink for the abdominal CT scan, I only had to drink 1L of water over an hour. That was much tastier and easier on my empty tummy.

The CT scan went smoothly, because really they're just taking a few images and all of the readings and interpretations are done after. I ran into a couple of the people from my Spirituality and Healing group so we had a great time. I wonder what the other people in the waiting room were thinking when we were talking about the finer points of metastatic breast cancer. It isn't a conversation topic that can be heard in very many places, that's for sure.

I was very tired this morning because I'd over-caffeinated myself yesterday and didn't sleep well last night. Therefore, I had a two-hour nap this afternoon and am looking forward to sleeping soundly tonight.

I'll tell you, I'm glad that the scans are over for now. It can be hard to go through the scans because there's an underlying fear about what they're going to show. Now that the scans are over, I can put them out of my head until results day.

Bone scan day

The entire bone scan procedure takes a long time. First you're injected with a radioactive tracer that settles in your bones. Then you wait three hours, and then you lie still for about half an hour while a big "camera" goes over you and measures the radioactivity in the bones (areas with extra or not enough activity warrant further investigation). The entire process takes about four hours or so.

The radioactive tracer is excreted through the urine, so during your three-hour tour you have to drink a lot of liquids. They want you to pee a lot, too, so it's important to stick around someplace where you can do that.

I'd heard a story about a woman who ended up with a weird "spot" of the tracer on her thigh which ended up being caused by a splash-back incident. I asked the technician about this and she said that this sort of thing happens all the time; they'll either take extra scans or wash the affected spot (or both) to see what's going on. She said that it usually happens to men and that the spots usually appear on their scalps. She also said that the men didn't always clue in right away as to why the technician was washing their head when they were just having a bone scan.

The moral of that story is that if you need to have a bone scan, wash carefully and thoroughly. Every time. :)

Anyways, aside from the boredom, the scan went well. They took the extra sternal scans that they take and that was it. Funny, a lot of people feel warm as the camera sensor moves over them; I do feel that, but I also feel tingling as the camera is over each area. It's very strange and feels like things are rising from the bone through the skin up to the camera above.

Tomorrow is my CT scan. There's less time involved, but also less food and the "wonderful" barium drink.

Annual scan-a-thon brought to you by Indiana Jones

We saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull today. We both enjoyed it very much. It was a good Indiana Jones action movie. Sure, there were some plot holes and some strange CGI things, but it was a satisfying story to watch and experience. I'd recommend it, if you haven't seen it already.

This is scan-a-palooza week for me. My oncologist is scanning me once per year so that we can keep track of how "things" (like, my cancer) are going. Tomorrow I have a bone scan and then on Tuesday we'll get my tumour markers and do a CT scan from my neck to my pelvis. I decided not to do a brain scan because it's highly unlikely that my cancer will head for my brain before it heads for anything else.

One of the things I don't like about scans is that they happen early in the morning. I get my bone scan injection tomorrow at 8:15(!!) am with the scan itself following at 11:15am. On Tuesday I have blood drawn for the tumour markers at 9:30 with the CT scan prep at 10am and the CT scan itself at 11am. And I can't eat after 6am that day. Yeesh. I wish I could sleep in a bit for these as I'm still not good at getting up quite that early.

I won't get the results from these scans until I see my oncologist on June 24 (or possibly on June 12, when I see my family doctor, if he has the scan results and I ask for them - which I may not do). I'm not going to worry about the results until much later because there's no point doing that - the results will come soon enough and no amount of fretting or worrying will change a thing. Well, I can say that until the night of the 23rd, at which point I can almost guarantee that I'll be cranky and nervous because I get my results then :)