Last full day in Winston-Salem

I love shopping! I'd actually intended to take a shopping break today. Really. Well, I was going to try and find the bead store that is supposed to be here, but that's for a specific project and so that wouldn't have counted. Unfortunately, the store is out of business :( and so I went to get some groceries for the trip home.

Next to the grocery store was a Burlington Coat Factory which is like Winners with discounted clothes and they were having a sale. They do have a fine selection of coats, and I bought a raincoat that fits very well and looks fabulous! I also bought some purses with frames that I can use. It's hard to get purse frames without special-ordering them so if I can find them at the store I can use them. Some of them are designed to have the lining and outer fabric stitched into the frame (instead of held into the frame via pressure or screws)! I was thrilled! When I realized this in the store, I bought every purse of this type - there were three of them. What a find :)

I have been working on this custom project for a while. Someone gave me some stone beads and asked me to make a necklace and earrings out of them. I'd been having trouble figuring out what to make because I don't usually use these stones. Today I finally I figured out what I'm going to do :) Hopefully I can find the materials I need or I'm going to need to learn how to solder silver jumprings together. :)

This evening we went to the closing banquet of the festival. The service wasn't great; we had a vegan at our table who had requested the vegetarian meal and who didn't get it for a long time. I guess some people decided to go to the dinner at the last minute and then wanted the vegetarian meal. Someone else dropped a tray, too. Between those things, our tablemate had to wait a long time for his meal. The servers didn't clear our table of dinner plates until after the speeches and awards, and we didn't get coffee and dessert until afterwards as well. The awards and stuff lasted about two hours. I'd go again if I could get in for free.

Tomorrow we're leaving for Pittsburgh. We have our tickets for Fallingwater so we'll see that on the way to the hotel.

Hiking, shopping, and a show

This morning we went for a hike in Hanging Rock State Park. We got there nice and early at 8am before any other hikers. This gave us the trail to ourselves. The trail itself wasn't very long (a mile or so each way) and it was rated as moderate, but the moderate parts were quite strenuous and steep. Thank goodness those parts were short. As it was, we got quite a workout :)

The view at the top of the trail was spectacular! I took a lot of pictures and I hope enough of them turn out so that you can see it, too. One of the more interesting things (to me) was the lines etched into the rocks. They were swirly and cool.

On the way down, as Ian almost stepped on a snake that reared its head up and hissed at him. He jumped back, of course, and we stood away from it. We don't really know our snakes but we do know that there are a number of poisonous snakes in this area so we videoed it and took photos of it as well. We asked the ranger later and it turns out that this snake was a copperhead (one of the poisonous ones) and a good sized one at about 2 1/2 feet long. This was pretty exciting for both of us, not to mention a little scary.

After that big walk and excitement, we had a nap and then Ian went to juggle and I went to shop. I got a great dress for only $30. I tried on more suits and stuff but since I've gained a little weight in my abdomen, my top is one size and my hips are another. Blah. So pants and skirts need to be a size larger and jackets need a bit of extra room through the hips as well. It's not like I need a suit or anything, but I wanted one just to have it. Oh well.

Tonight we watched the Cascade of Stars show. It's supposed to be the best show of the week. It was pretty good, but we didn't like all of the acts. The first act was very avant-garde and so nothing they did made any sense. The one guy yelled every time he dropped which was weird and the other guy had a fascination with body parts (as shown by the doll parts and the body painted on the cigar boxes). I really didn't get it, and I'm uncomfortable with art I don't get. Plus it was hot and dark with slow music playing so I was dozy. And they kept dropping so it wasn't like their act was at its best.

The second act was the very best I've seen in a long, long, long time. It's called Get the Shoe. I won't tell you too much about it, but if you eve see that they're in your city, go and see them. They're THAT good. They're funny and well-choreographed with an awesome routine. Their juggling was also very good. Go see them :)

I also liked the Aurelia Cats - she's a contortionist and a trapeze person. Her act was very good and well put together. She also wasn't a childlike contortionist but a real woman with real curves. I liked that.

The only other act I liked was Victor Kee, who did a routine from Cirque Du Soleil. He was some kind of animal who discovered the juggling balls and then did contact juggling and "proper" juggling with them. The juggling was good but what amazed me was how inhuman he looked; none of his mannerisms or movements looked human or natural. They were more birdlike or lizardlike. It was very interesting to watch because it was like watching something that doesn't come from this world. Obviously Cirque Du Soleil train their people very well :)

North Carolina juggling and shopping

The Renegade show was ok last night. There was a bellydancer who did contact juggling - both her bellydancing and contact juggling were good. She got lots of catcalls and whistles. Juggling is a sport practiced primarily by males, in case you didn't know :) Some of the other acts were pretty good and others were pretty bad. The guy with the two doll babies (he eventually made them out to be superheroes and they were supposed to jump on his head.... but they missed) was bad. I'm glad that we had an opportunity to go because we can't go tonight. I'd love to go but we're getting up very early tomorrow to go hiking.

Ian juggled all day and I shopped. I went to the Friendly Center. While I was there I pretty well exclusively spent time at Macy's because it is my favourite department store here. I tried on dresses and suits; I've gained a bit of weight and would love to have a suit with a jacket and skirt or pants. I found one I loved but it didn't come in my size, and the other one I loved would have cost me $168+tax on sale. I decided that I didn't need a suit that much :)

On my way there, I stopped at a Shoe Carnival store. While I was browsing around they announced a time-limited sale of buy one get one half off. Their prices were already reduced and so the two pairs of shoes I bought were a great bargain. Not to mention beautiful! One pair is a black patent ballet slipper and the other is a flat silver shoe with cutaway sides and interesting things at the toe.

OMG!!!!!! As I was looking to find my shoes so you all could see them (which I didn't, sorry), I saw that Zappos now has a Canadian site!!!!!!! They are shipping to Canada for a flat rate of $10. I can barely wait to shop there!!!! We in Canada can now get all these great shoes at all these great prices (the dollar is sooooooo good right now)!!!!!! I wish I had lots of money :) I tell you, this has made my day. If you love shoes like I do, and I know some of you do, I highly recommend this site. They have a big variety and their shoes tend to be less expensive than if you'd found them in the store.

On a less frenetic note, this evening we watched the individual and team juggling competitions. It was quite entertaining - I've seen some of these jugglers on videos so it's cool to see them participating in a competition. I'm really enjoying the shows here, and I think Ian is having a good time, too. We might consider going to the festival next year in Kentucky.

North Carolina

Yesterday we drove to Winston-Salem, North Carolina. We left around 7:30am and arrived at about 1:30pm. Ian juggled and I rested in the afternoon, and in the evening we went to the Ice Cream Social and then to see the Welcome Show. That was some pretty good juggling :) After that I was exhausted and went straight to bed. Ian juggled some more.

Today I went shopping at one of the local malls. Mostly I tried on dresses, because I like dresses, but I tried a few other things on, too. I bought a couple of non-dress items but that was it. If this non-spending keeps up, I won't reach my $750 in border-crossing allowance :) Luckily, I plan to shop tomorrow as well. I don't seriously plan to spend that much because I can't afford it but I do like trying things on.

This evening we went to the Junior showcase juggling and the Junior Competitions. Some stuff was boring but some of it was really, really good. I'm glad we went even though I was a little tired. There were some Japanese jugglers there who were really amazing!!!!! They were elegant and their moves were flowy and artistic... who thought that juggling could look so pretty?

In a few minutes we're going to go and see the Renegade show which is kind of like a juggling open mic night. Anyone can get up to perform. It's usually adult-oriented and it can either be funny or really, really bad. We'll see how this one goes :)

Washington, DC

I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath for another blog update. Unfortunately we couldn't get free internet on our last night in Washington, DC and last night I was much too tired to turn on the computer, let alone write my blog. We have been very, very busy. This first post is about Washington.

We woke up pretty early for our full day in Washington. We decided that we would take the Metro over to a stop near the White House and then circle the White House and head to the Lincoln Memorial. Following that, we'd walk along the National Mall to the Capitol. We ended up stopping at the Smithsonian because we were hot and tired but went back after a rest and finished the tour as planned. We have lots of photos but none of them have been posted yet, of course :) We think one of the conditions of free internet here is that we don't download or upload a lot of stuff.

The Metro is Washington, DC's subway system. It appears to be quite comprehensive and covers parts of Virginia and Baltimore as well. To ride it you have to figure out your fare in advance based on where you're going from the station and what time of day you're traveling and get yourself a farecard from the machines. It looks like if you're traveling after 9:30am most destinations are $1.35 which is very cheap. Machines read your farecard when you enter and leave the Metro and deduct the appropriate fare from it when you leave. We had actually miscalculated our fare needs and got farecards with $0.45 more than required, so we gave them to someone purchasing a farecard at our last stop. You can't get money back from a farecard, but you can add more money to it.

The White House is heavily guarded, as expected. You can only view it from behind an iron fence that is some regulated distance away from the building itself. I expect that we were videoed and possibly recorded during our sight-seeing there as well. Sigh. Armed police were everywhere; the police presence was very, very high there. Really, there isn't much to see there; it's the White House as seen from the street.

We made our way around and got to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. I found it very moving but it lists all of those names. There are so many of them.... and all of them were killed fighting the Vietnam war. They died for no good reason. Here the dead are personalized. They're not just abstract crosses or included in some faceless, nameless monument. The names of the dead are all there. I was deeply touched by this even though I didn't know any of these people. Most of the people there also appeared to be deeply moved by the memorial. They spoke in hushed tones about the people they knew or the events surrounding the Vietnam War. The Vietnam war can be especially hard to think about because the Iraq war is quite similar to it.

After that we went to the Lincoln Memorial. I felt a sense of deep reverence as we climbed the steps to it. There are lots and lots of them as you've seen on tv or in movies. When we got to the top I almost felt like I should have kneeled before Lincoln's statue. The eyes in the statue seem to follow you as you move around. We read the declarations on each side of the memorial and I felt that even though the dead from the Civil War were not named, it was powerful enough to make you think about war and its consequences. The words there were written after the Civil war when the country was torn in two, brother against brother, and so many died.

We took a break to eat lunch after this. I needed one because I had been very affected by both memorials and I didn't want to encounter the next two (the National World War II Memorial and Washington Memorial) without giving myself time to even out. It turns out that I needn't have bothered.

While the first two memorials deeply affected me and others around me in showing the human toll of war, the WWII memorial is a tribute to American might. It doesn't celebrate or revere the dead; it instead describes how the US fought back against Pearl Harbor and won because of its strength and, well, might. This memorial has big pillars for each state (plus a couple of territories) around a pool with fountains. You can't see the whole thing in one view. It is big and white and kind of epitomizes the conspicuous consumption after the war as well as its own victory in WWII - it comes across as almost arrogant. Looking at the monument you'd never know any other countries were involved in WWII.

The Washington Memorial is little more than a phallic symbol that apparently represents George Washington. It looks nice in the reflecting pool.

The only Smithsonian building we stopped at was the Information Castle. I'd hoped to see some of the museums but we were just too tired and by the time we resumed our tour, the museums had all closed.

It was much nicer in the evening after we had rested. There wasn't that much that we wanted to see. We ended up taking a few photographs, but our main destinations were the Capitol and the Supreme Court. We saw both of those buildings and were happy :)

More Scranton and on to Washington, DC

We spent the morning looking at some other touristy things in Scranton. We did make it to the Scranton Iron Furnaces - they are very cool! No one else was there when we were there and we were able to wander around by ourselves. It was really interesting to see the remnants of the historic technologies in the city. I took a bunch of photos but we haven't checked them yet. I hope they work out :)

After that, we went to the Lackawanna Coal Mine Tour. It was well worth the $8 admission. We only had to wait about 30 minutes for the tour to start and it lasted about an hour. We actually went down into the mine!!! Apparently the mine was shut down in 1966 because there is no demand for coal these days. It had a devastating impact on Scranton that lasted about 30 years. The mine could be re-opened at any time as there is still a lot of anthracite coal there and it is still in tip-top shape.

We got some history on the people that worked in the mine. They were all boys and men who were 7 years old and up. 7!!!!! I couldn't imagine working in the mine. There are lights there now, and they can string electric lights on areas that have been blasted, but when working in new areas the only light is the one from the miner's headlamp. There were rats, too. The guide said that there weren't any these days, but I don't think that's true - they probably don't come out when people are around, but I'm sure that they're there. Also, I guess they'd work any vein that was 36" wide or more. Can you imagine trying to drill and blast when it's only a yard wide?

I was also amazed at how they put structure into the mines. Each vein of coal that's being mined has cross-cuts and gangways and other things - basically, they honeycomb the coal veins and prop them up with pillars of coal together with timbers. No wonder they collapse! Working in and around the mine is/was very dangerous.... definitely not something for me :)

After the tour we hit the road to Washington, DC. Traffic was quite heavy the whole way, partly because we drove on expressways in the middle of several big cities. We had a little trouble finding our hotel (I got us lost) but we made it here. We're right near the Library of Congress. The hotel is pretty nice but is in the middle of a management change. The room and lobby are quite nice, but the toilet is slow and the door is weird - it's hard to lock. Parking will be $28 tomorrow; we can park on the street until 8am tomorrow. If we couldn't do that we'd have to pay for two days of parking. Gulp.

I tried to do my blog in the lobby (there's supposed to be complimentary wireless internet there) but after connecting to sites once, the laptop wouldn't connect to anything. It's not our laptop; there's something wrong with the service. Grrrr. Internet is $9.95/day which seems like a lot.... so to write this I've connected to a nearby unprotected network and am using that. Yeah, I know that that's not really good but we can't use the lobby and I don't want to pay a lot, so, well, I'm "borrowing" someone else's internet. :)

Tomorrow we plan to explore the National Mall from the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol. Unless it rains, in which case we'll do something else fun and touristy :)

First stop: Scranton!

We left early this morning and managed to get to the border by 10am. It took an hour to get through and we arrived in Scranton, Pennsylvania at about 4pm. We might have arrived an hour or so earlier but we did stop a few times to eat and stuff. We didn't want to just drive straight here without stopping; we want this to be a relaxing adventure. The scenery on the drive was very beautiful! There are lots of mountains and trees and pretty views everywhere. Apparently the Poconos are just east of here. We didn't know that :)

After we checked in to our hotel, we went to see the Steamtown National Historic Site. I guess it's the only one of its kind anywhere. We got there at 4:30 and it closed at 5pm, so we didn't see many exhibits inside. We were able to wander around and look at various steam engines, though, and that was quite interesting. Some of them have wheels as tall as me!

As we were driving around looking for this museum, we wound up behind someone driving slowly. After we'd stopped at a red light, he didn't start after a reasonable time when it changed so I gave a light tap on the horn. He waved his arm out of the car and banged his hand on the roof of his car. Does anyone know what that meant? Was he trying to give me the finger (he couldn't because he had a lit cigarette in that hand)? Or does that particular gesture mean something else? It was very strange.

Our hotel is nice enough. It's not that expensive and has free internet and a free continental breakfast. We like those things :) There is a 24-hour grocery store just across the parking lot. We actually went there a few minutes ago to get a few things for sandwiches as well as apples and stuff. We have a plug-in cooler in which we'll keep these things; we're doing this because we won't have a fridge in our room in Winston-Salem.

One thing that is odd about Scranton is that very few lanes are marked on city streets. Left- and right-turn lanes are marked but nothing else. Sometimes we wondered whether there was one lane or two, and, well, we guessed. Speaking of odd things, people don't always park in the same direction as traffic. There were quite a few cars facing us as we were driving down the street - this was very strange and a bit unsettling. One other thing - a mall completely encircles the historic site, making it almost impossible to find. I don't like the idea of a retail shopping place obscuring the country's heritage and culture. Sigh. It wasn't even that good of a mall.

We didn't make it to the coal mine today, but we will go tomorrow before we leave for Washington, DC. If there's time we might go and see the Scranton Iron Furnaces - four big stone blast furnaces from the mid-nineteenth century. Providing we can find them, of course :)

As we were picking up maps and stuff, we found out that Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater house is about an hour outside of Pittsburgh!!!!! I'm sure some of you knew this, but we didn't and we are quite excited about this discovery. We're going to see if we can get tickets for a tour - since we'll be so close it'd be a shame if we didn't try to see it. There's apparently another Frank Lloyd Wright house (Kentuck Knob, aka the Hagan House) near to there as well. I don't think we'll have time for both, but we'll see.

Tomorrow: more Scranton and then off to Washington, DC.

A full Friday the 13th

There is no cancer in my liver. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy about this. I'd had a funny feeling in my liver and I was worried, but I guess there's probably something wrong with my stomach or something.

IU also talked to my oncologist and I think it went really well. I approached it from the standpoint of "we never really got off on the right foot; I love your compassion and caring and I need that as well as more technical information." I also apologized for behaving angrily last time. I felt really comfortable afterwards - at least I feel like I can talk to her if I need more from her or need a lot of technical stuff. She is going to give me copies of all of my test results and I got all of my tumour markers. I'm good with that.

Because I had radiation two weeks ago, the cancer cells are dying off and sending out the protein that the tumour markers check (this is called "tumour flare"), so the markers will be high right now. We're going to wait until the end of August to do the tumour markers again. I'll be able to call and get the results in early September; they're setting that up for me. I'll my oncologist again in three months (October?). If my tumour markers are up again in August I guess we'll do them again and see. If they're up then, well, something is going on. I don't think that'll happen, though - I really think that my condition is stable.

My pain is really going down; I feel like a completely new person now. I feel a LOT more energized and able to do things. For the first time in a long, long time I feel like I could actually do work. And I'm excited, even, at the thought of working (which hasn't happened in a long time). I think that I'm going to try to go back at some point, either in the fall or in January.

The insurance company sent me the application for CPP disability benefits. Sigh. I don't even know if I qualify - I have to have worked for some number of years prior to the disability, and I don't know if I've worked that amount because of all the coop stuff.

I'm not going to think about any of that, though, because tomorrow we're going on vacation!!!!!! We're all packed up except for our last-minute toiletries and computer stuff and the car is loaded up. Tomorrow we'll get up, pack the last stuff and hit the road. We hope to make it to Scranton in time for the coal mine tours :)

Avoiding tomorrow

As you know, we're leaving for North Carolina on Saturday (in two days). I should be cleaning and packing and getting ready for that, you might think.

I didn't do any of that today. Instead, I spent much of the day driving to Bass Pro Shops at Vaughan Mills to get myself a new tackle box for my beads. I managed to wander around part of the rest of the mall and try stuff on, too. Everyone's got stuff on sale :) I only bought the tackle box. It's got wheels and a handle and can also be carried as a backpack. Since my beads weigh about 40 pounds, I didn't want to get one that can only be carried via a shoulder strap or something as it would be too heavy. I'm very pleased with my tackle box purchase - especially since I got it 50% off when I was only expecting it to be 25% off!!!

So when I came home, did I pack and stuff? No. I decided to continue trying to make a dress. I got to the point where I have to take something out (if I don't sew for a while, I forget about how to attach the lining to the outer fabric when sewing a fully-lined sleeveless dress. Sigh.) and then I stopped.

I don't actually think I'm avoiding packing so much.... I have an oncologist's appointment tomorrow. I don't actually think that the liver ultrasound will show anything, since no one has called me, but of course I am a bit worried about that. In addition to that, I need to talk to my oncologist because I'm not comfortable with the way that she gives us information and I'm dreading it (as is Ian). I kind of get the feeling that she talks down to us and that she isn't volunteering information to us (like if I don't ask, she won't tell). She rounds the tumour marker numbers to present them in their best light, and I'm worried that she's not in my corner. I do know that the situation as-is is not good for me and that something has to change. I'm willing to give her another chance although I might be happier with a referral to one of the other oncologists there.

I am going in assuming that she has as much trouble dealing with me as I have with her - I'm not so conceited as to assume that this is a one-way street. We'll see how it goes. Sigh.

On a positive note, the pain is definitely decreasing. I haven't had to take Percocet at all this week and I've been able to cut my painkillers from 4 times a day to 3 times a day. I can't just go off my painkillers; I have to be weaned off because I'll have a physical tolerance for it. I do hope I can cut my painkillers even more :)

Turtles are so cute

I spent the day making a dress for myself. I want one of those trapeze-type dresses that are gathered in at an empire seam but that doesn't make me look pregnant. Unfortunately my dress is not yet working out and needs a bit more work :( Oh well - I got some great fabrics and I can still afford to play around with them a bit. Hopefully I'll get it working :)

After Well-fit we went to a friend's house to play games. This time we played Hoity Toity and Set. Hoity Toity has very long instructions that are very precise. They were meant to leave no possible situation unexplored so seemed quite long. The game was very fast moving and a lot of fun. Ian and I ended up winning :)

Set is a fun game where you match up cards in sets of three. I think it's usually a game for children. It was fun, too :) We all really enjoyed playing that one.

It was good to see everyone again; I haven't seen them lately as I haven't been able to go to the last two game nights. The best part about tonight was the turtles. The hosts have two of them (a male and a female). They're red eared slider turtles and they're very, very cute!!!! I got to feed them snacks and they were so cute when they stretched their heads up to eat the treat from my fingers (biting my fingers in the process)! They took the male turtle out and I got to hold him. He has very long claws and kept trying to get away - it felt really cool to have him push his little paws against my hand. Turtles are so cute.... it almost makes me wish that I had a cute little turtle :)

Insurance things

I'd been wondering why I hadn't been receiving those notices each month indicating that the LTD was going into my account... and I was also sure that I was supposed to get some money back from the dentist. Well, I logged into the insurance company's site and found out that I was supposed to get money back. When I called them it turned out that my address had been miraculously changed. The only place that could have done it was my dentist's office. Grrr. I've changed it back and I should get my $330 back soon. That's a lot of money to go without :)

I also found out that Ian is covered under my insurance. And that the insurance company would cover the entire cost of Neupogen if I needed it :)

I got an application form for a Christmas show in Ancaster. It's a two day show November 24-25, and it's $165 for a 10x10ft booth for the two days. That's a lot of money. The application is past the deadline but there are a couple of booths open, so the organizer said that I should mail in the application anyways. I guess I'll do that. We'll see if this works out. It would be nice if I did well there - I just hope I don't get sick :)

Oh yeah - I bought these shoes at Winners for only $12!!!!!!!! They were on sale from $50. What a deal! And I bought some gorgeous fabric with which to make a couple of dresses. Soooo pretty....

Where did the day go?

You might have been surprised because there was no blog entry yesterday. That's because I was only awake for about 5 hours yesterday. Really. I got up at about 1:45pm and had a nap starting at 7pm. I woke up at 9pm and Ian sent me up to bed.... and then I got up at 10am this morning. Obviously I needed a LOT of sleep, maybe because of radiation the week before? I don't know why I needed to sleep so much - the important thing is that I'm feeling quite a bit better now. Although since it's so close to bedtime I'm very tired now.

The rash is pretty well gone. I do think it might have been a heat rash. On the elbow where I scratched there is a big red spot that is really ugly. The skin over it feels dry and tight, too. Apparently one of the side effects of Ritalin is itching and a rash and so I've put a call into the nurse for the prescribing doctor. I don't really think that it's related to the Ritalin, but it's better to be safe than sorry. I do think that I need a larger dose of Ritalin because I still need a LOT of caffeine to stay awake an entire day. I don't think that's good.

In the brief period that I was awake we went to see 1408 yesterday. I've read the story and it isn't that close to the original story, which is probably why it's good :) Stephen King books and stories don't always translate well to movies because they're so long and there is so much going on inside the characters minds. When Stephen King does the screenplay he tries to keep everything, making the movie/miniseries long and drawn out. The screenwriter for 1408 wasn't King which is a point in its favour, too :)

Anyways, 1408 is quite good. There isn't really any gore or anything like that, but it is creepy in a jump-out-of-the-shadows kind of way. It's 14A so teenagers can see it, but it isn't really aimed at teenagers. John Cusak does a fine job as the protagonist having to stay in this room and having all of these things happen to him. While watching this movie I realized that John Cusak is an actual actor. I'd recommend 1408 if you like a good creepy thriller movie.

Right now we're watching the original Halloween. It's pretty good in much the same ways as 1408 - kind of creepy and a little scary but without a lot of gore. I think it's pretty good and would recommend it, too.

Going to the circus

We went to Avaia, the CirqueNiagara show in Niagara Falls tonight. Before that, we figured that since we were so close to the US anyways that we might as well go to Joanns fabric store as I was looking for a couple of specialty items. Unfortunately, we didn't plan on the 2 1/2 hour wait to get through customs. We thought we'd left plenty of time but we ended up a bit rushed. Fortunately, customs didn't charge us duty on the things we bought.

The first Joanns we went to didn't have what I was looking for so we went to a bigger one. They had almost everything, but I wish that I'd been able to go back to the first store. We had dinner plans and there just wasn't time. The lighting in some parts of Joann's was terrible; it was dark and purple and I felt like I couldn't see. I found it very upsetting and disorienting. Between that and the fact that we were running late, I was a basket case for a little while. I wasn't able to coherently describe what I wanted - I couldn't find the words and I couldn't think. I did get most of what I wanted, including an adjustable skirt hemmer thingy with a thing that makes chalk puff out in a straight line.

The dinner at Mia Casa Ristorante was pretty good. The ambience was good and the server warned us that the kitchen was very busy because of three wedding parties, and then proceeded to make sure that we were out in time for our show. It was a little expensive but then, so is everything in Niagara Falls.

The circus was GREAT!!!! We all had a great time and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. One of the unique things about this circus is that it has real, live horses. The tricks they can do on the running horses are nothing short of amazing! The other acts including the transition clowns and acrobatics were very good, too. The circus took place in a tent with a ring in the middle and seating around the middle. It had a cozy, almost old-fashioned feel, like each member of the audience contributed to the circus. We'd highly recommend this show if you're in the Niagara region. The tickets range from $39-79 and a kid 12 and under is free with the purchase of an adult ticket (half-price otherwise). That really isn't that expensive compared to other forms of entertainment.

In other news, I've got some crazy rash thing in the corners of my elbows, my neck, and my back. Wherever my skin folds, I've got terrible itching and a red painful rash. I have no idea what this could be. Anyone know? I took my allergy medication this morning and we went to the pharmacist to figure out what to do. She recommended a hydrocortisone cream mixed with something else. This gives temporary relief but the rashes are still there. This is strange.

I feel pretty.... and cranky

I went back to my normal hairstylist to get my hair cut today and I am SO much happier than I was the last time it was cut. I'd gone to another stylist at another salon because my hairstylist upped my prices. Even though the other salon gave great service with head massages, hand massages, and the like, the hairstylist didn't do as good a job on my hair. She was very rough with the comb on my head which was very uncomfortable. And even though I told her that my hair winged out in certain places and asked her to cut it so that it didn't wing out, she ignored that request. So my hair was kinda funny-looking.

Anyways, I'm much, much, much happier with my new hairstyle. She fixed it up and made it look awesome - and I know that it won't wing out. :)

So the pain still hasn't gone down, unfortunately. I'm taking maybe 2 percocet a day, which is a bit less than before, but I'd like to not have pain. I'm also still quite tired. If I have enough caffeine I can stay awake all day. Should I need caffeine to stay awake?

I'm feeling a bit restless and unsettled, with some crankiness and moodiness thrown in for good measure. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, although Ian's guessing that it's probably related to the pain and tiredness. But I'm finding myself alternately wanting to be left completely alone and wanting someone near me. It's almost like everything is a little bit off-kilter, making me feel both overwhelmed and lonely. How is this possible? Why am I feeling this way? How can I get rid of this and be more balanced? Any ideas?

I don't think I'm worrying about the oncologist; I think that she may have called today if there had been something wrong, so I'm feeling cautiously optimistic on that front.

Some sadness, some fun, and some annoyance

We took the Mazda3 back today :( Now we just have the one car. It didn't take too long to do the paperwork, at least. We didn't owe anything because we had purchased the WearCare insurance. I'm glad we did that even though we didn't end up spending the full amount that we bought. The inspectors could easily have found little things here and there that would have increased the amount we'd had to pay. We were also able to take the plates back this afternoon. I'll have to call the insurance company tomorrow.

Later on, a friend and I got our palms read. It was sort of interesting. She clearly had a stock patter - both of us were going to live overseas, both of us were gifted, both of us would visit people in the hospital but there was no death involved, there is happiness around us, and there is jealousy and envy around us. She also told me:

• I haven't yet met the love of my life but would meet that person in more than 2 1/2 years (I think she misread my age and so got the timeframe wrong)
  
• I would live across the water from my family (again, I figure that she didn't know how old I was and so misread the timeframe).
  
• Money will come to me but I will never be rich.
  
• Although I am very gifted, I am not gifted in working in an office.
  
• There is someone around me who will seek to befriend me but who can't be trusted.
  
• I will live a long life.

The one thing she didn't pick up on was that I have an incurable cancer which I'd think that would show up to a psychic. Perhaps I'm wrong. I think I might try this sort of thing again sometime. Comparing notes with my friend to figure out what was stock and could be ignored was the best part :)

We're still having internet problems where the internet stops working between 8ish and 9ish. Sigh. This time, Ian called. He managed to get through to second level tech support after a half-hour. Unfortunately, that person said that since we could download some file, there was nothing wrong. Aaaarggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!! We're dropping packets all over the place. It has nothing to do with connection speed!!!!!!!

We (by which I mean Ian) will be calling during regular business hours so that we don't have to deal with the people that do tech support after hours. I think tech support outsourcing is new for Bell - both of us KNOW that we talked to Canadians when we called before - and they don't have a logical, adequate process in place for them. If Rogers didn't suck so much, we'd go with Rogers in a heartbeat. Sigh. I don't know who to contact at Bell to express our displeasure with the extremely poor customer service in their outsourced locations.

A very sleepy day

They say that radiation makes a person tired. I'd been doing ok over the weekend, but I slept until noon today, had a nap in the afternoon, and could go to bed now. Yes, I took Ritalin today. I'm wondering if I'm taking a high enough dose. I went to Well-fit and was able to do the weights but I couldn't do the cardio. I just couldn't. I tried and made it for 10 minutes - my pulse went up to 160 and I just couldn't go on. So I stopped. I'm also having trouble with hot and cold - I'm either broily hot or freezy cold, almost like I have the flu. I thought that the tiredness was supposed to be like the flu, but not that I had the rest of the symptoms of the flu! I hope this goes away soon.

The pain in my sternum had been sort of down but it's up again a little. I hope that it does go away. I want to be awake and pain-free. Is that too much to ask? Sigh.

We take the Mazda 3 Sport back tomorrow. I'd leased it almost three years ago and tonight is the last night I'll have it :( We got it because we'd started paddling on the dragonboat team in Stratford. At the time, we were getting a ride from one of my coworkers to Stratford and then we'd borrow his other car to get him. He would pick it up at work the next day, having got a ride into work from a third coworker. Sound complicated? It was. So we got the car. I got the first car I test-drove because I liked how it was sporty and powerful and fun to drive. We managed to get the car right off the lot - someone had ordered it but didn't want it. It didn't have all the bells and whistles but it was fine for us.

I remember that getting insurance was a nightmare because although I'd had my license for 10-ish years at that point, I'd never been insured in Ontario. Therefore, I was considered to be a new driver and they wanted to charge me $3600/year - more than I was paying for the car! Ian's mom suggested that I try Meloche Monnex because they have a special rate for University of Waterloo alumni. I did, and their rate was about a third of what the other companies wanted to charge me. It worked out well in the end; they take care of all of our insurance needs.

Anyways, I'll miss the car. I've enjoyed driving it around for the last three years - to and from Stratford, to dragon boat events all over the place, and everywhere else. It was my first car and even though I knew I wasn't going to keep it, it served me very well.

Nothing really happened today

Today was one of those days where nothing really happened. You know, where you're up and doing stuff but nothing really gets done? Well, today was like that for me. Sure, I did a little designing, and I did a little figuring out, and I thought about another thing that I'm working on (I've got its essence in my head but not its design). But I didn't really DO anything. The day just passed by.

To tell the truth, I'm sort of waiting for the phone to ring. I keep half-expecting my oncologist to call about the ultrasound. That's very silly, because there's no reason for them to call. They only call when something is wrong and there's no reason for there to be anything wrong. I guess although I say I'm not worried, I must be concerned in the back of my mind. Realistically, even if there is something wrong, the oncologist won't get the results until the end of the week and so wouldn't call until then. So why am I waiting for a call?

A lazy day

I guess I was up way too late last night, because I slept in until Ian woke me at 10am and then had a nap later. I would have happily slept in more. I'd like to be getting up earlier because it gives me more hours in the day. Today was an extremely lazy day, though, because I was tired. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

I was pleased with the sale I had; I sold 12 items altogether, which I think is a really good outcome. Thank you all who bought from me and supported me! Please remember that if you're looking for something in particular, I am happy to make something special for you :)

It turns out that we do have some good fireworks pictures. They're on this page. What do you think? I guess some of them could be cropped, but I'm quite pleased with the way they turned out. I tell you, the fireworks setting on the camera is a good thing to have. :)

Happy Canada Day!

We spent the day at the Canada Day Festivities put on by the University of Waterloo and the UW Federation of Students. They do this every year and it's usually a fun time. There are lots of activities for kids as well as musical entertainment all day, food, vendors, and fireworks after dark. In previous years, Ian has juggled all day long but he didn't do that this year. It's too much for him if he juggles all day in the hot sun, and he would often wind up not feeling well afterward. Fortunately, he should be fine for the rest of the week :)

So here's what I liked about the event:

• The fireworks were awesome. There were new shapes - like hearts - that I really liked. I took some pictures and Ian took some video, but we haven't looked at these yet. If they're any good, I'll let you know :)
• The day was pretty nice; it wasn't too hot and the clouds cleared up completely in time for the fireworks.
• There was lots for the kids to do - face painting, bouncy castle, a petting zoo, and more.
• They had an arts and crafts area with about 12 or 15 vendors.
• The food was pretty cheap and ok.
• There were 30 portalets and wash stations. When they ran out of water in the wash stations, they added more.
• They had a recycling bin next to every garbage bin.
  

.... Nothing's perfect, though. Here's what I didn't like:

• The garbage cans were overflowing by 8pm to the point that every garbage can was surrounded by a ring of garbage.
• The portalets were never cleaned out. There were huge lineups around 9pm - around 15 lineups with 20ish people in each one - and the portalets were in a state of disrepair.
• The arts and crafts area. The online application says, "Vendors will be chosen based on suitability of merchandise. Merchandise must be a quality product and must be either hand crafted, have Canadian theme or be of interest to children." I'd actually sort of thought of participating in this show next year, but it looks like it would be a waste of time. There was one vendor selling cheap, tacky sunglasses. Another vendor was selling crocs (those shoes) with cheap charms, and a third was reselling string figures. I can only guess that the arts and crafts people thought that these three vendors had products that interested children, because they sold shoddy, cheap work. I talked to some of the jewelry sellers and they hadn't sold much - they were very disappointed. This would not be the right place for my jewelry.
  
• There was a food vendor advertising "Fresh squeezed lemonade" but when I asked whether they had unsweetened lemonade, they said that their lemonade came in crystal form and that it was pre-sweetened. Huh? How is that fresh?
• As they were leaving the fireworks area people left their garbage and recycling behind. It was a complete mess. I don't understand how people can just leave their garbage behind - it seems to me that they're little better than animals.
• People trying to leave one parking lot kept honking their horns. Traffic was completely blocked because of the flood of pedestrians and people in their cars just didn't get that they couldn't move. I don't understand how they all thought that honking their horns would help. Grrr.
• There was a car parked in such a way that it would have blocked traffic leaving our parking lot. This idiot thought that parking rules didn't apply to them and so parked in a bad location. The traffic issues mentioned above had a cascading effect so that people in our parking lot were getting slowed down, too. The sight of that car filled me with a kind of rage - I seriously thought about keying the car. I also thought about taking the flyer on our car and writing something very mean on it and leaving it for them to find. I didn't do either of these things, of course. It annoys me when people think that the rules don't apply to them - hello, the rules apply to EVERYONE. When you don't follow the rules, you make things difficult in one way or another for other people. That's hugely inconsiderate. Aargh.

So except for those bad things, we had a great time. We made the right parking decisions and were able to get home within about 15 minutes - considering it takes us 10 minutes to get home on a usual day, that's not bad :)

Oh yeah - there was someone reading tarot cards there, and I had my cards read quickly. I shuffled the deck and cut it into three piles while I thought of a question. The question I thought of was "what's going on with my cancer?". The cards that came up were 7 of Wands, Death, and the Fool reversed. She unreversed the Fool - I don't know why. The reading she gave was that I am at a crossroads or a very big change and that I must be very careful to pay attention to even the smallest details. She said that over and over, that I had to be careful and really think about what I was doing. Interesting, huh? I came away feeling a bit disturbed, actually.

I did a bit of research afterwards, and the cards from left to right mean the past, the present, and the future. So my past is represented by the 7 of wands (someone who is aggressive and defiant, among other things). The present is represented by Death, which is usually associated with sudden, unexpected change, great turmoil, and a fundamental change in life - so much so that the old self must "die" to become the new self. The future is represented by the Fool (reversed?), which involves a choice, new phase, or journey. The reversed meaning is that the choice will not be well-made.

Sale still on!

I sold some earrings - thanks! I have finally finished listing all of my stock so if you haven't checked out my store yet, now is a good time to do it :) There is a lot of variety in the earring colours and styles so there is something for everyone. For those of you that like the Waves of the ocean earrings, you might like these Green waves of grass earrings. They both have similar beads in different colours and evoke a similar impression in me.

I also have some lovely earrings using millefiori beads - these are glass beads that have flowers embedded in them. They are gorgeous when the light shines through them. I have these simple green ones, these other simple green ones, these yellow ones, these orange ones, these bigger green ones, and these aqua ones. As well, if you like interesting, fun earrings, have a look at these Flourite cube earrings. And of course I have quite a few simple glass earrings with two or three beads; these are about $10-20 each, depending on the number of beads.

Don't forget to look at my older stock as well; there are some beautiful earrings there. There are also a few necklaces that you might like. I like them, myself :) As I've said before, there is something for almost everyone in my store. Please note that all the jewelry in my store is arranged by dominant colour of the item. Now go and shop :)

The sternum pain is flaring up a bit and the skin is definitely red. There's a red rectangle in the center of my chest; it looks strange. I hope it goes away soon. I'm definitely keeping it out of sight so that the sun doesn't get at it. I'm also more tired than usual, but I'm managing to get by. I hope tomorrow is better.

A long treatment day

The ultrasound went well. The technician definitely got the tender spot, so we'll see if anything shows or whether I just have aches and pains from getting old. I'm thinking it's just aches and pains :) The results should be at the doctor's in five business days, or by Monday, July 9. I'm not worried.

It turns out that I'll only have one radiation treatment, and that was today! The pain might flare up over the weekend but should subside and get even better within 10-20 days. I can hardly wait :) Funny, the radiation technician treated me up in Thunder Bay back when I had my first cancer. This is a small, small world. They did say that I might feel tired, which I do. I hope that this goes away.

I have listed over half of my new stock. My goodness, I have a lot of it!!! Anyways, check out my store - there are lots of new and exciting pieces; I'm pretty sure there's something for everyone :) I will add the rest tomorrow. I hope you all enjoy the sale - don't forget the secret blog sale mentioned below as well!

Sale has started!

My etsy store sale has begun!! Buy any one item in the store and get another item of equal or lesser value for half price! Just put JET in the notes to seller box and wait until I send you an updated invoice before paying. The sale lasts until 6pm July 2, 2007.

I also have a special sale for my faithful blog readers: buy the Hand-beaded evening purse and get up to four free pieces of jewelry (maximum value $100)! To get this secret sale, put JET BLOG in the notes to seller box and wait for me to send you an updated invoice before paying.

I am adding new items even now and hope to have everything added by tonight. Happy shopping!!!

Tomorrow is a big day

Thank you to everyone who gave me their preference for sorting the earrings. I'll be sorting them by colour. I really appreciate your input!

I was able to get all of the first pictures and about 2/3 of the black background pictures edited. I still have to edit the ruler pictures, which shouldn't take too long. I hope to get the pictures all edited after the ultrasound tomorrow and before the appointment with the radiologist. I think I'm scheduled to have my first radiation treatment at 1:15pm tomorrow so I'll be able to spend most of the afternoon tomorrow adding new jewelry to my store. I'm pretty excited about that - I have some really great pieces that I think you'll all like :)

My sale will start sometime tomorrow - I'm a part of the JET team on etsy and we're all having a sale over the weekend. I'll post in my blog when the sale begins :) I'm actually glad that I have this sale and the new pieces to focus on because that means that I'm not nervous about either the liver ultrasound or the radiation :)

Radiation starts soon

The radiation oncologist's office called and I have an appointment on Friday at 11:15am with the oncologist and the radiation technician. After that, we'll mark me up for radiation and we will start radiation that day beginning at 1:15pm. That is much faster than I thought it would be - I didn't think that I would get in so quickly. I don't know how many radiation treatments I'll have. I think it will be 5 or 10. I hope that the pain flare is over (or hasn't started) when we go to North Carolina. When a treatment works the pain usually gets much worse before getting much better.

I started taking the Ritalin today and didn't really notice any difference. I'll have to see over the next couple of days if there's any change. I really, really hope it works.

I got to spend pretty well the entire afternoon taking photographs. I have about 60-odd pieces of jewelry that I'd like to have up in my etsy store before the sale this weekend. I did all of the coloured background pics; now all I have to do is edit all of the pictures. I hope to do that tomorrow and Friday to have the stuff up by Friday. Given that there are so many pieces, I'll probably end up adding a few on Saturday.

Because there are so many pairs of earrings, I'll need to split them up somehow. Each item can only go in one section... so is it better to separate the earrings by colour or by length? What do you think?

Pain and symptom management

So I saw the Pain and Symptom Management doctors today. It was very, very informative. They did a sensitivity test on my sternum, and it turns out that it's sensitive to even the slightest touch. What has probably happened is that the soft mass that was growing as part of the tumour is pressing against some nerves. There are a bunch over the sternum there, so it wouldn't be surprising that the tumour would hit one or another of them at some point. Oxycodone doesn't do anything for nerve pain, which might be why I don't feel that it's working as well.

What they suggested for the nerve pain was A535 or something similar, lidocaine if that doesn't work, and capsaicin cream if those doesn't work. They also suggest going through with the radiation and if the pain is not controlled after that to start taking one or another medication that targets the nerve. We decided to not try this medication right off the bat because the radiation might actually take care of that pain as well as the bone pain. I have put a call into the radiation nurse; if we can do the radiation before we go to North Carolina, that would be great. We'll see. I hope to know tomorrow.

As for my tiredness, they think that ALL of my medications are contributing to my tiredness. They've prescribed a low dose of Ritalin for me that should take care of this. It is possible that once I have the radiation, I will have more energy and I'll be able to decrease the dose of the Ritalin. I'll be starting the Ritalin tomorrow. I really, really hope it works, because I'm really, really tired of being tired.

I've also been having stomach problems, off and on; I get a tummyache after eating (and especially after eating bananas). I take Nexium for that, but it hasn't been working as well as it had been before. Therefore, they want me to have the test for the bacteria H.Pylori. That's been scheduled for the end of July. If I do test positive for this bacteria, then I need a round of antibiotics. In the meantime, I'm to take Milk of Magnesia in the hopes that it will help soothe my stomach.

They checked my spine and I actually have a new sore vertebrae up between my shoulder blades. I didn't know that one was there; it's possible that there are mets there that aren't showing up. There appears to be a sore spot on my liver also; it's unlikely that I have liver mets, but I have the ultrasound on Friday just in case.

That's a pretty long day, huh? :) After that, I took a bunch of photographs of my jewelry and we watched The Card Player. This movie is directed by Dario Argento - he apparently directed such ground-breaking classics as Deep Red and Suspiria - these movies influenced most of today's horror movies. Apparently they're like very, very gory detective movies.

While we were watching the movie, the neighbour's cat came buy for a visit. He is white with grey patches, and he has yet to grow into his tail or his ears :) He and I had a bit of a cuddle, much to Ian's dismay. The cat has hung around for a while - fortunately, it didn't catch any of the chipmunks in our yard even though it went under the steps to their main lair. Whew.

Some good news

I have an appointment with a pain management specialist tomorrow morning!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited! The pain is bad and I'm tired of dealing with it - I'm hoping that the doctor will be able to help me, either by giving me new drugs or new pain techniques.

Ian and I have decided that we are going to go to the International Juggling Association Festival in Winston-Salem, North Carolina in July. I'm really looking forward to this trip :) We're going to drive down over a few days, spend the week, and drive back. We are planning doing the trip in five or six hour legs, so we'll be going to Scranton, Pennsylvania and then Washington, DC. Th We'll spend a full day in DC - the Smithsonian alone makes that worthwhile :) We'll also look at the monuments and White House and whatnot. After that we'll head to the festival. On the way back we'll stop in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvnia. Sounds like fun, huh?

The retreat is over

I don't know what was wrong with me today, but I was not in the mood for the retreat today. I think I may have been the only person who was more annoyed leaving than I was going in. The days are pretty intense and I was really tired because the days started at 9am. I'm also having wicked pain problems - I was taking Percocet all day long.

I did get stuff out of the day today - in particular, there was one visualization that I found very powerful. Basically, while relaxing, imagine that you are holding a bowl in your lap. Any kind of bowl is fine. Imagine the love and light from inside you filling the bowl so that the bowl is now filled with light and sparkles and good. Then take each of the dark, negative emotions that you're experiencing, one by one, and drop them into the bowl. Let the sparkly light and love surround and overcome the dark negative bits until they're all gone (they said to imagine them swirling together, but I saw the light surrounding the dark bits and making them smaller until there was no more dark). Once that happens and the bowl is filled with sparkly light only again, lift the bowl and pour the light back into you. I really liked the cleansing aspect of this visualization. I felt energized and whole afterwards in a way that I haven't felt in some time.

Other than that visualization, the day pretty well sucked for me. At one point we were talking about our greatest fears.... mine, in case you were interested, is that I will lose the ability to reason or think logically; that I will lose my smarts, as it were. This fear is real because this happened after treatments for my first cancer. Anyways, someone in my group gave me this look when I said this and said "you're afraid you won't be smart anymore?"in this shocked, "I can't believe you just said that out loud" kind of a voice. Like I should be grateful for any smarts I have.

I explained that I'm not all that smart, but that I identify with my intellect, logic, and reasoning abilities. I use them in every aspect of my life, and I'm terrified that they'll go away again because I wasn't me when it happened before. I kind of felt like that when the person made that comment they were thinking that I'm some snob who's better than everyone else. I'm not - wanting to be my smartest is no comment on anyone else or their abilities - but I don't know if that person got that. Sigh.

I was really glad when the day was over. I think Ian got some interesting things out of it - if nothing else, the doctor who facilitated the event validated our view that you have to be your own advocate in this health care system. I don't know that either of us would go to one of these again, though. I've had enough support in that kind of environment to last me a long, long time.

When we got home, we watched 5ive Girls. It was pretty good in a cheesy, low-budget horror movie kind of way. I'd recommend it if you like those sorts of movies. There's not much gore, and the story is kind of interesting.

On a much more positive note, this weekend, the JET members on etsy will be having a sale. Each member picks their own sale; mine will be "Buy one, get one 1/2 off (of equal or lesser value)". I'll be adding a LOT of things to my store this week. So if you were thinking of buying something for yourself or for someone you know, I'd encourage you to buy it next weekend as you'll be getting a fantastic deal!!! :)

More on the retreat

The retreat is still interesting. Today we focused on using mindfulness to relieve stress and cognitive behaviour changes. Mindfulness is basically living in the present. It's almost impossible to do it all the time, as we do all have to remember our past or think about the future from time to time, but it's a good tool to have when we're stressed. Sometimes when we're stressed we are busy thinking about what has happened or what is going to happen; mindfulness allows us to let go of those times and to focus only on what we are feeling right now. It can make a situation much more manageable and bearable, that's for sure.

We were looking at the cognitive behaviour changes in relation to thinking disturbing or unhappy thoughts. Basically, we were trying to find ways to transform those thoughts into more positive thoughts. As an example, if you say to yourself that you'll never get through treatment because it's too hard and you don't have the strength (this is a negative thought, I guess), you could make it more positive be saying to yourself that treatment is very hard, that no one has strength all the time, and that's ok - it's ok to pamper yourself and take it one day at a time until you're through treatment. The exercise we did as part of this talk was very intense; people really opened up about what they felt, and the honesty was quite refreshing, if a little overhwelming.

Ian and I also helped Hopespring do some video scenes. Apparently the videos of us talking in a group setting, doing Qi-Gong, and talking together will be used in public service announcements. I've also been asked to share my cancer journey story for the same reason. It'll be interesting. My thinking is that the retreat is free so if I can help them in any way, I will do so.

I've also decided that I'm going to change Spirituality and Healing days. I'm currently in the Tuesday afternoon class but it often conflicts with Ian's dad's schedule. Therefore, I'll go to the Thursday afternoon class instead. The facilitator of that group is a better fit for me, too :)

After such a long day, we wanted to take it easy so we decided to rent movies. Tonight we watched the movie Unknown. It's about five men who wake up in a warehouse and who don't remember who they are. It's quite good; we enjoyed it very much and would recommend it.

Cautiously optimistic

I'm feeling much better today about the appointment with the oncologist. I was so shocked when I got the news that everything was ok - I just couldn't believe that everything could be fine AND that the pain would be so bad. I put a question to one of my newsgroups and it seems that pain is not always a reliable indicator of cancer progression. Femara also causes bone pain, so it's possible that the pain is from the Femara and it's working. I will still get an ultrasound of the liver to be sure that I'm ok.

I've asked for a referral to a pain management specialist at the cancer centre. The pain is not under control and there's no reason for it to be so bad. Clearly something needs to change because I shouldn't have to live in pain. My family doctor is the one who does my pain management right now. His approach, when my pain goes up, is to add more long-acting oxycontin (it's supposed to be taken every 12 hours) and/or take it more frequently. Right now I'm taking 120 mg of long-acting oxycontin every 4 times a day (every 4 hours, most days). This is a fine approach at lesser pain levels but at my current level doesn't seem right.

The specialists have other drugs and techniques in their arsenal that my doctor may not know about. For example, there's a drug that reduces the pain of the tendons rubbing against the bones. I don't know that this is happening to me, but this could be causing pain in my left femur. Taking that pain away would be great!

When I talked to the people at the hospital, they asked me a whole bunch of questions about my moods over the last little while - like whether I've been tired, fatigued, stressed, sleepy, happy, depressed, or whatever. I think this is because pain affects so many parts of a person's life that when it's bad it takes over in so many ways, and they wanted to know how much of my life was affected by pain. For the first time in a while, I'm cautiously optimistic that my pain might actually be reduced. I'm feeling really good about this.

Ian and I went for the first night of a Skills for Healing retreat. We'll be talking about stress reduction, meditation, mindfulness, nutrition, and negotiating the medical maze. I think it will be good for both of us. Between Ian's dad's cancer and my own, there's a lot of cancer to deal with right now. It's weighing pretty heavily on each of our shoulders (more so Ian's than mine, of course), and the more skills we have to help deal with that weight, the better. The retreat lasts all weekend, so I'm sure that we'll each get something good out of it. It's a free retreat which makes it even better :)

Oncologist appointment

I saw my oncologist today. She was happy with my bone scan because it showed no significant change from last time (she said that there was no progression on the left, that it said later that there was no change since January). She also said that she didn't think that a change of 2 in my tumour markers was significant and hence it was nothing to worry about.

I guess there are people whose bone mets don't get smaller with hormonal treatment. I know there are people whose tumour markers mean nothing. The thing is, I just don't get why the pain would increase so much if the cancer was stable. That doesn't make sense to me. Ian has a theory that the cancer and the bisphosphonates are butting heads and that the cancer might start to actually decrease if the cancer is losing this battle.

I've insisted on a liver ultrasound just to be sure that my liver is fine. I'm sure it is and that there's nothing to worry about, but I want a scan to tell me I'm sure. I'll have the ultrasound between now and July 10th or so. I see my oncologist on July 13 and we'll figure out what we'll do then. I think the plan will be to have radiation to the sternum to kill the pain there and to keep me on the Femara.

Oh yeah, she said that the radiation oncologist didn't need to worry about getting rid of the pain because she had other diagnostic factors like scans and tumour markers. I guess pain isn't one of her diagnostic factors.

The whole appointment felt very surreal. I came out of it very confused and very upset. How can I have so much pain and everything be all right? I don't understand this at all.

I think I may be partly upset because my dad was having some tests done for some weird things that had been happening. His test results have come back normal, thank goodness, so I don't have to worry anymore. Now I have to stop worrying about me :)

Bad news

I saw my radiation oncologist today. He doesn't want to do radiation because the pain in my sternum is really the most reliable way to determine whether or not a treatment is working. If the treatment doesn't work, the pain will increase and if the treatment works then the pain will decrease.

He showed me my tumour markers as well. They were 39.5 when I had them checked in March, down from 48.8 in October and 58 last August. This month they went *up* to 41.3. That is the wrong direction. This is not good news.

Sigh. So the cancer is not being held back by the Femara and it's safe to say that the Femara isn't working anymore, if it ever did work. I see my medical oncologist tomorrow and I guess we'll have to figure out what to do next. Personally, I'd like to get my liver checked to be sure it's cancer-free before we embark on a treatment. I don't know whether it's better to check the liver via ultrasound, as I had before, or CT scan. My thinking is that a CT scan would be better suited for the liver than the ultrasound. I don't know how deep the ultrasound can get and it would have to show the entire liver.

I don't know how the Femara has failed. If it's that it no longer blocks the production of estrogen, then it would make sense to try another hormonal treatment. However, if the tumour is growing because it doesn't need estrogen anymore, well, it wouldn't make sense to try a hormonal treatment. In that case, we'd need to try a chemo to kill off the cancer cells and then maybe try another hormol treatment (or try a hormonal with the chemo).

I just don't know what to do next. I wish I trusted my oncologist more. Maybe this will be the test for me to trust my oncologist. We'll see. The saga will continue tomorrow. Stay tuned....

Good news!

The bone scan showed no new mets anywhere. It did show slight progression in the left sternal met, but that's it. That's good, because it means that even if the treatment isn't working, at least the cancer hasn't gone hogwild. I guess they took the extra film to have a closer look at the degeneration in my L5-S1 vertebrae. It is still degenerated and it still hurts, but it's not mets.

I'll tell you, I was stunned to get these results. I'd honestly expected the cancer to have spread further. I am very relieved that it hasn't gone to other bones, but I'm also worried that they're going to think that I'm crying wolf. This is the second time that I've called about something that turned out to really be nothing. I know that there are people out there who do call about everything and I'm worried that they'll think that I'm one of those. At least the bone scan didn't show nothing - there is progression in the sternum which could correspond with the pain, so it's likely that the Femara isn't working in any case.

I see the radiation oncologist tomorrow morning and I hope that he'll be making the pain go away. I see the medical oncologist on Thursday - she'll have the tumour markers, too, and we'll figure out what comes next. It's going to be a long few days.

Home again

I'm home now. I didn't sleep much on the flight in and so I was very tired today. I did sleep for most of the day, meaning that I didn't go to lunch or to Well-fit. I had trouble staying awake even through tv shows I like.

I am happy to be home with Ian but sad to have left my parents. I would have loved to stay longer, if I could have, but I've got all those appointments this week.

I guess I'm nervous about the appointments (the first one is tomorrow). We've had trouble with our internet going down between 8 and 9pm over the last six months or so. The first couple of times it happened I talked to tech support and they sent it up to second level support, who fixed it. This time (and the last time, come to think about it), I talked to tech support in India, and they're just not as good at dealing with issues. They have a checklist to go through - which includes deleting cookies and temporary internet files - and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is going to stop them from going through that checklist.

I'm afraid I lost my temper with the person I talked to and with the supervisor I talked to. I just got so frustrated - I knew that I had called before but they didn't look back in my records to see what happened before. The people in this office don't make decisions for themselves which is probably why second-level tech support won't accept calls from them unless they go through their ridiculous checklist.

I want to cancel my Bell Sympatico internet account. I'd rather not have to deal with technical support list that. Unfortunately, Rogers (our other option) has bad internet service. They split the service amongst all subscribers in an area, so they tend to be slower. I wish we had a third option.

Wish me luck on my appointment tomorrow. I guess it's better to know what my bone scan showed, right?

Leaving tonight

I'll be heading to the airport in another hour or so, and I'll be back in Ontario tomorrow morning. I'm sad to be leaving Edmonton. I've had a really good visit with everyone this trip and I was really glad that I came here. I wish I could stay longer but that wouldn't be practical, really. Still, I don't want the fun and good feelings to end, you know?

I've been staying with my parents and I really appreciate everything they've done to make my stay very comfortable. I felt very much at home here and so I was very comfortable. They were very generous in getting things ready for me and in taking me places. Thanks, mom and dad :)

Happy father's day to those of you who are or who have fathers.

Visiting and some movies

I spent a great day visiting today. First I saw a friend of mine for coffee, which was fun :) Later on, we went to my aunt's place for dinner. She'd been in hospital a couple of months ago for a few weeks but is doing quite well these days. I was very glad to see that :)

After that, my parents and I tried to watch a movie and we just weren't able to get through even one. We started off with Happy Feet, which I kind of liked but which was slow-paced and had too obvious of a story line. Then we tried Alpha Dog but we weren't able to figure out what was going on so we stopped watching that. Finally we tried Ghost Rider but we didn't find the beginning bit all that interesting and I couldn't figure out when it would get better. At that point, we gave up :) We ended up watching tv instead.

Tomorrow will be my last day in Edmonton. I've very much enjoyed my time here and I'm very, very glad that I came. I'll be sad to leave, because I like spending time with my family and wish I could stay longer, but I'm looking forward to seeing Ian again.

No blisters?

Today was pretty relaxing; my parents and I ran some errands in the afternoon which was fun. I didn't want to interrupt their routine too much while I'm here, as it's disruptive enough having someone stay with you.

Later on I saw a friend of mine for dessert and we hung out a club called Suede. I wore my new red shoes, and when you're wearing shoes like that, well, you have to go out and show them off, right? The club has a bunch of white couches for seating and has pretty nice decor. I think it targets a slightly older (25+ ?) demographic. I stood around in my shoes for over an hour there before my feet started to say anything, and I could have stood on them for a lot longer before my feet would hurt too much. I was able to walk around in these shoes, too. I think they're winners :)

I didn't get any blisters on my feet, either :) I used a product called Band-Aid blister block and it really worked!!!!!!!!! There were a couple of spots that I was sure would give me blisters but my feet are fine. I highly recommend this product.

Shopping with my sister

I saw my sister today to do some bead shopping and hang out. It was fun spending time with her; I really enjoyed it.

The first bead store had a lot of high-quality semi-precious beads that I couldn't afford and a pretty big selection of glass beads. I bought some glass beads and some hanks of black bugle beads. I think I'm going to make another fringed-type purse for the holiday season. Yes, I'll be doing more beaded fringe at some point :)

The second store had a special on where if you buy three strands of semi-precious stones you get four free. I'm not one to turn down that kind of offer! :) I bought seven strands of beads and spent quite a bit - I was able to buy some stones at a quality that I usually can't afford. I bought some onyx briolettes, some breathtaking labradorite faceted rectangles (the facets bring out the flashes of colour), faceted rainbow moonstone ovals, aqua jade (the most expensive strand), rhodochrosite nuggets, snow quartz briolettes, and peruvian opal. They are beautiful - I can't wait to use them!

The second store was called Bedrock Supply. If you're in the Edmonton area, I'd highly recommend them; they not only have a fantastic selection of semi-precious stones, they have all the tools necessary for lampworking and have display items, too. They are a very good all-around bead shop.

Shopping and creating

Oh, how I love shopping! Today we went to this really cool store that has new and used retail fixtures. I think I may have mentioned before that I was looking for a mannequin or something on which I could photograph my necklaces. People say that they want to see necklaces actually on a model, but I'm too short to show necklaces properly. The store had new hanger mannequins to the waist for about $15, but I was able to get a used "regular" fabric-covered bust mannequin (to the hips) for $50. The bust on the hanger mannequins showed more than I was comfortable showing in my photos, and I felt like I got a good deal on the one I bought. It's being shipped via Greyhound to Ontario; I can't wait to use it :)

I saw my sister and her family today. I took all of my beads over and offered to make them things like bracelets and cell phone charms. I also said that they could keep any beads that they liked. I made two bracelets and four cellphone charms (one of each of them) out of the beads that each of them picked. They looked cool; all of them had very good taste. I'd never made anything like that before, so I was kind of making it up as I went along. I was very pleased with the result. I wonder if there's a big enough market for cellphone charms?

Shopping in Edmonton

I had a fun and relaxing day with my parents. I showed off my beads (which, together with my suitcase, weigh 41 pounds) and we had fun looking at them.

Then we went to Michael's to get some yarn - my mom has generously offered to make me a sweater out of yarn that I have. I have Bernat Satin yarn which is super-soft, and she's going to make a sweater out of that. The sweater needs additional colours for a fair-isle pattern which is why we needed the extra yarn. Then we went to Fabricland to get some fabric for a current project. They had a great selection but the world's slowest people. It took us fully 25 minutes to get our fabric cut and to pay. That is just ridiculous. At least we got out of there alive. :)

I feel very relaxed and at home here, and I'm very glad that I came to visit. I'm looking forward to spending some time with my parents during the rest of the week, too. I will be seeing my sister and some friends of mine, but I'll spend the majority of my time with my parents, which is what I wanted.

In Edmonton!

I managed to make it to Edmonton! I tell you, traveling on WestJet is so much nicer than traveling on Air Canada. On Air Canada, as you may recall, they turn the overhead lights on when they're doing dinner and beverage service during a redeye flight. Westjet didn't! They kept the overhead lights off which was a much more pleasurable experience. I was actually able to sleep uninterrupted for a couple of hours, which I liked.

It's been raining here and I miss the way Edmonton smells in the rain. It's so fresh and clean and green and, well, nice. I don't know how to describe it, except to say that it smells nothing like Southern Ontario in the rain - which has a wormy, pollutiony smell. I'm very much looking forward to my stay here. I don't know what my days will have in store for me yet as I've done virtually no planning, but I'm prepared for almost anything. I certainly brought enough clothes!

I also brought all of my beads. Ummmm, they take up a pretty big suitcase and weigh about 40 pounds altogether. That seems like a lot of beads :) Even though I don't need to make anything because I have so much stock, I still want to be able to make things. And I figured that people here might want to take a look at my stash in case they want custom orders or something :)

Feeling much better

After a lot of sleep and clear fluids I'm feeling much, much better today. I was even able to eat solid food - toast with honey and french toast - which means that I'm definitely on the mend.

Funny, I woke up a lot earlier than I thought I would because I had sweat so much in my sleep that my sheets were soaking wet - either I had a hot flash thingy or else I fought off a fever in the night. I hope that doesn't happen again - I now understand why menopausal women find night sweats unbearable.

I'm very much looking forward to going to Edmonton; I've checked in and printed my boarding pass and everything. I'll be sitting towards the front of the plane which will be nice for deplaning :)

The show

It was a beautiful day for the show - sunny and mid-twenties with a light wind. Unfortunately I was very sick today and we had to leave by 11am. My tummy wasn't feeling so good when I woke up so my breakfast was light.... but we had to stop on the way to the show because I had to be sick. Once we got to the show I was sick every 15 minutes to a half hour. Basically, my system was trying to expel everything in it one way or another.

I don't remember the last time I was sick like this. By the time we left I wasn't able to make it to the toilet (well, portalet) to throw up, and that scared me a lot. I can remember that happening when I was a kid, but not since then, not even when I was drinking. To make it worse, the craft show didn't have flush toilets - only portalets - and there was no way to wash up (not to mention that I had to use the one-ply toilet paper). Had I been able to wash up I might have stayed but I felt grimy and sick and icky and wanted to go home.

Fortunately, Ian was able to set up my shop and to take care of it. He's been taking care of me as well, which has been pretty easy because I've been sleeping a lot :) I'm on a fluids-only diet now and I seem to be keeping everything in ok. I still feel a bit queasy, and I don't want food, but I think I'll live. I'm determined to be better in time to go to Edmonton on Monday. This means that I probably won't go to Well-fit on Monday because I'm so weak and I'll definitely take it easy tomorrow.

At the show, apparently someone took my card to talk to me about wedding jewelry, and a friend of mine bought a couple of pieces. I don't need to make much now since I have a lot of stock :) Watch for new things on my store in the next while.

Tomorrow's the show

I think I have everything ready for the show tomorrow - I've tested out the display, got all the jewelry categorized and priced, and loaded up the car. It's supposed to be clear and 24C tomorrow so it should be a nice day for an outdoor craft show. I'm a little nervous, of course; between yesterday and the show tomorrow I was snappish all day. I'll let you know how things go tomorrow :)

Bone scan day

So I had the bone scan today. A bone scan, as I'm sure you remember, has two parts: the injection of a radioactive tracer into me, which settles in the bones, and then the scan (much like a geiger counter) three hours later. They had trouble with the injection - I guess she got the needle in and then the vein disappeared, so she had to poke my veins twice. This is not a surprise, as my veins don't like to be poked.

When I came back for the scan, they said that they would do an extra close-up scan of my sternum because that was the area that was hurting. They did do this extra scan in the same orientation as the last time, on the left side of me. The top of the field was around my shoulder and the bottom was around my stomach.

But then they did another close-up on the right side of my chest. The top part of the field was at about underarm level. This means that they weren't just doing a scan of the sternum from the other side, you know? And the scan was completely unexpected; they'd said that they would do a closeup scan of the sternum, but they didn't mention a second scan.

Needless to say, I freaked out and am still freaking out. I'm scared, and I didn't think that that was going to happen since I suspected that I had more mets anyways. Now the idea that there might in fact be something going on scares the crap out of me. I don't get my test results until after I come back from Edmonton, so I have to live with this for just under two weeks. The best thing I can do is to put this out of my head until the night before I get my results back. And I will do that, but today I need to work through the fear. I hope that none of you ever experience this kind of fear - it makes my knees weak, my heart pound, and I feel like I'm moving in slow-motion.

Today we also did bloodwork including the usual complete blood count and my CA 15-3 tumour marker. I'll get those when I'm back from Edmonton, too.

The pain hasn't completely decreased. I hope that it goes away before Monday, but it's not really showing signs of doing that yet. It's still quite painful at times, although I guess it'll take some time to get used to the new dosage. I'm a little light-headed and woozy at times, too, which will be a direct result of the new dose.

The best part of today was that we worked on my display for the show on Saturday. So far, I'm liking the way things are being set up. I think I'll have less space than last time, but I think I'm using the space better. I hope that I sell lots :) If you are in the Hamilton-Ancaster area on Saturday between 9:30am and 3pm, please stop by. I have a lot of stock that hasn't been posted on my store :) You may find even more things that you like in person!

Doctor days

You might be wondering why I didn't post last night. Well, around suppertime, my back started to get really woogly and so I took a clonazepam. Bam! I was out like a light. Today I took one by accident and am abut to fall asleep. This entry will be short.

I saw my family doctor and he's increased my Oxycodone from 360 mg/day to 480mg/day. That may not seem like much, but 3 weeks ago I was taking 280mg/day. I can't believe how much the pain has gone up :( My doctor says that if my pain isn't better by Monday I have to go in and see him before I leave.

I have my bone scan tomorrow as well as my bloodwork. I get the results in two weeks.

In preparation for the show on Saturday, we're getting the display together. I decided that I wanted a black background. Originally I wanted velveteen, but after some thought at the fabric store, I decided to get some black linen-look polyester fabric. It drapes really well and has a bit of a sheen to it, making it very attractive. I still have to get all of my things priced and inventoried, too. Guess what I'm doing tomorrow and Friday? :)

If you haven't already, please have a look at my treasury - it's the best I've ever done. Enjoy! I love it so much!

I got a treasury!

I managed to snag a treasury this morning on etsy :) For the first time in a while, I'm not featuring jewelry artists; this time, I'm primarily featuring photography artists. The colours are strong, bold, and beautiful. Feel free to have a look at All the things I love. One of these days I hope to make it to the front page :)

Shopping and wire

I had bought a couple of skirts from H&M recently, as you may recall. Well, I loved them so much that I convinced Ian to go back so that I could buy more. I ended up buying two more black skirts and two black and white skirts. I know it seems unusual to have three identical black skirts, but I love the skirt so much that I've been wearing it every day. A person probably shouldn't wear the same skirt or pants every single day, so this way I can switch it up.

I also bought a bunch of wire today. I was running out and so I managed to get a spool (75 yards) or 24 gauge and a spool (120 yards) of 26 gauge sterling silver. I use a lot of the wire because I wire-wrap the closure on every bead, making the items more secure. It requires a lot of wire for complex projects and sometimes I make a lot of mistakes so I waste wire accidentally. At least now I'm going to have enough wire for a while.

I'd also ordered wire from petitespoon on etsy; I got a mixed bunch of wire from 16 gauge all the way to 24 gauge. The lower the number, the thicker the wire. I'm excited to have these new wires; I've never worked with the lower gauges before and can hardly wait to make some interesting designs.

Creating, creating, creating...

I spent some time today making more jewelry. I now have almost 100 pieces which I think will be almost enough. I want to make a few more necklaces, of course, and maybe a few more earrings. I'm pleased that I'll have enough stock.

I'm also thinking about the displays. I bought some similar things to the display things I used last time; I think what I'll do is string black wire back and forth to make sort of a chicken-wire or sea effect and hang the things off of that. At least, that's my current plan; I hope it works out. I expect to be making jewelry until Wednesday and then spending Thursday and Friday (when I'm not doing scans and stuff) working on the displays. I think that'll be an effective use of my time.

The show on Saturday is in Ancaster, ON and runs from 9:30am - 3pm. I've put a link on the side for you; there's more information on the June 9 part of the events page.

A fun shopping day

I decided to go shopping today because, well, I love shopping. I went to the largest Winners in the area and tried on a bunch of things. I ended up buying four more shirts, two of which have lots of printing and sparkles on them. I have a thing for lots of printing on shirts. And sparkles. I share some qualities with crows.

I also bought some shoes :). They have a 4 1/4" heel with a 3/4" platform, are red patent, have a stacked wood sole, have a comfortable peep toe, and are slingback. They are these shoes (with leopard coat and black tights); I guess they're not part of the current collection because I can't find a better picture, but that's ok. These shoes are amazingly comfortable. I walked around in the store wearing them for about 30 minutes and my feet weren't rubbing anywhere, there were no incipient blisters, and the bottoms of my feet weren't getting sore. I think I will be able to wear them for a whole evening :) I love love love love love love love love them, although they aren't the most practical purchase I've made. then again they're not the most impractical purchase I've made, either.

I hope I can find a place to wear these fantastic shoes. After all, what young woman doesn't need a pair of sky-high red patent shoes? :)

I managed to make a bunch of earrings today. I very much like the teardrop structure that I used for these Waves of the Ocean earrings. There's something about this particular arrangement that really works, isn't too regular, and has a lot of interest. It's also not immediately apparent what the structure is, which I really like. Anyways, I spent the evening making a bunch of earrings using the same pattern for the bottom drop part. So I've made a bunch of earrings that have an interesting, colourful drop. I'll make some simpler, cheaper earrings tomorrow.

Bone scan scheduled

As you can guess, I was up pretty late last night what with the airport and all. Unfortunately, instead of sleeping late, I got woken up at 10am by Ian telling me that Cheryl from my oncologist's office was calling. It took me quite a while to connect those words in such a way so that they had meaning :) Anyways, once I figured out what the words meant, I took the phone.

She was calling to tell me that the bone scan is scheduled for Thursday, June 7 with the injection at 9:45am and the scan at 12:45pm. In between, I'll do the labwork. I will get the results on June 21. Usually it takes a only week to get the results, but I won't be here a week after the tests.

I won't be here that week because I'm going to be in Edmonton then!!!!! :). I felt that I didn't spend enough time with my family at Christmas, and I really want to go back to really connect with them. I miss my parents very much and am aching to see them. I am also longing to see my aunt and my sister to reconnect with them, too. I hope to see some friends once in a while, too, but I will spend the vast majority of time with my family. No, Ian won't be coming with me - he'll be staying in Waterloo/Mississauga.

Speaking of Ian, he wasn't feeling well today :( We'd hoped to do something fun this evening, but he wasn't well enough. I expect it's the heat getting to him and I think he was a little dehydrated as well. He is feeling better now, thank goodness. I (and Ian, I expect) will be very happy when this heat breaks on Sunday.