Saturday, June 07, 2008

A very big day

Every six months or so, the hospital in which my dad died holds a memorial service for all those that have died in the previous six months or so. Today was the memorial service that included my dad, and my mom and I went.

They said a prayer, listed the names of those who had died, said some more prayers and comforting words, and sang a song. When my dad's name came up my tears started pouring. I started to really remember his final moments and various other important times with him and I cried and cried and cried. I pulled myself together for the next prayers but fell apart again during the song. I do feel much better about my dad's death than I did before I went, though. It's as though a huge weight has been lifted off of me. I felt free to express my grief and think my private thoughts amongst all the people who were doing the exact same thing. I understand now how very useful a memorial service is for the people left behind after someone dies.

I still miss my dad very much. Being in Edmonton, my memories of and feelings about him are so much stronger. I know that this time will pass but really I wish he could have lived longer.

Later on this afternoon, we celebrated my mom's birthday. Her birthday is on Monday but it was easier to celebrate today. We had a fun time; everyone talked and we ate yummy cake and had a nice time. I wish that my other sister and her family could have come but it's not possible for them to do that right now. I also wished that I could have seen my nephews but they had prior commitments. Still, it was good to get together to celebrate life after remembering someone who died. And I liked getting together with family because I don't get to do that very often.

It was a very big day today and I'm very tired - the kid inside me is more than happy to go to bed at bedtime.

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