A new fabric I love

Have any of you seen or heard of double gauze fabric? It's two layers, usually cotton, although sometimes a cotton-linen blend, of gauze woven together. It's super-soft and apparently great for hot weather, and I've also read that it makes the most wonderful quilts ever. I tried on a shirt once where the fabric had gingham on one side and a plaid on the other. It was soft and fantastic but the style wasn't right.

Some designers have got some interesting double gauze fabrics. I know of three full collections right now: Echino by Etsuko Furuya, Nani Iro by Naomi Ito, and Far Far Away by Heather Ross. And they're all lovely, and I want them. The thing is, I've had a really hard time finding pictures of the entire width of the fabrics. These fabrics aren't at all cheap and I've spent more than enough money on fabrics that aren't quite perfect. I'd like to avoid spending money on a fabric design that I don't love. I very much want to buy some of this fabric for next summer; I think it would make something lovely and cool for summer. I think it wouldn't wrinkle too much, either.

I did find some lovely fabrics on this page and some linen double gauze on this page but even if it wasn't sold out, I don't look good in flax. I did find some others here on etsy (apparently they're from Korea, not Japan) and I love them a lot... but the colours aren't quite right for me. There are lots over here on superbuzzy (although the search brings up fabrics that aren't actually double gauze but have the phrase in the description, so it pays to be careful when looking at those fabrics); maybe one or more of those fabrics will be suitable.

So if you see any lovely double-gauze fabrics in colours or patterns that are suitable for me, please let me know. I love white colours as well as pastels, and my favourite patterns are geometrics, plaids, or checks. I'll keep looking as well. I might still find the perfect pattern and colour combination.,

Pamidronate day plus the H1N1 shot

I got my Pamidronate today and went normally. Many nurses have a hard time with my port because of the surrounding tissue and today's was no exception. I don't mind this as much as I used to because I know my port is a bit tricky to access and they're doing what they can. Besides, once a nurse has successfully accessed my port once, they usually don't have problems with it in the future.

It turns out that the cancer center was giving the H1N1 flu shot to all patients today, as long as the nurse could get permission from the oncologist. Getting permission for me took about five minutes; I guess the oncologists were making themselves available for this kind of request. I was originally not going to get the vaccine right now; the Pamidronate makes me tired, and the flu vaccine usually knocks me out for a few days as well. I was worried that the two together would leave me achy and sleepy all weekend.

But then I decided that getting a double-whammy for a few days just once is better than going through slightly milder side effects twice. Plus, getting the shot in the hospital meant that I didn't have to wait in line for hours - I think my wait was about 10 minutes or so. Not bad, huh?

I'm starting to feel the effects of the flu shot now. The arm that received the shot (my right arm, which is also my writing arm and my cane arm) is achy and I'm starting to get really, really tired with a headache and a bit of nausea. I think I'm going to take some stuff for the headache and nausea and make it a very early night.

Lazy... or relaxing?

I've been home for a week now and I still haven't tidied up my corner upstairs where I make stuff. The table is still down - it's what we used for the Halloween candy and decoration table - and there's piles of my stuff all over, but I haven't done anything about them.

It's not like it's that hard to tidy up. With it all in piles, all I have to do is gather up all the patterns and put them downstairs and organize some of the other stuff. A lot of the piles are magazines that I shouldn't be keeping anyways. This is one of those things that I think I should be doing but I've just been too lazy.

Tomorrow is Pamidronate day so while it's possible I might get to tidying up the area then, it's pretty unlikely.

It's funny because I've been getting up at a reasonable time, early in the day, with only a short nap (if any nap at all) in the afternoon. I have so much time to do all of this nothing :) I figure that I'm taking time to relax, and that's a good thing.

Aliens on tv

You know, I do love a good alien story/show/movie - almost as much as I love zombies. Tonight was an awesome night because V, a re-imagining of a show about aliens coming to this planet, premiered. I'm not that familiar with the original miniseries or regular show, but that's ok because I'll appreciate the new show for what it is.

Having aliens suddenly appear overhead with promises of curing all that ails us - well, that would be hard to resist, wouldn't it? I know I'd have a really hard time not accepting a cure for cancer if one were offered, even if it meant that I had to give in to them or that I had to bend certain of my principles to do it.

Then again, if a person was skeptical (and I am), it would be hard to believe that the aliens look just like us, speak all of our languages - even using contractions!, know where the major cities were (including the location of the UN headquarters), and know about human diseases... right when they got here. All of that knowledge can't be gotten in a couple of days, so the aliens would have had to have been watching the planet for quite some time. Which sort of begs the question as to why chose to reveal themselves when they did... and what they were going to get out of the deal. They went to a lot of trouble... for what?

I don't want to give any more information about what happened on the opening episode because I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't yet seen it. I'm interested in seeing how this show plays out.

In other unrelated tv show news, I was pleased to see the CSIs on the original CSI show wearing gloves and booties when they walked through the victim's house. Now if they would only show them wearing hasmat suits, it would be closer to the truth and I'd be even happier.

Pumpkins

We've had requests for pumpkin photos, so here they are:

Ian's pumpkin, from Fallout 3

My pumpkin, a sort of zombie head.

Bedside reading

You know I've been fascinated by disasters, right? I still love a good disaster, but I also love serial killers and true crime. I guess I'm fascinated by the number of different ways human lives can go wrong or be cut short, either as a result of the evil or stupidity of humans or the impersonal destruction of nature.

I am reading a book on female serial killers, but that isn't really something that would interest most people. I'm still in the early chapters where they're talking about the incidence and MO of female serial killers and how they differ from male serial killers. One of the big differences is that male serial killers kind of stop killing by the time they reach middle age whereas female serial killers kill all the way through their lives.

There's a lot more in the book - it analyzes different female serial killers and whatnot, but I haven't got there yet. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this book.

Sunday afternoon movie

We were finally able to see Zombieland today. It's a great movie! The story is told mainly from the point of view of a survivor in "zombieland" (his name for this new world which is overrun by zombies), and describes how he meets and travels with other people. It's hugely funny, with lots of silly lines, and it's zombie gory - the zombies are bloody and some do die a bloody death, but no humans die. There's no sex and only one instance of semi-nudity.

Woody Harrelson is always excellent in the role of the hyper-violent, loner character, and so it's no surprise that he's very good in this movie as well. Fortunately, even though the other actors are relative unknowns, they're able to hold their own.

One thing we especially liked was that the reason for the zombie apocalypse was semi-reasonable: mad cow disease morphed into something that infected cows, and when people ate beef, they became infected. These zombies are fast-moving, climbing, thinking zombies, which makes the chases much more interesting and makes some situations more difficult to survive.

We also loved the opening sequence. This is probably the goriest and bloodiest part of the movie. It's an introduction to zombieland and how a person can survive there. One interesting thing is that there is writing in the sky and stuff that ends up being part of the scenery - normally, the writing is an overlay and things fall behind or in front of the lettering. Here stuff falls through the lettering, which is kind of cool.

If you haven't seen this one yet, we highly recommend it. One interesting note: this is an 18A film in Alberta but only 14A here in Ontario. I wonder why that is? Ontario kids can't be that much more mature! I feel for all those zombie-loving kids in other parts of the country who don't get to see this amazing movie.

Happy Halloween!

Because I'd been away in Edmonton, we weren't able to get our Halloween pumpkins carved as early as we usually do. Normally we spend the weekend before Halloween picking out a design, making it suitable for carving, and then we do the actual carving a day or two later.

But because I was away in Edmonton, we weren't able to do our pumpkin stuff until today. Our designs weren't as complicated or original as usual, but people liked them. I've decided that the pumpkins are more for the parents of the kids than the kids themselves. The kids do see them, but they don't spend time looking at them because they're so busy getting candy from us. While the kids get candy, the parents get to check out our pumpkins.

Sadly, we only got 23 kids this year. There were lots of cute costumes and a lot of full-face masks. The masks surprised me because when I was growing up we were all told that masks were bad while trick-or-treating because the masks could impede vision. Maybe things are different now.

After giving out candy, we went to our friend's Halloween party. They've given one every year for years now. If you don't wear a costume, you have to wear something from the "tickle trunk". I wore a long black wig that I'd bought before, together with a black outfit and a couple of scarves. I called myself a witch - I figure it suits. Ian made a "prawn" hand from District 9 and wore that.

Just being at home

While I was away I wasn't able to watch all of the tv shows that Ian and I usually watch. Ian recorded all of those shows for me and my instructions from Ian this week have been to watch all of the recorded programs I missed. In other words, I'm supposed to watch tv. I can handle that :)

Sadly, I accidentally erased a couple of programs that Ian hadn't seen yet - I just couldn't keep which ones he'd watched in my head. I should have written down the names and dates of the shows that Ian had watched. Or not watched, whichever.

While watching tv, I've been able to engage in my other favourite activity: surfing the internet. And buying things from time to time (all the stuff I bought was on sale and I wanted it, so that's ok, right?)

In other news, another young woman I know has died of metastatic breast cancer. She had brain mets, and then they came back, and then she started to do worse and worse. She went into hospice on Wednesday and died yesterday. It's so sad - she leaves her kids and husband behind. We'd been sending her stuff to help keep her spirits up because we knew that she wasn't doing well. Losing someone you know and love is always sad. I met this woman once and she was so beautiful, inside and out. I wish I'd known her better.

There's been so much loss here... how is it even possible that so many people I know would die in one year? I hate cancer.

Some test results

While I was in Edmonton I received a note from my doctor. I'd had bloodwork done before I left (it should have been done in August, but at least I got it done) and it turns out that my Thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH) is high, for the first time ever. I'm to have the test re-done in three months to see if it's still high.

A high TSH can be associated with hypothyroidism, which has symptoms like fatigue, inability to tolerate cold, and weight gain. I've had all of these side effects - you all know how tired I've been! I've also found that I'm having trouble in the cold; it chills me right to the bone. And somehow I gained almost ten pounds over the three weeks I was away which that surprised me. Well, the weight gain didn't surprise me, but I'd expected to gain something more on the order of five pounds or so.

There's one other side effect of hypothyroidism that sometimes shows up, and that's thinning of the outer third of the eyebrows. I was plucking my eyebrows a few weeks ago and noticed that they seemed really thin... to nonexistent outside of the arch. Of course, as Ian says, my eyebrows look non-existent all over, so it is sort of hard to tell if they're thinner now than they were before :)

I don't know if I do have hypothyroidism, because the side effects could be caused by so many other things that it's hard to know where they come from. If I do have it, I hope that whatever is causing the problem will resolve itself or else be easily treated.

Home!

I'm finally back home in Waterloo!

The flight itself was uneventful but I was a tiny bit nervous about getting on the plane because I wasn't able to check in last night. My airline (WestJet) changed their systems recently, and apparently the confirmation numbers no longer worked. There were also news reports saying that there were really long lineups at the airports because of this change. So I was worried that I wouldn't still have a reservation or that I wouldn't get through check-in and security in time.

As usual, I was worried for no good reason. Even though I couldn't check in online, my reservation was still in the system and I was able to check in at the kiosk. Everything went smoothly. Whew!

And now I'm home. I'm very tired because I didn't get enough sleep last night, but in some ways that's a good thing because I'll sleep soundly tonight. With any luck, this should mean that I won't have problems with jet-lag.

DEDfest: Horror movie festival in Edmonton

I'm still here in Edmonton. The reason I'm here is that my mom had to have surgery and needed someone around to help with the cat and the hospital and then afterward while she's healing. The surgery went very well and she's doing fine.

This past weekend I was able to go to DEDfest, a horror movie film festival over four days here in Edmonton. Overall, I very much enjoyed the selection of movies as well as looking at the vendor's wares. The only thing I didn't like was that they were selling beer there. The first two nights, a group of people had clearly had too much and talked loudly throughout the movies. The first night there was a huge argument between the drunk and others who were bothered by his behaviour.

The second two nights, the beer people ran out of cups and so people brought beer bottles into the theatre. Of course people knocked them over so everyone got to listen to the bottles rolling down towards the stage. I know that people like to have a beer or two when at these things but it got a bit out of hand. And I'm pretty sure they don't like bottles in the theatre because they could break and hurt someone.

That aside, I very much enjoyed myself. The way it worked was that each of the nine feature movies were shown after a short film (or two) and then a selection of commercials for cheesy movies. The short films were all horror-related and the cheesy movies were either horror or blaxploitation-type movies.

Sometime each day, they would show the Jack Chop (NSFW) commercial. It's a spoof of the Slap-chop commercial... with more profanity, more laughs, and more blood.

Someone asked me if I got tired of horror movies because of the fest. Nope, I didn't get tired :) I love horror movies so much and so many different kinds of horror movies were shown that I was entertained pretty much the entire time. And because I know some of you are interested in movies, I thought I'd give you my reviews of the films shown. I took notes :)

Thursday night

Short film: Paris by Night of the Living Dead
This French, subtitled film started off with a young couple getting married. As soon as they finished their vows (which included sending to heaven their paretner, if their partner walked with the dead), they started fighting zombies. The funniest thing about this film was that the woman kept pulling out bigger and more improbable guns to shoot zombies with... things like a rocket launcher and other BFGs. It was sort of like a romantic zombie video game.

Feature: I Sell the Dead
I sell the dead is a great film starring Ron Perlman and Dominic Monaghan - actual stars - so it's possible that it might hit art houses near you. Set in Victorian times, Monaghan plays one of a pair of graverobbers who later turn into ghouls, stealing not just dead but undead bodies, and who has been convicted of murder. Perlman is a priest who wants Monaghan to tell him about his career. The movie consists of flashbacks to different jobs that the grverobbers/ghouls performed. This is a very, very funny movie. There's a little bit of blood but it's not too bad. And did I mention that it's funny?

Short film: Nightmare Island: The Legend of Hookface
The director and producer were both present for the screening of this short movie. This one is about the quintessential island with a killer named Hookface. Some teens on a camping trip are sent there to see if the killer is still operating... and of course he is. The thing I loved about this particular short was some of the phrasing used... like "sexy teens" for teens - because all teens in horror movies are sexy, yes? - and some others I won't repeat here. The production value is kind of low here and the acting is uneven but it's not bad.

Feature: Lesbian Vampire Killers
We thought that this British film was going to be awful and some kind of exploitation movie. Thankfully, it wasn't that. Yes, there's nudity, and yes, there's lesbian kissing, and yes, there are vampires, but we thought that this movie was one of the best of the entire weekend. The story is that all of the women in a small town become lesbian vampires the day they turn 18. The townsfolk know this, so they send visitors to a house for the vampires to feed on them. A descendant of a baron shows up along with a virgin woman, and the super-vampire is reborn. Fortunately, the local vicar and the descendant's friend are there to save the world.

This is a very, very, very funny movie. There's lots of funny jokes and dialogue. The editing is superb; they've managed to make the women all move super-quickly or super-slowly and it doesn't look strange. This is a movie that I highly recommend.

Friday night

Short film: Thirsty
Our protagonist is driving along at night and is very thirsty for a cherry slushie. He dreams about it; he thinks about it; he wants one, no matter what. Unfortunately, at the place he stops to get gas and a slushie, an escaped killer has already killed everyone inside. This short movie is very gory and very bloody, with a hint of sexiness as well. It's sort of funny.

Feature: Neighbor
I loved this film but I have to say that this one isn't for everyone. It starts off slow but once it gets going, it's riveting. Three bandmates are having a party; the one who owns the house needs help. The person that comes to help him is a serial killer and torturer; some of her handiwork is shown in the early part of the film. While the killer is torturing the homeowner, it's done in one take most of the time, forcing the audience to look at what she's doing. She takes out his new knee... and drills holes into his leg... and other things. This is a very gory, very disturbing movie.

It's also a very well-filmed and -edited movie. The story is interesting and aside from the disturbing scenes, it's an interesting movie. The only thing that weirded me out was that the female killer looked like my new sister-in-law. If you can tolerate disturbing scenes and like horror movies, this one is for you.

Short film: Escape from Death Planet
Here, three people are trying to leave a planet that is being terraformed when they're attacked by mutant terraform beasts. This one is ok. The CGI is a little obvious and the acting a little wooden, but the beasts are well-thought-out and the action is good.

Short film: Fallow
I loved this movie! An patch of land in Alberta will never lie fallow as long as a baby sacrifice is made. The mother decides that she doesn't want to give up the baby so the townsfolk decide to sacrifice her and the baby. Unfortunately, she and the baby's father get into an argument and the sacrifice doesn't go as expected. This short film is very funny and has a great ending. The acting is good, the story is interesting. If you can, you should find this movie.

Short film: Dead Walkers
Who doesn't love a zombie western movie? The bounty hunter comes into town dragging his prisoners only to find no one about... except zombies! A battle ensues, of course. I didn't love this one, but it wasn't a bad way to pass the time. The action was good and it had some gore.

Feature: The Return of the Living Dead
We saw the 35mm print of this 1985 zombie movie which apparently hasn't been seen in years. The undead from Night of the Living Dead have been incorrectly shipped to a medical supply company. While showing the new guy around, one of the canisters leaks and we have Night of the Living Dead all over again. This movie was quite funny in parts (like when the zombie asked for more cops on the cop radio). These zombies can run and think and all they want are braaiiinnnssss. There's a side story with the new guy's friends who hang out in a cemetery for fun. There is some nudity in this film (one woman runs around wearing only thigh-high footless leggings) and some gore, but this classic movie is worth a watch.

Saturday night

Short film: Blood Shed
The only thing I loved about this short film was the mother who encouraged her son to kill people, and that's because she was a puppet. There was a lot of gore, a lot of blood, and a lot of drugs. This was ok but really not all that great, story-wise. You'd do better to watch one of the others.

Feature: Rampage
Uwe Boll directed this film; apparently his other projects hadn't been a success (because the end result was awful) but this one is fairly highly rated. We have a disenfranchised, rather unlikable, young man who is unhappy with society. There are too many people and too much money and too much consumption and too much environmental damage, and he wants to change that. His friend rants about this very same subject but our protagonist feels that it's time for action.

So he prepares a rampage through the town in which he lives, blowing up a police station, gunning down people, and blowing up more police cars. Finally he manages to frame his friend and then disappears.

I had a hard time with this movie. In the first half (before the rampage), when the guy prepares himself, we hear news reports in the background as if the guy is flipping through news channels. But he's not doing that. As well, we see footage of him just looking toward the camera. This is explained in the latter part of the movie but it really didn't make sense in the first part. I also found myself disliking the protagonist and so found his actions sometimes silly (he gets killing mad because he doesn't get what he wants at a coffee shop? Really?).

I think if the first half had made more sense or the protagonist hadn't been quite as much of a jerk, I would have enjoyed this movie more. It did have great editing and music, and the acting and dialogue were good... it was the story I disliked. Others liked it very much.

Intermission: Burlesque dancers
We were lucky enough to see some inexperienced burlesque dancers between movies. These ladies had only just started dancing and so were a little shy and nervous, but they did a fine job dancing. It sort of reminded me of a bellydance show where you watch all the new people perform and give them support because they're new.

Short film: The Pick Up
A high-class escort meets her date and takes him to her favourite motel. He gets more than he bargained for as she feeds on him. This was definitely an entertaining, if slow-paced, short film. The concept was great but the execution seemed to drag along a bit. The acting was a bit wooden as well. I'd love to see this one re-done sometime as the concept is interesting.

Feature: Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl
This was my favourite movie of the festival, hands-down. It's made by the same director that made Tokyo Gore Police and features the very same over the top blood geysers and gore mixed with humour.

The story is simple: the vampire girl chooses a classmate to be a companion. Meanwhile, a would-be Dr Frnakenstein experiments on people with interesting results. Finally he is able to make a Frankenstein girl out of his daughter, the former girlfriend of the vampire girl's companion. Battle ensues.

Oh, this movie is hilarious! It makes fun of many different types of schoolgirls in a politically incorrect and over the top way (the World Cutting Championships, for instance). There are lots of catchy songs, and the battles are interesting. One amazing bit of technology was watching the people walk around as only their circulatory system. That's some amazing technology.

I love love love this movie and highly recommend it, especially if you did like Tokyo Gore Police or if you like over the top Japanese films. We watched the subtitled movie, which of course I prefer.

Sunday afternoon/evening

Short film: Ice Cream Sunday
This was definitely the worst short film of the bunch. I think it was about the horrors perpetrated by the Catholic Church on its population. I'm not sure, because there was no obvious horror in it and this is a horror movie festival. One part was a priest confessing to pedophilia with fairly detailed descriptions of what he did. The other part involved a woman removing a rosary from what appeared to be her woman parts... And it appeared that it was her time of the month. Ick.

No one clapped for this one. If you're forced to watch it, then close your eyes and cover up your ears. It's awful.

Feature: Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated
I thought it would be great, to see this classic movie done in animation. I figured that they'd use a couple of
techniques, but they didn't. They used every style they could think of: rotoscoping, claymation, pen and ink, greyscale, all the cartoon types, and more. And they used them randomly throughout the movie.

It was like some guys got together and just threw in different animation styles for different parts of scenes. If they'd stuck to a few, or done short versions of the movie in each style, it would've been better. As it was, it was incomprehensible. Some of the sillier cartoony styles got laughs, but overall this was a big bust. Like the short film that preceded it, avoid this like the plague.

Short film: Zombie Apocalypse
This was a cute short film made by some students here, I think. It followed three people as zombies descended on the area. The acting was ok, the music was ok, and the story was sort of interesting. It was a good student of B-movie project.

Feature: Macabre
This subtitled Indonesian movie was about a group of travelers who pick up a woman on the way to Jakarta. She directs them to her house, invites them in to eat, and her family starts trying to kill them. It was sort of like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or House of 1000 Corpses in that way.

In this one, the family has use for the baby and there is clearly something they do with babies (born and unborn). There was also a strange symbol that was on the wall and that the family matriarch wore. This was a very bloody, gory, slasher movie and is not for everyone, but is well worth watching. There's quite a bit of comedy in the movie as well. It's also interesting to see how this genre is interpreted in another country.

Feature: Dead Snow
The final film was this Norwegian subtitled film about a group of medical students going to a winter cabin near the fjords. They are warned early on that the Nazis had occupied a nearby area and that people had disappeared, but until their own start disappearing, they don't believe that messenger. When they find Nazi loot, the battle between the students and the Nazi zombies begins in earnest. I guess the Nazi soldiers want their stuff back, even though they got it by stealing it from others.

This is an entertaining, interesting zombie/battle movie. There's some blood and lots of gore and many dead Nazis. The non-Nazi characters are likable and believable and the Nazi zombies were scary enough (clearly they were thinking, running zombies). The story was entertaining, with some funny bits, some action, some sticking it to the Nazis, and some gorgeous scenery. I enjoyed this one and it was definitely a crowd-pleaser.

Tying up loose ends

I've been working and organizing to get ready for my trip. Ian's parents invited me to stay at their place tomorrow night and I'm taking them up on their offer. When I went to the memorial service and missed my first train, I'd bought a fall/early winter coat and left it there because I didn't want to take it with me on the train. It should be perfect for Edmonton, which is usually a bit cold at this time of the year, and I can pick it up there. Plus their house is closer to the airport and I don't have to worry about traffic.

Much to Ian's delight, I also finished sorting and filing my ginormous pile of old mail. I look at a lot of my bills online or they're paid automatically, so I don't open most of the envelopes I receive. It turns out that I had bills in that pile going back to December, 2006... clearly whatever method I'm using to look at bills now isn't working so well, hmm? When I get back I'll figure out a different method. At least it's all filed now.

I also managed to sew up a few of the head coverings. It turns out that it takes me longer to sew each one than I thought: right now each one is taking about an hour start to finish to sew. So I don't have as many as I'd wanted to take in to the support center tomorrow, but at least I have some for them. In a way it's just as well that I don't have too many because I don't want to make a ton and then find out that people don't like them as-is. I'll be taking some fabric with me to Edmonton so that I can make more there and I may yet modify the pattern a bit. We'll see.

I think I posted something awhile ago about getting involved in this thing that didn't have anything to do with me? Up until yesterday, at least, I hadn't let it go, and I've had some good discussions with some people... but there is a very, very vocal and very, very nasty bunch of people who are ganging up on me. I've seen people and others move in for the kill like this before, but I've never been on the receiving end of something like this. I'll tell you, it feels pretty awful. I don't understand people who behave this way or what they get out of it.

On the one hand, I want to just run away and lick my wounds and leave them and the issues alone because I'm so hurt and I'm so overstressed, and on the other, I want to keep fighting because I don't want them to "win".

Then again, there are no winners once the situation devolves into this.

So I think it's time to walk away... this whole situation has become much too stressful and neither the issue nor these people are worth the energy I've spent on them. They definitely don't deserve anything more than I've given them.

While I'm away I hope to be posting but I don't know if I'll be able to post every day. Please don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me for a couple of days. :)

ps - I've put my etsy shop in vacation mode so that I don't have to worry about sales while I'm away. That's why there are no listings in the "Things I make" widget to the right.

Can't ever have too many zombies!

Space has been showing a bunch of zombie movies in honour of Zombieland opening this weekend (a movie I'd very much like to see). Among the movies the tv channel showed was Fido, which we'd wanted to see when it was in theatres but we didn't get around to it. So we recorded it and watched it today.

It's pretty funny. It's sort of like the video game Fallout in that it's set in an alternate version of the 50s. The world in Fallout is a post-apocalyptic, anarchic warzone. In the movie's case, there have been zombie outbreaks and people live in well-groomed walled-off cities. Technology has been developed in these areas so that zombies can be made docile and trained, sort of like dogs or slaves, to perform simple tasks.

Fido is a fairly light-hearted look at zombies. These zombies can bite - and eat, drink, or smoke, if they want to! - and have some rudimentary thinking abilities. So they're all well-controlled with stuff under the surface, just like the 50s, really, which makes the movie that much more interesting. But what happens when a person starts to like a zombie more than the nearby humans?And what happens if a zombie's docile state is interrupted? Can a zombie develop feelings for people or other zombies?

In some ways I guess this movie could be thought of as a commentary on slavery or repression- ie slaves are people too, and can love and be loved. But you don't need to see it that way to enjoy this movie. There are lots of funny jokes and situations. There's very little gore aside from the usual zombie-eats-human gore, and even that is understated. We recommend this one.

About cooking... we do have a crock pot and I have used it before for dinner. I made a yummy pot roast one time. Crock pots are wonderful because you can just throw stuff in and let it cook all day. My sister has a delicious ribs recipe that she makes; when it's done, the meat just falls off the bone. Yum!

With me leaving for Edmonton, I won't be making supper for Ian for a while. However, I'll have lots of time to think of and collect yummy recipes to try.

Changes... more traveling coming up

My blog should look different to you; I've decided to add the Google Friend Connect thingy over there so that people can follow me, if they want to.

When I added that widget yesterday I noticed that I had a really long list of stuff on that right side over there. So I figured out how to make my blog a 3-column blog instead. I've been playing around with this for a few hours and I need to take a break from it as I have no idea if it looks any good anymore. So what do you think? Is there anything that you don't like or would like to see changed? I can't promise that I'll change everything everyone brings to my attention but I will consider everyone's words.

In other news... I'd known for a while that at some point I'd be heading to Edmonton to help out my mom. I had thought that I'd have about two weeks' notice before I had to be there but as it happens things were sped up (which is good!) and so I have to be there no later than Thursday night next week. So I'm leaving early in the morning on Wednesday the 7th and will be in Edmonton for three weeks until my return home on October 28.

I guess if I want to make some more headcoverings, I'd better get on that, hmm? I will be giving the pattern to our local support place, and I may be able to give it to other people, too. My pattern is a modification of another pattern that's freely available on the internet. I have to check the license to see under what conditions I can give it away or post it on the internet. Of course no matter who gets it, I'll give a shout out to the person who developed the original pattern.

I think I'm feeling better

This may be a surprise, but this week I've actually been making supper by making up my own recipes and I've been starting to tidy up.

Usually when I make supper, I make one or another of the recipes I know really well. Or I just don't make supper at all because I don't feel like I'm up to it. I know that sounds silly, but there have been days when I just can't think about cooking. So I'm really pleased now that I'm trying out new flavours and recipes. I'm not making anything fancy, of course, but tonight I made a very yummy chicken stew.

I've also been tidying up. I read somewhere or saw something that said that if you spend just 15mins a day tidying up, eventually it'll be clean. Or maybe they were talking about general tasks and I thought about tidying up. Either way, it occurred to me that if I just break things down a bit, I can get through these piles of stuff I have all over the place.

Ian's very happy because I'm finally tackling some of the areas that have bothered him. He's also thrilled to be coming home to a home-cooked meal. So this has been a good week for Ian. :)

I think I'm starting to feel a bit better... more positive, more energetic, less depressed. Looking back, I think it's safe to say that I've been slightly depressed for the last few weeks. Yes, I've had good reason with all the losses and whatnot, but living with even mild depression isn't the same. Or as fun.

One other difference this week is that I haven't been spending much time on either facebook or the message boards I frequent. I don't know if I'm feeling better because I've been away from the boards or if I'm away from the boards because I'm feeling better. Either way, I'm going to take this energy and feeling of well-being. Maybe I'll stay this way long enough to get the entire house cleaned.

Where did the summer go?

Fall is definitely here; it's been very, very windy out and it's been a lot colder here. Our furnace has even been running!

With the cold weather has come an increase in my hip pain. I was sitting on the couch and when I got up, I wished I'd had my cane nearby because I couldn't walk very well. I ended up soaking in a hot, hot bath to loosen up my hips and to take the ache out.

If this is what my hips are like now, what will they be like when it's really, really cold out? I'm trying not to think about that. I hope that it'll be bad for only a little while, that my hip will get used to the cooler temperatures.

I was sitting on the couch playing with some wire wrapping and lace things. I have some craft wire in different gauges and I'm using that for my experimentation. I was able to coil a thin wire around a doubled, thicker wire fairly easily and make it into a circle. I was happy with that. I did try to do a standard netting stitch (which is really just a buttonhole stitch) inside of the circle. I had some trouble with getting everything the right size at first, but it was easier later.

When I did the netting stitch, I didn't decrease the number of stitches I made so I was only able to cover about half of the interior of the circle. Obviously that's not quite I what I wanted :) I'll experiment with this more in the next few days. At least this is something I can do while sitting on the couch, watching tv.

Watching recorded movies

The person at the support center LOVED the head covering I took in. I left the one there as a sample and will take some in when I go to my next meditation class. The one I took in isn't lined but I think I will line them so that there are no exposed seams to fray or bother a tender head. And even though the one I made had long ties to go over the head, I'll make a few with short ties in case not everyone wants to wrap the ties in some way.

They've asked for head coverings that would be suitable for the upcoming Christmas and New Year's holidays so that women who've lost their hair have something elegant/stylish/pretty to wear.

I celebrated this happy accomplishment by watching movies. Every Friday night, the Space channel shows up to three horror movies. I do love horror movies - even when they're bad, and especially when they're B-horror movies - and so I usually record at least one of them for later viewing.

Today I watched Snakehead Terror, about ginormous snakeheads that take over a lake and that start eating people (and each other) when the fish in the lake are gone. There's nothing surprising about this movie; it's got the standard evil people, teenagers trying to save everyone, and the guy in authority who at first can't make anyone believe him... until things start going really badly. Even so, it's actually not a bad B-movie.

I liked how the movie used the snakehead, which is a rather yucky fish that is a danger to every ecosystem to which it's introduced because it has no natural predators. It is a predatory fish, it can live for brief periods on land, and it can "walk" with the use of its fins. So if they were to be grown to a ridiculous size, and ate everything in sight... sure, the movie could almost be plausible. Almost :)

Then I watched The Ninth Gate, which I didn't know was directed by Roman Polanski. I don't deny that the man is a good filmmaker - and this is an ok film - but he wasn't that good a person, say, 30-odd years ago. He was convicted of raping a 13-year-old girl when he was 44 in the US and fled the country before he could be sentenced. He's recently been arrested in Switzerland and may be extradited to the US to complete the sentencing process.

While the movie is ok, it's not without its flaws, unfortunately. Of course I have higher expectations for a Polanski film than for some throwaway B-movie. If my expectations were lower then I would think that this was a fine movie. The CG in this movie is terrible, especially in the driving scenes. The acting is a bit uneven in places with some characters are clearly better than others. The music, when it played, was a touch heavy-handed. The story is sort of interesting, what with its rare books and puzzles and trying to raise the devil (although that doesn't seem like a particularly smart thing to do). One thing I didn't like was how the movie just kind of ended.

Other than that, it was a fairly watchable, if slightly long, movie. This satiric article gives another view of this movie :)

Finished version one of the head covering

I spent some time working on the head covering for the cancer support centre today. I think I have a good pattern now; it feels comfortable on me, at least. They said they wanted really long ties to go over the head so I did that, too. I think I like that because it adds extra volume at the top of the covering. When someone has no hair and is wearing a tight-fitting head covering, the face can look smaller and puffier - someone having chemo or on steroids for brain mets usually gets a puffy face. So the extra volume on top might make the face look better-balanced.

Meditation is canceled tomorrow but I have a haircut appointment in the area anyway, so I'm going to take my sample in to see what they think. If they don't like it then I'll re-work it a bit. Apparently there's someone who wants to help sew and once we get the pattern all settled I'll trace it out and provide instructions.

I think my current pattern is fairly easy to put together and it uses less than 1/2yd of 45" fabric (actually, I think I could get two out of that much fabric). If I hadn't changed my mind so many times about how to sew it, it would've taken only about 45 minutes to put it together from cut to finish.

So we'll see. If it isn't perfect, I'll change it. It's always easier to figure out what you want when you have a sample in front of you than if you have to make up a description from scratch. It may be that what they want is different than what they're going to get tomorrow. Either way, at least I've finished this sample. It's getting cold here and they need those head coverings sooner rather than later.

Movie day!

We are so behind on our movie-watching. We haven't been out to see a movie in ages and there are a few that we'd already wanted to see - with more opening! Today, finally, we were able to go and see Inglourious Basterds. It's Quentin Tarantino's latest film project; he'd apparently been working on this project for the best part of the last decade.

The movie is set during the second world war in an alternate universe and involves a lot of Nazi-killing. There are quite a few funny bits to it; the parts that are gory are very gory, but there aren't that many of those bits.

The story is interesting and kind of unexpected. I thought, given the trailers, that the movie would focus on the Basterds, how they got together, and their battles. One of the Basterds' backstory is told but all the others are ignored and half of the movie centres on a character we didn't see in the trailer. The ending is sort of  expected in that Hitler and his top agents are killed, but the manner in which they're killed isn't at all what I thought it would be, given the trailers and what I knew going in.

In many ways, this unexpectedness makes for a much better movie. Instead of following a trite, obvious, ages-old story, the story we follow isn't as obvious and is much more interesting. When the Basterds and this other character intersect - or occupy the same building, which is more how this movie works - there's quite a bit of tension as the audience knows what's happening but not all of the characters have the same knowledge. Plus the viewer wants to know exactly how everything is going to come together.

Apparently the structure of this movie was based on that of the spaghetti western. I don't know much about that genre, but there are definitely moments that hark back to what I think of as being part of these movies: revenge, escape (and release), unexpected opportunities, the calvary arriving, double-crossing, love rising out of hate, enemies meeting each other as equals, and sacrifice. Add to those themes tight shots on (grizzled) faces and broad landscape shots under the sun and I think we have it.

I very much loved the costumes; the movie stayed fairly true to the time period, costume-wise, even though the movie was set in this alternate universe where the war ended differently than it actually did. Those costumes were lovely... and the shoes! I loved the heels on those shoes; they were high but sturdy and shapely. Perfect for dancing all night.

For all that, it sort of felt like this movie was missing something... maybe that's just because the movie had these unexpected elements and I felt like the basterds story wasn't rounded out enough. If I'd gone in with no expectations or if the movie had been more like what the trailer led us to believe it would be, I think we would've enjoyed the movie much more. I think that the footage we'd sort of expected might have been shot already; if so, I'd love to see the six-hour version of this movie on the DVD (or Blu-ray) with that footage included.

Also on the down side, the music wasn't as compelling as it has been in other Tarantino movies. He has a history of using contemporary music in his movies - no matter in which era they're set - but there wasn't much of that going on. There also weren't that many pop-culture references, which is something else Tarantino usually does.

Even so, we recommend this film to you. If you do see it, forget what you think you know of the story and go in with an open mind. It'll make for a better movie experience for you.

My introduction to scrapbooking

I never really "got" scrapbooking before. I didn't know how to do it (which is why the stuff someone had given me ages ago hasn't been put together), and I didn't really understand why people would do it when they could just put pictures in an album as-is.

Then today I spent this afternoon scrapbooking at a friend's place, and I discovered that it's really fun! I also realized why people would want to put pictures in a scrapbooked album instead of just sticking them somewhere. With a scrapbooked album, each page serves as an artistic framework and can provide context for the picture(s). So instead of just looking at pictures, you can look at pictures in a lovely page. That page might give you some context for the pictures or that evokes the feelings and thoughts the scrapbooker had when looking at the picture.

Today I worked on a kit thingy that my friend provided which included instructions, a picture of the final product, and all the supplies needed to make the pages come out like the picture. I had quite a good time putting the pages together. Using the cutting tools to cut everything to the right shape and size and adding the embellishments was really cool. I was very happy with my finished product and I had a lot of fun putting it together.

My friend also had all of the other things that make scrapbooking easier: more cutting tools, taping tools, embellishments, papers... you name it, she had it. And if she didn't, one of the other people there did. There are lots of specialty tools and embellishments for scrapbooking these days; back in the day there weren't nearly so many. I don't know if having all that choice is good or bad. I think for new people (like me) it's better to not have too much choice, but more experienced people like my friend would probably like to have lots of options.

The most amazing thing my friend had is this cutting tool called Cricut. The main Cricut hardware is a personal electronic cutter: it sort of looks like a like a printer except that it cuts the images out of the cardstock. Different picture sets are available so that you can cut out pictures of sports-related items, letters, holiday things, and more. Each picture set has an overlay, which is sort of like a template, that fits over the matching reader on the cutter. You can set the image to cut small or large, if you want, and then - magically - the machine cuts your image for you! It's so cool!

I thought this technology was amazing and awesome. If a person did a lot of "scrapping" or card-making and liked having unique images - including cutouts - on their pages or cards, this tool would be perfect. I could see scrapbooking clubs (if there are such things... I'd think there would be) purchasing one for club use.

I also got to spend time with my friend's nine-month old son and my other friend's two-month old daughter. The boy isn't quite crawling or talking, but when I would say "braaaaaiiiiiinnnnnssss" to him, he would respond with "aaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnnsss". :) He's very personable and we spent some time playing. The girl is still a big sack of baby but she likes to kick her legs out a lot. She's going to have very strong legs :) Both children were very overtired and not able to sleep because of all the people and excitement.

Overall, I had a great time today seeing people and learning this new skill. Scrapbooking is something that I could definitely see myself doing, especially if we had more printed pictures. I definitely I like the idea of using scrapbooking techniques to do card-making because I send more cards now than I did before.

So, so sleepy

Pamidronate treatments seem to leave me very tired. I was so tired last night and today that even though I went to bed at 11pm and set the alarm for this morning, I slept until 5:15pm. I'm still tired after that 18 hours of sleep.

I'm going out for a few hours tomorrow afternoon and I very much hope that I'm feeling less tired. I know that once I get up, enough coffee will keep me awake, but I'd much rather be actually awake instead of artificially awake.

I think my plan tonight is to stay up long enough to finish watching the season premiere of Dollhouse and then go back to sleep.

Maybe not totally lazy.... maybe overwhelmed

Today was Pamidronate day so I got to see the nurse who disconnects it. The Pamidronate gets hooked up to my port at the hospital and then, about three hours later, the home care nurse comes to disconnect it. I like this nurse very much; she's personable and is always interested in how I'm doing. I feel like she really listens and she's actually interested in how I'm doing. I think of her as part of my support network - I have no trouble talking to her about how I'm feeling.

Of course I told her about my friends who had died and we talked about that. As I said in my comment to my previous post, I think I'm still processing all of my friend's deaths. So many have gone in such a short time that it's overwhelming; it feels almost impossible to grieve for one person... they all sort of get mixed up together into one ginormous grief ball.

It seems also that I've been avoiding dealing with that grief. I'm focusing instead on this thing that's been happening on etsy with a group of sellers. I don't even know why I'm involved because I don't care that much about the thing and it's got nothing at all to do with me. I guess I care because there are questions about what's really happening; not everything from every source matches up ... and they're asking for money from people.

And so for some reason I feel it's important to provide another perspective, to ask the questions few people are asking, so that people who might be thinking of getting involved in this can see another side and evaluate this themselves. I have been trying to be polite and non-accusatory, asking questions but not making accusation or assuming anything. This doesn't seem to matter; that group doesn't respond well to questions, ignoring them at best and saying awful, awful things about the questioner at worst.

All that doesn't explain why I would even bother, or why I would expend all this negative energy thinking about this for the last three weeks. Yes, three weeks. Thinking about it, I didn't really start getting involved until after my friend died... which says to me that I'm using this as a way of avoiding fully dealing with the grief I have. I'm sure the people that are asking me to stop questioning them would be delighted to know this, and would hope that now that I've realized this I'll let it go. That way, they never have to explain anything.

But totally letting it go means that I need to really grieve. And when my thoughts turn to grieving, I feel overwhelmed - just like when I look over at  my work area. I guess instead of thinking about the whole thing I need to look at each one individually. They do say to start small and manageable when approaching a big, overwhelming task.

At least I now know what my head is doing... and that realization means that I don't have to just let my thoughts happen anymore; I can consciously choose where to focus them. It's a good place to start.

Lazy, lazy me

I think I may be the laziest person I know. I've had all this time to do stuff and yet I've done nothing of interest over the last few days. I've done a lot of internet surfing which is sort of interesting to me but not all that interesting to anyone else, I'm sure.

I didn't even go to Meditation yesterday; for some reason I just didn't feel up to it. I was very tired and I slept quite a lot of the day, which worked out just as well for me, I think. I've been trying - and succeeding, as long as I put my alarm clock out of arm's reach - to get up around 9:30am, but it seems like I'm doing less than when I slept until the afternoon.

Of course if I didn't pick up the laptop - or if I put it down after eating breakfast - I might be able to get up off the couch and actually do something. I think part of the problem is that the areas where I want to work are messy and covered with stuff, and I'd have to clean those off to be able to do something. For whatever reason, I'm paralyzed when I think about tidying up that stuff (or anything else that could be tidied).

A lot of the mess is - and this may not surprise you - vintage patterns that haven't been put into envelopes and put away. I haven't bought any new patterns in a while - lately I've been buying fabric but even that is slowing down - so I'm not making any more of a mess. I'm just not dealing with the existing one. I think I'm going to have to grit my teeth and force myself to just put the stuff away.

A new hobby?

I saw the most beautiful handmade wire pendants the other day. I like this one the most, but really, everything that the artisan makes is gorgeous. These pieces aren't really my style; it's the wire lace ground on the works that really catches my eye. I've been doing research (errr... looking stuff up on the internet) and in the process I also found the most gorgeous wire fences - called lacefence. They're so beautiful and delicate and extravagant and functional and artistic... I could look at them all day.

These unconventional lace applications strongly appeal to me and I'm feeling like they call to me in some way... they're so beautiful and lacy and yet are in such unexpected materials. I'm finding that this juxtaposition of lace and unusual materials is inspiring to me and I think that maybe I could, with a bit - ok, a lot - of learning, try to make something along those lines. I don't know what, exactly. But something.

I've also been looking at lacemaking method through a book on Project Gutenberg so that I can get a sense of what I like and what I think I could make in wire. I already know that the ground on the pendants is easy but the lacefences are most likely a type of bobbin lace which is much, much harder. It's also much, much more intricate.... like complex spider webs.... and I love the look of it so much more.

I like the idea of taking a traditional craft and interpreting it in a slightly different way, even if that reinterpretation has no practical use in the real world. I know I could try and do something similar with knitting and wire but for some reason, it doesn't appeal to me as much. So we'll see what happens. As you might know, I'm good at starting new hobbies but I'm not always good at taking them anywhere. Therefore, I'm going to start slow with this one - better that I not spend too much money on it until I know I'm staying with it.

Another award show!

We're watching the Emmy awards tonight. This year, they're hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, and he is definitely doing a great job! He's funny, he's personable, and he can sing - it was obvious to me that he's done Broadway. I know he's doing some stuff from a script but I'm sure he had a hand in decided what would be said. There have been a few Kanye West jokes, of course :)  There are also some funny running jokes: one about a prize-winner's seats in the venue, and the other about what an honour it is to be nominated.

Award shows have a tendency to be sort of stuffy, stilted, and pompous. The Emmys this year are the opposite of that; they're funny and much more casual. Part of that easy feeling is due to the host but I think everyone there is feeling that sort of energy. For example, all but one of the Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy nominees wore some type of eyewear. Apparently they'd arranged this themselves, as a joke.

One other difference between this award show and others we've seen is that the orchestra and control room are right onstage, so attendees and viewers both can see some of the "behind the scenes" stuff. Plus, the viewer can sometimes hear the control room instructions as we come back from commercial. And of course the announcer is John Hodgman, the PC from the Mac commercials. He's been funny, too, and has helped keep the show light.

This is the way award shows should be: fun, funny, and a little bit irreverent. Once I started watching, I didn't want to stop. Even though we would normally have switched to another program partway through, I chose to stay with the award show. Wouldn't it be nice if all award shows were like this?

No one aired any pre-shows showing the red carpet, which is sort of sad because I like to see the dresses the ladies wear on the red carpet. I guess we'll have to wait to see pictures of most of them. I did notice that, colourwise, many women were wearing long dresses with neutral skin tones and jewel tones, both with and without sparkly embellishment. One award-winner wore an above-the-knee shift and looked like it was covered in broken mirror pieces. It was kind of odd might have looked better had it fit her closer because it was kind of shapeless.

I also noticed more women wearing dresses with straps, which was a pleasant surprise. The shoulder straps on the dresses were also thick enough to cover bra straps. Only one of these dresses (so far) was completely over-the-top: it had poufy things on the shoulders that looked like pillows on which its wearer could take a nap. I can't wait to see all of the dress pictures. :)

How can these pageants still go on?

PhotoshopDisasters is one of several sites that I read for fun. As the name suggests, it's a site dedicated to showing professional photoshop disasters. It is quite amazing, not to mention hilarious, to see what some companies end up doing in Photoshop.

This post caught my eye not just because Paula Deen looks like a creepy-eyed alien, but also because I've seen her on her cooking show and she doesn't look like that (even if you discount the creepy eyes). Then I clicked the link showing high-glitz (or sometimes just glitz) child pageant photo re-touches.... and I knew I had to share this with you.

That site isn't even the only one that changes a normal child's photo into something creepy and alien. There's this site, this one, this one (click on each picture, then roll mouse over or away to see original), this one,... and all of them offer to turn your natural picture into a picture of a plastic doll with blue eyes, long lashes, perfect hair, glossy lips, and plastic skin.

I didn't know that for high-glitz pageants, contestants are supposed to look like plastic dolls in their pictures. Aside from the creepiness of these images - and they are creepy, there's no question about that - there's something very disturbing about plasticizing the images of babies and toddlers who participate in these pageants. It's bad enough that these little tiny children are made up to look like Barbies (to the delight of pedophiles everywhere, I'm sure), and to stand, walk, and dance in an sexy adult way, but in their pictures they're not even allowed to look like themselves?

There is something fundamentally wrong with the high-glitz pageant industry. I get that children like to dress up and I get that children like to perform... but I don't understand how parents could encourage them to wear that much makeup, false eyelashes, wigs, and sexy dresses - and then to alter their pictures to make them look less human. This isn't right. The kids aren't old enough to consent to what they're doing and I don't believe that most of the parents would be ok if their kids didn't win.

I knew that the pageant industry - especially the high-glitz pageants - for babies and children was awful, but adding these horrific photo retouching puts this whole industry over the edge, in my opinion. The industry and people involved with it should be ashamed of themselves for forcing children to behave as adults and for de-humanizing those children in their pictures. Honestly, I think it's time that these pageants were cancelled and the entire industry dismantled. No more high-glitz pageants for children!

There's some interesting reading from pageant moms here and here in response to this positive and this negative post about this person's pageant experience with her daughter. It seems that the parents don't see how damaging, unnatural, and creepy the pageants are because they're so involved in it (it's their "new normal", I guess). Their denials show even more how damaging the whole baby/toddler/child high-glitz pageant is to the children and their families who participate.

Doing some volunteer work

I volunteered a while back to help Hopespring, the cancer support center that hosts my meditation classes, by making head coverings for people who have lost their hair due to cancer treatment. I'd thought when I volunteered that they had a pattern or example of what they wanted, but they all they said was for me to check the internet.

They did describe something that covers the head with tails long enough to start at the nape of the neck, cross there, and then go up over the head to tie there or on the side. The person also showed me a turban thing, which they could use, but they really want these ones that tie.

So I looked on the internet. Do you know how many different head covering patterns there are out there? A kabillion. And I don't know which ones are best; do they want one that has a tail separate from the tie thingies? How long should all of those be? There are lots and lots of options.

Honestly, when I volunteered I thought it would be easy - all I'd have to do is sew some things. I'm good at that and even have tons of fabrics that I can use; I thought I could just whip out a few every week or month. I didn't anticipate having to develop a pattern, which is what I'm faced with. Yeah, I could just use a pattern from the internet, but what are the chances that it'll be perfect the first time I take it in? Close to zero, I'd say, which means that the pattern will need to be tweaked... and that's how a pattern is developed.

I know that I'm not doing much else but, as I say, this isn't what I thought I was signing up for. Even so, I'm not going to just abandon them and do nothing - I can sew, and I can develop a pattern, and I'm not doing much with my time, so if I can help I will - but I am kind of annoyed at the way this has gone. I think they're having a head covering workshop the week after next; maybe if I go they'll be able to show me what they want. In the meantime, I'll see what I can dig up.

So.... do any of you know of a good head covering pattern for people who have lost their hair? If there's one in particular that you like, please let me know. Even if you don't have a pattern, if there's a picture of one that you like, you can send that to me and I can try to figure out the corresponding pattern. Thanks!

One of the best parts about fall - tv!

We finally were able to watch the 2009 MTV Video Awards; we were both traveling Sunday night when it aired originally. Fortunately, these award shows are repeated over and over and over, so it's not like we really missed anything.

Well, except for seeing Kanye West make a jackass of himself - live - in dissing Taylor Swift in favour of Beyonce. What a jerk! And then interrupting President Obama so that he could talk about this further... Kanye's entry on Dickipedia is assured, I think.

Another thing I love about fall is that it's the beginning of the new tv season. Can you believe that 10 years ago, when I went back to University, I didn't watch tv? It's true - I didn't know anything about tv shows because I rarely, if ever, watched tv. Now I watch it all the time; only surfing the internet and sleeping take up more of my time. I guess that's sort of sad. At least I'm not watching Survivor... it's in it's 19th season. 19th?!!!? How can it still be on the air and making money?

Fortunately, all of our old favourites - Fringe, House, Bones, Dollhouse, Top Chef, and ANTM (they models are short this time - and why do they wear flat shoes at judging instead of high heels? They look more like munchkins next to Tyra than they already are), are back as well as new shows like Glee and FlashForward. I'm looking forward to seeing these shows. Watching new seasons of our old favourites is sort of like settling into a comfy couch.

It's fall again

I know it sounds silly, but I'm still obsessing about my hair. Would it be too crazy to go silver? I could strip the hair colour out and use a toner (I think I'd have to find a beauty supply store to get that) to make it silvery.

Or would that be too silly?

I think I'm feeling nostalgic, what with fall here and classes starting. Fall is like the new year to me; it's when the leaves turn and everyone is back in school and school is still exciting. I realized just today that it was 10 years ago this week that I started university for the second time. In some ways my life really started then... I was able to become the person I should have become a decade earlier. I'd never go back to school now (finishing the degree was *so* hard after chemo) but it was definitely the best thing to do at the time.

This isn't the first year I've felt sort of nostalgic for school in the fall. In previous years I've had activities to look forward to in the fall, like curling or bellydancing ... but this year I won't be doing them. So I'm feeling sort of adrift, if that makes sense.

On top of this nostalgia, today I was doing admin work for the mets board and I realized that we had three women from that board die within the last month - the last one was my friend L. I'm feeling a bit like time is short, even though I'm doing ok, and I feel like I should be doing something more. Or something different. I don't know... I feel like I'm missing something and that I don't have time to miss it.

I don't like this sort of aimless, directionless, drifting feel and I guess I need a change or something new. Maybe that's why I'm focusing on my hair right now - it's easy to change and it can definitely feel and look new.

So.... all that said, what do you think about me trying to go silver? Or should I try some kind of light natural colour - like a champagne blonde? Or should I stay darker? Redder? Pink? Dark ends? Light ends? Multi-coloured?

On an unrelated subject, I just heard this most amazing quote on the show Glee: "every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion". Now that's a statement to live by :)

Last weekend's memorial service

Now that I'm much better-rested I want to talk about the memorial service for my friend L this past weekend.

First, though, I want to say that I looooved riding the train! There was plenty of room between the rows - so much that my feet didn't reach the footrest on the row in front - and there was a kneerest/footrest thing that could be brought up to support my legs. I also loved the way it felt once the train got up to speed; it felt like I was flying through the air. I loved it. It was so relaxing and soothing, and a fantastic way to travel.

At the service, one thing that struck me was that my friend L's husband G and his mother F seemed to know who I and the other mets girls were - when I said my name, their eyes went wide in recognition. I expected them to know the people who had visited L, but I was touched when the rest of us were recognized as well.

Much of the memorial service was planned by L, apparently. It was amazing and very touching and I felt honoured to be there witnessing it. It was sort of casual, outdoors in the barn-thing and around some picnic tables. This was nice, because it was fun and it didn't feel all that somber; it felt like a real celebration or send-off.  There were books of photographs and scrapbooks showing L's life (which seemed to really start when she met G), so that people could see all of her different sides and her whole life.

L decided who she wanted to speak at the service, I have a sneaking suspicion that she planned the order and possibly each person's general topic so as to have the best flow and impact... but I don't know that part for certain. Each person or group that spoke about L touched on a different facet of her life: her organizational skills, her creativity and artistic abilities, her inner grace, her snarkiness, her honesty, her love for G, and more. In this way, I felt like we were getting to know the whole person that was L, not just the parts I already knew. I learned so much about L when I was there... I knew her before I went but I came away knowing so much more about her.

One thing I noticed is that when people spoke of L, it wasn't all in this sad way - it was more like, "I knew this awesome woman and I want to tell you all about who she was so that you can know and love her like I did." Some stories were funny and others were touching ... and everyone loved her. Their love shone through everything they said and it was clear that she had changed people's lives for the better just by their virtue of having known her.

G said, during the celebration, that he did what he did for L because he couldn't imagine doing anything else for her; that he loved her and would do anything he could for her. G really did do so much for L as she declined... he bought her a laptop so that she could communicate with people; he slept in the room with her on an air mattress to help her in the night; he carried her wherever she needed to go.... and more.

F told a couple of us that as L was sliding into her final coma and was increasingly non-responsive the day before she died, her eyes would still open when G said something to her. She also said that G held L as she died.... and every time I think about that, I start to cry. The thought that he loved her so much and was able to be there as she died - at one of the most profound moments of a person's life - just makes me so sad and so oddly happy, because it was was like they were able to complete their relationship.

F had also said that it was as though G and L really were one person, that they had made each other the kind, caring, compassionate, beautiful people they are/were... and thinking about it, it's so true. When I talked to G it "felt" like talking to L; they had the same energy, if that makes sense. I am so glad that they found each other because it's clear that they had the kind of love and relationship that doesn't come around all that often.

L also chose the song that marked the end of the memorial: "Let it Be" by the Beatles.... a song that brought tears to everyone's eyes. I felt like she chose it as a way of saying "let me go. I lived and we've talked about my life, but it's time to let me go and move on. Let me live through you now, in your heart and in your thoughts." I cried harder during this song than any other time before because it did feel so much like a goodbye - and I don't like goodbyes.

I want to add that even though it was definitely a celebration of L's life, I cried throughout because it was a celebration of a beautiful, meaningful life that is gone too soon... and I miss her. As I got to know her even more through each person or group who spoke, I loved and missed her more and so I cried more. Mine were not the only tears, of course, but crying is cathartic for me... and the celebration/service/memorial was definitely the right place to have shed those tears.

I'm so very glad that I went. I felt like I was able to really grieve for L and to be with other people who shared my grief for her... and I was able to grieve with those people for the others we've lost. I'm grateful that my inner voice encouraged me to go and that I did go, even though I missed the train on Thursday. It was definitely the right thing for me to do. I hope that my presence there, as well as my descriptions of the service afterward for those who couldn't be there, provided others with as much comfort as I received.

Home

I arrived home last night and went to bed pretty early. As much as I love traveling on the train - and I do - the trip was tiring. I'm still quite tired so I'm going to wait until tomorrow to give you a better description of the trip; for now, I just wanted to let you know that I'm very happy that I went and that I'm home, safe and sound.

Ian is also home and is more tired than me. I'm so, so happy to see him, even though we're both so tired, because I've missed him.

The best laid plans....

By now I should have been in Poughkeepsie... but things didn't work out exactly like I planned.

The train leaves Toronto union tation every day at 8:30am, and I figured that the 6:05am Greyhound from Kitchener would get me there more than an hour early. There was one earlier bus at 5:35am but I thought I was giving myself plenty of time.

If I'd checked construction report before I set out, I would have known that they were doing construction three exits from the Kitchener one (at exit 286, Townline road) on the 401.... and that the construction goes fo 24km... and that delays of up to an hour are expected. Sigh. The bus driver did everything he could to make it as soon as possible, but there was just no way I would make it; once we got past the construction we lost so much time that we ended up right in the thick of Toronto morning rush hour traffic.

I rescheduled everything and am leaving tomorrow morning instead. I'm spending the night at Ian's parents because there's no way that I'm going back home only to face that construction yet again tomorrow.

Hopefully the rest of this trip will be smoother :)

Leaving tomorrow

So the top of the dress wasn't quite right; the best thing to do would be to re-shape and re-cut the top to fit better. Somehow it had waaay too much fabric on the sides but not nearly enough where it was needed. since I'm leaving tomorrow, I decided to put the project on hold until I get back. I might have been able to re-shape and re-cut and re-sew the dress today... but that would be stressful and I don't want to be stressed.

I did dye my hair today. The colour is different than what I normally get, which I guess is a bit darker and more mahogany. What I got is a lighter red with lighter orange-y highlights. It's not that bad, and it'll be fine, but it's different from what I'm accustomed to. My roots are definitely light - in fact, they're pale blond and pale, pale red... because of the grey there :) As I say, the colour will be fine and it'll wash out. I tried really hard to not get the dye under my patches and I think I succeeded.

I'm finishing up a load of laundry while I type this. When the laundry is done I'll pack my stuff for the trip. I'm not gone for too long and so I'm hoping to pack relatively lightly. Clothes-wise, packing is no problem... it's the entertainment stuff that's hard to pack. I'll be spending two full days on the train and I need stuff to do. So do I take the laptop? Do I take my books? Both? We'll see.

Since I might not have the laptop with me, I probably won't be updating this blog over the weekend. I'll definitely give an update Sunday or Monday.

Running errands

My Meditation group started today. I've missed the class a lot - I find that when I go every week, I'm calmer and more centred. I try and meditate on my own with a special focus on my breathing but it's just not the same as someone leading it. It was hard to get up early but I was so glad that I went.

I also managed to get some errands done. The most important was getting my bus ticket for the trip this week. I'd thought about taking the train from Kitchener to Toronto and then to Poughkeepsie (which is where I'm going) but there are only three minutes for the Toronto connection and I'm too slow to make that. Some days I'm fast but I can't count on that. So I decided that I'd take an early bus to the Toronto train station, pick up my ticket, and have time to find the platform before the train leaves.

Unfortunately, I couldn't pick up my train ticket today. I booked it with Amtrak instead of Via because for some reason Via said it didn't run every day, but of course it does. Because I booked with Amtrak, I have to pick up my ticket at the Amtrak machine or kiosk at the Toronto train station. I'll want to be sure that there's time to do that.

I also picked up a semi-permanent hair dye. I've been mixing two medium brown permanent colours together - a blondish brown and a reddish brown - to get the haircolour I have. I think I found a close match in Natural Instincts; it's a medium golden reddish brown and when I put my hair against the sample, the match was pretty close.

I was going to leave my hair alone until I figured out what to do but because I'm going somewhere I want to look my best... and I'd say that one inch roots aren't my best look. So I figured that the easiest thing to do was use a semi-permanent dye which will wash out and will hopefully not give me a rash. Maybe if I don't get the dye near my patches, I won't get a rash. Also, this dye is only on for about 10 minutes so doesn't have as long to rashify me.

More sewing

Believe it or not, I did more sewing today. I sewed until I got tired and started making mistakes and having to rip stitches out; these days, when I sew, I usually only have to do each seam once. Sure, I baste things, but I don't usually have to rip out entire seams (or overlapping parts of seams) and re-sew them. I guess that comes with experience: the more I sew, the faster I get, even if I don't sew as often as I used to.

I'm pleased with the dress I'm making. The top is going to show bra straps - there's nothing I can do about that - so I think I'm going to put in some very light detachable padding to smooth things out on the top. The top is lined so there's room to do it and it'll mean that I don't need to worry so much about a bra with it.

I can't wait to finish it and start/finish the next one out of the other fabric! I'm also excited about working on the different tops in combination with the shorter skirt. I wish I was able to make myself sew more often. I just get so lazy, especially if I get up late. For the last couple of days I've been trying to get up early and that's been helping me do more. I have to set my alarm out of arm's reach to do it, but if it means that I can get things done, I'm happy to do that.

I do have to say that cutting out fabric on the floor is very hard work. Clearly I'm in terrible shape, because I have what Ian calls "juggler's bum" on both sides from lunging and stepping over the fabric while trying to straighten it out and get it flat and stuff. Looking back, I guess I was doing that almost non-stop over a period of about two hours yesterday, but I didn't think I'd hurt so much today. I'm so sore! When I woke up this morning I could barely walk, and I've been hobbling around in this crazy bow-legged half-crouch all day. It's a good thing that I'm on my own because I look sooo silly when I'm up and about. :)

Sewing... finally

I actually (finally) did some sewing-related activities today. I cut out some fabric for the dress that I'm making. I'd planned on using a certain fabric for this dress ... but it has this weird horizontal pattern that repeats every three feet or so, and so two of these bands are included in the skirt - one as the hem and one up near the waist. Yes, I'm that short.

So anyways, I only have three yards of this fabric and I thought I'd figured everything out to cut the front and back skirt, but I kinda messed up so that one corner of one panel is about 2"  narrower at the bottom than the other corner. I'm not quite sure how to fix this; I think I might just add a small piece there; no one will notice that.

I might also be able to reshape the panel a bit to fix it. Normally both the front and back skirts use the same pattern, and both are gathered at the midriff just above the waist. I'd already planned on making darts in the back instead of gathers and depending on how things go with that and with the size of the dress, I might end up taking the skirt in.

But of course I didn't want to have to figure out what will work with this limited fabric, so I ended up cutting the dress out in another fabric I have on hand. It's a stretchy, soft rayon-lycra jersey that's black with white circular flowers or lacy medallion thingies in a couple of sizes. It's pretty fabric (which is why I have it... all the fabric I choose is pretty. Some of the stuff I got with patterns and for free with other fabric may not be quite as gorgeous).

Anyways, after all that thinking and figuring out, I didn't want to sew anything (even though this dress is pretty easy; the hardest part is the neckband). So I went for a walk and then watched tv all evening. I hope to put this dress together tomorrow - and I honestly hope that I don't have too many adjustments to make.

Getting ready to travel

I've decided that I"m going to my friend's memorial next week. I booked a train ticket leaving Thursday and coming back on Sunday. Since the memorial is Saturday afternoon, this will give me a chance to get settled and comfortable before everything.

I decided on the train because it's cheaper than the plane - even if I used airmiles for the plane, I'd have to get to and from the airport and pay the fees, all of which add up to about the same cost as the train. It was so much easier when we could fly from the local airport to Detroit; now, if I want to go to the US, I have to go to Toronto.

I haven't booked my hotel yet; I'm waiting to find out where everyone else is staying before I do that.

I've been thinking about my hair... what if I stripped the dye off my hair using a bleach and then used a semi-permanent dye to make my hair it's more natural colour? Would that work,do you think? I think the semi-permanent dye wouldn't be as harmful to me or my system as the permanent. I don't know... I saw the bleach stuff and thought that it might work.

Still sad.... thinking about a road trip

I managed to get out of the house today... it was important, because I had been so upset by yesterday's news. We knew that this particular friend wasn't doing well - she stopped chemo 2 1/2 months ago, after all, and we thought she'd go much more quickly than she did - but that doesn't change how deeply affected I am.

Her memorial service will be held next Saturday, September 12 near Poughkeepsie, NY and I'm thinking of going. All I have to do is figure out how to get there. I'd thought about driving but it's an eight hour drive each way, plus stops and the border crossing. If I had someone who was part of our group and wanted to go, we could share the drive, making this the best way to go.

Flying is fastest but you pay for that. It used to be easy to fly from our local airport to the US via Detroit but the company stopped that flight. So if I wanted to fly, I'd have to do it from the Toronto airport which would involve transportation costs to/from the airport... and those aren't cheap.

I'm seriously thinking about taking the train. It's about ten hours or so each way, which is about the same as driving would be, and it's about half the price of plane fare. Plus I wouldn't have to take expensive rides to and from the airport.

We'll see. I'm going to sleep on this but I'm pretty sure I'm going to go.... I think I need to, not just to say goodbye to my friend but to mourn in the company of my other friends who knew her, if that makes sense.

My friend died today :(

My friend LisaP died today, at 12:30pm, with her husband and best friend (and possibly her pugs) by her side. I was lucky enough to meet her twice, in Westport and in Philly. I love her so much, and I'm so sad that she's gone.

Lisa was very active on the support boards I'm on; she was never afraid to speak her mind but she always did so with grace, sensitivity, and well-chosen words. We bonded, a bit, because we'd had some similar experiences, and she was definitely the better person between us. Her pugs were the only children she had and she loved them very much; one had a birthday recently and she got herself up and made the pugs corn muffins with peanut butter frosting. That's what they liked for birthday celebrations and so that's what she did. She surrounded herself with music and butterflies and creativity and beauty.

Lisa received hospice care starting in June, because she could no longer receive chemo. Her mets were kind of everywhere but it was the liver mets that were giving her trouble. She managed to last for weeks and weeks, eating just a little, sleeping a lot, and getting continual oxygen. Her husband slept near her so that he could lift her out of bed when she needed to be out.

She and her husband wrote about everything in a blog they were publishing. Nothing was kept secret, so that we all knew what was happening and how her life was winding down. A few weeks ago she was able to check into our mets-only board - we were so happy to see her! - and there, too, she told us what it was like, being her and living the life she was living then. She was so

She was so beautiful, inside and out, and I miss her so much. I can't stop crying because Lisa is gone - even though we knew it would happen, it still hurts so much. I hope she is resting comfortably now, surrounded by beauty, rainbows, and pugs. Love to you, Lisa... and to Lisa's family, who also loved her very much.

And to cancer: Fuck you. Stop killing my friends.

Better today after a little shopping

I feel much better today... much more together and happier. I went to Chapters, the nearby bookstore, and I bought some books and magazines. I had to buy magazines; the fall fashion issues are out and I want to see what's new for fall.

I also bought Dark Water, a collection of short stories by Koji Suzuki (who also wrote Ring, the book on which the Ring movies are based). The first story was made into the Japanese and US versions of the movie Dark Water. Adrift was the basis for Open Water 2: Adrift. and I think some of the other stories might have been made into movies as well. It's a good read, so far.

I also bought By Blood We Live, the third collection of stories edited by John Joseph Adams - the other two are The Living Dead and Wastelands: Stories of the Apocalypse - although they're all listed as being by Stephen King because one of his stories is included in each collection. By Blood We Live, a collection of vampire stories, has a story by Neil Gaiman that I think I've never read. but that isn't why I bought it - I bought it because I have the other two anthologies and I like the stories in them. It looks like Adams has edited a couple of other short story collections; I'll have to see if I can find them, too.

So you see it was a productive trip out for more than one reason :) Tomorrow I'll need to get some groceries so I'll had out at some point and do that.