This waiting thing sucks

It occurred to me that I've been feeling quite tense for the last few days. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, in a way, or that something is about to happen. I feel as if I'm pausing at the top of a rollercoaster, just before the car goes down.

Of course the thing I'm waiting for is my CT results. Last Wednesday we did a CT of my torso - chest, abdomen, and pelvis - and I have to wait until next Friday for the results. Next Friday! Last time we did this CT scan my oncologist called me before the appointment to tell me the results were fine so that I didn't have to wait. This time, she's on vacation so there's no reprieve from the wait.

Honestly, I don't think that I have anything to worry about because my tumour markers are barely above the normal range. The only thing that keeps niggling at me is the weird feeling I have on my right side. It's felt full, sort of, and I've had occasional pain there for the last few months. Plus I'm finding that my appetite is not what it used to be.

I talked to my oncologist about this a couple of months ago so she did a physical exam and found nothing out of the ordinary. And I'm not losing weight and I'm less tired than I used to be, not more tired, which points to a problem other than more cancer. It's entirely possible that I've just been focusing on that area and that's what is making it feel weird. I'm sure that the problems are probably related to my colon because I've had trouble with it for a long time (sorry if that's TMI).

Intellectually, I know that nothing is likely to be wrong and, more importantly, that no amount of worrying will change the test results. Still, at the back of my mind is that little worrying voice. I wish that voice would shut up and leave me alone for a while so that I can do something fun like sew or something.

They don't call this scanxiety for nothing.