Halloween party

We went to a Halloween party in Toronto today held by some university friends. It was a lot of fun. We got to see a number of people with whom we went to university, as well as a couple of people we'd never met. Everyone had to dress up in costume; you can see our costumes here. I think we looked pretty good. One couple dressed as "double-space", and another couple came as western-inspired characters. One person came as a coat-of-arms. He got 25 doll arms and safety-pinned them to his coat - it was creepy, but creative :)

The only thing that was hard is that the couple we didn't know brought their 7 1/2 week old baby. The baby was very cute and ate a lot (it was breastfeeding). I found being around the baby really, really hard, because it kind of made real the fact that I'm never going to have a baby that size or at that age. Given a choice, I might have wanted to be presented with this kind of reminder a bit later, since I only had the surgery last week. Then again, I enjoyed myself, so I'm glad I went anyways.

We've known since I first had chemo 6 years ago that we probably wouldn't have kids. After all, I'm getting up there in years now, and it wouldn't make sense to think about having a baby or anything until Ian is finished school (at which point I'd be over 40 - not really a good age to bear children). But until having children became completely impossible by having my ovaries removed, I didn't really need to think about it. The fact that this door is really closed will take some getting used to. I'm sure that, in time, I'll enjoy being around very young babies - just not for a little while yet. Right now it just makes me feel sad.