2009... almost over

Finally, 2009 - and the aught decade - is behind us. This year has just sped by, it seems. I know I've said that a lot over the past year, but it's true: the year seems to have passed by without me noticing it. I think this has a lot to do with the sameness of my days this year; there's not a lot to differentiate a winter day from a spring day in my world.

Over the last few years, I've become even more of a homebody than I was before (whether from the pain or plain laziness), so I'm just not noticing the small things that mark time. You know, things like the first snowfall, or the leaves coming out, or the leaves just starting to turn, or whatever. When I was working I walked to and from work each day and I was very much in tune with the outer world.

One of these days we'll get ourselves a dog and that will help me to get out and see the seasons pass because the dog will need to be walked. I guess I could make myself go out for walks but after a while it gets easier and easier to stay home and it's hard for me to break out of my current habits. I need an impetus for change (like the dog). Maybe I'll try to get out a couple of times a week, if I'm not in pain.

Speaking of pain, this past year has been a year of increased physical pain in my hips and back, together with more fatigue. The problems with my hips had been sort of present for a while, but the pain really flared up this year to the point where I now walk with a cane everywhere I go. The pain and problems with my back have meant that I can't do all of the physical activities like bellydancing or curling that I used to, and it seems to have made me tired. I'd say that this new pain has definitely contributed to me drawing inward during the year.

The hardest thing about this year has again been dealing with the deaths of so many of my friends to cancer. Deb, Jen, LisaG, LisaP, and Sandy - I think of you constantly and I miss you so very much. I can't even type this without tears running down my face... you were all women that I respected and admired, and the world is not the same without you. I hate cancer.

Thinking about the people I've loved and lost this year - and this decade - is still something new to me. Grieving is a hard process and when you lose person after person after person that you love, the grieving process takes a lot longer. I will get through this, and in the meantime, if I'm curling up into myself to protect the parts that feel the emotional pain, well, that's ok.

Even though this hasn't been the greatest year ever for me, it hasn't been all bad. Because I can't do as many activities as I used to do, I've found other ways of enjoying myself.  I've been sewing a bit more this year, which I like, and I've also found video games that I like. You may think that's not important, but it is :)

I've also traveled more this year than in past years. Ian and I went out to BC and Washington for a couple of weeks, which I enjoyed very much. During that trip I got to see family that I haven't see in many, many years. I very much hope to see them again, even though I've been terrible at staying in touch with people. I've also been able to travel to see my support group friends a few times this year, which has been wonderful (if bittersweet). I'm very lucky that I have the ability to travel this way and to pick up and go whenever plans are made.

You know, I'd been feeling like 2009 wasn't a great year for me, and now that I've laid it all out for you, I see why that's the case. I am happy to see the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010 and I don't think I'm the only one that thinks this way. I hope that 2010 is better that 2009 and brings good health, prosperity, and much happiness to all of us. Happy New Year!

Movie night with friends

I can hardly believe that 2009 is almost at an end. It feels like this year has passed by so quickly; more quickly than previous years. Am I just getting old? I've heard that time passes more quickly as people get older.

We pre-celebrated New Year's Eve by going over to a friend's place with another couple of friends and watching District 9. I enjoyed the movie at least as much as I did the first time; I found it to be as profound a look at the way people interact with their "lessers" as it was the first time. One of the things that I especially liked about this movie was that once you accept the existence of aliens, the events felt like they could really happen and that the movie was documenting an actual event.

A couple of my friends felt that there were some extra-gory bits in the movie. I guess that's true - some parts (like when our protagonist loses his fingernails and teeth) are kind of gory and a little upsetting, if you're squeamish. I am a bit squeamish about fingernail but I felt that this and other gory bits just "fit" into the movie. To me, they weren't gratuitous because they had a place in the context of the movie and so I didn't really notice those bits as standing out. Then again, I think also that I have a higher tolerance or lower sensitivity to violence because of all of the video games and movies I watch. So take my gore recommendation with a grain of salt, I guess.

Ian's off tomorrow and I think we're just going to sit around and be lazy (read: play video games). We might go over to a friend's place to watch another movie, or we might just stay home. Either one is fine with me. 2009 has been a difficult and sad year and I'm looking forward to seeing it out and the new year in.

Video games that I play

I've spent quite a bit of time watching Ian play video games on the PS3. Right now he's playing the game I got him for Christmas: God of War Collection. I always thought that I didn't really want to play video games because I'm not all that good at the controls and most of the storylines are more for boys than girls. I like watching them, though.

I guess Ian's always wanted me to play video games, too, so that I can enjoy them as much as he does. He's finally found two games made by ThatGameCompany that I like: Flower and fl0w. Flower, in fact, was rated the highest-rated download for the PS3 this year, so I'm not the only one who likes this game :)

The visuals and music for both of these games are very beautiful and are a lot of what appeals to me. I also like that there's no real winning or losing. You can do a bit better, or a bit worse, but you don't really win or lose. I find playing these games quite peaceful because I'm creating these things in this beautifully-rendered environment with music that enhances the visuals. Playing these games is a wonderful experience. Checking the game company's site, they seem to have a third game - Cloud - for the PC that I'll try tomorrow.

In Flower, you are the wind that guides a flower petal and petals from all the flowers you've opened (like a ginormous tail) to bring life and light to the scene. You can go rushing through the grass or up high, high, high above the land. There are wind marks to show you where you need to end up but you can explore and meander around other areas, too. Not all of the scenes are light and pleasant; some are dark and scary, but you're still doing something beautiful there.

fl0w is a game where you move a sea-creature thingy up and down levels and eat and battle with other sea-creature thingies. Each time you eat one, your creature gets bigger. Each time another creature eats you, you fade a bit. Some creatures are easier to beat than others in each form which adds interest to the game. I like this game because it has these beautiful, surreal backgrounds with music to match. I find it easy to sit and play this game for a long time (even though I don't have perfect control over my creatures yet) because it's so low-key.

So there you have it - video games that I play. Ian's very happy to hear that I'm actually playing my own video games and enjoying a hobby he loves so much. Plus I get to try something different and fun during vacation :)

Movie with the family, and now home

We're home now. It's just as well that I didn't go out shopping as the roads were getting pretty bad by the time we would have been leaving for home. Not that I could've gone shopping even if the roads were good; my hip is still in quite a lot of pain. One thing that has been helping is to keep my hip warm. We have a fantastic electric blanket and I've kept that wrapped around my hips while watching tv. My hip still aches but it's not quite as bad as it was this morning, or yesterday.

Before we left Ian's parent's house, we watched Up with them. We hadn't seen it in the theatres because the trailers didn't make the movie look all that interesting. It made the movie look cute (what with the talking dog and all), but for me, cute in a movie is not enough to make it interesting. Then when people started to see the movie, we found out that it was sad, which didn't make sense in the context of the trailer.

It turns out that Up is a fantastic movie. Neither the trailer nor the fact that it's sad is the whole movie, really. For the record, the guy does fly his house away using balloons, and there are talking dogs, and it is sad.

In fact, there is something terribly sad in this movie: the old guy who flies his house away has just lost his wife. He's reeling not just from her death but also from the dreams they had that were never realized and that have been lost. Ultimately, he comes to realize that she did live her dreams and that he can still live his own life. In between all that there there are adventures (including the flying house), talking dogs, a lonely kid trying to get his last badge, many laughs, and some tears.

If you haven't seen Up yet, it's definitely worth renting. I've heard that kids do like it (the talking dogs make up for a lot, for them), so you can probably enjoy it with them... but I think it would be so much better to see it with adult friends. There are some good extras on the BluRay that we rented, including a story about how the location work was done and some different endings. They're well worth watching also.

The best-laid plans...

Yesterday, my sister-in-law and I made all of these great plans to see a movie tonight with the guys, and then to do some shopping tomorrow before Ian and I go home. 

When I woke up this morning, my right hip was very, very sore - so much so that I've had to learn how to use the cane on the other side today. Before now, it's been my left hip that's been the bad one. I've had a few twinges in my right hip but nothing like what I've been experiencing today, which is now at least as bad as the left hip has ever been.

Because of the pain, there's no way that I could sit comfortably in a movie theatre, or go shopping, or sit in a car for an extra hour tomorrow. So I had to cancel all of these plans :( I also slept the entire afternoon away, which helped a bit.

Being in pain sucks. I can sort of handle it as long as it doesn't greatly interfere with my life... but today the pain has interfered in my ability to have fun and I don't like it. I know I'm whining here, but I'm tired and in pain and so I figure I can be just a bit whiny.

I'm sure the pain is the same as what's over on the left side; that is, it's not the hip itself that's the problem but the degenerating lower back. I need to see a physiotherapist very soon to get some exercises I can do to at least minimize this pain, or better, to get rid of it entirely.

Merry Christmas!

I hope that all of you have had a great Christmas (or whatever your celebrate) and that you've been able to spend quality time with your loved ones. And, of course, that you got some great presents :)

I've spent the last couple of days here at Ian's parent's place with Ian's family. I feel totally comfortable here; it's like a second home for me. His mom and dad (and this year, his brother and his wife) are easy to be around and fun to hang out with, and I like spending time here. Plus his mom makes some very yummy food!

Things have been very relaxed here. It's quite a change from past years, when I've either been leaving super-early or we've been rushing to get the presents open before my flight. This year, the house slept in until late this morning, after which we leisurely opened presents. Then we went to Ian's grandparent's house, and when we got back I had a lovely nap. I've enjoyed this so much that the next time I go to Edmonton for Christmas, I'll leave after Christmas Day.

We'll be going back home on Sunday. I'd like to stay here longer but Ian works on Monday so we have to go home. Ian's company doesn't give its employees automatic time off between Christmas and New Year's, and Ian figured that it will be better to use vacation days later in the year. Plus, fewer people will be in the office next week so working might be more fun.

Wrapping presents

I love wrapping presents. There's something about taking paper and trim and making something pretty and unique that I like and find relaxing. I've thought about volunteering to do wrapping at the mall or wherever but I never seem to get my act together enough to get that process started.

This is probably just as well because it can to take me forever to finish the wrapping. Putting the paper around the object takes almost no time at all. What takes forever is adding the ribbons and bows and other stuff to transform the wrapped object into something a little nicer. There's usually a lot of thinking involved and trying stuff. When I'm wrapping a bunch of presents at once, I like the trim on each one to be just a little bit different. Doing that takes time.

Wrapping presents is on my mind tonight because I just finished wrapping the gifts for Ian's family. We're going to Ian's parent's house tomorrow morning for Christmas so tonight was wrapping night. We wanted to bring already-wrapped presents tomorrow. (as an aside - how can it be Christmas already? Where did the time go?)

I wish I'd thought about how to send wrapped presents to my family. I didn't make the decision not to go until quite late and I wasn't sure how to make the shipping work. I think I know how to do it (key idea: bubble wrap) but I didn't come up with that idea until just now. I hope they still enjoy what I did send; one way or another, next year everyone who gets gifts from me will get a wrapped present, one way or another.

Sleepy and achy

I'm still really tired (I slept the better portion of yesterday) and I'm in quite a bit of pain. My sternal mets are aching and very painful to the touch, and my hips, back, and thumbs are aching. I imagine the pain is making me tired, because I'm also not sleeping well.

I think that all of this might be side effects of the Pamidronate I had last Thursday. I normally feel kind of icky for a few days after the Pamidronate but I don't feel this bad for this long - then again, I normally get it every four weeks and it had been six weeks since my previous Pamidronate. I wonder if the extra time in between made the side effects worse?

Of course my pain patches haven't been as stuck on as they should be, which might be why my sternum is so achy. It's also been cold outside and that usually makes my pain worse, too... and I know the Femara often causes joint pain, so maybe that plus the cold plus the Pamidronate is affecting my joints more right now.

I just hope that I'm feeling better by this weekend because it's Christmas. Nobody wants to feel icky on Christmas!!

Getting ready for the holidays

I think I'm finally pretty well ready for Christmas. This is no small feat, considering that I didn't start my Christmas shopping until after I finished the dress last week. Well done, huh? :)

This Christmas is going to be different from Christmases past: for the first time ever, I'm *not* going to Edmonton for Christmas. Instead, I'll spend the entire Christmas holiday with Ian in Mississauga and Waterloo, and I'll plan a trip out to Edmonton some other time.

I do feel sort of weird about not planning to go away because that is something that I usually do around now. Even though I did laundry today, I don't have a list of stuff to take and I'm not pulling out the suitcases, trying to figure out whether everything will fit. I expect to have moments like this throughout the holidays, where in previous years I'd have been doing this or that connected to Edmonton.... and I know that I'll miss my family very much until I see them next.

Still, it's time for a change. Staying in Ontario is the right thing for me to do this year; my family understands this and is ok with it. Of course they'll stay in my thoughts this Christmas, so I'll be able to celebrate with them in spirit (if not in person).

Knitting websites and patterns

You all know that I sew things, but you might not know that I've also been known to knit a thing or two. I haven't knit anything in a long, long time but lately I've been thinking that I'd like to knit a hat for myself. So I looked around on the internet for patterns I could use and found the greatest knitting site ever: Ravelry.

Ravelry is a site for people who knit and crochet. There are lots of free patterns and blog posts and forums and tips and a whole lot of other features. I think you knitters and crocheters would have a great time poking around the Ravelry site to see what you see.

I've found quite a few patterns on Ravelry that would make nice hats. Of those, there are two that I like best: Caroline (here's the pattern) and Jenny (here it is on flickr) with a different yarn. [Note: I'm giving alternate links because I'm not sure that you can see the links on Ravelry unless you have a login there]. I like these hats because they seem fairly straightforward but are also unique.

The Jenny pattern looks to be a little bit simpler than the Caroline pattern. The Jenny pattern doesn't involve making pleats (how cool is that idea?!) and it uses a double-strand of worsted-weight yarn, so it would knit up quickly. On the other hand, the Caroline hat, with those pleats, looks like it would be more interesting to knit, in a way.

What do you think?

In other knitting-related news, I found a fantastic blog with knitting tips and tricks: TECHknitting. It isn't very long, but it explains things that I have trouble with - including the theory behind each technique - in clear language, using lots of pictures. This is definitely a site worth bookmarking.

We'll see how this knitting-related adventure goes. Wish me luck :)

Relationships on tv... and sleep

I haven't slept this much in a day in quite a long time - I got up around 10:30am and went back to sleep around 3pm until 8:30pm again. I'm still sleepy so I don't think I'll have any problems getting to sleep later. I guess my I need a lot of sleep.

You all know that my latest favourite tv show is Say Yes to the Dress, right? Tonight there were two new episodes and one focused on larger, plus-sized brides. Finally! Not all women are the tiny sample size (even though the store is in New York City) and it's about time they showed real-sized women.

Of the three brides they showed, one wasn't even really fat; she'd gained maybe 20 pounds in her stomach, butt, and thighs. Her mom and cousin laughed at her. Laughed. Every time she put on a dress that she liked, they laughed and said nasty things to her. They said nasty things about her while waiting for her, too (like, her husband won't want to marry her in that because she's fat). But to laugh at your own daughter and tell her that she's fat... that's horrible.

I've seen some pretty appalling behaviour on the part of the family on this show, but this takes the cake. Seriously - that's a terrible way to treat one's daughter. I hope that this woman learns how to stand up for herself... and maybe breaks off contact with that toxic mother and cousin. No one deserves to be treated the way this woman was.

Speaking of moms and daughters, in the second episode one bride was a 5'2" woman with her mom. The mom wanted to see her in those big, poufy, Cinderella-type, over-the-top dresses, claiming that the bride loved ruffles and volume and that deep down, the bride wanted a big wedding. The bride wanted none of that. She didn't want a big wedding and she wanted her dress to be elegant and classic. Why the consultant only listened to the mother and not the bride, I don't know.

I guess that picking out a wedding dress is one of those things that really shows the relationship between a woman and her mother. If there are unresolved issues there of any kind, they're going to come out when it comes time to pick a dress. I suppose it's one of those things where the bride sees herself as a fully-grown woman and the mother still sees her daughter as a little girl. Of course these brides are in their twenties, and that transition has to happen sometime.

I am getting sleepy...

I got my Pamidronate today. I'd originally been scheduled to receive it two weeks ago, right before I went to Ann Arbor, and then again on New Year's Eve. My oncologist cancelled the one on New Year's Eve and I rebooked the other appointment so that I would be able to drive to Ann Arbor and also go to the party last weekend.

They're making my appointments earlier and earlier, it seems. When I got up this morning, the sun hadn't even risen! This used to be normal for me but that was a long, long time ago. So between that and the fact that I've been tired for the last few days anyways, I'm really tired now I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open right now and I'm definitely not taking in new information - to the untrained eye, I probably look like I'm nodding off, but people who know me know that I'm just super-tired. 

I expect to sleep most of tomorrow and as much of the weekend as I can get away with.

The bright spot today was that I was able to get most of my Christmas shopping done between getting the Pamidronate hooked up and getting it disconnected. I was also able to pick up some groceries so we have food in the house again. I didn't buy everything we needed but I got enough to give us choices about what to eat.

I'm feeling like it's sleepy-time for the night. Let's hope for some wakefulness tomorrow :)

So sleepy, again

I think I'm the laziest person in Lazyville. For some reason, I've been very, very tired this week - so tired that I'm having two-hour or more naps in the afternoon. I don't know if the problem is that I haven't been leaving the house because it's cold or what. I have had a bit more pain lately, probably because of the weather, but I don't know if that pain is what's making me so tired.

Needless to say, I haven't really done anything productive lately. I'd planned to make some head coverings to take in on Thursday but I haven't done that yet. I've ordered some very fine wire in fine silver and non-tarnishing copper because I wanted to play with wrapping and making nettings, but I haven't done that, either.

One thing that I did do was to enter my dress into a contest on Threads for using fancy fabrics. I don't think there's much chance of me winning or even making it into the top five, but I am proud of my work and thought it was worth entering. Normally I don't do this kind of thing because I don't always feel like my work is up to the kind of standard those contests have. This dress is different. Plus, I have nothing to lose and lots to gain by entering, because it's not like people will laugh at my dress or anything. I see only positive outcomes for this entry.

The end of my Project Runway love?

I finally watching the finale of season 6 of Project Runway. This latest season marked a huge departure from previous seasons because the backing tv network changed from Bravotv to Lifetime. I think it's safe to say that the change has hurt PR more than it helped.

For some reason, Lifetime thought that shooting the season in Los Angeles would be better than keeping the show in New York. One problem with shooting the show in LA is that the main judges - Nina Garcia and Michael Kors - are simply unavailable. They work in NYC and it's easy for them to go and do some judging if the show is there, but flying across the country is not so easy for them.

So instead, the show featured a number of celebrity guest judges who weren't connected to the fashion industry and who didn't know much about fashion or clothing construction. They didn't improve the judging or the challenges, although they did provide some eye candy, I suppose.

These two judging changes meant that none of the real judges were able to see how the designers developed over the entire season. They couldn't see that someone was showing exactly the same look over and over. They couldn't see that the designers weren't growing or developing a stronger voice.

Judging aside, a major problem with this last season was a lack of interesting challenges or designs. There were no interesting construction material challenges. There were very few pants. There was no pushing the designers outside of their comfort zone. Every challenge could be met with a dress... so everyone did dresses. Out of normal fabric.

And because the judges weren't there to call the designers on the sameness of their designs week after week, the season got more and more uninteresting. By the time we reached the finale collections, somehow two of the finalists developed very, very similar silhouettes. It really did look like one poorly copied the other. One of the finalists did copy a licensed design... and when called on it, she copied other words that appeared in a magazine. That's so not cool.

Where's the variety? Where's the spark? Where are the truly difficult challenges? Where's the talent? Not in PR season 6. There was just nothing to get excited about. At no point during the season did I leap out of my seat and shout, "I love it!" or "what were they thinking???"

Word is that the next season will be/has been shot in New York again. If the actual challenges don't get more interesting - if we get the same uninspired looks and designs throughout the season as we did in season 6 - that'll be the last season of Project Runway I watch. After all, if we don't get to see the talent the designers have, and we don't see them stretch their designer wings throughout the season, what's the point? There are better things to do with my time than watch the Project Runway crap Lifetime put out.

New clothing inspiration

Thanks for your comments on my dress; I was very pleased with the way that it turned out. I feel a lot more comfortable in my sewing skillz than I used to and I think I'd be comfortable tackling even harder sewing projects.

Now that I've finished a project, I'm looking around for something else to do. I have lots of patterns, of course, and I'm thinking I'll do something with one of the fabulous knits I bought... but I can't help but be inspired by this Spring 2010 Marc Jacob's dress, recently worn by Christina Ricci:

To me, this dress shows a new, interesting technique; it's a reinvention of the texturing we've seen lately in clothing what with all of the ruching and pleating and geometric forms. At the same time, it's ethereal and floaty and light. Apparently it's made of tulle and she chose to have it lined (which I think was the right choice; it just didn't look right unlined).

I love love love the way this dress also looks like an abstract pen-and-ink drawing. I love the subtle asymmetry of the design as well as the emphasis on the middle. And I love the emphasis on the shapes the fabric makes and the randomness these shapes contribute to the overall effect. I love that even though the dress and fabric have been designed to have a general look, the specific look cannot be determined because the fabric ultimately makes its own shapes on each person.

I could look at this dress forever. And I'm totally inspired by the technique of edging many, many, many layers of sheer fabric and combining them in their own abstract shapes. I wish I was comfortable enough in my own designs and ideas to design something like that dress... I'm not good at asymmetric or abstract things; even my doodles tend to have a very regular shape and tend to be more geometric.

The dress (and the party)

So yesterday, a few hours before the party, I tried on the dress and realized that there was a problem with the back. It was rolling funny, and I panicked, and instead of thinking about what I'd done since I last tried on the dress, I took out the top back seam. If I'd taken a second to think, I'd have remembered that I had sewn the lining to the zipper and hadn't tried on the dress since. The lining was a tiny bit smaller than the outer fabric (I made the lining and then made adjustments to the pattern; I knew the lining was smaller).

Of course once you take out a seam it's really, really, really hard to get that seam sewn perfectly again, and I sewed and re-sewed and re-sewed and re-sewed it. Eventually I got it to work, mostly. The back could have benefited from some boning to keep it from rolling, but it was ok as it was.

I know you're really curious to see the dress.... so here it is, the front and back:

I'm thrilled with it and think it looks really good, although you can't see that much detail in the pics. Ian was quite surprised at how good the big bow looked. He'd thought it would look silly and overwhelming but what it did was to "bring the eye up to [my] pretty face." (he really did say that; isn't that sweet?) He also thought that the bow helped to give me a more hourglass figure by widening my shoulders - without me having to wear some crazy 80s shoulder monstrosity. This is definitely a silhouette that works for me.

I got a lot of compliments on the dress both from people who knew (and were amazed) that I'd made and it from people who asked where I got it. Considering the pattern is over 40 years old, I guess that's a good sign :)

The party was fun. We did a "white elephant" gift exchange. Everyone brings a gift and gets a random number between one and the number of gifts. In numerical order, people get to either open a gift or steal a gift. Gifts can be stolen only twice, and a person can't steal back a gift that was stolen from them. We ended up with a Snuggie. Surprisingly (?), lots of people wanted the Snuggie. The commercial is lame (and spawned at least one funny parody) but the product itself - a blanket with sleeves so that you're warm arm your arms are free - seems to be one that people want.

The DJ actually played contemporary music which was a nice change. At these things, you usually end up with pop music from 20 or more years ago. This time, he played top forty stuff from now. Not that I was dancing, of course - it's hard to do that with the cane - but it was nice to listen to something that's current.

Speaking of the cane, now that I keep it with me all the time it's easier to tell people that I'm on long-term disability when they ask what I do. Before, I felt like I had to do some explaining because I looked healthy. Now, people the see the cane and can assume some physical, cane-related reason for me to be off work. And if they draw the wrong conclusion about why I'm not working, that's ok. I don't know them and won't be seeing them that often anyways.

Finished!

I finished the dress - well, except for tacking the bow onto the top. The bow and its knot are sewn onto the dress and the bow is sewn onto the side seam, but I don't want to tack it down until I try the dress on again to be sure that it looks right. The rest of the machine-sewing and hand-sewing are all finished. Yay!

As much as I wanted to add a foundation with boning to the dress, I decided this morning not to do that. It's easy enough do the boning - really, you're just sewing channels 3/8" wide onto a double layer of foundation/corselet fabric wherever you want the bones - but much harder and more time-consuming to fit the foundation/corselet fabric. The fabric has to fit like a glove, with no seam allowance. If I had a basic shell pattern or a dressform and was skilled at draping, I'd be able to construct this thing today... or if I had a couple more days, I could do it. I don't have the extra time.

I'm thrilled with the basic dress. It looks amazing and fits really well - well, it did the last time I tried it on, anyways. I haven't tried it on today so I'm hoping that the bow looks good with the dress and that the whole thing works together like I think it will.

It was important to me to finish the dress today so that I don't have to do anything (aside from tacking the bow onto the dress in four places) tomorrow. Tomorrow is all about relaxing and getting ready for the party. I like to have lots of time to do my hair and nails and stuff and I definitely don't want to be doing a lot of last-minute sewing.

I'll definitely take some pictures for you so that you can see this latest labour of love.

The zombie apocalypse

You know how many of the zombie apocalypse stories start off with a drug - usually tested for the military - gone wrong?

A friend of mine sent me a link to this story, about how the military are trying to figure out a way to delay dying on the battlefield... by creating a type of "zombies". Of course they're starting with pigs - but is that better?

I don't see how this idea can end well. When I first read the news article, my first thought was of this other story... where no one could eat the undead animals. Then I thought about zombies in general... created by a drug trial gone awry.

I guess if the zombie apocalypse is on the horizon, it's time to start getting ready. I'm going to re-read The Zombie Survival Guide. If you don't have the book, you could ask for it as a gift this holiday season. Just in case.

Much to do without much time

I should have done more work on actually sewing the dress today, but I didn't. I know that there's not much time left, but I wanted to have another look at the changes that I'd wanted to make. I ended up making several other changes that make the dress fit better and put it back into balance. I'd been making changes but the strapless side wasn't sitting right. I think I've got it right now. At least I hope I do :)

So I've got the pattern done. I'll be cutting and sewing the lining tomorrow; I want to be sure that the lining fits properly before I go ahead and cut the outer fabric or start on the foundation. I have a hair appointment tomorrow morning and I'll pick up the mini bolt-cutters I'll need for the boning.

I'm going to be very busy over the next few days. Ian's out tonight playing video games and he's curling on Wednesday so I'll have some evenings to work on the dress. I'm really excited about how it's looking and how I think it'll feel. I wore my sample around while I was washing my fabric and it was very comfortable. Yay!

Home

I made it home, safe and sound. My roommate and I slept in until 11:30am this morning which turned out to be a good thing because we were both driving home today and we hadn't gone to bed until very late. The extra rest made the drive easier for me and I'm sure it made her drive easier, too.

I loved seeing everyone this weekend. Even though I'm really tired now, the trip was definitely worth it.

Shoe success, and the value of friendship

I'm pleased to report that I was able to find a pair of shoes. I bought this pair in black suede with silver front accent:

 I think they're adorable. They're super-comfortable and also look quite dressy. I got the last pair in the store, and I think the only pair not on sale. Paying full price for these shoes is ok with me. If I'd had time to wait for them to go on sale, I'd have done that, but there just wasn't the time. I expect to be happy with them.

I've had a great time visiting my friends. My drive here was only about 3 1/2 hours and I'm hoping that the drive home will be about the same length, too. Even if I'm on the road longer, though, it would be worth it to have seen my friends. They're all really wonderful people, and I love to spend time with them. There aren't many other groups of people that can make me laugh and then cry in a five-minute span. :)

In a way, it's hard to see people who have metastatic breast cancer, especially in light of all of the people who've died this year. Even so, I feel like I get as much from the relationship with them as it costs me in sadness when they die. I also think that learning to cope with death, and treating it as something that is a part of life, is a good thing. I'm honoured to know these people even if it means that I'll be sad when they die. I wouldn't want to deprive myself of these relationships because they might go before I do. After all, we really never know what's coming, and the more people around to help us get through what's right in front of us, the better.

We've had a fantastic time chatting and laughing and teasing each other over food and in each other's rooms. I can hardly wait until the next time we're able to get together.

I'm not the shape I thought I was

I made some changes to my dress pattern, did a sample, and the bust/shoulder area fits great! I'm so happy with the changes I made.

You know, I'd always thought of myself as having an hourglass figure, because my bust and hip measurements are very close and my waist is about 10" smaller than my hips. But I now think I've been wrong.

Because, you, see, I changed the pattern to fit. To do that, I made the shoulders the one size, the bust the next size up (with a little extra added that doesn't widen the pattern), and the waist and hips a size bigger than the bust. So... my shoulders are TWO SIZES smaller than my hips. If that isn't a pear shape, I don't know what is.

I leave tomorrow to spend the weekend in Ann Arbor with my friends. We're not meeting for anything special; it's just a small get-together. I'm really excited to be seeing them... and to do the shoe shopping I'll be doing while I'm there.

Preparing to make the dress foundation

You know I'm planning on adding a foundation/corselet to the dress I'm making, right? Well, in order to do that, I need boning. There are different kinds of boning: there's the plastic kind and there are several steel kinds. The plastic kind is pretty lightweight and doesn't offer much in the way of support.

I decided to go with a steel kind - specifically, I went with 1/4" spiral steel. It's very flexible but won't deform like plastic does. It looks like a coiled spring that has been flattened. It's quite cool. I ordered this stuff from a place in Stratford calling Farthingales - they have all kinds of products used in making corsets for costumes and whatnot. I ordered my stuff on Wednesday and it arrived Friday! I was very impressed.

I also bought heavy-duty hook and eye tape to be used as a closure for the foundation. Because the foundation has zero or slightly negative ease - it's supposed to fit the body like a glove or even tighter - it will be difficult to close and to make it stay closed. The heavy-duty hook and eye tape will make it easier to close the foundation (and keep it closed) and it won't add bulk under the zipper. If it turns out that there is bulk under the zipper, I can always offset the opening of it by about an inch.

I'm looking forward to trying out this foundation thingy. It's like the baby-sister version of a corset, and I like corsets. I'd love to be able to wear them, but store-bought ones are often too long for me. I've thought about making my own corset before; maybe if this foundation thingy works out, I'll give that a try.

Interesting lecture today

I went to a talk sponsored by Google Waterloo today on data mining, or how they store and retrieve all the information they get for things like Ads. It was a little vague but still interesting - just thinking about the amount of data that Google works with is mid-boggling. They have so many servers and so many queries and everything has to be done so fast that they're really on the outer limits of knowledge with respect to this stuff.

I love the idea of big technology, and I love the work that Google does to make all of that complexity invisible to us end users. I'd love to be a part of that. Not only is the stuff they do awesome, so are the people. Everyone who works there wants to be there and wants to do a good job because they *want* to do a good job. There's no deadweight.

If I was actually working and I had the right skills, I'd submit an application in a heartbeat because they're hiring right now here in Waterloo. Sadly, I'm not working, and I don't have the right skills, so it won't be me who ends up working there. But if you happen to be a smart, dedicated person who fits one of the job descriptions here (or you know someone who fits the bill) you could submit an application.... and maybe you could be hired by the best company ever.

Working on my dress

Ian helped me fit the dress today. I had a hard time pinning it closed and then of course I couldn't pin all of the changes myself.

It turns out that my upper back is narrow. I knew that the shoulder area was narrow but I've never tried to fit something one-shouldered or strapless before. Not that I've fit this particular version of my body before, either, of course, which makes fitting a little bit more difficult.

I've made a number of changes to my pattern and I'll sew it up tomorrow. In addition to the fit changes, I also changed the side seams a bit to make them more of a right angle instead of the deep v. It'll be easier to pin myself into the dress and it'll make sure my bra stays covered. Here's hoping the next iteration of the dress fits better.

Success!

I bought fabric for the dress today. Yay! It only took an hour to find and purchase the fabric once we got to the district. Yay again! I ended up buying a black polyester peau de soie for the dress, a black polyester lining, and a black polyester organza for the bow/sash thingy.

We'd never been to Hamilton's fabric district before, and I have to say that it has some advantages over the fabric district in Toronto. There's tons of parking behind each block, which is awesome, and the stores are close together, which is also awesome. There are a lot more drapery/upholstery fabric stores - and what seems like a kabillion foam stores as well - which might be an advantage. There were also a ton of antique stores there.

One thing I didn't like was that some of the fashion fabric stores smelled weird. One smelled like mold and water damage and another smelled kind of like animals. None of the stores in this area carried a wide range of super-awesome high-end fabric. Several stores in the Toronto district would have carried that fabric.

I'd sort of thought about getting a super-duper high-end silk awesome fabric for the dress but I ultimately decided to not go that route. Apparently working with the type of silk fabric I wanted is difficult as it shows every pin and needle mark, which means that there's no room for error. I'm better at sewing than I used to be - I usually only sew each seam once these days, whereas I used to sew each seam two or more times - but I didn't want to add more pressure on making this dress. My limited time to finish this dress is pressure enough, don't you think?

Also, I didn't really want to spend that much money for a super-duper high-end awesome silk fabric. I'd need two or three meters of outer fabric at $40 or more per meter... and that's expensive.

Two of the stores had the fabrics at a cheaper price than I'd seen near my place so I had to choose where to buy the fabric. One store was kind of dark and a bit musty and cheaper, while the other store was well-lit and smelled and looked nicer but was a bit more expensive. Even the more expensive store was cheaper than my local store (if my local store carried the fabric I wanted in the colour I wanted, which it didn't). We decided we were willing to pay a bit more to shop in the nicer store because it was a much better buying experience.

The sales staff at the store - European Textiles - were very friendly and helpful, with one chatting with Ian while another helped me choose the coordinating fabric for the bow. I had my pattern envelope with me so that they could see the pattern; I thought it would make the fabric selection easier and it did. It was a lovely experience, and they have a ton of fabric in lots of colours. I recommend them.

When the manager saw my pattern, she told me that she used to do a lot of sewing and that many years ago and had made somehing similar to the dress I'm making. Hers was strapless, with the contrast across the bust, and by a different designer. She still has her patterns from the 50s and 60s all neatly tucked away in drawers - I wish I could see her vintage pattern stash!!! I was practically swooning with envy that she had those patterns. I think she noticed :)

So at least this part is done - whew! Now I just have to finish modifying the pattern and wash my new fabric so that I can get the bulk of it together before I leave on Friday. I may yet add a little sparkle along the top edge of the dress; we'll see if I have time and if I think it would look nice. I'm thinking a row or two of tiny black flat-back crystals would do the trick - they'd be subtle but would add just a bit, and they'd give the back of the dress some interest as well. I have to make sure I have time to do this, though. I don't want to start it and not finish or stay up all night the night before the party finishing the dress. That stress I don't need.

Shopping, shopping, shopping

I was out shopping today. Sadly, I didn't find any shoes, but I did remember that I'm going to Ann Arbor - in the US - next weekend. My past experience has been that the shoe stores in the US are more plentiful and carry a better selection than many of the stores here in Waterloo.

I won't have too much time to shop while I'm there so I figured that I'd better develop a shopping plan. I did some sleuthing and discovered two big shopping centers right in Ann Arbor: Briarwood and Arborland. Between the two centers there are about a gazillion places that sell shoes; one of them must have something that will work for me. If not, there are some places that I could go to on my way home.

I'm coming to accept that my wish for sequinned shoes may not be granted and I'm ok with that. I have a wish for arch support in flat shoes and I think that might even be possible, if I'm willing to pay for it. I have some shoes with arch support and they're just so much more comfortable to wear around than flat shoes without it. I'd like to buy a pair of shoes that I'll wear for a long time and so I'm willing to paying extra for something that is more comfortable. It's a good investment, as long as I can find the right shoes. Paying a lot for shoes that won't last would be silly.

Fortunately, I didn't come home empty-handed today: I bought myself a new strapless bra. The one I had before doesn't fit anymore because I've gained weight and I can't go without. And even though I'm planning on making a foundation layer for my dress, I wasn't planning on adding bra cups to it. Bones, I can sew in; bra cups, I'm not willing to fuss with yet.

Yesterday I made up the first draft of the dress. It turns out that I graded the back too big (duh.... I did a full-bust adjustment to the front and didn't need to add that much to the back), which is easy to fix. I also need to add more fabric to the little cap sleeve under the bow; I want to change the underarm on the non-shoulder side to have them meet at right angles instead of a "v"; and I want to drop and slightly re-shape the front. These changes aren't huge.

I tell you, when I put the sample on for the first time - even though it didn't fit and needed some alterations - I felt soooo pretty and feminine. I've never worn anything like it before, and I just felt so good in it. I didn't realize that the dress has a little cap sleeve on the one side, and this perfectly balances the exposed shoulder. The dress is definitely slimming, too. I can't wait to see this dress made up in final fabric.

Speaking of fabric, tomorrow is fabric shopping day. Yaaaay! I've decided not to go shopping in Toronto, though. As Ian pointed out, it would be busy on that street and I can't walk the length of it like I used to. So we've decided to go to Hamilton instead. There's a street there that has about three better-quality fabric retailers in a block or two, and that's where we're headed. I've decided to make the dress in black because it's a classic colour and I don't have to worry about matching fabric colours. Wish me luck tomorrow :)

Sesame Street for adults

We went to see Avenue Q tonight as a special thing to do for Ian's upcoming birthday. The show is a Tony-award winning musical starring people and puppets (much like Sesame Street) in a Sesame Street-type setting. The show was very good; so good that we were sad to see that it hadn't even come close to selling out. The auditorium wasn't even half-full, and this show deserves a full audience.

The musical tells the story of recent college grad Princeton and how he and the other residents of Avenue Q muddle through adulthood, by trying to figure out their purpose, getting a job, having money, figuring out relationships, and all that. There are good times and bad times and by the end, everyone has realized that you have to live your dreams before it's too late. That's a pretty good message, I'd say.

Even though there are puppets in this show and it's sort of like Sesame Street, this is not a show for young children. There are many sexual scenes (including puppet sex) and songs (like "The internet is for porn"). The events and emotions in the show feel very real and that makes up for the explicit scenes because, well, sometimes life is explicit. The mixture of puppets and people makes the show interesting and appeals to people in the same way that kid's tv appeals to kids. The story and story-telling is top-notch, and the singing is awesome.

We were very, very impressed by the lead puppeteer. When he was managing the puppets, we forgot that he was there. He was able to really show expression through these clamshell puppets while he was voicing their lines. The other main puppeteer wasn't quite as good; she was more expressive than the puppet so it seemed like the puppet was part of her and not a separate creature. Her voice was phenomenal, though, and she was able to differentiate her different characters as well as the lead puppeteer.

One thing I loooved was the "Bad Idea Bears" (and I think I'm not the only one who loves them... or the idea of them). They were the ones that suggested people do irresponsible things because it was fun. They could have also been called the "Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time Bears" because that's what the bad ideas often end up being, in my experience. Of course there were lots of other funny things in this show, like the aforementioned "The Internet is for Porn" and "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist".

We recommend this show to everyone. We might especially recommend this show for teens and people just starting to get through life, although if you go with them you'll find it's funny for you, too :) So if you find out that Avenue Q are playing in your area, go see them.

I need shoes

Yep, I need shoes - it isn't just that I want them, because I always want shoes: I need them. You see, there's this Christmas party coming up... and I have these awesome shoes with high heels that I love sooo much.

Sadly, I don't get to wear high heeled shoes anymore because I walk with a cane. I've been trying to convince Ian (and myself) that I should be able to walk around wearing my gorgeous high heels at the Christmas party. Deep inside, I know better. I can't wear shoes with a beautiful high heel.

And the problem: I have no beautiful, flat, dressy shoes. So you see, I need shoes. The trouble with most appropriate shoes is that they're of the "old-lady" variety: frumpy, with thick straps and stumpy heels. Those won't do at all.

I remember seeing some sequinned ballet flats at one point. I can't find the shoes online now but I know I saw them. And yes, I know, they sound either atrocious or gorgeous, depending on who you are. The ones I've seen aren't all that ugly; the sequins aren't the shiny cup variety, they're the small, donut-shaped matte type. The sequins add texture to the shoe as well as a bit of shine but they aren't over-the-top. At least the ones I've been thinking about. I've been looking online and there are some different varieties on this theme out there at different price points.

I'll spend some time looking around stores and stuff and see if I can find what I want. If I had time and the tiny sequins - or the right sequinned fabric - I could make my own sequinned pair. That would be going way, way too far, I think :) So I'll see what I can find; I hope I'm successful because I don't know what I'll do if I can't find the shoes I need.

More fabric for more sewing

I took the head coverings in this morning and they loved them! Another volunteer was there and she looked longingly at them and said that she would have loved to have had one when she had lost her hair. They even thought that the colour - black - was perfect because it was a classic colour and could be dressed up.

That set my mind at ease; I feel much better about making them now. I'll make some more this week for them.

Even though I'm heading to Toronto this weekend to find fabric, I bought some other fabric online today. My favourite online fabric store - Gorgeous Fabrics - is having a 26% off sale (since the US Thanksgiving is on the 26th) until Monday. I bought some classic, high-quality fabrics that I can put away to have on-hand for future projects. They have a ton of other gorgeous fabrics there, like inexpensive stretch crepe in tons of colours, but I figured that those fabrics will be there again and they weren't that expensive to begin with. The other fabrics I bought won't be there for much longer and I've never seen their prices this low.

Look at me, justifying my actions, when all I'm really doing is hoarding fabrics :)

Sewing but not for me

Last week, I was given a target for the number of head coverings they wanted each week: five. In an ideal world I would have been working on these throughout the week... but I'm lazy and so have only done the bulk of the work today.

When I first started working on these, I found that it took me about an hour to make each one from cutting it out to sewing the final seam. Since I was making five at once, I figured I'd streamline my work by doing the same task on each item instead of making each item separately. I thought that this would save time because that's what normally happens... but it didn't. It took about five hours to make the five I made. It seems to not matter whether I make them individually or in a more efficient way; each one still takes me about an hour.

While working on these today, I discovered that there are two bottleneck processes. If I can do these steps in less time, making the head coverings will take much less time. One of these processes is turning the 2 x 36" ties and the other is doing the final assembly. I think I can easily save time turning the ties by attaching a string to the bottom and then turning it that way. That's what you can do when you're working with thin tubes or spaghetti straps but I didn't use that method with these ties because they're so wide. At this point, I'll do anything that'll save time.

As for the final assembly, I'm not exactly sure how to save time there. This is the step where the outer fabric and linings are attached to the front band. That's actually easy, but a bit time-consuming because things have to be matched and pinned. The harder part is when I attach the ties to the band and to the fabric; this small seam actually makes a right angle to the band/body seam. This way, the band lies flat on the forehead and the ties are set up to already cross at the back of the neck. As well, all of the raw edges are fully enclosed so there's no danger of raveling.

I'll have to experiment with different ways to sew this tricky part in order to (hopefully) save time. At least I did manage to get the head coverings finished (well, except for the final seam at the bottom to close the raw edges in - I'll sew that early tomorrow). I'll take them in when I go for Meditation tomorrow morning. I tried to make them dressier so I hope they like them.

Planning a weekend away

This weekend last year, I met up with my support group friends over in Westport. It was an amazing trip and one that I treasure, because I got to know in person these wonderful people that I'd only known online. I've seen these friends a couple of times since then, and lately I've been finding myself missing them. Not just because this is like the "anniversary weekend", but also because so many of our mutual friends have died this year.

So I was thrilled when I heard that some of them were getting together the first weekend in December! We're meeting up in Ann Arbor, Michigan, which luckily for me is only about a four-hour drive away (plus the border crossing). I'd fly wherever I had to in order to meet up with them - honestly, I'd move heaven and earth to see them, because seeing them is so important to me - but being able to drive to see them does make it easier and cheaper for me to be there.

The plan is to get together the Saturday night. I'll drive out on Friday so that I have a chance to rest. I expect we'll be up late Saturday night and I don't want to just drive there, stay up late, and drive back - that would be exhausting. There's no point overdoing it, is there?

I've actually been to Ann Arbor once, with Ian and some juggling friends for a juggling festival. I remember that trip not just because I was driving, but because we had dinner at the Blue Nile, an Ethiopian restaurant that had wonderful food and the most delicious tea. After that, I found a great sewing book in a nearby used bookstore. I remember it being a very nice, wealthy town, and I'm looking forward to seeing it again. I'd love to bring home some of that tea as well!

Of course this means that I'll have a bit less time to work on the dress. If I end up not finishing it because of this little trip, that's ok; seeing my friends is that important to me. But don't worry: as long as I like the way the dress looks on me, I'm confident in my ability to finish it on time. There are many, many hours during the day where I'm not doing anything but sitting... I could easily be sewing during at least some of that time.

More zombies and monsters

I think I've mentioned how much I loved Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which is an updated version of Pride and Prejudice. Zombies are added to the story, which both freshens up the original and adds an interesting quirk to the story. I loved this book and highly recommend it to everyone because it's funny, irreverent, and seems to work with the original story (which I admit I've never read).

Anyways, the publishing company has come out with another book: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. It's an updated version of Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibility, adding, err, Sea Monsters. I wish I could say that this book is as good as the last... but it isn't. From what I understand, much of the basic plot follows the plot in the original book (I'm sorry to say that I haven't read this original book, either. My literary education is sadly incomplete).

However, they've added new subplots and new locations, as well as really strange actions by some of the characters (even new minor characters) that don't seem to have had corresponding actions in the original. Where the zombies seemed to fit right in to Pride and Prejudice because the character's actions weren't fundamentally changed to accomodate the zombies, adding Sea Monsters to Sense and Sensibility just doesn't work as well.

That's not to say that the story isn't funny; it is, and there are definitely satiric elements there. It's still a book worth reading but it's not a book worth buying. Borrow it from the library instead.

I was looking at the publishers website and they have a new poster that they've designed... a baby zombie ("Dawn of the Dreadfuls"). I'm crossing my fingers hoping that there's going to be a new "classic" book coming out. Who doesn't love the idea of baby zombies?

Ok, I know, many people might have issues with baby zombies. I just think they'd be so cute, crawling or toddling along, saying "braaaaiiinnnns", kind of like babies/toddlers do. And I sort of feel sorry for them because they don't have enough teeth to eat properly... plus they're not as mobile as their adult brethren. The thought of these little baby zombies just makes me giggle. I hope that the next book does involve baby zombies and is as good as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

The undead and other creatures

I don't know what has happened, but I've been exhausted over the last few days. I slept most of yesterday and I slept in again today. Where has this come from?

New Moon, the next in the Twilight series, has opened today to rather bad reviews. I'm not all that surprised; the trailers make it seem like there's a lot of teen angst going on. The acting doesn't look all that good, either... there and I'm not sure about the story. That movie isn't marketing to me, of course. I'd see it as long as I didn't have to pay full price.

You know, I don't really get the whole "vampire wants to date a teenager" thing. After all, these vampires are at least a hundred years old, right? So what do they see in a teenager? Sure, teenagers have nubile, young bodies, but that only goes so far - the two have to talk to each other eventually, if they're going to have a relationship. Don't get me wrong; teenagers are fun and interesting to be around and I love to hang out with the ones in my family, but I'm not sure I could date one (even if it was legal for me to do that).

I think I like zombies because they're so much less complicated; they'll eat anyone.

So sleepy that I can barely watch tv

I'm very tired; I had my bone scan starting early today. I have a hard time staying still during this half-hour scan because I twitch a lot so I took a Ativan in hopes that I wouldn't twitch quite so much. I think I did twitch less (I still twitched) but the Ativan left me very, very tired. I slept for the greater part of the afternoon and into this evening... and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open, even now.

So although I'd planned to do some sewing-related activities today, all I managed to do was watch the finale to the latest cycle of America's Next Top Model (ANTM). This cycle was all about the petite (under 5' 8") model to show that models don't necessarily need to be tall.

I like ANTM because the contestants all seem real, with different body types. Plus, they're not allowed to smoke - and since it seems all of the people on reality shows smoke, it's a nice change. I also like seeing some of the behind-the-scenes stuff, like how they set up for the shoots and teach them different skills and whatnot. And of course I love the modeling itself. The concepts don't always interest me but seeing the models pose and their final photographs is cool.

I'm not going to tell you who won this cycle; you'll have to watch it yourself or look it up if you want to know. I will say that the model who won was the one that I thought had the most talent and the best, most interesting photographs. I'd hoped that she would win, and I'm very happy that she did.

Tomorrow: sewing of some sort. For sure.

Fabric shopping today

My local fabric store didn't have anything right for the dress I want to make. There wasn't anything in quite the right weight or colour.

The store is having a ginormous sale so I did look around and see what was there. I was surprised to see some lovely sequinned mesh fabrics - fabrics that would make a great sparkly, fun, outfit. If I weren't committed to this dress, I'd definitely think about getting some of the sequinned stuff.

I did find a great black corduroy-like fabric with ribs of pile like corduroy has, but much, much softer. It's made out of polyester and nylon and is so, so, so soft. The fabric I got is crushed and looks sort of like the corduroy equivalent of crushed velvet. It would make a great skirt.

I didn't just buy this fabric for me, actually. I bought it mostly to use for head coverings. I'm still making them, verrry slooooooowwwllly, and I asked today what it was they needed. I'm finding that if I'm not given some kind of target, I don't find the time to do the volunteer work. They're asking for at least five head coverings per week, and right now they want dressier, warmer ones because of the upcoming holiday season. This crushed, soft corduroy will make for some nicer head coverings, I think. Plus the fabric will make them warmer.

I also got a 1m remnant of black rayon challis, and I'll use that to make other head coverings that are slightly less... glitzy crushed corduroy, but still dressier than plain cotton. I have a ton of black broadcloth I can use for the linings. The new fabrics might be a little slippery on the head.

So at least my trip to the fabric store wasn't a waste of time because I got some great fabric for the head coverings. I will definitely be heading over to Toronto to look for fabric. I won't lie to you - I love the idea of shopping in the fabric stores there :)

Fabric shopping... oh, the possibilities!

I spent most of today looking at super-expensive, lovely fabric at stores online. I love looking at fabric, even if it's online. It's not quite as good as looking at fabric in person, because I can't touch the fabric, but I can definitely imagine what the fabric is like.

Yes, I'm still thinking about which fabric (and colour) to use for the dress I'm hoping to make. There are a ton of absolutely fantastic fabrics out there and I love them all. One site also has tons of non-dress fabrics I'm interested in buying - some beautiful batiste and sateen. So far, I haven't put any fabric in an online shopping cart but I'm so, so, so tempted to just buy a few things, you know?

I have a big morning tomorrow and once I'm done, I'll head to my local fabric store. I don't expect to really find anything there because they don't carry much in the way of really nice fabrics. However, there is a chance that they'll have something I like, and it's a good idea to check what's there before looking further afield.

I had given some serious thought to buying fabric online if I can't find anything here, but I decided against doing this. I'd be too worried that it wouldn't arrive in time or that the fabric wouldn't be what I thought it was, and I just don't want to take the chance that there will be a problem. So instead, I'll take a trip to Toronto this weekend or next. There are lots of awesome fabric stores there and I'm quite sure I'll be able to find the perfect fabric combination and colour.

In the meantime, I'll keep looking at fabric online and letting my imagination run wild.

Have pattern, need fabric

Ok, I think I have chosen a pattern for the upcoming party. Thanks to all of you who sent in suggestions :)

I was having some trouble choosing the right pattern because I liked them all. As well, it's hard for both Ian and me to visualize what the pattern would look like on my body. I'm a little bit shorter and stockier than the pattern envelope illustration, you know. :) I've been known to fall in love with an illustration and then when it's made up, I don't love the garment on me.

I don't want to go to a lot of trouble tracing, grading, and making something for the party only to find out that it looks awful. So I drew a figure with my own body proportions - in other words, I made a croquis for my own body - and sketched each dress on a copy of that figure. It was immediately obvious that some dresses are not at all suitable for me. They looked awful in the drawing, and if I can't get a dress to look good in a sketch, it's not going to look good on me.

Ian and I then surveyed the remaining designs to pick our top three. From there, we chose our favourite:

... in the shorter version, of course. What do you think?

This is a vintage pattern from 1964 designed by Pauline Trigere that I already have in my collection. I love the asymmetry of this design as well as the bow thingy (note that I can adjust the bow size to suit my height and weight). A sheath dress tends to look good on me, and asymmetry is fairly stylish right now. Actually, this is a fairly timeless silhouette.

Now I need to find fabric for this dress (well, I need to trace the pattern, grade it, and make a muslin, but finding the right fabric could be time-consuming). The pattern calls for crepe, peau de soie/duchess, shantung/duppioni, taffeta, faille, or brocade for the dress and taffeta, satin, or peau de soie/duchess for the bow. I read those suggestions to mean that the whole dress needs to be made in a fabric with some body and structure.

I think a fairly matte, less reflective fabric would be best for the dress. Shiny fabrics emphasize every lump and bump - and I have a few of those! I also don't want any fabric that rustles too much, so that lets out taffeta and shantung. I've been looking online and I love love love the look of dutchess satin, 4-ply silk crepe, silk zibilene, hemp/silk fabric, and silk/wool fabric... but the price for all of these is a bit much, even though I only need just over two meters of any one type. My fabric tastes are something else, aren't they?

I'm going to look at my local fabric store, even though it doesn't have anything in the way of those really nice fabrics, in case there are some good polyester substitutes. I could also do some layering with lace or something over a shinier fabric to dull it down or add some texture. The possibilities are endless!

Before choosing fabric for the bow, I think I need to figure out what I'm doing for the body of the dress. The only thought about the bow that I've had so far is that an organza or something like that would be nice. Mostly I think the bow should be a different - shinier, brighter, eye-catching - texture than the dress, to draw the eye up to my face.

But no matter which fabric type I go with, I have another issue: colour. Do I stick with black? I love black, and it's always safe to do a little black dress... but is it too safe? The biggest benefit is that there are lots and lots of black fabrics out there so it's easy to find it and match it to other things. At the same time, I'm feeling drawn towards dark reds, burgundies, and purples. These other colours would work, look good on me, and are very current, but it's harder to match colours. What do you think?

A recent issue of Threads magazine describes how to add a foundation to a strapless dress to make it fit better. This is done by adding an inner corset-type thing; some Vogue patterns are now including a foundation in their patterns. I'm going to review the article and see if I want to use this technique with this dress, even though it's not quite strapless, or if I want to buy the shaper/corset I'd been talking about. Adding a foundation to a dress adds a bit of a couture element to the garment and definitely helps it fit better. Of course this might be way more work than I'm prepared to do, but it's something that I want to investigate.

Saturday movie

Tonight we watched The Dark Half, a George A Romero-directed movie adaptation of Stephen King's book by the same name. Stephen King apparently wrote this story after he was outed as being Richard Bachman. This story is about a writer whose alter-ego is exposed. Except that in the story, the alter-ego doesn't want to just be killed off... it wants to live and somehow manages to give itself life.

While Stephen King's short stories and novellas turn into fantastic movies, his full-length books usually wind up being turned into mediocre (at best) movies. His books are so long with so much stuff going on in them - and so much of them is devoted to what the characters are thinking - that it's almost impossible to trim the book down into a good movie. So we were very surprised that this particular adaptation was so good; The Dark Half is a good movie, with great acting, lots of suspense, and a good story.

I don't know why this movie is such a good adaptation - is it because Romero directed it, or because it's more like a shorter Bachman book, or if there was some other secret behind the screenplay adaptation to make the movie so good. I guess it doesn't matter so much why this is a good movie; we should just enjoy it for what it is.

So if you like horror/suspense movies, we highly recommend The Dark Half. You should know that there are a couple of gory bits near the beginning and again right at the end, but in the middle the gory bits tend to be more implied. It's a psychologically scary movie and definitely fun to watch.

A tidy place to work

Ian thinks that either aliens came in to the house today and removed all the clutter around my upstairs work area, or magic cleaning creatures came in and magically cleaned everything up. That's because I don't like to clean,m and yet my upstairs work area was all clean when he got home.

Yes, it was me who cleaned it and tidied it up. :) I spent this afternoon tidying up the area. Most of my time was occupied with getting rid of all the old magazines and phone books as well as sorting through and tidying up all of the beads and various pieces of paper. Now that it's so much neater over there, it'll be a lot easier to work. You see, there's a Christmas party coming up and I've been wanting to work on some vintage patterns, but I didn't have space to do that. Now I've got the space and tidiness I need.

So now all I need is a pattern :) Of course I'd love the pattern to be vintage or vintage-style! The biggest criteria is that the design be slimming on me. I'm at my highest weight ever and it's unlikely that I'll be substantially smaller before the party, so anything that can fool the eye into making me look skinnier is a good thing. I may also buy a body slimmer or corset to help bring my measurements down. I know that they're not all that comfortable, but if I look better in them, I'm willing to go that route.

I expect that the dress silhouette will be a fairly simple sheath or slight a-line style because those don't add bulk the way fuller skirts do. If possible, I might try to incorporate some diagonal ruching or light pleating across the tummy to make it look slimmer. And if I can emphasize certain lines with seams or trims, I'll do that, too. There's no way that I'll be able to completely disguise my size, of course, so my goal will be to make me look the best I can at my current size. That's all any of us can reasonably expect.

Happy oncology appointment today

I had my regular appointment with the oncologist today. My CA 15-3 tumour markers are still within normal range at 35. The only weird thing was that my hemoglobin was a little bit lower than normal at 113 instead of its usual 123. It's not a big change, but since blood is related to the bones, she wants me to have a bone scan.

It's about time for a bone scan anyways. Because my tumour markers are stable in the normal range and I've got no new pain or anything like that, I fully expect that the scan will show nothing new. The scan is scheduled for next Wednesday and she'll call my if anything shows up. I don't expect to hear from her; I'll get my results when I see her in two months.

Besides, anemia, or low hemoglobin, is a side effect of hypothyroidism - remember my TSH was a little high (a sign of hypothyroidism) the last time my family doctor did my bloodwork? I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the hypothyroidism is causing the slight anemia. If the TSH is still low when my bloodwork is retested in January, I'll hopefully get some medication to control my thyroid. Then my hemoglobin can go back to normal and I can lose some of this weight I've gained.

My oncologist is going to schedule a mammogram for me. My surgeon (who I saw on Monday) suggested that I have them done regularly and my oncologist agrees with him. She says that her patients with minimal disease - like me - who she thinks are going to be around a long, long time - like me - shouldn't be ignoring their breasts.

She also strongly recommended that I not go back to work; that if I had to or really wanted to, that would be one thing, but it's more important to live a satisfying life. She said that she's realized, working with cancer patients, that there's more to life than working and she's now encouraging her patients to live well.

Oh, and I was scheduled to have Pamidronate on New Year's Eve but she's canceling that appointment. She thinks that I shouldn't have to come in for Pamidronate on that day because it's New Year's Eve. Missing a month is no problem; she's waiting for current research to be published that says that Pamidronate only needs to be given every two months instead of every month to metastatic breast cancer patients. Apparently the oncologists at Princess Margaret are already doing this ahead of publication, but my oncologist is a little more cautious.

I'm not complaining that I don't have to have Pamidronate on New Year's Eve. I don't know that we'll do much of anything that night, but at least I'll be able to choose whether to do something; if I'd had Pamidronate, I wouldn't be able to make that choice because I'd be too sleepy.

And that's it, I think. We covered a lot in that twenty minutes! I came away feeling quite positive and optimistic about my current condition. I love that she thinks I'm going to be around for quite a while yet. Life is good. :)

Changes big and small

I've changed somehow and I don't know exactly when or how that happened. It used to be that if someone came into my home, I felt compelled to clean everything and put absolutely everything away so that the whole place looked perfect.

Tonight, a volunteer came over to learn how to make the head coverings I've been making. I didn't do any of the cleaning or tidying up that I used to do before she got here.

I guess it's not as important to me to present myself in a particular way anymore. Before, I think I was worried that people would look around at the way I live and somehow find me wanting. Now, what other people think of me isn't that important, and if my place is a mess or the dishes aren't done, well, that's ok.

This is big change, and it's a good one; I definitely prefer not getting all worked up about cleaning up or getting my house ready for a short visit by someone else. Plus I think it means that I'm finally at a point where other people's opinions about me are much less important to me - and that's definitely a good thing.

Another, smaller, change is that I've found a new favourite tv show: Say Yes to the Dress. This show chronicles the experiences of clients and consultants at Kleinfeld Bridal, an upscale bridal shop in NYC. It's interesting to see the process for selecting a dress and the different styles on different people. I also love the behind-the-scenes looks at the staff meetings and how they deal with customers. And of course I love looking at all the dresses. Ever since I was a young girl, I've loved designing and thinking about fancy dresses... and isn't a wedding dress just a really fancy dress?

Of course Ian and I aren't planning on getting married. Sure, I bug him about it every once in a while (mostly when I'm scared that my cancer is worse), but getting married isn't something that we're all that interested in doing. And even if we did get married, I wouldn't be spending the kind of money those dresses cost on a dress. So watching this show is a way for me to sort of imagine what it would be like to go through that process of choosing a dress. As long as I don't start wanting one of those dresses, I figure this new favourite show is harmless. :)

Oh, how I love fabric

Most of you know that I love fabric, right? And that I may have more fabric in my sewing room than I could possibly sew? It goes with the number of vintage patterns that I have. Of course even though I've got tons of both fabric and patterns, I still buy more.

Some might say that I just happen to love shopping, and what I buy are shoes, fabric, and vintage patterns. I'll think about that another day :)

So anyways, I buy my fabric both in person and online. The online store I keep returning to is Gorgeous Fabrics. She carries beautiful jersey fabrics and has a fantastic collection of silks and cottons as well. Right now she's got a fine set of wool crepe, heavy silk crepe, and silk jersey... I'm looking for a reason to buy those, but haven't been able to find one yet. She also puts her stuff on sale (from 15-25% off) often enough to make shopping there more cost-effective.

I have a new reason to love this store. On this last order, she accidentally shipped me a length of this wrong fabric instead of a length of the fabric I ordered. I emailed her right away and she's told me to keep the fabric she sent, plus she'll send me the fabric I originally ordered, free of charge. What fantastic customer service! Some places would charge me for shipping or ask me to return the wrong fabric (she does sell fabric by the piece, sometimes, so she could have asked me to return it).

I understand how the fabric got mixed up; the one I ordered is a black mesh and the one I got is black and white and looks sort of like a mesh. It's nice enough, but it's not quite what I was looking for, you know? I can use it as trial fabric, if nothing else, so it won't be wasted.

Oh - I got a new cane today. Ian thinks it looks like a pimp's cane, but I don't think it does. It is narrower, with a smaller handle, than my old one, but it feels more comfortable in my hand. Plus I don't have this one at it's shortest notch - even shorter people than me could use it. :)

Shopping adventures

Once every three months or so I get to go to Oakville for a doctor's appointment. While I'm there, I always try to take the time to do a little shopping. There's a StyleSense nearby that I love to visit because it's a shoe store... and oh, how I love shoes.

I can't wear high heels anymore so I have to pass by most of the gorgeous shoes at the store. Very high heels are in style these days and I love them so, so, so much. I love the look of them, the sleek heel with the beautifully shaped arch and footbed. They're so curvy and beautiful... sigh. Even if I did have a place to wear such beautiful shoes (which I don't, since I'm not working), I couldn't wear them because high heels don't go well with a cane. :(

I'm also looked around at winter boots. I'm on the lookout for a good pair of warm, black, winter boots. Most of the boots I saw were dressy and I really want something a little more practical. You know, with a good tread. And warm. The warmer boots all looked kind of ugly, kind of like old lady boots. I may need a cane, and I may not be that young, but I don't want to wear old lady boots.

So I didn't find any great shoes or any winter boots today.

Happily, I did find *three* pairs of jeans today: two pairs of dark wash jeans and one pair of black cords! I know the cords aren't all that practical because they'll wear out, but I like the look of them. I've been searching for new jeans for quite a while because the one pair of jeans that fit me are wearing out. I was beginning to think that I wouldn't find any new jeans, let alone three pairs! So even though I found no shoes or boots today, I consider today's shopping adventure a success.

When I got back to Waterloo, I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things.... and I'm pretty sure I left my cane in the shopping cart. I remember putting the cane in the cart when I started shopping, but it wasn't in the car when I got home. Oops. I'm not too upset, though, because I'm still basking in the glow of finding three pairs of jeans in one store. :)

It just occurred to me - wouldn't it be nice if losing my cane meant that I could wear the delicious high heels that I love so much? I know, I know, there's no way that could happen because it isn't the cane that is the limiting factor (it's my back), but a shoe-loving girl can dream.

Real silk velvet?

For years and years I've read and been told that "silk velvet" is really silk/rayon velvet, with a silk (usually chiffon) base and rayon pile. 100% silk velvet, with a silk base and a silk pile just didn't exist. 100% silk velvet was an urban legend... or something that could only be bought in back alleys if you had the right connections and a lot of money.

This always seemed strange to me. Rayon hasn't been around for forever, so they couldn't have used silk/rayon velvet back in the day; it would have had to have been 100% silk velvet back then.

Today while watching and listening to Ian play his new video game (Borderlands - he likes it), I did a little searching for silk velvet. Apparently some places have started to produce 100% silk velvet over the last few years. The places I found all say that the 100% silk velvet has a silk backing and silk pile and that the fabric is very soft and drapey. Based on that description, it's entirely possible that they're selling actual 100% silk velvet.

I'm very excited about this possible find! I'm going to hold off giving you links to the actual fabric until I can verify that the 100% silk velvet fabric really is 100% silk velvet and not regular silk velvet. To that end, I ordered a small remnant of this 100% silk velvet and "regular" silk velvet (along with small, inexpensive remnants of some other fabrics I've had my eye on) from this one place. I'll let you know my findings once I know.

Can you imagine the yesterday's dress pattern made up in silk velvet? How gorgeous would that be?

A very expensive pattern

Many of you know that I love to look at (and occasionally bid on) vintage patterns on eBay. Some rare, gorgeous patterns might go for crazy prices like $100USD or more, depending on the pattern and size. There was an auction that ended today that took the cake, going for a higher price than any other single pattern I've seen.

The final bid for this pattern:

... was $361.99USD. How crazy is that? There's no way that I'd pay that much for one vintage pattern - even if the pattern is this spectacular.

I suppose money may not be much of an object if someone was making a wedding dress or other fancy dress ... or if they just wanted *this* pattern. I can imagine how beautiful, fabulous, and show-stopping the dress made out of this pattern would be, even though the pattern is over 70 years old. I hope that whoever bought this pattern does make the dress and posts it somewhere. Wouldn't that be something?

A new fabric I love

Have any of you seen or heard of double gauze fabric? It's two layers, usually cotton, although sometimes a cotton-linen blend, of gauze woven together. It's super-soft and apparently great for hot weather, and I've also read that it makes the most wonderful quilts ever. I tried on a shirt once where the fabric had gingham on one side and a plaid on the other. It was soft and fantastic but the style wasn't right.

Some designers have got some interesting double gauze fabrics. I know of three full collections right now: Echino by Etsuko Furuya, Nani Iro by Naomi Ito, and Far Far Away by Heather Ross. And they're all lovely, and I want them. The thing is, I've had a really hard time finding pictures of the entire width of the fabrics. These fabrics aren't at all cheap and I've spent more than enough money on fabrics that aren't quite perfect. I'd like to avoid spending money on a fabric design that I don't love. I very much want to buy some of this fabric for next summer; I think it would make something lovely and cool for summer. I think it wouldn't wrinkle too much, either.

I did find some lovely fabrics on this page and some linen double gauze on this page but even if it wasn't sold out, I don't look good in flax. I did find some others here on etsy (apparently they're from Korea, not Japan) and I love them a lot... but the colours aren't quite right for me. There are lots over here on superbuzzy (although the search brings up fabrics that aren't actually double gauze but have the phrase in the description, so it pays to be careful when looking at those fabrics); maybe one or more of those fabrics will be suitable.

So if you see any lovely double-gauze fabrics in colours or patterns that are suitable for me, please let me know. I love white colours as well as pastels, and my favourite patterns are geometrics, plaids, or checks. I'll keep looking as well. I might still find the perfect pattern and colour combination.,