A lazy end to the long weekends

Today wound up being a much lazier day than I'd planned to have. I'd thought about cutting out my dress but then I got caught up in Ian's video game. I'm like the girl in that commercial who doesn't know that a video game isn't a movie :)

Seriously, I enjoy watching Ian play an open-world game, where there are quests and stuff. I'm not good at the controls for the games but Ian is good at them and he's patient enough to let me suggest where he should go next. It's like I'm playing the game but without actually playing it. This game has lots of cut scenes and an interesting background story as well.

I did manage to pull us away from the game long enough to take a walk around the neighbourhood. We should have gone earlier or later as it was still pretty hot outside but it was still a nice walk. I thought about going for another walk this evening (I love love love walking outside in the early to late evening) but I was too tired. I didn't sleep well last night so I was extra-tired today; if I'd slept well I definitely would have been out and about this evening. I'm a little stressed with the biopsy coming up on Wednesday.

I was able to pin-fit the bodice top today and after doing that, I added a little bit extra length to the bust to cover it and some other extra length to the center because it was just a little bit low. I'm quite confident that it's going to fit me pretty well. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll be able to cut out the dress and baste it together. I'd like to try and get that stuff done before the biopsy so that I'm not left with too much to do afterwards.

A relaxing early summer day

There aren't just two baby chipmunks out there - there are THREE!!! They're co cute, playing around in the brugmansia pots back there, or trying to climb the patio door or screen. We could watch them play for hours, although they don't do anything cute when we're trying to film them.

We also drove around looking at different neighbourhoods in the city to get an idea of what they're like. It turns out that in most areas there'll be a street or two that we would like but most of the areas aren't so right for us. Since it was a nice afternoon, we were also able to go for a walk in a city park we'd never explored.

After we got home, while Ian played his new video game (Red Dead Redemption, an open-world, wild west game that's pretty good so far), I managed to finish altering the easier pattern. The final product of my alterations looks right to me so hopefully it'll look right when it's sewn up. I hope to cut out the pattern tomorrow and see how it fits. If the adjustments work, then I'll go ahead and make the same adjustments to the other pattern. I'm excited about this and hope that it works out. I haven't figured out exactly what fabric I'll use but I have plenty of choices.

Celebrex is my friend

I'm not really liking this "life without Celebrex" thing. As the painkiller leaves my system I'm experiencing more and more pain in all of my joints, especially my hips. I think the pain is also worse because of the rain and humidity we've got. I wish that knowing what caused the pain made it go away.

To take care of the pain I've taken a couple of baths already today (hot water definitely helps) and I've been taking Percocet regularly. Both things make me sleepy - but when I'm asleep, I'm not feeling the pain, so it's a way of dealing with it.

I did start working on the patterns, though. I started looking at the more difficult one and ran into a bit of a roadblock. Normally I shorten the front and back bodice by about 1 1/2" but the front of this pattern didn't need to be shortened that much; in fact, the front needs to be shortened up near the shoulder and lengthened around the bust. And I think the side seams are the close to the right length.

I've been thinking about this and I think I know why these adjustments need to be made. I think there are two things going on here. First, my back is very straight and so it needs to be shortened more than the front, and I've been adjusting patterns based on my center back measurement. Second, I have a large bust and so I need more fabric to cover it. If I shorten the bodice below the bust there just won't be enough fabric to cover it. Adjusting patterns used to be easier but since I've gained weight my body's proportions have changed. My bust wasn't always this big in comparison to the rest of me - or at least, the weight was distributed more in line with commercial patterns.

Now that I've got that figured out, it should be fairly straightforward to make the right changes to the bodice. The back and skirt are very easy to modify, and the other pattern is also much easier to change.

The best part of today was that the baby chipmunks have appeared! They're so cute!!!! There were two of them with their mommy and they were just learning about exploring their environment. We tried to get some pictures but they didn't work out. They're super-cute, though!

I think tomorrow the rain is going away and it's going to get more hot and less humid, so hopefully I won't have nearly as much pain and I'll be able to do more.

It's a long weekend!

I didn't do much of anything today but at least I took the pattern sheets out for both patterns and ironed them flat and now they're sitting there ready to be adjusted. The fact that I haven't actually cut the pieces apart or made any adjustments to them is something I'll ask you to ignore just now :)

This is a long weekend for us here in Canada and since we have no plans we're looking forward to just hanging out. It was supposed to be rainy this weekend but I think the only day we might get rain is tomorrow and then after that it's going to be warm and sunny. If we do anything other than a couple of errands, it'll be going for a walk in a new-to-us area of the city. I expect that Ian will play video games for most of the weekend while I work on my patterns.

Did anyone else see in the news that some scientists have been able to create a synthetic bacteria by creating and inserting DNA into an existing bacteria? Not everyone thinks that this is good; they worry that the technology will be used to create bioweapons or something. To me, this ranks extremely high on the coolness factor - I think this discovery is awesome! They're creating news life, here, almost. It's not the same as having life emerge from a chemical soup, but this is definitely a step towards that, and there must be good possibilities for this and subsequent technologies.

Hit by a sleepy stick

I had great plans for today. I was going to get my new patterns ready and prep my fabric (and maybe even cut out the fabric) so that I could get some sewing done.

Sadly, none of that happened. For some reason I'm exhausted - so much so that I fell asleep while sitting on the couch watching tv for the better part of the afternoon and even when I was awake I was half-asleep. I feel like I've been run over by a truck right now and honestly, I haven't been this tired for ages.

I hope that I'm not getting sick or anything. I know that I hadn't been sleeping all that well before yesterday's appointment so maybe I'm overcoming a sleep deficit. No matter what's going on, my body is telling me to sleep so that's what I guess it needs. I'll be going to bed early tonight.

I really, really want to get some sewing done. I hope that I'm up for it tomorrow.

My pre-op appointment

My back and hips felt pretty good today after yesterday's walk. I did have some pain on my right side while I was driving to my appointment this morning but it went away once I stretched my back a bit. I went for another long (hour and a half) walk today but I used my cane. I don't want to overdo things, after all :)

My appointment this morning was my pre-op stuff for next week's biopsy. Every hospital does their pre-op stuff just a little bit differently, and I have to say that I really liked the way they did things at this hospital. Really, all I had to do was show up at their clinic and the nurse assigned to me brought all the people I needed to see right to the clinic. I had to go from the waiting room to different rooms in the clinic which I much preferred over running around from department to department trying to see people.

We did an EKG first and then the nurse said that she needed to do bloodwork. I asked her if it was at all possible to use my port and - surprise! - she said yes, that she would just call the IV tech people and have one of them do it. It was awesome! They don't do that at my regular hospital. The IV tech inserted and removed the needle a little slower than I like but I'm ok with that if they use my port at all.

Once we got the EKG and bloodwork out of the way, my nurse went through my paperwork with me and we talked about the drugs I take. One of them is Celebrex which I take to control my lower back pain and to help control the sternal pain. It can reduce blood clotting so I was told stop taking it tonight until after the procedure. Going without it might mean extra pain for me for the next week or so... which means that I won't be walking without my cane for a while. There's no point taking chances if I can't deal with the possible pain consequences, after all.

Next I saw the anaesthesiologist. After my success at getting the nurse to use my port for the bloodwork, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to ask the anaesthesiologist if they would be able to use my port for the IV during surgery. I explained that my veins are crap and the port was easier on everyone. The anaesthesiologist told me that it's possible to use the port for that but that they'll need to set up a bigger IV anyways. The big IV needs to be in there for the unlikely event that something goes wrong and I need a blood transfusion.

I don't know what, exactly, my face showed when he said "big IV" but inside I felt scared and my mind said, "eep!" You see, half the time when inserting an IV, the nurses need to use a teeny-tiny needle because my veins are so very bad... and a teeny-tiny needle won't work with a big IV, will it? Seeing my face he was quick to assure me that they could either put me out with gas or with a port IV and then, once I was under, they could put in the big IV. Apparently the anaesthetic is a vasodilator and that makes insertion of the big IV easier (or possible, in my case). He also said that it's fairly common for them to put that IV in after the anaesthetic has taken effect. I'm fine with that; really, as long as they don't put the big IV in while I'm awake, I'm fine with whatever else they do.

The last person I saw was a respiratory therapist. Since this procedure involves the chest cavity they want to be sure that my lungs are tip-top before they go in there. This was all new to me; I've never seen a respiratory therapist before. She first had me do a lung function test with a computerized spirometer that printed out a nifty graph.

Then she needed to do an arterial blood gas test in which blood is drawn from the artery in my wrist and the gases in it are measured. To do this, first she had to find the artery by finding the pulse. She first tried to find the pulse in my right wrist, then went to my left, then back to my right, then back again to my left, and finally was confident that she found it on my right. I know I have a pulse, but it is hard to find exactly :) it's important to find the exact location of the artery a thin needle has to go in and draw blood from the artery. She warned me that would hurt, and it did, and the spot is still sore. I wouldn't have wanted to go through that needle more than once so I appreciate her caution and thoroughness.

And that was it. They'd said that it could take as long as three hours but it only took me about two hours from start to finish and because there were so many different things to do the time flew by. Hopefully things go as smoothly and efficiently next week.

Walking and sewing

I wore the flat pair of shoes that I bought last weekend out for a walk today and I'm pleased to report that my feet didn't hurt! I do have one small blister on one foot but that's not bad for that kind of walk. Normally I have a few big blisters when I wear new shoes out walking because I walk fast. Plus my heels are narrow so shoes my shoes slip, almost guaranteeing blisters somewhere.

I had worn the shoes out and about on Sunday so it wasn't like this was the first time I'd given them a try. This was just the first time that I wore them for a while under more normal conditions.

Today's walk was also worth noting because I chose to go out without my cane. Yes, I went for a walk without my cane. Before you yell at me for not taking care of myself, my back and hips haven't been hurting lately and I thought that going for one walk without it would be ok. I won't be able to wear high heels again because I'm too scared that I'll hurt my back, but I think it is possible that I could walk without my cane some of the time.

I'll see how I feel tomorrow and over the next few days. If my back and hips don't hurt, then I'll try going for another walk without the cane. If they start hurting, then I'll know that I made a mistake. Or that the walk was too long :)

On another subject - when I finish each dress, I'll make sure there are photos :) I was looking at the one I wanted to do first and I noticed that it calls for all the non-faced seams to be French seams and it has instructions for finishing the zipper seam edges with a Hong Kong binding seam finish (see this Threads article for more instructions on these finishes - and now I think I want a bird and clamp tool). Normally I'd just sew and then serge the seams to prevent raveling, but you have to admit that enclosing every raw edge makes the inside as attractive as the outside of the garment, especially when dealing with lightweight fabrics. I expect that I'll be serging the first dress, like normal, but I might just finish subsequent versions properly. We'll see.

My patterns are here!

The patterns I ordered arrived today! I'm so excited - I can hardly wait to get started sewing. These ones are my favourite:

Vogue 8648

Vogue 1086

The difference between these two patterns is mostly in fabric weight: the first pattern needs a fabric that has slightly more body than the second. I've bought a lot of fabric over the years so I have a ton of fabric that will work with the one or the other pattern. 

Both patterns are very suitable for my body type because they create a waist and, depending on colour choice, can elongate my body. I can hardly wait to get started making these patterns. I think I'm going to start with the second one (Vogue 1086) and make it up in this fabric that I love, with plain black fabric for the midriff, binding, and maybe the yoke:

I also have a ton of jersey fabric. I mean a TON, in a variety of patterns and colours. I bought a few patterns that use jersey fabric and I think I'll start by making this dress:

Vogue 1091

It's a very simple dress and I know that it can look ok on me. The key will be to add a bit of a waist that the pattern currently lacks; I might also need to add a seam in the back so that the dress isn't so shapeless back there. Even so, this is a simple silhouette that will be easy to make up and will be easy and comfortable to wear.

I'm so excited and I'm really looking forward to doing some sewing in the next little while.

Sunny days are here again!

Spring has finally returned. We had warm spring temperatures a couple of weeks ago and then it went and got cold. I wasn't able to go out walking because it was so cold and rainy and awful, which hasn't helped my mood. I find that I'm more emotionally even when I'm able to go outside and get some sun and see the flowers and trees blooming.

Fortunately, today and the rest of the week is looking all spring-like and sunny and warm and awesome. I'll definitely be going out for walks each day. In fact, we went for a big long walk today to get outside, explore the neighbourhood, and go to see a "for sale by owner" open house.

The house was a two-story with a bedroom and three-piece bathroom on the main floor, which is a layout that could work for us, but the house just wasn't right for us. The kids there had done some cute things, like put up a sign on the front door with a drawing of a house and some stars and the caption "open house here". We also saw the kids put the "Open House" signs up, which was cute.

Because the sun is getting stronger and we're going to be out walking in it more often, I think it's time to invest in some new sunscreen. Ian prefers the spray stuff but of the five different kinds in the store, three are sealed and so I can't smell them. We're both really sensitive to smells and when sunscreen smells it bothers us a lot. I guess we could buy the other sunscreens (at between $12-$18 each), smell them, and return them if they smell bad. I wish I could just smell a tester so that I don't have to go through all of that rigamarole. Maybe I can explain my position to them and see what they say.

Shopping!

We went to another open house today in a new-to-us area of town. We ended up falling completely in love with the neighbourhood - it has parks and lots of walking trails and a pond and it's an older area with mature trees. We loved the neighbourhood enough to want the house to work for us, but it just didn't work. We'll keep an eye on that neighbourhood for the future.

After that a friend and I went to my favourite shoe store in Guelph. It's moved! There's more space! There are way, way, way more shoes!!!!! Oh, how I love that store. I swoon over their selection every time I go  there. Visiting that store was as fun as it ever was, because I was able to just try shoes on and walk around with them. The salesperson helping us was a little pushy because she trying to sell me shoes that I wasn't absolutely convinced I wanted.

That didn't stop me from buying shoes, though. You might remember that I wanted some shoes for the season? Well, I got them today. I bought these two awesome pairs:

Sofft "Fiore" in Pewter

BC Footwear "Oh Sailor" in Pewter

Aren't they gorgeous??? Ian even liked both pairs, although when he saw the first pair, he asked if I was going to a toga party :) I know that both pairs are silvery coloured, but the slight heel on the one pair makes them a little dressier, and the flat pair is soooo comfrotable to walk in. The silvery colour also works well with my skin tone and clothes. I can hardly wait to wear them :)

Booked my trip

I've booked my pre-surgery clinic appointment for next Wednesday morning. They say the appointment can take up to three hours so it's a good thing that I don't have anything else to do that morning.

Now that I know when the surgery is and everything, I've booked my flight to see my friends. I had already set aside the dates and made sure I'll have a hotel room but I didn't want to book my flight until the surgery was all set up. We're meeting in Atlantic City the first weekend of June (June 3-6).

There are no flights from Toronto or Waterloo to Atlantic City so the next best thing is to fly into Philly, take the train to downtown Philly, and from there take the regional train to Atlantic City. It sounds a bit cumbersome but it shouldn't be too bad. The worst part will be waiting for connections but the rides themselves should be straightforward. I won't be taking much luggage with me to make everything easier.

I think there must have been some kind of sale going on or something because I managed to get a direct flight return to Philadelphia from Toronto at a great price. The direct flight is only an hour and a half which makes the extra train travel bearable. If I'd had to make a connecting flight the entire trip would be too much, especially since I'll be recovering from surgery. When I'd been checking into flights before, the price for direct flights was way too high. Getting the direct flight cheaper is definitely a bonus.

I'm really excited about this trip even though it'll be so soon after the biopsy. There's a bunch of us getting together to spend time with each other; it's the same group that I've met a few times already. It's been a long time since I last saw them and I've missed them a lot. This trip will be a good, emotionally healing thing for me, I think.

The biopsy has been scheduled

I saw the thoracic surgeon today, finally. I think at first he didn't really want to do the node biopsy, but since my oncologist referred me to him, he figured that she wanted the biopsy done so he's ok doing it. The biopsy is not without some risks: the biggest ones, aside from the usual ones associated with general anaesthetic, are internal bleeding and nicking a nerve causing vocal changes. So if we don't absolutely need to do the biopsy, we wouldn't do it.

But if we don't do the biopsy, then we won't know why the nodes are enlarged. And if we can't figure out why the nodes are enlarged, then we can't know how to treat that. If the nodes are enlarged due to sarcoidosis, then we might not need to treat them (or they could be treated with steroids). If they're enlarged due to breast cancer, we can change my treatment. A third possibility is that they could be enlarged due to something else like lymphoma. No matter what, we have to figure out what we're dealing with before we can move forward, so the biopsy is a necessity.

This biopsy is done under a general anaesthetic as day surgery and recovery takes about a week. At first the surgeon wanted to schedule the biopsy for after my trip (I'm going to meet my online mets support group friends during the weekend of June 3-6) but I really don't want to wait a minute longer than I need to for the biopsy. So we scheduled the biopsy for May 26 at 1pm. I expect that'll leave enough time to be recovered for my trip. Even if I'm a little sore and slow on my trip, that's ok; no one else there is going to be racing around.

I don't need to see my family doctor before the surgery, like I had to for other surgeries. This time, I just need to make an appointment to see the anaesthesiologist. That'll save time. I am currently supposed to see my regular surgeon and respirologist on the 26th and those appointments will have to be changed or cancelled. The surgeon today said that he could refer me to a respirologist here in town, which would be more convenient for me. He said that usually the respirologist refers patients to him, so we're doing everything backwards. :)

The biopsy results will take up to two weeks to come back. I'm currently supposed to see my oncologist a week after the biopsy but I'll call them and see whether we should change it. There's no point in seeing my oncologist for biopsy results if the results won't be there.

More about looking for a house

You know, if our budget was about 25% higher - even 10% higher - our house would be a lot easier to find because houses at that price are available right now. We know that the house we want is out there; we've walked through the neighbourhoods and seen the houses. All we need is for someone to put our house up for sale.

We have talked about building a house but we'd very much prefer to buy a used house for a couple of reasons. First, we've never owned a house before and while we think we know what we want, it's possible that if it was built for us it wouldn't work (especially if we wanted changes to the standard plan). We don't feel confident in our ability to select the right layout.

Second, we want to live in an area that's already got landscaping and trees and stuff. We don't want to live in an area that's under construction because of the dust and upset and stuff.

Third, we'd prefer a house that's 10 or 15 years old because then the "new house" kinks will be worked out. Things will have settled or sunk down to some extent - possibly not completely, but enough for us to know where the settling will occur. Also, problems with roofing or skylights will be more obvious; like yesterday when we saw the ice dam damage. We can pick a used home that doesn't have too many problems but with a new house we'd be taking our chances, and we're not comfortable with that.


If we'd already owned a house and had to take care of maintenance, we'd be more comfortable building a house. As it is, we'd rather start a bit slower with a used house.


Of course if we haven't got a house by this time next year, we might change our minds on building something :)

The house isn't right after all

After looking at the house again and listening to Ian's parent's expert opinions - they own a house and know about maintenance and stuff, which we know nothing about - we decided not to put an offer in for the house.

We'd thought that the house was move-in ready; that it could use some cosmetic changes but that it was basically right for us. It turns out that the roof needs to be repaired because between the cathedral ceiling and a silly architectural detail is a valley that is pretty well designed to form an ice dam. There's quite a bit of damage to the shingles from ice buildup so clearly it's been a problem in the past. The shingles aren't the same type as have been used on the houses that were built at the same time, so it looks like the roof had already been re-shingled once. Even if we replaced the roof, the ice dam would still form and wreck it again.

Because the house has a cathedral ceiling, there isn't a traditional attic - and the ceiling is hard to get to. We couldn't easily tell whether there's been water damage anywhere, although we did see some water discolouration around the skylight in the kitchen.

Now, a roof is important but I don't really think about it all that much in my day-to-day life. A major drawback that we found that directly impacts me is that the wall oven is of the teeny-tiny variety. It is very cute at maybe 22" wide on the outside and maybe 16" wide on the inside, but cute isn't right for cooking or baking. This baby-sized oven won't fit a cookie sheet or the baking stone we have in our current oven. As well, replacing that oven would be tricky as miniature ovens are hard to find and a bigger oven won't fit in the built-in cabinet holding the oven.

And the musty smell wasn't just an anomaly - there's mold around the basement windows. That's a pretty big problem that we don't really want to deal with. We know that the air conditioner probably needs to be replaced as the neighbours have replaced theirs, and that might help, but clearly there's a moisture problem there.

We also already knew that the driveway needed to be re-surfaced because it had sunk about three or four inches. That's normal here; this was a swamp and the ground is soft, but it's an extra expense. The garage door needs to be replaced, too.

Anyways, as nice as the place was, it just needs too much work to make it right for us. The price is right for the area but some of the problems are just too big and too expensive for us to ignore.

So the search continues. We're getting tired of looking for a house, that's for sure.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you that my thoracic surgeon's appointment has been moved to Thursday afternoon. They called me yesterday afternoon because he was running late in surgery. I don't think this three day delay will make a huge difference when it comes to getting the biopsy done.

I think we've found it!

About a month ago, our realtor showed us a property that she thought would be right for us. That property turned out to be wrong for a bunch of reasons, but it almost worked. So when the house next door went up for sale today, we jumped at the chance to see it.

It turns out that the place we saw today is just about perfect. It doesn't have a walk-out basement but there's light coming in on both sides of the basement so it's really bright. The layout of this place is just right for us: on the main floor is the master bedroom with walk-in closet and ensuite, an office that we'd probably use as a library, a powder room, and the kitchen and dining/living room. There are patio doors leading out to the modestly-sized backyard. Right now, half of the backyard is taken up by gravel with only a bit of grass (which is still enough for the doggy we'll get). We'd put a deck there eventually.

The kitchen has an island that creates a hallway between the foyer and living/dining room; we like the island because it's a huge work area for us. The kitchen also has a separate gas range and oven components. Oh yeah, and there are skylights in the kitchen and the powder room. And the ceiling on the main floor is vaulted, creating an airy feel.

Downstairs is divided up in the same way as the main level: a great room that would be an entertainment area for us on one side and two bedrooms and a full bath on the other. There's a small workroom down there, too. We'd use one of the bedrooms as my sewing room and the other as a guest room.

We don't love the current colour scheme in the kitchen and main bath (as well as the carpeting), which is dark seafoam. The sink in the powder room is quite unique in a way that we're not; it's acrylic made to look like bubbly clear glass, which we'll want to replace. Also, the workroom is quite musty-smelling and there's a bit of a pet smell throughout the house. The house has been unoccupied for a bit and we did have some rain a little while ago, so some mustiness is to be expected here. Another thing that's weird is that the fuse box is in the garage, which is also connected to the house. I don't know how we feel about that.

Overall, we love this house - we definitely love it more than the other house. This house is cozy but not small and would easily work for us. Plus it only costs a bit more than the other house. Yep, it's way below our price range - another plus! We're going to go back to see the house tomorrow, and Ian's parent's are going to come with us. This is a huge purchase and we want another set of eyes before we put in the offer. Oh - and if we do put in an offer, we can take possession of it right away.

We're a little nervous, and a lot excited, about the prospect of possibly putting an offer in for a house of our own. We'll see how these next few days play out. Hopefully no one else will love this house like we do.

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope that all of you who are mothers (including my own mother) were treated to something special today - even if that something special is getting a phone call from your kids :) None of us would be here without our moms, and it's sad that really only properly honour our mothers for the work they did to raise us.

Thanks, mom.

Houses and a movie

Today we decided to see two 30-year-old houses that were way below our target price. The first one had a fantastic layout but was located next to a busy street and would have needed major, major work. For example, we really want a deck off of the kitchen for barbequing and this place didn't have one, or even have patio doors for one. That reno alone would be costly, and that, together with the cost to replace all the flooring, windows, and baths, is just too much.

Still, if the house had been updated we'd have considered it.

The second house also had a great layout both on the main floor and in the basement. Unlike the first house, this one had been updated with new floors and stuff. It had a lovely kitchen and the bedrooms were a decent-enough size and everything was bright and in great shape. The yard was awesome and backs onto that forest I walked through the other day.

The house didn't have a deck but it did have steps down to a patio, so a deck could be put there. It also didn't have a master bedroom ensuite or walk-in closets, but one of the bedrooms could be converted into those. We'd like to have an ensuite but we've lived without one for so long that we'd be ok living without one for a while longer.

The tub would also need to be updated to be a nice soaker tub. The basement does have a walkout but it's not a patio door walkout - it's a door with stairs leading up to the yard, which is kind of weird. Also, there are a number of steps to get in or out of the house which isn't ideal for me - but those could be updated, in time. The house is definitely move-in ready for us with the potential to be updated down the road.

Even with all of those negatives, we actually really liked this house quite a lot and could easily see ourselves living there now and in the future. Unfortunately, our realtor is on vacation and if it's still available when she gets back we'll see it with her and get her opinion. We could see it with the fellow who's taking over for our realtor but we don't have a connection with him. If this house is sold by then, there will be other houses.

We'd thought about going other places today but the wind was really strong. And it snowed a bit (making the fact that we haven't taken off the snow tires less silly). So instead, we watched a movie: Steel Trap. The acting wasn't fantastic but the story was interesting. Basically, a group of people at a new year's party are texted to go to an invite-only party in the same building, and they end up getting hurt and killed. It ended up being suspenseful with a bit of a mystery. There was some gore but not too much - definitely less than in most of the movies we watch.

So if you like interesting, suspenseful, murder mysteries with a bit of gore and you don't mind sub-par acting, you might be interested in seeing Steel Trap.

A movie and a pattern

We saw The Blue Tooth Virgin tonight at a friend's place. It's an indie film about an out-of-work screenwriter who's written a new script and his friend who reads that script and offers criticism. The dialogue and characters in the movie are very well-written - really, the script is great, which is funny since this is a movie about writing scripts. There's a lot of stuff in this movie about why movies get made and how to write scripts.

We loved this movie. It was funny and self-referential and true to life. Even the parts that started out strange ended up bittersweetly funny. If you get a chance, see this movie.

I'm excited about a pattern that I received yesterday that I've been looking for and that I was thrilled to find on etsy about a week ago. Unfortunately, the listing said that the pattern only shipped to the US, so I sent a message telling the seller that I love love love love this pattern and asking if she would please ship it to me in Canada. Well, it turns out that I was the first but not the only person to ask her about the pattern; she'd received inquiries from all over the world for it! And since I loved the pattern so much, she agreed to sell it to me. It arrived yesterday :)

As you can see, it's gorgeous:

McCall's 3687

I especially love the straight skirt version and think that it would suit me. Since I've gained weight, I've gone from being mostly an hourglass shape to decidedly pear-shaped. My shoulders are smaller than my hips, they're rounded, and I've developed fat upper arms that round out even more past my shoulders. The neckline of that dress would both hide the upper arms and make my shoulders look more balanced. 

I'm very much looking forward to making this dress. I don't know exactly what I'll make it out of, or for what occasion, but that doesn't matter... this dress needs to be made for me.

Penultimate book club meeting

Today was the second-to-last meeting of the book club. The last meeting will be in two weeks and with it, we'll be finished with The Power of Now. We've been meeting twice a month since the beginning of the year so it'll feel weird to not be seeing everyone over the summer. After we finish this book, we're taking a break which will be a welcome respite for the group leader.

This book club has been a ton of work for the group leader. Each session she's prepared a handout for us that summarizes the chapter and places the ideas into a larger context. Eckhart Tolle didn't come up with the ideas in his books solely on his own; most of them are a pastiche of knowledge and practice from other disciplines. Having an understanding of where some of the ideas originated really helps to understand the text. I'm really grateful to have been able to study this book with someone who's so knowledgeable in this area.

I think there are classes I could take over the summer but none of them really appeal to me. There'll be something in the fall, I'm sure. It probably won't be another book club but it'll be something worthwhile.

Lazy, lazy me

Although I had plans to get started sewing, I still haven't tidied up my work area. If I knew what pattern I wanted to work with first it would be easier. I really want to sew one of the patterns that I ordered but I don't know when they'll get there. There's always vintage patterns, but I would have to pick just one.

The next couple of days are going to be busy for me anyways: I have my book club tomorrow afternoon and Pamidronate on Thursday. Oh, and I see the surgeon who'll do the node biopsy on Monday. Maybe by then I'll have accomplished something :)

Thinking about sewing

Thanks for all of your thoughts and ideas about meal-planning; I appreciate it. I'm not very domestic, as you probably know, so this is all a new world for me. Back in the day, women were trained to be domestic goddesses and the better they were at it, the more they were valued. It's a good thing I wasn't born into that world because I don't think I'd have made it there.

I'd planned to clean up my upstairs work table today but I didn't get a chance. I needed to pick up a prescription and after I walked to the drug store it was so nice that I went for a longer walk. One awesome thing about Waterloo is the community trail system. It's possible to walk almost everywhere without being being on public roads which makes for a very nice walk. This time of year is especially nice for walking because the leaves are coming out and the flowers are blooming.

Anyways, I ended up walking for over an hour so I didn't get a chance to clean up. I haven't totally decided what I want to sew first, although I know that I want a dress of some kind. I did receive this pattern today that I'd love to make up but I'm not sure it would suit me.

Vogue Paris Original 1751, 1960s.

This is a highly collectible pattern, and I paid more for it than I'd like to, but I love it. Really, it's just a sheath dress with a half-circle drape over the right shoulder but somehow it just looks so gorgeous. I think I like it with a chiffon drape, as in the smaller pictures, but an organza drape like in the red would be more dramatic. Actually, that red drape is a crepe or something similar; organza would be sheer like chiffon and fall into dramatic cones.

What do you think of this pattern? Am I dreaming that it could work for me?

Time for some change

Today's weather was strange: it was a combination of really humid but not too warm, with a steady breeze/light wind. It smelled so nice out because the flowers and trees are blooming and it wasn't really hot. So we went for a walk around the neighbourhood, exploring streets we didn't know. It turns out that there are some really nice areas right around here - and there are even houses that might work for us!

We also talked about the amount of cooking I don't do. Ian works every day and I'm just sitting around on my butt most of the time (although I want to do some sewing this month). It makes sense that I'd be the one to make dinner most nights... but I don't. Or if I do, it's some frozen processed meal. I don't even do the dishes often enough, which isn't right, either.

One reason that I don't cook much is that I don't really know what to make; I get overwhelmed by the possibilities. Most of our dinners are mixed together, like pasta with sauce or a stir-fry or curry. The kind of dinner each of us grew up with was more separate, with a type of meat, at least one vegetabl, and a starch. For some reason, Ian and I rarely cook that way, in part because we don't have many vegetables or meat that can stand alone.

That's going to change. We both need to eat better with more vegetables and less processed food so it's time that I actually stepped up to the plate and tried to make proper meals. Ian went grocery shopping and bought a bunch of fresh stuff for me to use. I figure that if I decide the night before what I'm making next day I won't be as overwhelmed and I'll be able to follow through on this plan.

Still looking for a house

We went to see a house today that we'd hoped might be right for us. Based on the pictures, the house appeared to be everything we want - spacious, a large kitchen, walk-in closets, and more. The house was over our price range, although not by as much as the previous house we went to see, and if it turned out that this place was perfect we might have been able to stretch our budget for it. For example, we could delay the purchase of furniture for a while. As well, each month we don't find a house means more money saved up for the down payment.

Sadly (or fortunately?) the place wasn't perfect. One of the downspouts on the house went to the flower garden in front and didn't appear to drain from there. In the streetview of the house, that downspout was extended across the path, blocking it. The house was beside a community path and they'd fenced the side of the house (in a wavy line) but not the back.

The inside of the house was gorgeous but the main floor layout was weird. The kitchen was at the front of the house to the right of the foyer, which was weird because it didn't have room for an eat-in table and it wasn't connected to the dining room. To the left of the foyer was a bedroom which overlooked the street. The rest of the main floor was mostly the living/dining room. It was a good size but having a dining room table in there was weird because the kitchen wasn't nearby.

We did like the basement which was fully finished into two separate areas: an area for living and one with a bedroom. The entry to the basement was in the laundry room and could be closed off, which we like. Being able to shut away the noise from the basement is a good thing.

After seeing the house, we went for a walk around our own neighbourhood and found a bunch of houses that, from the outside, meet our requirements. I don't know what those places would sell for, but there's a chance that some might be in our price range.

The search continues...

Lots of laughs

We've had tickets to comedy nights at the Centre in the Square for the last couple of years. This year the comedy season ended with tonight's Just for Laughs Roadshow. This show was easily the best of the season - we laughed more in that couple of hours than we have in a while.

There were four comedians and of them, the first and last were the best. The host was Canadian and the last, featured comedian, was Australian while the middle two were from the US. The US comedians tended to focus on marriage, kids, religion, and ethnicity for their humour, and since these subjects just aren't things that we relate to it's no wonder that we didn't find them as funny.

The Canadian and Australian comedians drew humour from their accents, dogs, funny signs, and some silly physical interpretations. I was laughing so hard I was almost crying through most of their acts. If you get a chance to see this show, take it; it's well worth the cost and time.

Before the show most of the group went out to Boa Nova Rodizio Grill House for lots of yummy meat. Ian and the others enjoyed themselves but I didn't go because I'm not feeling my best this week. Yesterday I had really terrible heartburn and today I'm off food. I'm not feeling all that hungry and when I do eat it's not as enjoyable as usual. I get halfway through chewing something and it feels weird.

I don't know what's going on with body but I'm sure that it'll pass soon enough. I just wish that it didn't interfere with my ability to enjoy a yummy meal of meat.

More patterns!

Of course I took advantage of the Vogue/McCall's/Butterick sale I posted earlier shipping was only $10, although I was charged both GST and PST. Boo. Online businesses don't usually charge the tax unless they're located in the same province/state as the buyer so I hope this means the patterns get here super-fast.

Don't get me wrong; I still love love love vintage patterns, but current patterns are useful, too, especially if I want to make something contemporary. Plus it's way less work for me to use a regular pattern than a vintage pattern, and I want to get some things sewn for the summer. I'd hoped to be smaller by now, but I'm not, so I'll just have to sew for my current size.

I also managed to wash most of the huge pile of fabric I have so they're ready to be made into (hopefully) wonderful things. I have so much gorgeous fabric - printed and plain jerseys, silks, stretch cotton sateens, plaids (my favourite colour!), mesh, and more - that are calling to me to be made into things.

I do need to tidy up my upstairs work area (again!) but it won't take long to do that since it's mostly patterns that need to be put away. Once that's done, I can start work on a couple of vintage sundress patterns that I want to make while I wait for the current patterns to get here. I'm so excited to sew something... hopefully I'll stay excited so that these clothes actually get made.

Pattern sale!

Until the end of today, Thursday, April 29 at 11:59pm Central time, online Butterick patterns are $1.99 and McCall's and Vogue patterns are $3.99 (prices in USD). Even better, since all three brands are owned by the same company, you only have to place one order to buy patterns from each brand. How convenient is that?

Happy pattern shopping!

Shoes, shoes, and more shoes

I'm in need of new shoes. I'm sure there are those that'll disagree with me on that because some might say that I already have a lot of shoes. It's true that I do have a lot of shoes but I can't wear all of them because they have high heels.

Of course I don't need just any shoes. I want a pair of those cute, flat, strappy, gladiator sandals that are everywhere this season. Last year you could only find them in the fierce high-heel variety but flats are coming back in a big way. Yay for me!

I especially love each of these pairs....

Kenneth Cole Reaction "She's a Gem" Sandal

Kenneth Cole Reaction "Sparkling Gems" Sandal

Alexander McQueen
Even at half-price, I can't afford these... but
they're gorgeous, aren't they?

Guess "Artly 2" Sandals

Jelly shoes are back, too. Remember them back in the 80s? How hot and sticky they'd get, and how they could give blisters, but everyone had them. I wonder if the current technology is more comfortable than they were back then? If so, then these pairs would be awesome, too :)

SM Swirly flat

Stuart Weitzman "Beadles"

Fabric, fabric, fabric

Over on the right I've added the etsy mini application, which shows my favourite things on etsy. I've filled it with some of my current favourite fabrics by Naomi Ito for naniIRO by Kokka Japan. Most of those fabrics are double gauze and all of them have this artistic hand-painted look that appeals to me. Each of those fabrics is about $20/yard which is quite expensive since I usually buy two or three yards of fabric at a time.

As well, I'm not sure what I'd do with any of those fabrics... as beautiful, artistic, and unique as they are, they're not patterns I'm used to using. The designer has put out books with ideas for using her fabrics but I find that most of the clothing designs are boxy and would be unflattering.

Those aren't the only fabrics I like, of course. I bought some fabric on sale and it arrived today. I'm in love! I've already decided that I'm going to make some kind of sundress with black accents out of this fabric:

Silk/Cotton/Lycra twill from Gorgeous Fabrics

Isn't it gorgeous? I'm so completely, totally, utterly in love with this fabric. It's fairly lightweight and it looks less like a twill than a faille, almost, but either way, the weave gives the fabric the slightest sheen. The fabric gathers and pleats so well and has a floaty quality - but it still has body, and the tiniest bit of stretch. Since it was on sale, I bought four yards of it... I can hardly wait to make it into something.

If only I had unlimited money and could buy all the fabrics I ever wanted... and I had ideas for them all. And I was able to make everything that was in my head quickly. That would definitely be the life :)

Death and taxes

Ian and I finally got around to doing our taxes. The deadline is Friday and since we both dislike doing taxes we put it off until practically the last minute.

My taxes are super-simple: I have only one information slip to enter, so it's not hard to do my taxes. I used quicktaxweb again this year and somehow doing my taxes got a whole lot more complicated. You see, I first answered "Yes" to the question "Do I have a disability?", and so the program calculated a disability tax credit for me. I figured the answer was yes because I'm on disability but then I checked the actual definition for tax purposes and realized that I don't qualify for that credit because my doctor hasn't filled out the right form yet.

But when I changed the answer to that question to "No", quicktaxweb didn't remove the disability tax credit. In fact, there's no way to remove a deduction that depends on the answer to a question if the answer changes. I tried asking their "live chat" which was a computer program that gave an answer for the desktop version of the program, not the web version. I ended up having to scrap that return and start over.

I thought that this bug and solution was ridiculous and I ended up very frustrated and upset. You'd think that with all that meditation and book club stuff I've done, I'd be able to calm myself down... but no, I kind of lost it, much to Ian's dismay. I haven't lost it like that in a while and I'm embarrassed and sad that it happened today.

I guess I was (am?) stressed, in part by the taxes and also because someone else I know died of her breast cancer this week. She was awesome - she was 35, with a 4-month-old daughter that she and her husband had via surrogate. I'm so sad that she's gone. Her husband blogged about the events leading up to her death, which I appreciated even though it was emotionally hard to read. I felt so close to her as she was dying, which makes her death that much more difficult for me. It's easier for me to distance myself from someone's death when I'm only imagining what happened... when I know for sure what happened, it has more impact.

Recent Waterloo fire

I don't know if you've heard, but there was a ginormous fire here in Waterloo early Thursday morning. The fire took out the buildings University plaza where Mel's Diner was located, taking  out Mel's Dinar, Sugar Mountain, a sushi place, a vision place, and a bar (at one time it was called Loose Change Louie's and was most recently called Tabu). The fire completely gutted these businesses. Caesar Martini's, a restaurant next to Tabu, was spared the fire due to a firewall but it still received a lot of water and smoke damage.

Apparently there were no sprinklers in the businesses - or else they weren't working - and the roofs were combustible; these factors plus the early hour meant that the fire was able to really take hold. They still haven't found the cause of the fire although there is speculation online that it might have been set deliberately. There are rumours that the nightclub wasn't doing well (paying its employees in cash and some hadn't been paid in a while), but whether that would lead to arson, I don't know. It could just as easily have been an accident, or a burner, or a cigarette someone sneaked. Hopefully they'll be able to figure out the cause soon.

It's going to be strange to go by there and not see those businesses anymore. That plaza and those businesses have been part of the fabric of that area for so long that their absence will be keenly felt by many. I wonder whether the businesses will rebuild, there or somewhere else... or if that part of the plaza will be razed and built fresh with new businesses going in.

Either way, I hope that this fire gives the tenants in the other nearby plazas a wake-up call. They all have the same construction, as far as I know. If a fire hit them, they'd go up, too. I hope that they're looking at bringing a working sprinkler system and maybe adding a firewall.

At least there were no people n the buildings when the fire happened and no one was hurt. People were inconvenienced by the road closings and lots of people are going to look at the ruins, but no one was hurt. I do feel for the people who woke up to find their businesses and/or jobs gone.

There's some video of the fire here and here and photos of the aftermath here.

Choices and responsibility

As you know, I've been reading The Power of Now in my book club. And while there are lots of things I don't like about the book and other things I disagree with, there are some truths there.The trick for me is to find the truths and try and ignore the parts that are silly or wrong.

Anyways, the latest gem I've come across is this one, starting at the bottom of the page 168:
"A victim identity is the belief that the past is more powerful than the present, ... that other people and what they did to you are responsible for who you are now, for your emotional pain or your inability to be your true self."

I've believed for a long time that what has happened in the past doesn't need to define who a person is in the present and this quote sums up my thoughts pretty succinctly. The only person responsible for who you are is you. Even if someone has wronged you, or even if someone has done something unthinkable to you, you're the only one who can decide who you're going to be and how you're going to handle the event.

In a way, that's a lot of responsibility. It's easier to focus on the past and to make someone else responsible for your current situation, because then you don't have to worry about changing anything. You can just say that this is who you are because this or that happened and that's it. But that gives that event and someone else a whole lot of power over your life. It's your life and you should have power over it.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not saying that anyone should just push their feelings to the side or ignore bad events. When someone terrible happens it's important to deal with it and not just to suppress your feelings. But dealing with it doesn't mean to hold onto it and to blame it for your current situation. So take responsibility for your life... don't choose to be a victim or to give up power over your own life. You deserve to be happy no matter what has happened in the past.. and if you're still living in the past, come on into the present.

Oncologist appointment

The appointment with the oncologist went really well.

My oncologist thinks that it's unlikely that the nodes are enlarged due to cancer both because my tumour markers only went up to 40 (normal is <38), which they've been at before, and because it's very unusual for cancer to show up only in nodes. It's much more common for cancer to enlarge lymph nodes if the cancer has spread to the lungs or liver but there was nothing on the scan that indicated that the cancer has done that.

I gave my oncologist the pathology report from the elbow thingy biopsy showing sarcoidosis there and showed her the other sites I'm pretty sure are sarcoidosis - the ones on my legs, which the dermatologist said were varicose veins but that don't look anything like varicose veins. My oncologist did say that sarcoidosis is one of the things that can cause those enlarged mediastinal nodes, which we already knew. She was also happy that the pathology came back sarcoidosis instead of, say, lymphoma, another kind of cancer. I'm happy that I don't have another kind of cancer, too. :)

The only way to tell for sure why those nodes are enlarged is to biopsy them - and the biopsy has to be done under a general anaesthetic. She's sending me to a thoracic surgeon for the biospy and she's also going to try to send me to a respirologist here. I'll keep my current appointment with the respirologist in Oakville until I know whether she's able to get me into the same specialist here.

She's not worried about the shortness of breath I've been experiencing because it's mostly happening when I'm doing stuff that looks like exercising. If I start having a lot of episodes while just sitting around, we need to be concerned. I'm feeling better about that.

Overall, we felt pretty good coming out the appointment. Ian liked that my oncologist was thinking along the same lines as we were thinking before we went in. Oh, and my oncologist also said that she had a patient that had both breast cancer (not mets, just the "regular" kind confined to the breast) and sarcoidosis, which left me feeling more comfortable with her ability to treat me with this extra condition.

So my next step is to wait for the appointment with the surgeon and the biopsy. I'm feeling pretty good physically and mentally about all this... whatever happens, happens. There's not a lot that I can do to change the situation I'm in, and the situation isn't life-threatening or anything, so it's not worth expending energy wishing that the situation were different or worrying about it.

Tomorrow is oncologist day

I see my oncologist tomorrow. I thought I was doing ok but I'm finding myself feeling irritable and a little cranky.... so I guess I'm a little more nervous or anxious than I thought. At least Ian's going with me so I won't be alone. He doesn't usually come with me to my appointments because they're usually pretty straightforward but tomorrow's special.

The appointment tomorrow is a follow-up to the appointment I had a week and a half ago where I got the CT scan results that showed enlarged lymph nodes in my chest. The big question is whether they're enlarged because the cancer spread to them or if they're enlarged due to the sarcoidosis.

We already know that the sarcoidosis is in my skin in that scar on my elbow and a few other places on my legs. We don't know whether or not it's also in my chest.

So tomorrow hopefully my oncologist will have a plan for me now and going forward and it won't involve too much waiting. I don't mind doing a treatment change but I don't want to wait forever for biopsy results, if that's what we do.

I'll know more tomorrow... all I have to do is get through tonight (hopefully by sleeping for most of it).

A new Doctor in town

I don't know how many of you watch Doctor Who, but a new season has just started. We'd recorded the first episode and watched it this evening.

They've gone and changed a lot about the franchise, from the logo to the theme music to the TARDIS (inside and possible the outside) to the executive producer to the writers. Of course the Doctor has changed as well. I don't know if I'm going to like the changes - I really liked the old Doctor and the writing.

I guess this is how fans of the original show felt when it was re-introduced a few years ago. Would the Doctor still be the Doctor? Will the writing be ok? Will the aliens be right?

One change that I noticed at the very end of the last season and in this first episode of the new season is the music. I'm noticing that the music is much more obvious during important scenes than it used to be. Maybe it's always been like that and I've never noticed it before, but it seems to be more intrusive than it used to be. I hope that they're not trying to Americanize the show by making the show flashier. Part of its appeal is that it's so British :)

More looking at houses

We did end up going to see that house that's over our budget this afternoon. The house is a raised bungalow and the basement and yard were quite nice. They'd chosen to put three bedrooms on the main level instead of two which made for some small rooms and a small ensuite bathroom. The kitchen was also too small for our needs. We did like the general layout of the main floor in spite of some things being a bit too small.

So this house wasn't right for us in some ways. If we were willing to knock down a few walls and gut the master ensuite and kitchen, the house would be perfect for us. Of course we hardly even want to have to replace carpeting, let alone to do a major renovation. This place was priced as high as it was because it's at the very edge of a very expensive area and it backs onto a wooded area, but the house itself isn't worth what they're asking. If this place was in another area it would be much less costly.

It was good to see this place because now we know that this type of house has been built in several areas with slightly different floorplans and at slightly different price points. Seeing it also reinforced how much we really want a walk-out basement. We might be willing to settle for a basement with look-out windows, but we definitely don't want the usual teeny basement windows. We love the amount of light that you get from the big windows or walk-out patio door. Not only that, but look-out windows and patio doors are definitely better from a fire-safety perspective - I can't reach those regular little windows and even if I could, I wouldn't be able to wiggle through them.

Seeing this house also reinforced how much we like bungalows over two-story houses. There are two-story houses with a main-floor bedroom... but we just feel so much more at home in a bungalow. When we first walk in to a raised bungalow house, we feel comfortable pretty quickly; overall, we're happy, and it's the details that we don't like.

We both left the house feeling optimistic that we'll find exactly what we want. I hope it goes on sale soon.

Another open house

Lots of new house listings are showing up, finally! We went to an open house today to see a bungalow that has been on the market for a couple of weeks. We wanted to know why it hadn't sold and we wanted to see the floorplan.

We really liked the main floor; everything was fairly spacious and well-laid out. It was bright and easy to move around in as well. The basement was another story, however. They'd clearly done some of the drywall finishing themselves and hadn't done a good job. It looked like they hadn't mudded the joins properly and they hadn't done enough sanding, either. Plus the small windows were really difficult to access. And the carpet was awful.

Another thing we didn't like was that the house had a concrete deck because we'd rather have something that drained properly.

All of that could have been dealt with, maybe, if the house hadn't been way overpriced for the neighbourhood. The house was built about 12 years ago and the surrounding houses were built 40 or 50 years ago and have deteriorated. If the house had been in a better location we'd have seriously considered it because we liked the main floor so much.

Tomorrow we might go to an open house for something that's above our price range that has been on the market for a while. The master bedroom is a bit smaller than we'd like but it might be that the rest of the house makes up for that. We'll see. I think this house might be a tad overpriced for the neighbourhood but I don't know if the neighbourhood price is within our budget.

At least houses are coming onto the market... there's hope yet that the right house will come along. In the meantime, we'll keep looking at houses that catch our eye, even if they're not quite right on paper.

Two different movies

I finally got around to watching American History X today. If, like me, you haven't seen it, it tells the story of a neo-Nazi who's been released from prison and is trying to prevent his brother from going down the same path he chose. It's a brilliant movie: Ed Norton, who plays the title character, makes that character seem almost appealing in spite of his racism. It's in the way he carries himself, I guess.

The movie also seemed to really show how divided some places are and how easy it is for someone to go down the wrong path. One wrong look, one wrong move... and you're there. The movie showed a lot of events very starkly and with an unflinching eye.

There were a lot of continuity errors and film equipment visible in the movie - more than usual. I wondered why that was and so I did a bit of research. It turns out that the original story was basically about rival drug gangs with neo-Nazism as a side part instead of the focus of the story. There's no drug dealing in the final version, of course. Apparently there are several versions of the movie and the final version - which Ed Norton helped to create - is much better than the next-to-final version. They got this great movie out of the original shots, I don't know... but they did get a great movie. See it if you haven't, and be prepared for violence, full-frontal male nudity, neo-Nazism, and very bad language.

For a complete change of mood...

When Ian got home we watched Superbad, about dorky high school students getting together with cool kids for a party. I thought it might be silly but it turns out that it's hilarious. I was worried that some of the story would be too obvious but it really wasn't. Some of it was over the top but it was always funny. I had quite a few belly laughs while watching this movie. If you haven't seen this movie and you're looking for something funny to watch, check this one out.

A night out

I went out with a friend to see Women Fully Clothed, a women's comedy show, tonight. It was quite funny; we and the rest of the audience laughed and laughed. Basically, it was a bunch of short skits interspersed with songs poking fun at women and our behaviours and events in our lives.

The actresses were all really good at changing their faces and body language to convey the different characters and scenes. They were also all good singers. We felt like it was over too soon, which meant that it was a good show :)

If you get a chance to see this show, you should definitely go - it's really funny and good for a night out and a laugh. If you're female, that is - while there were men in the audience, the show is definitely targeted at women.

Breathe in, breathe out

So I think I'm starting to have some of this shortness of breath they keep asking about. I'm finding myself feeling a bit light-headed when I go on my walk, and sometimes when I'm doing stuff at home I find myself panting. Washing dishes just isn't that much work, is it? Sitting on the couch after putting my plate away definitely isn't that much work.

I'm not surprised to be having a bit of trouble breathing. With spring on its way, the trees are blooming and the pollen is out so my allergies will be acting up a bit. So having some problems breathing while out walking isn't unexpected, but I wouldn't expect problems breathing inside the house while not doing anything physical.

Of course the oncologist I spoke to last week said that I would likely have shortness of breath because of the lung changes and the enlarged lymph nodes. Hopefully next week my oncologist will be able to help me figure out what's going on. In the meantime, I'll take it easy and take time to breathe if I need it.

Food for thought

We just watched a Food, Inc, a documentary on the food industry in the US. It was shocking. The US government subsidizes soy and corn production and so those industries have created a demand for these products. Now there's either corn or soy in almost everything. Of course there are only a few companies that produce most of the packaged foods available so it's relatively easy for them to incorporate corn or soy products into aaaallll their foods.

The show also talked about Monsanto, that produced genetically modified crops, among other things. These are great for the third world, where food doesn't grow well all the time, but the documentary also showed the company going after farmers that might possibly have some of their seeds when they weren't supposed to. The people they showed that Monsanto sued had to give up their defense and settle because they didn't have the money. Monsanto bullied them into giving up. Maybe they don't always do this... but I think that these people are representative of the people the company goes after.

Another thing they show talked about was the complete lack of power the FDA has. There's no labeling and the FDA doesn't really have enough investigative or punitive power. The American consumer has virtually no protection from the industries worst offenders.

Now, we need industrialized food production in North America because there are so many people and they all need to be fed. But why does healthy, wholesome food cost more than "bad" food like chips and candy and fast food? How is this right?

I don't even know what could be done... except buy locally and organically when possible. Going to the farmer's market is a great idea, too, except that our farmer's market has vendors other than farmers. Fresh Ontario pineapple, anyone? If I could find a farmers-only farmer's market, I'd go there.

The documentary is available at the link above. There's so much more to it than what I've said here, and it's definitely worth seeing.

Hair colour

Back when I was first diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, I decided that I would colour my hair and have it cut regularly so that it had a style. I figured that as long as I had hair I wanted it to look nice.

Then a while ago I was getting rashes under my pain patches after I coloured my hair so I had to stop using the permanent colour. I've been using the semi-permanent colour on my hair for a while now but I've been re-thinking colouring my hair at all. I'm wary of introducing new chemicals to my skin because of the sarcoidosis. At least my roots are well over an inch long; even though they're a light colour, there's no sharp line of colour.

This kind of sucks because for the first time in ages, there are new semi-permanent colours out on the market. Yes! Finally! Both Garnier and L'Oreal Paris have introduced new semi-permanent formulas with different special features. Garnier HerbaShine has bamboo in the dye and the conditioner for L'Oreal Paris Heathy Look Creme Gloss Color has royal jelly in it. I wouldn't mind trying one of these formulations - I do like the Clairol's Natural Instincts that I've been using, but I wouldn't mind something a bit different, you know? If you try one of these new products, let me know what you think. I'll live vicariously through you :)

Saturday movie night

Tonight we watched Cure, another movie that we got for Christmas. It starts with a bunch of people who've killed their wives and have no memory of why they did it. We follow the detective investigating these crimes as he deals with his mentally ill wife and tracks the man behind these killers. Once the man behind the killers is revealed, we watch the interaction between the detective and the suspect.

There's so much more to this movie than just a detective story; it's a psychological thriller that focuses on the meaning of self or the answer to the question, "who are you?" This idea was played out in part through the interaction between the two main characters. Clearly they were foils for one another and so there were differences between them but there were also similarities, and watching them play off one another gave the movie some more depth.

One thing that made this movie even more interesting was that many of the causes for the events in the movie were open to interpretation, and sometimes it was difficult to know what was going on right then. Even if we didn't understand what was happening all the time, the direction made every scene watchable. In fact, not everything was revealed through dialogue; the only way to understand most of what was going on was to watch each scene and follow the camera-work.

Anotherthing I noticed was that the sound was such an integral part in each situation. Many scenes had an almost inaudible sound that filled the background, if that makes sense. This sound varied depending on what was happening but ranged from machinery to heartbeats and created the atmosphere behind each scene. we don't see too many movies that use sound this way in a majority of the scenes. I especially liked that the sound wasn't the usual "music" we have in Western movies to show something scary or relevant for a particular character. I wish more movies used this kind of technique.

We very much enjoyed this movie and highly recommend it even though it's subtitled. There is a bit of gore early on but it's not too bad.

CT scan results

I saw the doctor who's filling in for my oncologist today. The good news is that my liver is clear. Yay!

There are some unspecified lung size changes, which isn't really good or bad - just weird. The weird pain I'm having in my side is probably due to my lungs.

The slightly bad news is that four of my mediastinal lymph nodes are enlarged up to 2cm (most around 1.6cm in both major directions). One is right behind my esophagus, another right behind my sternum, a third behind the place where the bronchial tubes split, and the fourth to the right of that. The enlarged lymph node behind my sternum is probably why I was feeling some pain there recently.

These lymph nodes are probably enlarged due to the cancer, because my tumour markers are up, but they could also be enlarged because of the sarcoidosis. I knew the sarcoidosis, which mimics cancer, would complicate things - sigh. If the lymph nodes are enlarged due to the cancer, it means that my mets have progressed a bit.

Progression isn't the end of the world; it's not like the cancer has progressed to major organs, after all. Really, if my mets are going to progress, having it be to some lymph nodes is just about the best possible scenario. Of course progression would mean that it's time for a treatment change. I've been on the Femara for over three years now - way longer than most people stay on it - so having to do a treatment change at this point is no big deal to me. I'd expect that we'd probably try another hormonal treatment for these because my organs aren't affected, so it's highly unlikely that I'd need to do chemo right now.

Honestly, changing to another hormonal treatment is something I'd like to do anyways because the other ones have fewer side effects than Femara. Not having joint pain and not having a hard time moving in the mornings would be a welcome change.

Since the doctor I saw today was just filling in, she wasn't comfortable changing my treatment. She's set up an appointment for me to see my regular oncologist on April 21 so that she and I can decide what to do. Today's doctor also said said that because of the sarcoidosis, my oncologist might want me to see a lung specialist at the hospital instead of waiting for me to see the respirologist on May 26. As well, my lymph nodes might need to be biopsied before we change treatment. I think a PET scan might show if the lymph nodes are enlarged due to the cancer, but PET scans aren't readily available here.

So now I wait. I wish that the appointment was sooner, but waiting for a week and a half won't be too bad, I hope. :)

Not the house for us

All of us, including our realtor, really wanted the house we saw today to be the right house for us. We went in with high hopes but pretty much as soon as we walked through the door we knew it wasn't right for us.

We loved the kitchen and living area as well as the deck and the bathrooms. The house had high ceilings, which was lovely as well. We didn't like the fireplace that was between the living room and master bedroom because you could see from one into the other - which means that light from one would go into the other.

The bedrooms were also on the small side. They were almost right but just a bit on the small side. Plus, while the basement was finished, there was no real place to put a sewing area.

The real problem is that to make the house perfect for us, we'd need to change every room somehow. All the carpet needs to be changed, walls need to be put up in the basement, that fireplace needs to be removed... basically, the house isn't move-in ready. And we want a move-in ready house, even if that costs us more.

Tomorrow is a busy day

Tomorrow is Pamidronate day. It sort oft feels like I just got Pamidronate yesterday but I guess that was a month ago - where does the time go? I kind of wish that I didn't have to be there so early. My first appointment for the bloodwork is for 9:10am - a time when I'm usually still asleep. Getting up that early is a not easy for me.

After the appointment is over we're going to look at a house. Ian doesn't know this yet because he's curling, but this is the plan for tomorrow. :) Our realtor called this evening about a house that's come up and isn't even on the hotlist yet, let alone MLS. It's on the street we like and it's a bungalow with a fenced yard and I think it's got a walkout basement (that may not be finished). It definitely sounds like the kind of house we want, and it's a good price.

I sort of want this place to be the right place but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up too far. The good thing is that if one place is going on the market, there might be others. There's a house for us out there, somewhere... I hope it goes up for sale soon.

What a gorgeous day!

The weather is still gorgeous here; it rained early this morning so the sky was clear and the air was fresh. Ian had today off as part of an extra-long weekend and we spent some time out walking this afternoon. We could have just stayed in and played video games (he plays, I watch) with the windows wide open but it was so nice that we just had to get out and enjoy the weather. It won't last forever, after all: it's going to cool down this weekend.

The winter we had was very mild and basically non-existent which is fine with me. We didn't get a summer last year, either, so not having winter is a reasonably fair price to pay for that. I hope that it doesn't end up way too hot this summer; staying about where it's been with little to no humidity would be perfect.

My back is feeling a little bit better - I can get up off the couch with more of an ache and less actual pain - but it's still quite sore. I wish I knew what had caused the pain in the first place and how I could make it better. I figure that walking is good for my back because it's fairly gentle and I find that it limbers up my back. I hope I'm making the right choices so that my back continues to get better.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! I hope the Easter Bunny found you and was good to you.

We watched The Simpsons Movie today. It was a lot like the Simpsons tv show except that it was longer and made a bit more sense. As much sense as anything in the Simpsons makes sense, at least. The one question that kept going through my head was whether the dome over the city was what gave Stephen King the idea for his latest book, Under the Dome. In it, a dome - albeit an invisible on - suddenly drops over a city. There's definitely a similarity there.

We're home now. Ian has tomorrow off and we're going to relax and take it easy. I love this idea because something is wrong with my lower back and I want to rest it as much as possible. It started hurting about a week and a half ago and it's been getting progressively worse since then. At this point it hurts when I'm just sitting and getting up from a sitting position or bending over is agony. Once I'm standing, I'm able to walk without too much difficulty, although even walking today is more painful than it was last week. I think I might have hurt it more on that walk we took the other day.

No matter how I hurt it or made the pain worse, I'm basically an invalid right now. Hopefully resting up and doing a whole lot of nothing will help fix it enough so that I can at least stand up easily. Not having to plan my movements and being able to move quickly, almost without thinking about it, would be a welcome change from my present state.

Finally: Avatar

We did see Avatar today. We went to the afternoon show and we were quite surprised to be watching the movie in a full theatre. Sure, it was a smaller theatre, but it was still full.

Technologically, the movie is a triumph. I loved the world - Pandora - that they created, with all of its phosphorescent flora and brightly-coloured fauna. The whole concept of the world definitely caught my imagination and I wanted to be able to visit and experience it for myself. The world looked and felt real.

The Na'vi, or native inhabitants of Pandora, were well-thought out, too and they, like the world, looked realistic; clearly some time was spend making them look the way they did. I thought that there were a few times where the scale of the Avatars seemed to be off, but maybe that was perspective or something.

The CG needed to create things was really quite amazing and very well done. This technology has advanced quite a bit since it was first introduced and it's no longer quite as easy to tell what's real and what isn't. Creating the Navi was definitely the big achievement because they were created from the actors themselves instead of animating them from scratch.

The technology imagined and used in the movie was interesting and quite cool. I loved the curved screens with all the data and imagery and the hologram projections. I'm a sucker for that kind of "future" technology. Speaking of the future, the costuming was definitely lacking. Unless you assume that clothing and hairstyles won't change at all between now and 150 years from now.

The 3-D aspect of the movie was ok. I liked the scenes that weren't overtly 3-D, but I definitely didn't like the scenes where the action was in the foreground. Because this 3-D technology works by offsetting the image and then bringing it together with the glasses, it is very difficult to get a foreground image that doesn't look like a cardboard cutout. I also get tired of the "Look! I'm in 3-D" scenes, which weren't as prevalent in this movie but were still there.

The worst part of the movie was the story. The first two-thirds of the story, where we learned about the people, culture, and world of Pandora, were ok because the thought of the world was inspiring. Even then, there weren't really any surprises or depth to the story: there was nothing original or deep about it. The last part of the movie was even worse. It was a big battle scene and it dragged on and on with no suspense or interesting bits. It was like every other battle you've ever seen in any other movie.

Part of the reason that the story fell flat was that the characters on the "evil" side were completely one-dimensional. The corporate guy was slightly less evil because he felt some remorse after destroying the land, but nothing came of this remorse. The military guy was a gun-toting, evil, military, "might is right" caricature of a man. Had there been as much depth to these characters as to the other main characters, this movie might have been better, and might have even won more awards.

I would have loved this movie had it focused entirely on the world and the people and didn't include any of that awful "evil" stuff. It could have been such an inspiring, amazing movie had the story been better, or had the conflict involved characters and situations that were more realistic and less one-dimensional.

See Avatar for its technical achievements and enjoy the beauty of this movie. Ignore the weak story and characterizations if you can.

A relaxing Easter weekend, coming up

It's Easter weekend! For us, Easter means yummy food because we spend the weekend with Ian's parents. Today Ian's mom made delicious hot cross buns for brunch and a very yummy rack of lamb for dinner. I'm stuffed already!

After gorging ourselves on hot cross buns, we decided to take advantage of the gorgeous record-breaking temperatures by going for a walk at Rattray Marsh down by the lake. A kabillion other people joined us so it was crazy busy there but it was good to get outside for a bit.

Tomorrow we're finally going to see Avatar. We haven't been out to see a movie (or even watched many movies) for quite some time. There's a lot of hype surrounding Avatar and I hear that the story and dialogue aren't all that original, but the 3-D and CGI technical achievements are supposed to be groundbreaking and spectacular. We think it's worth seeing the movie just for its technical achievements.

And then Sunday we'll have yummy eggs benedict and, if we're really lucky, the Easter Bunny will put in an appearance. This is going to be a great weekend.

Eating out for my birthday

One great thing about birthdays is getting to go out for dinner. This year I got to go to two different restaurants. Yummy!

Last night Ian took me to Olivier and Bonacini for my birthday. This is a new restaurant that opened up at the mall and I've been curious to see what it was like. I liked the decor; the ceilings were high and it felt spacious. The kitchen was open and you could see into it. The restaurant had a number of tables that seated five which I thought was quite unusual. I was surprised to see all of those tables filled... with five people. So I guess there's a market out there for tables of five - who knew?

The good was pretty good. I had a burger (one of their specialties) and it was very tasty. The outside was charred and yummy and the inside was tender and also yummy. The coleslaw had way too much cumin in it, but the rest of the meal was fine.

Ian had rack of lamb with gnocchi and it was also very yummy. The gnocchi was delicious, as was the lamb. There was a strange apple chutney that tasted sort of unusual but the rest was yummy. The prices were also quite reasonable - definitely more reasonable than what we paid the other night. The food was better than the other night's, too. We definitely recommend this restaurant and hope to go back sometime.

Tonight a friend of mine took me to Baker's Cove, a seafood restaurant. We had the most delicious fish and chips; they offer a choice of cod, haddock, and halibut for the fish and regular batter, rice batter, or grilled fish - the latter two are options for people who don't tolerate gluten. We each had the halibut: I had regular batter and my friend had hers grilled (I think). The fish (and chips - hand-cut potato fries) was delicious. We followed this delicious meal with a very yummy handmade key lime pie. I also recommend this restaurant for fish and chips (and key lime pie) - they do takeout, too.