Out with the old, in with the new

We're finally finished with the old place except for giving the keys back. We spent yesterday afternoon doing the bulk of the cleaning and Ian went there again today to finish bringing things back and to do the last bit of cleaning.

I'm a little sad at the thought of leaving that place behind, for all its flaws, because it was home for five years. We moved there right after I started working at the last company and I remember being excited at how much better things would be away from the students. It felt like the start of a new chapter in our lives... which it was, even if it was shorter than I thought it would be.

As sad as I am to say goodbye to the old place, I'm excited to be in our house. It feels sort of strange to be happy and sad at the same time - happy to make a fresh start and sad to leave the comfort of the known place behind - because I like my happy times and my sad times to be disjoint. It's easier to feel all of one after another than both at once.

I guess part of the trick to moving on is instead of looking back and only mourning what's gone, look ahead and find the advantages to the new situation. I know that can be easier said than done, because change is hard and it's sometimes hard to figure out exactly what you're feeling when you think about something you're leaving behind. Personally, I've found that when I'm trying to control things and trying to hold onto the past (and getting angry and grumpy in the process), if I can recognize and identify what I'm really feeling - whether it be sadness, powerlessness, or fear - I'm able to let those feelings go, accept what's happening, and turn to embrace what's ahead. 

I did that recently with the whole Bell situation. I was thinking about it, because I'd got so angry with Bell, and I wondered why that was. Eventually I realized it was because I felt helpless and powerless when dealing with Bell. That's why I got as angry as I did: had I felt like I was being heard by them, I wouldn't have felt the way I did. 

Now, accepting my role in the situation doesn't change the fact that Bell didn't handle the situation correctly, and it doesn't change the fact that I'm going to file a complaint. I just like to understand why I behave the way I do so that I can learn from it. Plus I figure that if I can learn to identify the feelings behind my actions before I get angry, I could learn to be a kinder, gentler, more compassionate person. I've been a very angry, harsh, unfeeling, cruel person for much of my life and I've been working on changing that. It's a very slow process.

ps - the wind just picked up our barbeque outside and threw it over! We've moved it against the house now instead of it standing by itself on the patio, but how crazy is it that the wind could do that?