So there is a difference between Ian being around and me being on my own: with Ian here, I don't need to worry about going out and interacting with people because I get to interact with Ian when he's here. Sure, we might just be sitting around talking while watching tv, but it's contact with someone - and it's someone I can spend hours and hours and hours with because I don't get tired of being around him.
When I lived alone in Markham I had to make myself leave the house every day just so that I wasn't on my own all the time. It's easy to be alone and get into a pattern where I don't leave the house and I don't talk to people outside the house... and the longer it goes on, the easier it is to stay home. And it seems like the more I'm home the less I do. I want to do some sewing but I haven't done anything at all.
I can't help but compare the last two days of doing nothing with the days when I was on vacation. I did too much then but I know that I'm also doing too little now. There must be a happy medium between the two extremes somewhere, and I'm pretty sure that happy medium involves actually leaving the house.
So tomorrow, I'm going somewhere. I'm not sure where that'll be, exactly, but it'll be somewhere that isn't home. Stay tuned.
2 comments:
I know exactly what you are talking about! Love, Mom
I found this whole grad school thing to be very isolating and often days went by when I wouldn't leave the house or speak to anyone. I still have some weekends like that so I force myself to make plans with myself. Like going to the local coffee shop to interact with the grumpy old man that runs it. Or going to the gym so I can ask the desk staff for a towel. Or buying produce at the grocery store because it's good for me and forces me at least to say "no, I have a bag" to the cashier! Meanwhile, I'm going on a trip to Mexico with the grad students and I'm scared of spending that much time with people (especially 25-year olds)!
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