I got all the RIM property I had together and returned it to my contact person today. She was very nice and apologized for surprising me with the phone call that they were terminating my employment. I apologized for freaking out the way that I did, too.
We had a lovely chat. It turns out that there are changes happening within my team, including that my boss is no longer managing the team. This is leading to lots of good things happening on the team and within the rest of the company. I still wish that I could return to work because the leadership and team they have now are working exactly the way I'd been working before. If I could work, I think I'd love it there now whereas before there was no way I could have worked there.
I will be receiving a severance payout in about a month. I forgot to ask whether the payout would work with my LTD benefit. Normally, LTD doesn't allow me to make income and if the severance package is considered income, I'd have to pay it all back to the insurance. I sent a message to the person I met with today to find out.
I felt so sad when I left the meeting, because it means that I really won't be going back to work, even though I still want to. I left the car at Ian's work and cried and cried and cried... I'm still crying. I don't feel rejected, exactly, but I do feel like I'm grieving and mourning for the life I had until recently. It's all real now that I won't go back to work. I've taken Ativan but I'm still crying so I figure that I'll take it easy the next few days and just be gentle with myself.