People change

I have a new home-care nurse. I receive Pamidronate through my port and since there aren't enough beds and chairs for me to hang around the chemo suite waiting for it to finish infusing, it gets disconnected by the home-care nurse.

Now that I'll be receiving Pamidronate every eight weeks instead of every four, the home-care nurse needs to flush my port in between Pamidronate infusions as the port must be accessed every four to six weeks. Either way, I see my home-care nurse about every four weeks or so. I've had the same home-care nurse for nearly a year now, I think, and we've developed quite a good relationship. In fact, we'd scheduled my port flush for this week instead of next, when it should have been scheduled for next week, because she's on vacation next week.

So imagine my surprise when I opened the door this afternoon and it wasn't my regular nurse! I was a little sad, because I liked my former nurse and I enjoyed talking to her. Of course I know that this is a job for her and changing areas is part of the job. And the new nurse was able to access my port with no pain on the first try - a rarity, because my port can move around, making it hard to access - so she's clearly got the skillz. And she's very nice so we'll develop a good relationship, I'm sure.

I still felt a little hurt and maybe a little rejected, even though I'm well aware that the change is nothing personal. I suspect I'm actually reacting to something else: a friend is moving to another city sent out address and phone number updates to other mutual friends but I thought I didn't get it. It turns out that it was in my spam folder, but until I knew that I definitely felt and still feel hurt and rejected by this person. I had thought that she didn't want me as a part of her life and I didn't understand what had happened or why things had gone the way they I thought did.

I know that friends come and go but because so many of my friends die because they have mets, every one of my friends is precious to me even if I don't see them often. I thought I'd lost a friend for no reason I could figure out - and that perceived loss was as hard on me as when a friend dies. Finding out that I hadn't lost her as a friend has made me very, very grateful to still have her friendship. This experience was a bit of a wake-up call for me, telling me that I can't take my friends for granted. If they're as precious to me as I think they are, I need to treat them that way.