Sunday, August 22, 2010

Been doing some thinking

You might remember that a few weeks ago I was very upset because my sister was angry with me after I questioned whether or not she had Asperger's. I've been thinking about all that and I'm coming to realize that my sister was right: I was selfish, arrogant, and unfair to my sister in questioning that diagnosis.

At the time, I was thinking that I knew my sister better than she knows herself, that I know her behaviours and thoughts and ideas better than she does - the fact that I haven't spent a lot of time with her in many years and that I don't really know her as well as I'd like to didn't even occur to me. How arrogant is that?

I was also comparing her behaviour with mine, and thinking that if I didn't have Asperger's then how could she have it? After all, we share some of the same behaviours, right? If that isn't an example of arrogant thinking, I don't know what is. After all, I'm not a doctor. I also don't know if I have Asperger's because I've never been tested. How could I know whether or not someone else has it?

At the time I thought I was being understanding when I questioned her but really, I was being mean and unfair and selfish. I was putting my own ego and ideas over my sister and in doing so I wasn't giving her the support she needed.

I'm ashamed that I behaved this way towards my sister. I love my family so much and I want to strengthen the relationships I have with them, not destroy them through my own selfishness and arrogance.

Through examining my thoughts and motivations, I'm able to recognize the thought-patterns that can lead me towards that behaviour. I don't want this to happen again and I'll be working on changing those thoughts and behaviours.

I'm so sorry, my beautiful sister. I humbly offer you my apologies for hurting you so much. I don't know how to make it up to you but I wish I could. I love you.

4 comments:

Robin said...

It sounds like you have been doing some heavy thinking! One thing I've noticed in our family is our tendency to assume we have medical degrees and can diagnose and treat the world. Never mind that none of us actually have the education or experience of a doctor :) And yes, I include me in that statement. It's hard to just accept that I don't know everything about a person's health, mental or otherwise.

Love you

The Hyperlexian Aspie said...

of course your beautiful, heartfelt apology is totally accepted.

(my new motto is 'i am not a doctor, but i play one in my head', because i am also very guilty of this!)

love,
vicki

Chantelle said...

Thanks, both of you :) It's easy to imagine you're a doctor, isn't it? And yet our only training is Dr. Google, and that's not always accurate - nevermind that we don't have all the information in the first place!

Yes, I put a lot of heavy thinking into this because I wanted to understand what I'd done so that I could prevent myself from doing it again.

For me, it's not enough to just say that I'm sorry; I have to make amends to the person I hurt as much as I can. I can't go back and change what I did, although if that option was available I'd do that. All I can do is understand why I did what I did and learn from that so that I don't do it again.

I can tell you both that I love you so very much and I promise that I will love and support you unconditionally in your endeavours to be happy. I want for you both to be happy and to enjoy your lives and I'll do what I can to help you achieve that.

Love you to pieces,
Chantelle

Anonymous said...

I am impressed by the maturity all three of my lovely daughters are showing :) Someday, I might catch up....

Love, Mom