Yesterday was Pamidronate day. It occurred to me as I was getting my port accessed that my mom died exactly eight weeks ago yesterday. This caught me off-guard because in some ways it feels like it happened yesterday and in others it might have happened months ago. I still miss her.
I must be grieving even though I don't always feel it up front. Every time I see that ad for Kennedys' Home Movies (airing Sunday night) where Johnny Cash sings In My Life, I tear up. The lyrics of the song are sort of melancholy and Cash's voice makes the overall impression even more sad. Of course if it wasn't this ad reminding me that my mom is gone, something else would.
I guess that being reminded of the person who died through dates and songs and random people (I still sometimes see what I think is my mom when I'm out) is part of the grief process. There's no way to short-circuit any part of this process although if I could, I would. When things are overwhelming or otherwise negative I wish there was a way to skip them - while still retaining the lessons or knowledge I get with those parts - and just stay with the happier times. But then I suppose the happier times wouldn't be as meaningful.
I guess I'll have to get through this the old-fashioned way: one step at a time.
1 comment:
(((hugs))) i see people who remind me of mom all of the time. even pictures of myself or seeing my sisters reminds me sometimes. i find it hard to cope sometimes too.
love,
vicki
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