Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Random thoughts

I had to go and buy a new toque because I lost my other one and it's too cold out to go without one. While I was shopping, a pair of shoes jumped onto my feet and begged to be bought. They were very cute and on sale and so I took them home with me. They're this pair. It's the butterflies that got me. And the fact that they're flat and cute. I am so weak.

I also played around with some of the fabrics and stuff that I have. Since I have a tv downstairs now, I can keep up with my shows and work on stuff there. Not that I'm watching anything exciting these days - during the day I watch various Star Trek shows. But at least I don't have to sit on the couch like a lump - I can sit downstairs and play with my fabrics and try to figure out how to make stuff.

Speaking of work, I mailed in my insurance forms yesterday. Sigh. They wanted copies of all my latest scans and reports, which was a bit of a pain to get together. I will be taking the physician forms to my family doctor next week. I have no idea when I'll go back to work. I'm not going back right now - I'm definitely staying on long-term disability for now.

I was thinking about work, and it occurred to me that no matter what job I do if I go back, people are going to expect me to be the same person I was when I left. I was very efficient and very good at my job; I was definitely the go-to person in that group. I'm not that person now. I can't do that kind of work any more, because it's too stressful. Being the best performer and the go-to person and the one who knows how to make stuff work means that I worked every night on my BlackBerry. Ian used to hate it, because I was always checking messages and working and working and working and working.

So if I ever go back then I can't be that hyper-efficient person I was - or at least, I can't do it outside of business hours. I don't know how hard it would be for people to accept the "new me" - the people who don't know me won't have any expectations, but the people with whom I worked closely (and who haven't left) might still think I was the person I used to be. That could suck a lot for me and for those other people. I'll stop thinking about this unless I actually go back - there's no point stressing myself out over something that might not even happen.

1 comment:

Darling Jee said...

Hi Chantelle

I'm not sure if this will help but I think that, if you say to the handful of people who haven't realised that their expectations will need some adjustment, "look my priorities have changed now and my work is no longer my life", they'll accept that.

People (women especially) change their priorities all the time and usually the change is to put work lower down on the list in favour of family or mental health or physical health or whatever. I think it's a natural progression as we advance in our careers as well. There's no way I'd be able to spend another year of my life up north and I don't think anyone would expect it of me anymore. At least, I hope not! And for those people that can't understand or accept that, give them the boot (good reason to buy some new ones).

I do agree that you should try not to let this be a source of additional stress just yet. Go play with your new shoes. They're calling your name :)