Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Surfing the internet

You know how I surf the internet sometimes? I spent some time doing that today. It all started with one of those Disasters of the Century show which had a segment on the Hinton train collision (which I remember, sort of). So I looked that up on Wikipedia, and then I browsed some railway disaster pages... and then I started looking at other disasters.

I ended up reading about the Iroquois Theatre fire, of course about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, and others.... in many cases, there were inadequate or hidden exits, or the doors opened the wrong way. Things like this don't happen too often here now, but they still happen in other countries. For example, there are many, many examples of theatre fires in China.

From there (thinking about fire creeps me out a bit, so I went on to other topics), I looked the sinking of the SS Eastland. The boat was of top-heavy design and when people boarded it for a company picnic, it just turned on its side while still tied to the dock. That doesn't happen often these days because ship design has changed. But really, who thought a top-heavy boat would be a good thing in the first place? Seriously - I sometimes wonder if sometimes these things happen because no one asked the obvious questions - like, "will a top-heavy boat be stable?"

As an aside, my manager (back when I was working) was of the type to not ask those questions. I never did understand that.... but having done all this reading, I'm very happy that he doesn't do anything that could end up killing people.

From that, I moved onto building collapses. Like the Sampoong department store building collapse. It collapsed because the building was designed to be an office, not a shopping centre, and some of the changes to the building's purpose resulted in removing support columns, weakening the structure. And then, later on, they added an extra floor... plus heavy airconditioners, that the original structure had never been designed to support. Plus substandard building materials were used. What were they thinking???? Any one of those poor decisions would have been bad... but compounded, they're horrific.

Moving on.... to a variety of collapsed buildings in Egypt. They happen all the time. Seriously. Buildings are condemned but never taken down, and worse, extra stories are added on top of foundations never designed to take the weight... even if they were designed for it, the right materials might not have been used in construction, and public officials are paid to look the other way. It's bad enough when these are residential buildings... but it happens with commercial buildings and factories, too.


It's just so hard to believe that in this day and age, people are dying because of very poor construction methods and materials. Just because that doesn't happen often here - although it does happen occasionally - doesn't mean that it's ok for it to happen anywhere else. Too often, shortcuts are taken to save money for one reason or another, without anyone thinking of the consequences.


Note that Egypt isn't the only place with building problems; in China, there have been many, many theatre fires. In parts of Bangladesh, factories often collapse. In India and other places, bad things like fires happen on overcrowded trains. So many of these disasters have come from too many people using woefully inadequate services in addition to inadequate construction methods.

Many of these disasters have give rise to better design, engineering, and construction practices being implemented. Sometimes it takes a big disaster to make people realize that what worked before doesn't work anymore... If only that lesson would find its way to countries where money trumps human life.

I hope you don't think I'm being especially morbid, here. There is something compelling about reading about them, kind of the same way that train wrecks or car accidents are compelling. And of course I wanted to give you an example of the kinds of internet surfing that I do - I talk about surfing the interweb a lot, but that's not the same as talking about the kind of surfing that I'm doing.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

One day I'll finish what I've started

I had such great intentions today... that I'd get work done on the pattern and cut out the fabric and everything. Instead, I had a wonderful lunch with a friend followed by a nap. I didn't sleep well last night; between the problems on the message board and my hip, I couldn't sleep. The nap today helped quite a bit.

My hip has been hurting differently... I call it my hip, but it's really my lower back. There are two disks that are degenerating there. When the vertebrae shift, they pinch different nerves. The one currently being pinched is along my left inner thigh. Sigh. I haven't lost feeling there or anything but it's really hard to walk. I very much hope that my back resets itself and I can walk more easily again.

This evening we watched Shakespeare in Love. I wasn't sure that I'd like the movie, even though it is a costume drama. I don't usually like romantic comedy... or any type of romance-type movies, because you sort of know how it's going to end. But I kept finding my gaze drawn to the screen and watching closely, completely caught up in the story. This is a rare thing for me.

This is a great movie - it's funny, it's compelling, and the acting is superb (I especially liked the Queen... she was everything I thought a queen should be, and more). The costumes were definitely amazing - intricate and beautiful. If you haven't seen it, I think you should.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Support... or lack thereof

I took another look at the dress and I discovered that it didn't properly fit. It was too big at the sides by far. I've made some adjustments and taken it up by about half an inch. I do have to make a change to the gusset under the arm to raise the underarm, but I've figured out what to do there.

The dress looks so much prettier now and I feel so much better about it. I also took another look at the fabric (there are two layers) and I'm very happy with it, too.

That was the best stuff that happened today.

The worse stuff involves the young survival board. There was a message thread on not posting links to people's private blogs without their permission. Someone had posted such a link and I'd asked her privately and nicely to remove. The person who's blog was exposed isn't doing well and has been feeling stalked by people who have been reading that blog. The person who posted the link didn't think there was any reason to remove it... and didn't seem to understand why the issue mattered in the first place.

I was completely floored by this, but after some thought and talk with others, I'd decided to drop it.

But then the general thread exploded today. A friend of this other woman's started posting, and the whole thing blew up. I'm ashamed to say that I got angry in that thread and I swore, which is something I rarely do in messages. In my justification, I was called a liar by someone who hadn't read what I'd written. Not that this made anything better.

This isn't the first time a thread has blown up like that, but it's happening more often lately. Things have changed there recently... where before people would argue but not really take sides, now there is an out-and-gang of bullies there. When posting, they paraphrase what people say and twist the words that were written - in post after post after post - until you look like a fool trying to defend yourself. But the allegations are so preposterous that you can't not defend yourself, you know?


This was an awful experience. At several points today I was so tense I was shaking and had a terrible headache, just from the stress on that board. And mixed in with all the anger was my inability to understand why it was even an issue... why people think it's ok to post a link to a private blog, and then justify by saying people had thanked them, and that other information about that person could be found on google. I don't get it.


The only way out of that mess would have been to not get involved, which I didn't do. The thread has now been closed by moderators (in an unprecedented move), prompting other threads by the bullies. I'm staying away from that gang. Life's too short. And besides, I have a dress to make.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Finally, some sewing

Believe it or not, I'm finally finished doing test garments for the dress I'm making. The dress fits me pretty well and I'm happy with it, but the jacket is not going to work. It's basically a short box that goes to just above my waist and there's absolutely no way that that silhouette is going to work for me. Well, when I'm thinner it might work but at the moment I seem to have misplaced my hourglass figure, so anything that doesn't help to define a waist makes me look like a balloon.

I think I'll like the dress when it's done although I do have some niggling reservations. I'm not sure exactly why I have reservations - the dress shape is lovely, and the style is flattering. The fabric I'm using is a green burnout over a green lining, and it's lovely, too. So what don't I like? I don't know. Maybe when it's done I'll like it better.

Friday, July 03, 2009

So tired

Pamidronate can be counted on to leave me extremely sleepy the next day. I had Pamidronate yesterday and slept today until 2... and I'm still exhausted. I'll be going to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight for sure.

I get my next Pamidronate the day after we get back from our vacation at the end of this month. For some silly reason I went and scheduled a doctor's appointment for the very next day. Even if the trip doesn't exhaust me, the Pamidronate will, and I just don't see how I'll be wanting to drive to Oakville for a 10 minute doctor's appointment. I think, to save myself unnecessary exhaustion, I'll change that appointment.

I very much hope that I'll sleep well tonight and be able to sew tomorrow. I really, really need to get this dress and jacket done.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Movie

It was busy at the hospital today because yesterday was a holiday and so it took longer than usual to get my Pamidronate. That's ok; it's not like I was going to work afterwards or anything, unlike a woman I spoke with. She's on treatment "forever" and is now receiving it weekly instead of bi-weekly and is finding that her work isn't happily accommodating her anymore. She said she didn't qualify for short-term disability but I talked to her about long-term disability and I think she might try and get that instead. I'm glad that I don't have problems at work. :)

This evening I watched Vinyan. It's the story of a couple who's son was taken by a tusnami; the mother believes that she saw her son alive on a video and so the couple pay a guy - a human trafficker or pirate - to take them up the Burma coast to find him. What follows is a journey up the river into a world where there are only boys or the elderly; where nothing is quite real or imaginary, and where the couple are reduced, finally, to who they really are. In this way, it's much like Heart of Darkness (which I've still never read) or Apocalypse Now. Intertwined with the journey is a lot of sexuality and cruelty that feel sort of offhand or incidental, as though they're just part of life. Maybe they are.

The move is billed as a horror movie but it isn't one; I'm not sure it is so easily classified. It's a psychological thriller, sort of, except that it's fairly slow-moving and gorgeous, like any journey up a river, and not like a horror film. The movie's pace is balanced by the awesome cinematography (done by Benoit Debie, the same fellow who did the cinematography for Irreversible, another favourite of mine - and a movie that is most definitely not for everyone); I particularly loved the floating lights and the jungle.

There's a lot to this film: the relationship between people, the role of the mother, children, the true self, the difference between Western and Eastern coping methods, grief, ritual, and the cost of the search. I very much enjoyed Vinyan even though (or because?) it's not the right movie for everyone.

Vinyan and other movies I've watched and really enjoyed were shown at some point at the Toronto International Film Festival. I think one of these years I'd like to actually go to the festival and see these fantastic movies there.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Happy Canada Day!

This is the first year, I think, where we haven't gone and participated in the Canada Day celebrations held by the University. We're also not going to go and watch tonight's fireworks.

The reason? It's been raining off and on for a few days now so the ground is soggy. My hip has been bothering me and I don't feel like walking or sitting on soggy ground. I also didn't feel like getting rained on while looking at stuff. We haven't had bad weather for the holiday so today is weird; Ian's been home almost all day with me so it feels like a Saturday.

I did make good use of my time to get some sewing-related things done today. I didn't do as much as I maybe could have, but I was able to cut out the pieces and mark them. I lay and cut the fabric on the floor and that was harder than usual today because my hip was hurting. Damn hip.

Even though tomorrow is Pamidronate day; I hope to get a bit more sewing done. It could happen. :)s

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

That went well

We met with a financial advisor today. We were pleased to find out that that we can afford the amount of house that we thought we could afford. The advisor thinks that we should hold off on buying a house until the new year because she expects house prices to go down some more. We'll see.

We hope to meet with a realtor when we're back from our vacation at the end of July so that we can start looking at houses. The idea will be to get a sense of what we can get for the money. We have some ideas of what we'd like to buy but we could always change our minds after we see examples. And of course we don't want to rush into buying a house - it's a big commitment, and we want to be sure that we're buying the right house.

Between all of that and the rain and everything, it's been a very long day. I'm soooo tired; even though tomorrow is Canada Day, there's a good chance that I won't be doing much of anything to celebrate the day.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I guess it's time to grow up

I think I've mentioned to some of you in passing that we're thinking of buying a house one of these days, after which we'll get a dog. We finally took the first step in getting a house: we have an appointment on Tuesday with Ian's financial advisor.

In preparation for the appointment, we've each sat down and figured out what money has come in... and what goes out. I put this exercise off for as long as possible because I *knew* I spent too much money... and it's true, I do. Over the last 15 months, I'm rather ashamed to say that I've spent 13% of my income on beads, patterns, and fabrics, most from eBay. I knew I spent a lot on these hobbies... but I didn't know I spent quite that much. Eeep. Even worse, I spent almost as much in untracked cash. Gulp. That money would have been better put into savings or something instead of being spent.

If I were to be making a budget - which I guess I will be... buying a house is no small task and requires financial responsibility - I'd say that I need to set a reasonable amount to spend and stick with that. Right now, each win is a separate transaction and it's really easy to just buy and buy and buy. That's going to have to change.

Sigh... this growing up thing is hard. I liked to think of myself as a free-wheeling, happy-go-lucky gypsy girl who could move at the drop of a hat... who could go anywhere, anytime. I know that I haven't been that person for quite a while, but I still sort of think of myself that way (or wish I was like that, maybe). Having a house is scary, not just because of the financial commitment, but because it'll keep me firmly rooted to one place. I guess I'll have to let my inner free-spirit out through travel and hopefully that'll be enough.

As scary and life-changing as the prospect of home ownership is, it's also exciting. I'm looking forward to it (although not the crazy looking for houses part - things sell fast here). And the idea of getting a dog - a pet - is one that I like. I'd like the company during the day, you know? Especially because I won't be able to shop online all day long like I do now.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Some of my favourite places

As you know, when I'm not watching movies or tv, I spend a lot of time surfing the internet. I spend time on cancer-support boards and a variety of blogs. I thought I'd share two blogs that I recently discovered that I love.

The first is Clothed Minds. Have you ever noticed that sewing pattern art can be..... strange? Yes, the picture illustrates the clothes you can make with the pattern, but sometimes there's so much more to the picture. For example, the expressions on the faces on the cover might be weird weird, or maybe the expressions don't match the clothes. Or the women look like men (or vice versa), or the hands look like lobster claws, or limbs are missing.

In fact, you can make up a whole story based on the picture you see on the envelope... or at the very least, you can make up funny one-line descriptions. That's exactly what you'll find at Clothed Minds: funny one-line descriptions (and the occasional very short story) based on the pattern envelope. The contributors are internet vintage pattern sellers and the patterns usually come from their personal collection.

The second is No Pattern Required. The author is a fan of all things mid-century modern - atomic, I guess you'd say. I love love love atomic stuff from the fifties and this blog has great examples of houses and items from that era.

But that's not why I love that blog. I love it because every Tuesday night, the author picks the craziest recipe from one of her mid-century cookbooks, makes it, photographs the process, and the blogs about it on Wednesday. Some of the recipes work out, and others don't have a hope of working. These entries are hilarious and not just because the recipes can be odd (like a spam, peach, and clove dish, for example). It's the descriptions of how (in)edible the results are that makes those entries laugh-out-loud funny.

I like these blogs because they're not that well-known but they're funny. We can all use some more funny in our lives; there's so much bad stuff around that finding funny things and laughing are even more important. Enjoy.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

What's up with all the people dying?

What a week! Not for me, so much - although I did get some stuff done - but for so many other people. Both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died today.

Farrah Fawcett died of stage IV anal cancer and recently did a TV special about life with her stage IV cancer. I didn't see it; I don't even know if it was on here in Canada. By all accounts it was an honest and forthright account of what it means to live with a stage IV cancer.

Michael Jackson died of apparent heart failure while preparing for an upcoming tour in the UK. He was a ground-breaking artist and performer before he went nuts. I was reading that all of his kids' names include "Michael Jackson" in them. Creepy.

It's not even only that Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson are dead... so are Ed McMahon and Dr. Jerry Nielsen.

I expect you know who Ed McMahon is; he introduced Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show and he was a big entertainment guy. He supposedly did the Publishers Clearing House winner's visits. He died a couple of days ago.

Dr. Jerry Nielsen was the woman who found a lump in her breast while in Antarctica and no one could be brought in or out to do the biopsy so she did it herself. She found out that she did have breast cancer - a particularly aggressive and fast-growing type - and received chemo with the help of non-medical personnel while in Antarctica. Her cancer metastasized in 2005 and she died yesterday.

Dr. Nielsen's death is a bit more difficult for me to deal with because she died of breast cancer... I always have a hard time when I hear of someone dying of it because that'll almost certainly be my cause of death also. When I read or hear about someone else, it feels like something is walking around my grave, showing me where it will be.


The other deaths have hit me, too. One thing that's really brought home the fact that these people are dead is that their Wikipedia pages say that the article is about someone who has recently died. It's weird when people die that you knew when growing up. I guess I sort of expect people that formed part of my experiences to be around forever, you know? It's just more things circling, reminding me that it's going to happen to me, too.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Lazy, lazy me

Oh am I ever sleepy! I made myself get up around 2pm but I think I could've slept until much later this afternoon. I slept really badly the other night and I might have been catching up on sleep. And it's been really hot and humid here over the last few days.

So how much sewing do you think I've been doing? If you said "none" you'd be right. I've done nothing. I feel like I should be doing so much but at the same time, when I'm tired and hot, it's hard to get stuff done. You know?

I do wonder, though, if the more I did, the more I'd want to do. Or, to put it another way, the lazier I am, the lazier I get. Does that make sense? But getting started just seems so *hard*. I know that if I go anywhere near the sewing room, I might actually get something done... but I just haven't been able to do that. I am going to run out of time to sew if I don't get started right away.

Hopefully I'll be able to make myself actually do something tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Taste of Japanese culture

We found out that until July 5, we're getting the Documentary Channel for free. I do love free stuff! And the Documentary Channel is awesome, because they showing movies that happen to be true :)

Tonight they showed a documentary on male hosts in clubs in Japan called The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief. The film interviews both the hosts and their customers to show what the life is like and what it costs. When women go to the club the first time, they pick a guy to spend time with and he becomes their host or companion for the evening. They drink (ridiculous amounts) and talk and spend time in the club. Of course drinks are very expensive and the women can spend thousands of dollars per night ... each... on a guy.

The guys make phenomenal money, but at a cost. It's clear that while the women love them - whatever that means - it's hard on the hosts themselves. All their relationships are superficial because they are all things to all women and they lie so much that they find themselves unable to trust anyone.

And what the women do to have these "relationships" and spend all of this money? It's not much different for them, but their pay is much less.

It's an interesting documentary about a part of life I didn't know existed anywhere, let alone Japan, and it's definitely worth watching.

Speaking of things Japanese, I just finished reading Battle Royale. It's a book set in a near-future socialist pan-Asia where every year, a set number of junior high classes with about 40 students each are chosen to participate in the Program. The Program puts the students in a confined space, preferably an island, give them weapons varying from forks to Uzis, and tell them that they have to kill each other until one person remains.

The book is awesome. Of course I read the English translation as my Japanese is non-existent but I think that the English version is fairly close to the Japanese text. It's sort of slow to read at first because there's a fair bit of character introduction at the beginning. The story and the words are compelling, though and the ending is amazing. Seriously.

The subject matter of the book is not an easy read - 15-year-olds killing each other? with descriptive accounts of the deaths? - but it's a good, thought-provoking read. It's not hard to imagine such a thing taking place, or the characters behaving the way they do.

They made a movie of the book, and a second movie has been made, and there are mangas out there, too. I very much want to get a hold of the two movies, neither of which are widely distributed in the US. I think I should be able to find the movies somewhere - there's a guy on eBay who's got them; if I can confirm that they'll play in Canada (ie they're Region 1), then I'll probably buy those. I very much want to see the book in a visual medium.

And I think I might try and find the mangas as well; I think it would be interested to see this story told in yet a different visual medium. Yes, I find this story *that* compelling.

I think that book could only have come from Japan, though. It's a culture that is so different from ours... such a book might have a hard time being published here due to its content.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Only a little fabric

Believe it or not, I bought hardly any fabric today. Instead of buying each and every fabric that I loved - and there were many - I bought only three fabrics. Many fabrics were on sale, and there were many others that I wanted to buy just because they were so pretty or so soft or so gorgeous... but that I'm not likely to sew anytime in the next year. Or two. Maybe even three.

Does this mean that I've grown up? Become less impulsive?

I doubt that. :) It's more that... I have a ton of fabric already. And I've spent tons of money on patterns - my eBay watch list is long, and my recently bought list is also long. And we are going on vacation (and I should actually try and pay for some part of that, yes?).

I did have a good time couple of hours not buying too much fabric today. I am definitely feeling better today.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Restless me

Happy Father's Day to all of you who are or have dads!

I've been feeling out of sorts today; I just haven't wanted to do much of anything but sit and play with the computer or surf the internet. I haven't wanted to go out, or watch tv, or talk to anyone, or anything like that. I'm finding that little things irritate me today when they normally wouldn't.

I figure that part of the problem is that it is Father's Day, and I don't have a dad... which leaves me feeling sad and cranky. That'll pass, I'm sure.

I'm wondering if the bigger problem is more that I haven't done much to leave the house (aside from last night's dinner and show) for a while. So tomorrow I'm taking the car and I'm going to go looking at more fabric and maybe do some other shopping. Mostly I want to look at fabric because I like fabric.

Hopefully just getting out of the house tomorrow will lift me out of this restless, out-of-sorts feeling.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A date!

We went out - actually left the house - for dinner and a show tonight! We do eat out from time to time but we don't often go out to see shows.

Dinner was at The Raintree Cafe, courtesy of Ian's brother and fiance who gave us a gift certificate for the restaurant. The food is very good there, with a unique fusion of ingredients giving lots of flavour. Just about everything is made on the premises from scratch and their food is both vegetarian- and gluten-free-friendly. It's a very comfortable restaurant with good food and reasonable prices. If you're in Waterloo and looking for a place to eat, the Raintree is a good choice.

The show was the last of three comedy shows we'd signed up for. This show was part of the Yuk Yuks road show and had three comedians. They were ok; there was a lot of relationship-type humour that didn't totally apply to us so that was so funny, but the rest of the show was good. I'd see it again. :)

Friday, June 19, 2009

My eyes are ok!

I'm pleased to say that there's nothing wrong with my eyes. The flashes of light are just flashes of light. Yay! Even though all of this turned out to be nothing, it's important to get flashes of light checked out because the cause could be very serious.

My optometrist sent me to an opthamologist this afternoon. My eyes were frozen, dilated, and then frozen again. The opthamologist took a good long look at my retinas and at the very end, he had my forehead and chin stay stable and then he put a magnifying thingy on my eyeball, settling it under my eyelids. He'd use that thingy to take a look at part of the retina and then would turn the thingy (while applying pressure) to get a look at another part.

The pressure of the thing on my eyeball creeped me out soooo much that I pulled away halfway through the procedure. I just couldn't bear to have that thing touch my eye; even though I couldn't really feel it except as pressure and coldness, it still bothered me. I'm squeamish that way. If I'd known what was going to happy I'd have brought Ativan with me as I was quite anxious; if there is a next time for this, I'll remember to do that.

I think the guy thought I was a big baby because when I first recoiled from it (before he'd even put it against my eye) he said, "but you wear contacts, right? How can this bother you?" Ummm, yeah. And then after I pulled away he had to guide me back to where my head was supposed to be: "bring your head down... down.... down... forward... forward... down.... forward". Sigh.

I hope I never have to do this - or any kind of eye surgery - again. At least it's over and I can go on to enjoy the weekend.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Apparently eyes aren't supposed to that

I called my optometrist about the flashes of light and she asked me to come in right away. Apparently arcs of light at the periphery of one's vision can be a posterior vitreous detachment which could lead to retinal detachment, which is a very serious condition.

Fortunately, my optometrist didn't see anything wrong with my retina, but she's still concerned. The arcs I see are on the bottom of my eye which indicates that the problem is at the top.... which means that if the retina starts to detach, it could finish detaching quite quickly. I guess that's due to gravity.

I did ask if there was anything else - like an infection, sinus problem, or a tumour - that could cause the flashes I see. She said no, that the type of flashes I'm seeing could only be caused by a particular chemical reaction between the vitreous solution and the retina or something like that. She did say that it's possible that I might end up with a small tear that stabilizes as a permanent floater. I don't know how that's possible - maybe I misunderstood her.

The best news here is that the flashes aren't continuous and I haven't seen as many today as I did yesterday. I'm going in to see my optometrist again tomorrow, and she might send me to an opthamologist. I think that seeing an opthamologist is the right thing to do here so hopefully that'll happen. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I think I'm getting old

It's been a sleepy sort of day. The last couple of nights have been late and I'm not really used to them anymore. The days of staying out until well after midnight most days of the week are long past... although if I remember rightly, I used to sleep for three or four hours between getting home and going out again, so maybe I haven't changed so much.

For the last little while I've had some white flashes in a semi-circle at the lower part of my vision in my right eye. I've been seeing them off and on for a while but for some reason, I've had a lot of them today. The area around the eye also feels sort of weird (kind of numb and sort of swollen from the inside), so I wonder if it's  some kind of migraine or something. I have had migraine headaches before but I've never seen an aura with them. Then again, this is the side that got hurt when I fell last summer, so maybe things have changed.

Also, when I look a small, bright lights without my glasses on (so that the lights are very blurry and huge), in my left eye, I see a consistent oval of darkness going from the center to the one o'clock position. I assume that this is the tiny cataract that's in that eye because I don't see that when I've got my glasses on. Then again, I don't actually know what this thing is, and it's a new thing.

I guess I should actually try and see my optometrist soonish. I don't think that there's anything seriously wrong with my eyes, but these effects are new and should be looked at.

This getting old thing sucks. I wish I was young again and didn't have to go to the doctor because new stuff kept happening. Sigh.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Games and movies and fun

Late last night we got together with some of the people that Ian works with and watched Primer. This is a very strange, interesting movie. It's about the dissolution of a friendship, and it's very technical and engineer-like. Time travel is involved which makes the story more difficult to follow... but that definitely make the movie something to talk about. This is a movie that should be seen without knowing too much about it, that needs to be seen more than once, and that should be researched in between viewings. If you like this sort of thing, you'll love love love this movie. Ian and I both loved it, as do the people he works with. In fact, they're viewing it again tonight.

We didn't watch join them because we went over to our friend's house to play games instead. There were 14 - aka tons!!! - of people there! We ended up splitting up into different game-playing groups, and I played Taboo and Bohnanza, which I've played before. Many of the people there were more casual board-game players who prefer to play games like Taboo and Cranium. Those are fun games, all right, but we also like to play more complex, less casual boardgames. It's hard to get so many people wanting to play those games, though. Maybe another time.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Local woman exercises today

Waterloo, ON -- A local woman spent an unusual amount of time exercising today. Chantelle James went for two 40min walks around the neighbourhood and then spent 45mins dancing gently around her living room while listening to the self-titled 2006 album by Telescope.

Ms. James usually spends most of her days sitting on the couch or sleeping. While she has been known to walk once around the neighbourhood, a second walk in the same day is definitely an aberration for Ms. James. Ms. James has also not danced around her living room for many years.

When asked what prompted this increased level of activity, Ms. James said that it was nice weather for walking both this morning and this evening, and that Telescope is a pretty good band to dance gently to. Ms. James also reported that she was feeling pretty good, if a bit tired, after all that activity. We expect she will sleep well tonight!

What will this burst of energy mean for Ms. James? Will it continue? Stay tuned and watch this space for updates.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

More movies!

Today was another movie day! We watched RocknRolla, a Guy Ritchie film about a bunch of gangsters and a painting. It's quite good; in many ways, it's like a heist movie. Well, it is a movie that contains heists and gangsters from different countries and has lots of funny lines. One thing I especially liked about this movie is that the storylines and characters are played out in parallel and then intersect at the end. The acting was perfect for this movie as well. If you get a chance, it's worth a watch.

This evening we watched Wolf Creek, a movie about three people who are driving through the Australian Outback who, when their car stops working, find themselves in the company of a bushman. Horrors ensue. I think I actually saw this movie in Edmonton a few years ago with a friend of mine. Back then, the fact that this movie was allegedly based on a true story threw me off because I couldn't see how anyone could have known what happened, based on what the movie showed.

If I ignore that little thing, then this is actually a pretty good horror film; it has lots of tension and realistic gore. It *feels* scary in places, and that's something that I haven't always been comfortable feeling.... which may also account for the reasons I didn't love the movie before. Clearly my tastes have become more refined, or else I've seen so many bad horror movies that I've grown to appreciate what a good one has to offer.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Saturday movie night

I know a lot of you might have been concerned when we didn't see a movie last Saturday, so I'm sure you'll all be relieved to hear that we're back to Saturday movies. At least for this week :)

We watched Timecrimes, a very good Spanish movie about a guy who ends up in a time machine and travels backwards an hour... after which he tries to change the events that happened. I don't want to give too much away as it's much better to find out what happens for yourself. The movie might feel a bit slow for the first bit but it's worth sticking with; it definitely speeds up and gets more interesting (and more head-spinning) as it goes on. There's hardly any gore in this movie.

We watched this as a dubbed movie with subtitles for signs and stuff only. The dubbing was fine (although a bit stilted, like almost all dubbing) and didn't detract from the movie at all, and the subtitles we saw weren't intrusive. This movie is definitely watchable when it's dubbed and should be easy to watched sub-titled.

The DVD for this movie includes the sub-titled short film/music video 7:35 de la manana, directed by the same fellow as the movie. In this short film, a woman walks into a cafe and strangely, no one talks to her. Then a guy breaks out into song and, with the forced help of the people in the cafe, sings and dances about how he's wanted to approach her. The film is funny and tragic all at the same time. Don't let the sub-titles put you off; each phrase is short and easy to follow. I highly recommend this short film - I even found it for you on YouTube and it's only 8 minutes, so have at it :)

This DVD had lots of trailers for other good movies, and so you can expect that we (or I, at least) will be seeing Splinter, Let the Right One In, and Special at some point. The first two are scary-ish and that last one looks hilarious (a guy thinks he's got super-powers? How can that not be funny?).

Friday, June 12, 2009

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep

When Ian left this morning, he said something to me about how he expected that when he got home, I'd still be asleep.

That turned out to be true - I didn't get up until Ian got home around 6:30pm, so today was a lost day.

Ian knew I'd sleep the day because I took Ativan last night to calm my extra-woogly back, and Ativan often makes me sleep a lot the next day. At least the Ativan calmed my back... but sleeping the whole day away isn't something that I'd like to do all the time.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

You can't make this stuff up.

We'd recorded Dog Day Afternoon a little while ago and we watched it this evening. It's a re-creation of a robbery attempt that turned into a media circus in 1972 with some of the names and other details changed.

The movie is very good - it appears to re-create what actually happened (albeit in a shorter timeframe) and to show how the people developed over the course of the event. It starts out sort of funny just because the situation is so funny, because it's clear that the guys didn't really know what they were doing, robbing a bank, and they definitely had no exit plan when faced with the might of the NY police force.

When the media shows up, Sonny (the guy who "planned" the robbery) manipulates them, and that's funny, too. From then on, the movie is less funny and more sad, and then is just tragic.

The movie isn't just about a bank robbery gone wrong (honestly, if the cops had just waited until they were out of the bank, there would be no movie), but about the media and its power. This is a movie about how media circus and television experience an event, and how much people wanted to be a part of it. This, at a time when 24-hour media didn't exist. It's compelling, and also appalling, and a foreshadow of things to come.

This is definitely a movie worth watching. The story, the lighting, the acting, and the cinematography are all excellent; there's nothing to detract you from this movie. Even the supporting cast are amazing and add to the story.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Oprah is not infallible

A lot of people out there are fans of Oprah. Oprah is an amazing woman, having overcome poverty and abuse to become a leader and spokesperson followed by millions. She has a presence in just about every medium and people follow her there, too. If she recommends a book, that book is a sellout. Same with clothing, jewelry, ideas, and medical theories.

I'm not an Oprah fan. There are people out there who follow what she says without thinking and I didn't want to be someone who did that. I've also felt wary about many of her medical and spiritual claims, but there was nothing that I could really put my finger on that bothered me.

Today I read an article that made sense to me and that clarified for me *why* I don't totally trust Oprah: I don't believe that she is necessarily doing good things for her followers. When she has science on her show that's later proven to be questionable, she doesn't go back and take another look at that science; it's left to stand as is in syndicated re-runs forever.

Even though Oprah says that she expects her followers to think for themselves and to seek medical advice, she doesn't necessarily encourage them to do that by not presenting more than one side equally. People who do things by instinct or tarot cards can't possibly know what's best for everyone... and instinct can be wrong. As can tarot cards.

Oprah isn't all bad; her words and images and the power of her followers can do more for good causes than anything else. But if you do want to follow what she says... think about it and definitely get medical advice.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Games night

For the first time in ages, we actually went out to play boardgames. There were tons of people there; it was great to see and talk and hang out with them.

Most of us played Container, a new game that Ian likes and bought a little while ago. It's an economic-based game where players produce, store, ship, and sell containers. As the game goes on, the players actually end up setting up a fine market-based economy and that shared economy can do the things economies can do, like go into inflation or recession; monopolies are also possible. The game seems complicated at first but it's not hard to play. It is a fairly long game; ours clocked in around two and a half or three hours. It was a lot of fun.

In sad news, a friend of mine isn't doing too well and I'm so sad for her. I knew that things weren't going that well because the cancer seems to be everywhere but now things are worse and she can't eat or walk or anything. I'm afraid that the end is near for her and I've been crying off and on all afternoon. I hope that her condition turns around... but if it doesn't, then I hope she doesn't suffer.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Cube Zero

Cube Zero was on tv tonight and so of course I watched it. If you aren't familiar with the movie, it's about people who are trapped in a 3-D maze of identical cubes (some of which are booby-trapped) and the people who watch them. It's not quite as good as the original Cube but it's still quite good in that we get to see some of the people who watch the people in the cube.

I think it's the idea of the cube that I like - that such a structure could be built. In the movies, this type of cube is definitely used for evil purposes instead of anything good - and realistically, what good could come of putting people in a 3-D maze of cubes? Why would someone do that? I can't imagine a rational reason for building such a structure.... but it's still an interesting idea.

Tomorrow is my last meditation class for the summer. I'm going to miss going to the class as I've learned a lot about how to relax and calm down (even if I'm not always good at doing the things I know to do). Stress is easy to find; peace, not so much. So even half-formed meditation skills are useful.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Finally, some sewing!

I finally got around to sewing the dress today and I'm quite pleased with the results. The waist is a little tight but that's because my waist is big in proportion to my bust and hips - middle-aged spread, I assume :( . Letting the waist of the dress out will be easy because it has four darts, each with 2" taken in at the waist, plus four seams along which I can make changes.

Aside from that one fitting issue, the dress fits perfectly and looks exactly like the picture. Looking at the dress on me, I decided to make two other small style changes: bring the neckline in a bit as I find it wide for me; and bring the skirt in a bit on the sides as I find it sticks out a bit more than I like. After that I have to test the matching jacket, but I'm fairly confident that the jacket will fit as well as the dress.

Once I'm finished the adjustments on the test garment and the paper pattern, I'll go ahead and draft all of the facings. Then I can pick out a fabric (hopefully from my collection of fabrics, but I'm not adverse to buying new fabric :) ) and sew an actual dress and jacket.


I'm very pleased with my work this time. For the first time, the grading is *perfect*. Not only that, but I sewed the test garment without having to rip out and re-sew any seams! These are both firsts for me, and I'm quite proud of myself, if I do say so myself. It's about time that my grading and sewing went right. :) Yay for me!

Saturday, June 06, 2009

A very lazy Saturday

This must be a rare occasion: even though it's Saturday, we didn't watch any movies. Amazing, huh? :)

It's not like we did all that much instead; we got groceries, went for a walk, and Ian played video games while I watched. His latest game is Infamous, a game where a bomb has gone off in a city and somehow the protagonist ended up with electric-based power. The city is a mess of warring factions and the protagonist goes around trying to fix things. The game has lots of side quests and things to do as well as the main quest. The visuals are interesting as is the fact that the guy can climb like a monkey.

I like this game; there's lots of stuff to do and that the game can be played as good or evil. I also like that the main character doesn't have any conventional weapons, but only different things he can do with his power. Ian says that it's a fun game to play, and I think it's fun to watch him play. I don't play video games myself; I'm a back-seat video-game player. It's sort of like watching a longer, more interesting, and more interactive movie :)

Friday, June 05, 2009

Sleep, wake, sleep, watch movie

Believe it or not, I managed to not sleep all day. Not that I did much of anything today - I'd thought of going for a walk but I ended up having a nap instead. Which was just as well, I suppose, as a walk would've tired me out even more.

This evening we watched The Others, a fine Nicole Kidman movie about a woman and her two children living in a house where strange things happen. There's a twist at the end that makes the whole movie much more interesting and worth a second viewing. I'd actually seen it before but I'd say that it was even better the second time.

This is a period piece, set in England in 1945 in the most beautiful house ever. I suppose it was a summer home once upon a time; it's huge with lovely furniture and exquisite parquet floors. The clothes are gorgeous - even thought the movie is realistic and each character has a limited number of outfits - and correct for their time. Period movies that do things right are a joy to watch (especially for someone who likes vintage fashions, like me) because a person can really immerse themselves in the time shown.

Even if you don't like vintage fashion or period movies, the acting from everyone is superb. Nicole Kidman really carries this movie when she's on her own - which is much of the time - and the children steal the scenes when they're in them. Overall, this is an understated but very good movie, and well worth watching if you haven't seen it.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Pamidronate day

Getting my Pamidronate today went pretty smoothly, except for not being sent to actually receive my Pamidronate early enough. At the reception, they tell me to wait until I'm called, but in the chemo suite, they  always tell me that I'm supposed to go right back, as long as I'm going to be in the back area. The trouble is, I don't know whether or not I'm going to be in the back area. Today I had the bloodwork in the regular area and the Pamidronate in the back area.

So today I finally learned: when I sign in for either the bloodwork or to receive Pamidronate, ask if I should go right to the back. If I'm not going to be back there, then someone will come and get me.

You'd think that I wouldn't have to figure out a procedure like this... that things would just work there. I'd think that, too, but I know that the hospital attached to the cancer center is one of the worst in Ontario, so I've learned not to expect as much as I would anywhere else.

Aside from that, everything went smoothly. In between doing the bloodwork and getting the Pamidronate, I went for a walk. It was a lovely day and I walked around the area just to the west of the hospital. That area is quite nice with houses set back on well-maintained lawns and beautiful gardens. It was a peaceful place to walk and spend time; much better than sitting around in the hospital or cancer center.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Finally, some work on my dress

I cut out and marked my fabric today for my sample dress. For the sample, I'm using a lovely 1/8" periwinkle gingham fabric; it's actually quite a pretty and flattering fabric for me. I doubt that the dress will be perfect right from the get-go, but I'm hoping that it'll fit well enough.

The picture on the front of the pattern isn't quite right because it shows the dress ending somewhere around the knee, but in fact, the dress ends at the mid-calf. I was looking at the main dress pieces and they looked long but I couldn't figure out *why* they were so long. I'd shortened them by the right amounts. But of course I hadn't shortened the dress from a mid-calf to a knee-length dress, which is a separate alteration.

I have Pamidronate tomorrow but I'm hoping to get the dress basted together to see how it fits. Cross your fingers for it to work out. :)

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Change is inevitable

I meant to make a yummy dinner with spaghetti squash (instead of pasta) and turkey meatballs (instead of the usual meatballs or ground beef). We've had this meal before and it's healthy as well as yummy; spaghetti squash makes a good substitute for real spaghetti pasta.

So I was all ready to make this and had bought what I needed ... and then I slept all afternoon so I didn't have time to bake the squash (it takes 1 to 1 1/2 hours). I was up early for Meditation class and I guess I was tired because... I don't know. I was tired.

There's a huge something going on over at the young survival coalition support board. For quite some time, I've felt uncomfortable posting on the mets board because non-mets people read and post there (sometimes inappopriately). Other people are coming to this realization. We mets people are being seen as "meany metsies" to some people, and when we post on the general, non-mets board, things go bad.

Some of the women with mets are not doing well... their cancer is taking over, and their days are numbered. Naturally, these women are not happy and are not providing the kind of patient support they'd provided before. But it isn't just that some women aren't being as kind, or as supportive; it's that there's much more animosity on the general board. Some of that comes from cancer fakers, and some of that just seems to be the changing landscape of the board.

Support boards change... and this board is *not* changing for the better. It's so tense there, and so hard to post. Some women are considering setting something up somewhere else, and I'd be happy with that.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Is there such a thing as too many movies?

Is it possible to see too many movies? I guess there are people out there that think that the number of movies I watch is a waste of time. But... I like movies. I like the stories, the cinematography, the sets, the costumes, and sometimes the actors. The more movies I watch, the more I appreciate the effort that goes into a good movie.

It's not like I watch every movie that is released. In fact, I don't watch all that many mainstream movies because I find them formulaic. I tend to stay away from most comedies - unless they're mockumentaries, dark comedies, or star Jack Black - because I find that they're not all that funny, as a rule. I don't watch romantic comedies because I find them formulaic and stupid most of the time. I also stay away from movies with bad acting because I like to immerse myself in movies and I can't do that if the acting is bad.

There are movies that I love, of course. My favourite movies are the ones that require me to think about what I'm watching; movies where I have to pay attention, and that I'll think about afterward because they raise interestng ideas and questions. These tend to be quirky movies; the ones that are subtle and non-mainstream (maybe even foreign movies) that might be played at the local independent theatre.

When I'm not in the mood to think too hard, I like to watch science-fiction-type movies, comic-book movies, and some action movies because they're fun. These movies generally don't require too much effort on my part but they're entertaining.

I also love to watch movies that are groundbreaking for one reason or another: animated movies showcasing new techniques; brilliant costume or set design; amazing CGI techniques; unusual sequencing; and things like that. If a movie includes something completely new, I want to see it to evaluate the new thing.

And of course, no matter what, I'm always in the mood for horror movies. Even the bad ones, because when they're bad they're usually unintentionally funny. But for the most part, the buildup of tension and final release in a good horror movie is cathartic; it can be a way for me to deal with more negative emotions.

So you see.... I love movies, and I love watching them. So I watch a *lot* of them :)

With all that said, I'm sure it'll be no surprise to you that we watched a movie today. We saw Drag Me to Hell, and we saw it in the theatre! It's not often that I get to see a horror movie in the theatre but I must say that a horror movie is much, much better in the theatre because you're totally immersed in the movie with the sound and the picture completely surrounding you.

Even a bad horror movie is better seen in a movie theatre but I'm pleased to tell you that Drag Me to Hell is actually a *good* horror movie. The story, cinematography, and music work together to create the tension and fear that a good horror movie needs. There are plenty of startles and jumps and a fine twist at the end. This is a movie that's definitely worth seeing if you like horror movies.

And as an aside, I loved the clothes that the protagonist wore. They were so smart and pretty and cute and stylish and gorgeous; I wish I was tiny like her so that I could wear clothes like that. And I loved the shoes she wore, too, but I know that there's no way that I get to wear shoes with a significant heel while I'm walking around with my cane. :( The clothes were still awesome.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Saturday is movie day

It's practically summertime so there are lots and lots of movies opening soon. One of these is The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 which opens on June 12. It's about guys who hijack New York subway train Pelham 123, hold people hostage, demand money, and escape - but how?. One regular transit dispatcher guy ends up involved. The movie stars famous people (Denzel Washington and John Travolta) and the trailers make it look really exciting and action-y. I'd sort of thought of trying to see it when it comes out, if it got good reviews.

What I didn't know was that this is a (second) remake of a 1974 film: The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, starring Walter Matthau, which was showing tonight on the public tv station. It's a heist movie! Who doesn't love a good heist move? :)

And this is a good heist movie - actually, it's a good movie, period. It's suspenseful and engrossing, with some comic moments thrown to ease the tension. It was interesting to see how the hijackers used their knowledge of the New York subway system and its trains to pull off the job. If you're going to do any kind of heist, it's important to know just how everything works, yes?

The main question throughout is how the hijackers are going to escape and get away with the job. I'm not going to tell you whether they succeed or how it ends - even though the movie has been remade, I don't know whether they'll use the exact same story. They've already changed the title (words representing numbers are so old-fashioned; why not just the numbers instead?) and I hope that they don't change the actual story too much. Being the age that it is, I expect that they'll not only modernize the story to reflect the updated technology, but also add some new twists and turns and stunts. Maybe even an explosion or two.

As long the remake stays a heist movie, it'll probably be ok.

Friday, May 29, 2009

We just saw the *best* movie

First things first: my CT scan came back clear (or unremarkable) with no new mets and no changes in the existing spots, which means that I'm still stable. Yay!

We watched the most amazing, thought-provoking movie tonight: Synecdoche, New York. The story is about a theatre producer's life and his life's work, where he builds a replica of New York in an abandoned warehouse.

The movie is funny, poignant, and surreal... by the end, it's hard to know who is who and what is what. Everything hinges on the title, specifically, synecdoche, which can mean either something that refers to a part of that thing, or a part of a thing that refers to the whole of the thing. So there are layers upon layers upon layers in the movie (even for the characters!).

This isn't the kind of movie you can start and then walk away from; almost *everything* has meaning, one way or another. If you're going to watch this movie, then commit to watching it all the way through, pausing it if you have to leave the room or are otherwise distracted. It is a masterpiece of a movie, but it is also a movie that requires a lot of attention and can be difficult to watch. This is part of this movie's greatness.

We watched the movie with a few other people and we spent some time afterward trying to figure out what the whole movie was about and also some of the imagery. It's a wonderful film and one that I'll definitely see again (in part to see if I can understand the motifs and metaphors this time... I think this is a movie that needs to be seen twice). I highly recommend it.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Sleep, sleep, sleep all day

Once a week or so, I sleep all day. I don't exactly know why it happens, but when it does I just give in and sleep and sleep and sleep.

And that's what I did today. I was tired and it was raining and thunderstorming and so I slept all day. Well, all day until 4pm when Ian called, but if he hadn't called I expect I'd still be sleeping. It's not like I didn't try to get up, because I did, but I just couldn't make myself get up out of bed.

Because I was asleep all day, I wasn't able to call my oncologist to get my CT scan results. I'll call tomorrow and hopefully I'll get them then. If she's not in I guess I'll wait until Monday.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Listening to an author speak

Robert J. Sawyer, a well-known, fiercely Canadian, award-winning science-fiction author, gave a talk at Google today. He's just published a new book: Wake, first of the WWW trilogy, which is about the world wide web gaining consciousness, and so he was talking about consciousness.

Sawyer is a very skilled speaker - he has done CBC radio lectures, so I expected him to have a good voice, and he was also very enthusiastic and engaging. He was obviously very interested in what he was saying about consciousness and had researched it thoroughly, until he knew it inside and out. It was a very interesting talk, and so interesting and engaging that time flew by; I was shocked when I looked up and saw that he'd been talking for 40 minutes!

He talked about what it means to be conscious and how a consciousness could rise out of the web. He also discussed how difficult it was to write about this; as a conscious human being, how can we possibly conceive of an alien consciousness, and how would it develop, without turning that consciousness into an anthopomorphic being?

Ian and I both very enjoyed the talk; Ian actually got to talk to him in a small group before and after and got to know him a little bit. He seems like a really interesting person :)

A side-effect of listening to the talk was that I can "hear" his voice when reading his books. I've read a few of his books (including Wake) and while I've loved the concepts - they're extremely thought-provoking - I've had trouble with the voice that they're written in; some parts have seemed a bit stilted when I think he's been trying to convey an emotion. I don't read emotion in books very well, which goes along with not being able to "see" emotions very well on people's faces. For a long, long time, I couldn't figure out what people on movies were doing to show emotion; their facial expressions didn't make sense to me. I'm getting better at that.

Anyways, if Robert J. Sawyer stops by your city on this promotional tour, I'd recommend that you go and listen to him speak; it's interesting and well worth the time, even if you aren't a science fiction fan.

Tomorrow I call to get my CT scan results: I expect that the results are good, but of course I'm nervous about  getting them. I'll post the results here on my blog when I get them.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Summer TV

I'd been worried that there wouldn't be anything to watch in the summer what with all of the regular shows finished. Fortunately, there are new things to watch.

Like Canada's Worst Handyman 4, which is both funny and sad to watch. I yell at the tv a LOT when that show is on, both because the people on the show seem not to even be able to read basic instructions or think through the most basic design. One contestant was kicked off this week for saying something awful to the other contestants - I don't know what it was but it was bad.

One of the new shows is Mental which we watched for the first time tonight. It's about an unconventional psychiatric department head, in a House-like tradition. The first episode was ok but we'll probably wait and see how it is over the next few weeks.

Tonight also marked the start of Canada's Next Top Model cycle 3, only two weeks after America's Next Top Model cycle 12 finished. The drama and cattiness has already started! I'm pretty sure that the models get younger every year :) The challenge prize winners on this episode got to go off the coast of PEI to look at the baby seals. I was so jealous... I'd love to go there.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Getting some grading done

Believe it or not, I actually managed to grade the vintage pattern I'm working with today. Yep. Well, except for the small pieces like the facings and collar, as well as the gusset piece. The gusset piece actually acts as the undersleeve; the yoke and sleeve design doesn't leave enough room for the entire half-sleeve on each of the front and back. As well, the gusset gives the arm better range of motion.

Even though I finished the grading, I'm not finished working with the pieces yet. I'm not used to grading some of these pieces and I wanted to look at my work tomorrow with fresh eyes. Heck, even the pieces that I think I graded correctly could use a once-over. :) Still, I'm pleased with the work that I've done so far. Up until now, it's been taking me longer than this to get this far with my pattern. Who'd have thought that I could work this quickly? :) Now I hope that the work I've done is correct.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

It's so nice outside... welcome to spring!

It's been a gorgeous weekend! The sun has been shining, the air is clear, the flowers are out, and it's been warm. Really, it's been a perfect spring weekend, and I wish that we had this weekend off instead of last weekend. Not that it matters to me, of course, because I don't work, but then Ian and I could spend more time outside together in such great weather. Hopefully it'll be just as warm next weekend.

We didn't spend the whole day outside, of course. I can't work on the pattern outside, after all :) I got some work done on the pattern although I'd have liked to do more. It turns out that some of the pieces are hard to grade and shorten and so I've had to do some thinking to figure out exactly what to do. At least most of the other pieces should be straightforward to grade and shorten.

We also watched Sukiyaki Western Django today. It's like a prequel for the Django, I guess. I don't really know anything about Django or other spaghetti westerns, but I still enjoyed this movie. Basically, a solitary warrior enters a town with a huge treasure and two warring factions and pits one against the other. Almost all of the actors - except Quentin Tarantino - are Japanese and the dialogue is English. It's a pretty funny movie with some gore and over-the-top action.

Even if I hadn't liked this movie - which I did - seeing a spaghetti western and reading about them might help understand Quentin Tarantino's next movie: Inglourious Basterds.

This evening we watched Futurama: Bender's Game because it was the only thing on tv tonight. It's funny in a Futurama sort of way - it doesn't always make sense, there's lots of cultural and movie references, and it's silly. Yep, it's an awesome as it sounds!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Saturday fun

I was able to trace out a pattern today. I had three vintage patterns on the shortlist and Ian picked one, so I'm working on that one first. This first pattern is for a knee-length A-line dress with the yoke and sleeve in one piece, and with center front and back seams and bust and hip shaping darts. The pattern also includes the cutest little short jacket with elbow- or three-quarter-length sleeves to go with the dress. It's the jacket that makes the outfit; the wedding will be outdoors and some kind of cover-up is needed.

The person who had the pattern before me had cut out only the jacket and it looks like that person didn't line it (it's supposed to be lined, and if this pattern works out, I'll definitely be lining the jacket)... and it looks like the person cut off the extension for the lining on the back jacket piece. After reading the instructions and checking the pieces, I was able to correct this problem on my traced piece. I'll put a note in with the pattern noting that this piece has been cut off.

I'm hoping that the whole ensemble looks good, but if it doesn't, I have other patterns to try out.

This evening we watched S. Darko. It's sort of a sequel to Donnie Darko, which is a favourite movie of ours (and which has a huge cult following). S. Darko hasn't lived up to the expectations of the Donnie Darko fans, for whatever reason; I'm not sure what those expectations were, but it's clear that they're not being met because many of the reviews for S. Darko by Donnie Darko fans are bad.

S. Darko is the story of Sam, Donnie's youngest sister, who is traveling across the country with her friend. The two are stranded in a small town on their journey. Sam has been sleepwalking and while in this town, she sleep-visits the local outcast. Time travel stuff happens, too, as in Donnie Darko.

While there are connections to the first movie via some of the characters and the time travel idea, but the movies are not the same. At the end of Donnie Darko, the universe is reset and the bad things that happened are undone... but that's not exactly what happens at the end of S. Darko. It's implied that some of the bad things are still happening or going to happen, but maybe not in the exact same way. One of the other crucial differences between the two movies is that Donnie Darko starts off weird and gets scary and intense as time goes on, whereas S. Darko has a lighter feel. It isn't as creepy or scary - it's more interesting, as though it was a drama with time travel stuff. I do wish that some of the events had been explored more fully... like the meteor's effects, the fireworks show, and what happened to the kids. I'd love to see a sequel explaining all of that.

So we actually liked S. Darko because it wasn't exactly like Donnie Darko and because it had an interesting story with interesting characters and good acting. I don't know that you have to have seen Donnie Darko to get S. Darko, because there isn't that much crossover, but it probably helps in getting some of the subtext or background pictures. The only thing that might not make sense if you haven't seen Donnie Darko is the tube-y thing that shows where people will be walking.

Whether or not you've seen Donnie Darko, S. Darko is well worth renting. It's an interesting, quirky movie that we liked very much.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Sleep, sleep, and more sleep

I wouldn't have thought that having a CT scan followed by a walk in the afternoon would have made me soooo tired. But it did.

All I did yesterday was the scan and the walk, and today I ended up sleeping until 2pm. Plus I was exhausted all day; every time I turned around I was ready for a nap. Of course this means that I didn't do all that much today, and that's ok.

What I did do was put away the patterns I've received lately. That doesn't sound like much, but I've bought more than a few vintage patterns lately and they need a home. My four comic book boxes are now filled to bursting with patterns; I'm going to need to get more boxes.

I also spent some time looking at my patterns and my fabric. I've got a wedding to attend in a couple of months and I'd hoped to make a dress for it. I have several patterns that I love for an event like that so I've puled them out and am trying to figure out which fabrics might work with which patterns. I do have some lovely fabrics - both new and vintage. Several of my 50s fabrics are quite similar: a light-coloured background with flowers and squares sprinkled all over. I hadn't realized how similar those fabrics were until I took a good look at them.

Over the weekend I hope to trace out the pattern I'm going to use - or, if I still can't decide between the three I'm currently considering, trace out all three patterns - and hopefully get the pattern(s) graded up so that I can make some test garments this week. Since I don't have much to do each day (and honestly, I get bored of surfing the interweb), I *should* be able to actually get somewhere with this dress.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

CT scan and diversions

Who doesn't love a CT scan with contrast? Me. The CT scan itself isn't so bad these days because I don't have to drink the yucky weirdly sweet orange drink..Instead, I have to drink 500mL an hour before the scan and then another 500mL half an hour before the scan. That's not so bad.

The scan itself takes less than 10 minutes - 5 minutes or so for each scan before and after the contrast is injected. That's not so bad, either. What I I don't like is the contrast, because it makes me feel hot and like I've peed myself, so I end up frantically trying NOT to pee.... while also holding my breath and lying completely still. It's as awesome as it sounds.

The scan covered my chest, abdomen, and pelvis. The last CT scan of my pelvis showed that there were two tiny spots in there; we'll see if those are still there and what size they are. This scan will also be checking my lungs and liver. Because my tumour markers were low, I don't expect that my cancer has taken up residence anywhere new but until I get the results I expect to be a little anxious. I'll call my oncologist for the results next Thursday.

To take my mind off of the scan, I spent the last two days watching Apocalypse Now and Apocalypse Now: Redux and comparing the two. Redux was a 2001 re-edit of the original 1979 film. The plot of both is loosely based on Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, where a man goes up upriver - into the heart of darkness, as it were - to retrieve Kurtz, an insane man with a reputation.

I love the movie. It's creepy and surreal and honest and just draws me in. I'm the first to admit that it can be slow in parts but the pace is part of the buildup towards the end. Both versions are good movies but I think that Redux (minus the French plantation scene) is overall the better movie. The scenes that were added and the edits that were made definitely improved the movie. These changes improved the flow of the movie and also explained some of the events that happened: for example, how Lance got the surf shorts and later, the makeup.

About the French plantation scene - I didn't like it. Sure, it explains where Clean is buried, but it goes on.... and on... and on... and in doing so interrupts the buildup of tension in the movie. As Captain Willard and the boat crew go up the river, they change. They become less civilized; they also become more introspective and in touch with themselves. So all of that is happening ... and then everything pauses for the French plantation scene with Willard only... and then it kind of starts up again. Sure, we find out that Willard belongs in the jungle, but we should know that by now anyway. And Willard isn't the only one changing; everyone on the boat is changing as they travel up-river, one way or another.

Apparently there are even longer bootleg versions of the movie out there... I'd love to see those, too. I was doing a bit of research and apparently filming the original movie was a kind of rite of passage, or descent into hell, for the director Francis Ford Coppola. There were set problems, actor problems, breakdowns... everything. There's a documentary out there about the making of the movie and I think that I'd love to see that, too.

If you've seen Apocalypse Now but not the Apocalypse Now: Redux, then you should see the Redux version. It makes more sense and it's a much better movie (even though it is longer). If you haven't seen either, then you it's about time you saw Redux. It's too good of a classic movie to miss.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Pain and meditation

My left hip has been aching and hurting for the last few days. It also seems to be a bit swollen in comparison with the right hip which is something I hadn't noticed before.

I'm not quite sure why the pain has been so bad over the weekend but I suspect that the seats in the movie theatre had something to do with it. The seats we sat in for each movie aren't in very good shape because they've had a lot of use over the years. We like to sit in the center up high enough so we're a couple of levels below the top of the screen and so that the screen completely fills our vision. These seats are very popular and get a lot of use, so the seats themselves are kind of broken.

Even though the pain was very, very bad through last night, it's gone now and I think I have meditation to thank for that.

This meditation session, we're working on ways to be aware of what our brains are thinking. I don't know if you've tried meditation before, but if you have, then you probably know that while you're trying to focus on your breathing or whatever your brain has a tendency to go off on other tangents.

It isn't just the brain that does its own thing, of course. Sitting (or lying) in one place can cause some discomfort as well, which is distracting. So today in meditation class, we *looked* for discomfort or pain in our bodies (instead of waiting for it to distract us) and sort of breathed through the pain, trying to soften the muscles around it. We repeated this process several times over the course of five or ten minutes.

And surprise! The pain lessened! By this afternoon, it was way better!! Yay :) This is something that I will keep in mind next time the pain is bad.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Happy Victoria Day (a.k.a. May 2-4)

We saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine today. It hasn't been getting great reviews, but I thought it was a good, entertaining movie. Yeah, it's not deep, and the supporting characters aren't that well developed, and I suppose it's a bit formulaic - but it's a comic book movie, and I have different (lower) expectations for comic book movies.

I expect comic book movies to be entertaining and to add knowledge to the comic book universe. I also like there to be some action and an interesting story. Personally, I thought that this movie delivered; it was fun to watch, exciting, and interesting for a comic book movie.

The only thing I didn't like was the guy explaining the entire Wolverine history (comics, tv, and movies) to his girlfriend who knew little to nothing of the franchise. He talked and talked and talked and talked and talked through the entire movie.

As an aside: people, please don't do this. I don't *care* how much you know about the movie or its history. Your knowledge isn't going to disappear by the end of the movie. Really, it won't. So wait until after you've both left the theatre to natter at your companion. Anything else is annoying and disrespectful to the people around you.

I asked the guy to be quiet once and I thought about sliding over and kicking the back of his seat every time he opened his annoying mouth. I didn't do that because I thought Ian wouldn't like it .. but afterwards he said he thought I should've used my cane on him. I'll remember that for the future.

The fact that I don't know much about the whole Marvel universe or Wolverine's history didn't stop me from enjoying the movie. I may have enjoyed it more than someone who knows that history because the movie changed some details. So there, man who annoyed me.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Still using my cane

While shopping at the grocery store today, we found a new use for my cane. We buy 4L pouches of milk because I go through so much each week but we couldn't see any of our brand out. The milk is stored in crates that roll on rollers to the front, but there were no full crates at the front. There was a crate further back on the roller track, but it was too far to reach by hand. Fortunately, Ian was able to use my cane to bring the milk crate forward. Problem solved!

I'm much less self-conscious about walking with the cane than I was before. I only wish that I didn't have to use it all the time. Experiments have shown that if I walk around - even just at the grocery store - without a cane, my hip hurts a LOT the next day. So I use the cane.

I have to admit that I'm still a bit clumsy with the cane when I'm not walking with it. It's like not knowing what to do with your hands; I don't know what to do with my cane when I'm sitting down somewhere, or looking at stuff, or really doing anything other than walking with it.

At least the cane helps my back not hurt... if it can be used to get things, that's ok.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Rainy saturday movie day

We finally got to see the new Star Trek movie today. The story was great! The best thing about it is that it really does allow them to restart the franchise, if they want (oh, the beauty of playing with time). Zachary Quinto, who you might know as Sylar from Heroes, plays a spectacular Spock. His character seemed to bring the rest of the cast together which in turn made the other characters more believable.

While the movie is good, it isn't perfect. The cinematography was weird because there seemed to be only two shots: the extreme closeup and the quick-moving pan-action shot that was hard to follow. I also felt that the guy who played Bones was WAY over the top. Every time he said something, I felt jolted out of the story ... maybe he was too intense? I can't quite put my finger on how he was over the top, but I thought he was definitely the weakest actor of the bunch. For the record, Ian disagrees with me, but I stand by my assessment.

The other major flaw I felt this movie had was that the external and internal design of the enemy ship didn't make sense. It was supposed to be a mining vessel and it looked more like a tentacled monster. Personally, I like my movie industrial design to at least make sense; that the form of an object will be related in some recognizable way to its function. That definitely wasn't the case here. It seemed like someone was drawing a ship and said, "I'm going to make this SO COOL and SO SCARY! Yeah!" Hmph.

And as for the inside of the ship.... what's wrong with a guard rail or two along the sides of slippery platforms suspended in space? Sigh. This movie cost a lot of money to make; making the enemy ship believable with good industrial design while also making it seem scary wouldn't have cost them any more than it did to design the ship bady. Sheesh.

Flaws aside, the movie is good. You don't have to like or know anything about Star Trek to like this movie, and if you are a Star Trek fan, you'll probably also like it.

Later on we watched Reeker. We'd watched No Man's Land: The Rise of Reeker a while back and found out it was a sequel and a prequel, kind of, so we wanted to watch the first movie. Well, I did, anyways; Ian watched it with me because it was there. The movie was pretty good for what it was, which is one of those horror movies where the protagonists get picked off one-by-one. The acting wasn't too bad (although the female lead did have some trouble hanging on to her accent) and the story was interesting. There were tense moments and some gory bits. Overall, it wasn't too gory or bloody. And the twist at the end made the movie interesting.

So if you like this kind of horror movie, this one's for you.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Rediscovering old favourites

I've always read a lot of books, and since I've been reading in the bath as well as before bed, I've been going through books faster than before. I've bought a few books but it's silly to buy a lot of them, especially since I have so many and it's been years and years since I've read some of them.

So I've been going back and reading some of the books I've held onto for the last ten or fifteen years or so. One set I've been looking at and shying away from are my Tim Sandlin books; I have five of them and I remember them as being really funny ... but I've changed since I read them last and I was worried that I wouldn't find them as hugely entertaining as they were before.

I'm pleased to say that my anxiety on this subject was totally unfounded. I picked up Skipped Parts last night and it's hilarious - so funny that at 2am I was laughing out loud while reading it. It's the first in Sandlin's Grovont trilogy, which apparently will have a fourth book added to it. As an aside, one of those books in the trilogy is called Sorrow Floats, which I liked because the title reminds me of an phrase in John Irving's The Hotel New Hampshire. The Hotel New Hampshire is also an awesome, quirky book written by an awesome, quirky author (who unfortunately seems to have a bear and wrestling fixation). As a bigger aside, A Prayer for Owen Meany is probably my favourite of Irving's.

Anyways... back to Skipped Parts. It's told from the perspective of Sam, a 13-year-old boy who along with his 28-year-old mother has been banished to Grovont, Wyoming by Sam's grandfather. Sam befriends another 13-year-old girl and they start trying to figure out what the skipped sexy parts in books are.. .by practicing. Realism, sadness, and hilarity ensues.

Not only am I finding this book funny, I think it's funnier than ever because I understand and "get" so much more of it than I did before. I think this is partly because the situations in the books were and are so much worse than my life ever was, and the story is so funny that it helps me see that my own story - the most unfunny bits - could possibly be funny, too. If looked at in the right way, which I hope to someday be able to do.



Not that it matters what kind of past you have. This book (and the others by Sandlin) are well worth reading for the plot and the writing. The writing style is much like that of both J.D. Salinger and Tom Robbins - it's quirky, funny, achingly honest, and hilariously funny, all due to a lot of understatement and the juxtaposition of Sam's fantasy stories of being a hero with the realities of what happens around him. This gives the book a poignancy that feels very realistic... but also very gentle.


As well, this book, first published in 1991, uses the word "meatatarian". What's not to love?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Spring, glorious spring

I think spring may be my favourite time of year. The trees and flowers are blooming, the air is crisp and fresh, and everything feels and smells new. The sunlight seems to be a different colour. Even the clouds and rain seem softer and less harsh than in other seasons.

Not that I've been out that much as I've been sleeping a lot. I think this is because I've been feeling melancholy due to my recent thoughts about my life and the choices I've made as I said in my last post. I don't think I'm completely past all that, and I don't think I'll be past it for a while... there were choices within choices. Even though I've examined a few of them, there are many, many more events and choices that need to be considered... and forgiven.

I guess it sort of seems like I'm harping on this lately... which should tell you how profoundly affected I am by this process. It's the first time that I've really looked at those three years - 1994 to 1996. I'd thought I wanted to look at my childhood, and I do, but for some reason my inner self has chosen otherwise and given me this time period instead.

I think there's no finer time to do undertake this journey than in spring, when everything is new and I can be reborn. Plus I can go outside and walk and think and just be amidst all of the new growth.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Choices

I've been thinking a lot about choices lately. I think that my life, like anyone's, can be viewed as a series of choices. Some choices have a huge impact; some have a small impact; and some have a snowball effect, where the effect starts small and through further choices is huge.

I've also always wished that I could go back and re-do some things. You know, un-choose this choice, or choose that action instead of this... and therefore not have to deal with any of the profound choices I've made. If I'm being realistic, I know that I spent quite a lot of my life just letting my life happen... letting things just sort of happen to me instead of actively making my own choices and decisions.

I made choices in my mid-twenties that I wish I'd never made; choices I'd made without really knowing how I'd feel later... choices that have had a profound effect on my life. They were big choices that kind of came after some smaller choices. Right now, I'm coming to terms with those big choices.... and it's hard. I know that accepting and living with those choices and their impacts is the right thing to do but the process calls up a lot of emotions (most of them negative) and leaves me sad and melancholy and more sad.

I know that when the process is finished I expect that I'll be happier overall, and it's very important to do this because I haven't before... but it's so hard. I wish I could go back and do those things differently instead of dealing with this stuff. I'd be happy if I could just unmake one of the decisions that led to these big ones, so that they could have been avoided.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Just call me sleepy

Sleep sleep sleep ... over the last few days, that's all I've done. I didn't get up until almost 4pm today. I guess it's the Pamidronate, because I've been so tired.

I've also felt sort of melancholy lately; I hear things on the radio or see something on tv and I feel all ... well, sort of sad, I guess. I end up wishing I could go back to before and re-live the event or change its outcome.. or just be younger.

That's the thing, I think - I really just want to be younger than I am. I don't know if it's because I don't think I remember those times, or if it's because I don't want to get older. I understand better now why people and civilizations value youth so much.

I expect that when I'm feeling less tired I'll feel less melancholy - when I'm tired, emotions (especially negative ones) are magnified and it's easier to wish I could go back and change my history. So I think I'll get some more sleep - I must still need some - and see how I feel in the morning.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is Mother's Day here in North America, a day where we celebrate, cherish, and honour our mothers. Our mothers are the women who brought us life, who gave us knowledge, wisdom, and a safe haven. They helped us find ourselves and to become the people that we were meant to be. The people who have done these things have given us a great gift and deserve thanks for it.

This isn't to say that each of our own mothers gave us every one of these gifts. If we are very lucky, our biological mother was the one who also gave us life, knowledge, wisdom, and safety. But the biological mother need not be the one who gives these gifts; a friend, a relative, or someone else who happens to be in the right place at the right time can fill the role of "mother". If you are very lucky, you may be gifted with several people who you can call a mother.

So today, on Mother's Day, take a minute to think of and thank all of those people who have helped you grow, who have helped you find yourself, who have taught you about life - all those people who have acted as a mother to you - and thank them. You wouldn't be who you are without them.

Thank you, PatC and LisaP, for helping me find myself and being a kind of mother to me here. No one can replace my actual mother - Mom - or everything she's done for me. Thank you. I love you.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Movie!

We saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button tonight. In case you didn't know or don't follow movies, it's the story of a man born as an old man who dies as a baby, aging backwards through his life. Throughout is the love of his life, Daisy, and we hear about Benjamin's life as her daughter reads his diary as Daisy is on her deathbed.

The movie is a brilliant technical achievement; the fact that the viewer can see and recognize Brad Pitt (who plays Benjamin, the title character) as an old baby and as a young old man is amazing. The movie covers about fifty years in detail and does a fantastic job of representing the technologies, clothes, and hairstyles of each era.

I found the movie sort of sad, with its missed connections and moments to remember. None of the characters, except for Benjamin and Daisy, are all that well developed, and in some ways the movie feels a bit rushed - which I didn't think was possible at a running time of 166 minutes! Much of the movie is focused on his childhood, but I think it might have been more interesting had it spent more time in later eras. For example, I'd like to have seen more of the time when Benjamin's physical body aged backwards from 20 to 12, or to a point where he could no longer function in society.

It's an interesting movie and probably worth watching if you like period movies. It can feel a bit slow but it's quite compelling, for the most part. And of course the story is interesting :)

Thursday, May 07, 2009

What a gorgeous morning!

After driving Ian to work this morning, I still had over an hour before I had to leave for the hospital. It was so beautiful outside: the sun was shining there were no clouds in the sky and it was warm. So I went for a walk around my neighbourhood. I'd thought about going in the afternoon and I'm glad that I went for my walk this morning because it cooled down, got cloudy, and even rained a bit. My walk was wonderful... the birds were singing, the grass was green, and there were flowers all over the place in the clear spring morning light. I didn't even listen to music while walking because I wanted to really experience the sights and sounds of my walk.

It sounds silly to rave about a walk, doesn't it? But that's ok. I love to walk and getting to go for a walk on a perfect spring morning is something I don't get to experience all that often. I find there's something both soothing and uplifting about being outside when the weather is perfect, like it was this morning.

Now, if only I could get up early on every gorgeous day, I suspect I'd be quite relaxed and happy most of the time. I'll get to work on that. :)

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Meditation starting again

After what seems like forever, my meditation class has started up again. I love that class; we have a six week on, two (or three) week off schedule. When the class is on and I'm able to get to it, I feel so much more even and emotionally stable.

This time we're going to be looking at listening to our own inner voices... and to figure out who we are, in a way. I'm looking forward to that, because lately I've been feeling off.

I don't remember much of my childhood; I have some flashes of memory but for the most part, my childhood is just not there. I don't think anything horrific happened - I'm quite sure I wasn't sexually abused, for example - but for whatever reason, it seems that the memories have been tucked away. And I also think that some of those memories are starting to come back. This is rather a difficult experience, emotionally, and so I'm very glad that I'll have new meditation tools to help me. At least I'll be able to stay grounded during the process... although I don't expect that this process will take a while.