I turned 40 years old today. Where has the time gone? I remember being 12, in 1981, thinking about when I would be 40 in 2009 and it seemed so, so, so far away from then. And yet here it is.
Each year around my birthday I take a little time to think about where I'm going, where I've been, whether I happy and of course I'm doing that this year. In many ways, this year is different than previous years because 40 is different to me. I sort of feel like I'm not young anymore; like the age of youth is past for me, if that makes sense. It's not that I'm old, because I'm not, but I'm no longer young either. I couldn't hang out with 20-year-olds because I wouldn't fit in with their world. I fit more into an older world, now.
At least I've already had to let go of a lot of things associated with being young because of the cancer so I don't have to do that at this point. But still, there's something about the number - 40 - that makes me stop and think harder than usual.
For the record, I am happy with who I am, what I've done, and where I'm going. I've got a pretty good life even though I've got cancer. I'm happy to be me.