You might remember that a few weeks ago I was very upset because my sister was angry with me after I questioned whether or not she had Asperger's. I've been thinking about all that and I'm coming to realize that my sister was right: I was selfish, arrogant, and unfair to my sister in questioning that diagnosis.
At the time, I was thinking that I knew my sister better than she knows herself, that I know her behaviours and thoughts and ideas better than she does - the fact that I haven't spent a lot of time with her in many years and that I don't really know her as well as I'd like to didn't even occur to me. How arrogant is that?
I was also comparing her behaviour with mine, and thinking that if I didn't have Asperger's then how could she have it? After all, we share some of the same behaviours, right? If that isn't an example of arrogant thinking, I don't know what is. After all, I'm not a doctor. I also don't know if I have Asperger's because I've never been tested. How could I know whether or not someone else has it?
At the time I thought I was being understanding when I questioned her but really, I was being mean and unfair and selfish. I was putting my own ego and ideas over my sister and in doing so I wasn't giving her the support she needed.
I'm ashamed that I behaved this way towards my sister. I love my family so much and I want to strengthen the relationships I have with them, not destroy them through my own selfishness and arrogance.
Through examining my thoughts and motivations, I'm able to recognize the thought-patterns that can lead me towards that behaviour. I don't want this to happen again and I'll be working on changing those thoughts and behaviours.
I'm so sorry, my beautiful sister. I humbly offer you my apologies for hurting you so much. I don't know how to make it up to you but I wish I could. I love you.