Ian's birthday

Ian's birthday is today and after curling we went to AM Africa for dinner with 7 other people. The food took quite a while to come out but it was delicious once it arrived. We ordered an all-meat platter and an all-vegetable platter and quite frankly, I prefer the vegetable platter. The meat tasted like gamey meat (with bones) and the different meat types didn't really taste different from each other. The vegetable dishes were definitely different - they had some interesting flavours and textures.

It was nice to spend time with everyone. We had quite a bit of time to talk before the food came out and that wasn't so bad :)

Bye bye, bag

I have finished the bag and shipped it out to its new owner. I am so very glad to be done but shipping it is like sending a pet out to someone. Well, maybe not a pet - but when you spend as much time as I have on this (30 or 40 hours), you do get kind of attached to it. So I have to let go of it and hope that its new owner loves it like I do.

I really am very happy with this bag. I think I did a great job, personally. I showed it to Ian last night before it was finished and he liked it, too. I did change the padding to be less poufy in addition to a few other small changes and it looks and feels a lot better than it did yesterday.

That's not to say that the bag is perfect, of course; the main compartment lining, for example, isn't anchored to anything except for the zipper because I haven't been doing that. I'm thinking that I might like to anchor it somehow next time so that it stays in place all the time. Part of me figures that since it's a messenger bag, it's supposed to be kind of casual and so having a "loose-ish" lining isn't so bad. Still, I'll have to put some thought into it to see how this could be done easily. I did anchor the laptop compartment lining to the padding which made it more stable and less likely to shift around or come out.

Anyways, you can see pictures of my latest creation here.

Practically finished

The bag is so close to being done that part of me just wants to finish it tonight. I know better than to do that, though - if I did, I would just make mistakes and have to do everything twice. I'm already quite tired and I don't think staying up would help. It's not like I could ship it at 3am if I finished then, is it? :) So I may as well get a good night's sleep, get up early, and ship it in the late morning/early afternoon.

The bag isn't quite perfect yet, which is part of the reason it isn't done (the other part is the hand-finishing that's yet to be done). I'm going to take out some extra padding in the laptop section of the bag because it isn't needed. I also need to make the shoulder strap and attach the parachute clip parts to the webbing left out for this purpose.

I'm really, really, really pleased with this bag. It is at least as good a quality as the first one I did - the stitching is good, the colours are pleasing, everything is fitting together, and it looks like something you could buy in a store. Well, I think it does, anyways :) I hope that the recipient is as pleased with it as I am. I will put up pictures somewhere tomorrow.

Almost done

The bag is almost done! I'm so pleased :) All of the component pieces have gone together and now I'm doing the final assembly. I came up with a different order of operations for this stage than the last time so hopefully it won't take as long or be as painful. The idea is to get the padding in as late as possible so as to affect the fewest number of seams.

The only area with which I've had trouble so far is the nylon interlining fabric I bought. It has a rubberized backing that doesn't agree with my machines. When it's on the outsides of a seam to be sewn, it tends to bunch up and skew. The solution is to apply strong tension (by pulling) as it's being sewn and use a longer stitch length. Even so, some of the seams with this stuff have very tiny stitches. I'll assume that this isn't a bad thing :)

My bellydance studio is asking me to make some drum cases. If I weren't planning to sew for myself over the next few weeks, I'd do it soon, but I'm putting it off until the new year. They're really just cylinder-like with a zipper near the top and some backpack straps.

You know, the first bag I ever made was a drawstring purse with a petal-shaped bottom pattern. It was on display and someone stole it because I guess they liked it. I had no idea that making bags would be something I'd ever willingly return to or that people would actually ask and pay me for. :)

More stuff for my crafts

Everything is on sale at the Fabricland in Mississauga at Dundas and Winston Churchill. Everything. Fashion fabrics are 30-50% off - even silks and woolens and everything. I spent a couple of hours there and bought a number of fabrics.

I'm also in the mood to do some sewing - not just to finish this bag or for New Year's Eve but for fun - and I got a ton of patterns today. They were on sale, too.

With Ian's help, I was finally able to take photos of the new earrings I've made. I'll be listing them in my etsy store over the next few days. I plan to have a sale on the weekend, too - just in time for the holidays.

Sewing, sewing, sewing

I've been making good progress on the custom laptop bag. I have one component left to finish - the removable sleeve - and then I need to start assembling the final product. I'm quite impressed with me for starting it early, working on it even when I didn't feel like it, and doing a pretty good job to date. I hope the removable sleeve works out well, too. I'm looking forward to this being done.

Mostly I want this project done because I want to do some other sewing and I can't in all conscience do that until I've finished this. I want to: make a skirt for the bellydance recital; line the pre-purchased top I'm going to wear for the recital; and make a dress out of the gorgeous silver fabric.

In case I have not gushed about this fabric yet, let me do that now... it's made of a metallic thread woven together with a white thread in a plain weave. It has a similar hand (that is, drape and feel) as silk charmeuse and it looks just like liquid metal. It holds a crease reasonably well but doesn't wrinkle too easily. Ian says it's sparkly and shiny - which is it, I guess, but I love love love love this fabric anyways. I think it would be perfect for a New Year's Eve dress if I can get it finished in time. Since this fabric is so over the top, I am thinking that I'd like something simple out of it, but I'm not exactly sure what style of dress would be best. Since it's like charmeuse, I should be able to get something nice out of it :)

I also have a similar fabric, except that the white threads are thicker and the metal threads form an irregular fringe on the fabric. Now THAT is shiny! This fabric is quite stiff and doesn't drape well - almost like a canvas. But sparklier :) I'd love to make just a simple sheath dress out of it, or else a fancy coat or capelet.

Saturday night sale at angelstuff!

Get 50% - yes, 50%! - off this exquisite hand-beaded purse. Yes, it's the one I hand-beaded last year - it wants to go to a new home!

Also, get 25% off all jewelry in my shop!

After purchasing your items, just put SNS in the notes to seller and wait for me to send you a revised invoice before you pay.

Sale ends at 6am November 25, 2007.

Happy shopping!
http://angelstuff.etsy.com

Continued from yesterday

This fall I've taken on more things than I'd taken on since I was working. Previously, I've had Well-Fit, curling once or twice a week in the winter, and bellydancing in the summer. This fall, I'm curling AND bellydancing (and I was taking swimming lessons, but I've dropped those). I'm busy every weeknight except for Tuesday, and on Wednesdays and Thursdays I have at least two activities back-to-back. So yeah, I guess this is a little much. I sleep about 12-13 hours a day fairly consistently. If I get up early one day, I'll have to sleep in extra another day to get all those hours of sleep.

I didn't think it would be too much for me because I do love doing all of these things, but I put the "too much" line in the wrong place. Still, it's only a few more weeks that I have all of these things to do and then my activities will settle down.

I do sort of wonder whether increasing my anti-depressants is the right thing to do right now. Since I had my big meltdown, I've been working on trying to see the smaller picture in front of me instead of trying to fit the entire overwhelming big picture. This step has helped me to keep things manageable and I've been feeling better as a result.

And yes, I've been crying when other people might not. I don't really see that there's anything weird about that, as crying is one of the ways that I deal with things. I almost always feel better after a good cry. I can't make my life stress-free so I'm going to need to deal with the stress. To me, antidepressants are only one of the tools in my toolkit. I'm hoping to explore some of the other ways of coping with stress over the next while.

Thank you all for your love and words of support! These help me feel protected and safe and ready to try new coping mechanisms.

Lots of doctors today

I had the colonoscopy today and it wasn't so bad. I mean, it's not a lot of fun, but the worst part during the procedure itself was getting the IV in. I have bad veins and they used a hand vein so it hurt both going in and when they gave me the sedative. The sedative put me to sleep so I didn't really notice what was happening. I think I remember being uncomfortable, but those memories are hazy. The results are normal - yay!

I also saw my family doctor today and he's upping my antidepressants a bit. I had that meltdown the other day, and more recently I've cried over things that most people wouldn't necessarily cry over. Ian also said that I was very agitated and not my relaxed self when he came back. My doctor told me that I have to cut down on the things I do. If this isn't proof that I can't do everything other people can do, I don't know what is.

Intellectually, I know that metastatic breast cancer comes with a "new normal". Emotionally, I'm having a hard time really accepting this - I want my old normal back instead, please. I want to do what other people can do. I want to be one of those people that CAN juggle everything.

Realizing that I'm not that person, and that I can't do everything I want to do, is really hard. I want those things sooooo much. I know that it would be easier if I could just accept this new reality instead of fighting with it, but I'm not that good at accepting. Hopefully the increased antidepressant together with my support groups and Ian will enable me to come to terms with this.

A trip to the dentist

Going to the dentist isn't as bad as it used to be for me. There was a time where I didn't go to the dentist at all and my teeth got really bad. Once I finished chemo for my primary breast cancer back in 2001, I had to go to the dentist every three months because my teeth were in such bad shape. I remember Ian telling me at that time that he didn't like it when I flossed my teeth because they always bled.

These days, my teeth are in much, much better shape. I'm no longer in danger of developing gingivitis on any of my teeth. I floss much more often (if not every day) and use a special toothpaste to combat the dry mouth side effect of many of my pills.

I saw my dentist today and I see her every three months once again because of the cancer and all of the drugs I take. The more my dentist watches over my teeth, the better they'll be. It's paid off, as I have had a couple of tiny cavities but I haven't had anything recently and my teeth are in so much better shape.

How to fill a prescription in four days

On Friday I'd dropped off four prescriptions at the pharmacy. I'd been told that it would take about 20 minutes to fill these; after 35 minutes of waiting and not hearing anything, I left. I got a call from the pharmacy on Friday and on Monday saying that there were issues with the dosages. What the...?

So I went in today to figure out what was going on. It turns out that the dosage on one prescription wasn't clear - although it was the same a I'd received before. On the other prescription (my painkillers), the pharmacist had just assumed that the dosage was incorrect because it wasn't what is usually prescribed for this drug. She didn't bother to check my previous history there.

I was quite annoyed when I went in today but I was quite polite when I talked to the owner/pharmacist. I was trying to be nice but firm. I managed to get my point across - that it shouldn't take four days to fill a prescription that they'd told me would take only 20 minutes. The pharmacist is going to put a few new procedures in place as I should have had some additional contact with the staff there.

Saw more saw

We saw Saw IV today. I didn't really get it; it was pretty complicated, with all those characters and stuff. The story takes place during the same timeframe as Saw III and it fills in some of that story. One thing I do like about the Saw franchise is that no two movies are the same because each has different murders, focus, and traps. This movie was ok, but I still think I prefer Saw II.

I managed to work on the bag today as well. I didn't make huge progress, but I got some done and am looking forward to getting more finished tomorrow. I've got a good feeling about this bag :)

A whole lotta nothing

I actually managed to get the fabric cut out for the laptop bag today. I hope I got all of the lining measurements right because I don't have extra fabric in case I mess something up. I'll just have to assume that I'm right :) I'll be working on the bag tomorrow and hopefully it won't take too long to finish.

I've got nothing else. It's been that kind of day - which is not a bad thing. :) Oh - Ian wanted me to tell you all that he ate a grape-flavoured apple. I had a bite and it sort of tasted like appley-grapes.

A short day

I'd planned to get up really early in order to both cut out the messenger bag pieces and to do some shopping. I ended up sleeping in until 12:30pm, though, so I did no cutting. I did manage to get some foam for the laptop portion of the bag. I went to The Foam Store where I got 1/2" high-density foam and 1/4" Volara foam. The latter is apparently used for protective packaging and I think it'll be perfect for the removable sleeve for the laptop.

Plus, the foam was cheap!!!! It cost only about $17 including tax for everything. This store has a lot of memory foam as well, if you're looking for that.

Later on I had to stop curling. The pain is coming up again. I've started a new exercise program and it might be that one of the new exercises is bothering me. Or it might be that the mets are actually growing/hurting again. It's weird because there are new spots that hurt, and these spots seem to be on the cartilage connecting the ribs and sternum or on the ribs near the sternum.

I talked to the people at Well-fit and we're going to modify the exercise that's bothering me. If I don't see a change by the end of next week, I'll call the pain and symptom management doctor - she said to call if the pain went up again as we'll try another painkiller.

An unexpected start to the day

I'd planned to sleep in a little bit today although I should have gotten up a little bit earlier :) Anyways, I was snoozing with the alarm around 10:30am this morning when the doorbell rang. Of course I didn't bother to go and see who it was because I was still mostly asleep. The person knocked and rang the doorbell again and I continued to ignore it.

I was ready to go back to sleep when the people ringing the doorbell actually came inside! I'm sure you can imagine how surprised I was. You see, the property management company arranged to have bathroom fans installed in the upstairs bathroom - previously, we'd had to open the window which is not so fun in the winter. Anyways, they wanted the work done quickly so they gave the workers a master key for all of the units.

Fortunately, Ian had closed the bedroom door when he left so I had time to dress decently and go down to greet the workers. Whew!

The property manager did email that these people were going to be coming (although we should have received written notice that this was happening, I think). I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea that these workers can just come in without being accompanied by anyone working at the property management company. You know? I'm sure the workers are bonded or something but it still leaves me feeling weird. At least I was home.

Things that made me happy today

I listed the custom laptop bag today. Before listing it, I took some time to really think about its construction. You might remember that I had a really difficult time finishing the last laptop bag - I think it took 3 days to sew 5 seams. This time, I'll be putting the padding in and then need to sew only 2 seams. One of them will be next to the padding and I'll make it quite short and the other one is not next to the padding. Hopefully it will take a lot less time to make this bag.

I got my fake ponytail today. It's awesome! It is very close to my dyed haircolour and looks and swings very nicely. It's got a weird smell from the packaging, though, and so I'm airing it out right now. I'll wear it after this week.

I also bought some creme eyeshadow, and I love it!!!!! It goes on sooo smoothly, blends easily, and lasts. I bought some brown colours and some gold, with a midnight blue eye crayon thing (which is also very nice, easy to use, blends well, and lasts). I think I can get a good smoky eye out of these :)

Finding suppliers

I need to buy some sterling silver clasps for a necklace I'm making. It turns out that the price of silver has jumped about $3USD/troy oz in the last month or so and my usual supplier has raised all of their silver prices by a ridiculous amount more than that. So I'm going back through old etsy forum threads, trying to find a supplier that carries these things.

Finding suppliers for stuff is tricky. For example, I ordered some swivel hooks from one place and rings from another place for the bag that I'll be making, and I haven't heard from either business. It's like my money has dropped into a black hole - the places looked reputable, so I hope they'll deliver, but every time I order from someplace new I worry that things won't go smoothly. Not receiving order confirmations doesn't inspire me with confidence, I'm afraid.

Not that things necessarily go smoothly with etsy sellers, either - about one third of the sellers from whom I've purchased have reminded me to pay after I've already done so. Then again, I guess it's better that they acknowledge me that way than not at all. In my ideal fantasy world sellers would always acknowledge that I've bought something from them and wouldn't mess up invoices or payment... but this world is far from ideal in more than one way.

Feeling like a teenager

I'm feeling a LOT better today. I think that most of the overwhelming fatigue over the weekend was caused by the flu shot I received on Friday. Those shots are very hard on me and I end up sleeping a lot and feeling really awful. Last night Ian sent me up to bed at 9pm (after I started falling asleep on the couch at 7:30pm) and I didn't get up until 11am today. I actually felt sort of good when I got up. Whew!!!

For the upcoming bellydance recital, I want to wear false eyelashes and have a smoky eye look. This afternoon, I played around with makeup and false eyelashes. I sort of felt like a teenager playing with her mom's makeup and trying to replicate the looks in the magazines.

Unfortunately, today's experiments failed. I had trouble with the false eyelashes because I think the adhesive I'm using dries too quickly and because I'm clumsy when it comes to applying them because it's not something I have done before. I must practice this more because I really, really want to be able to use them. My features don't exactly stand out in my face, especially on stage, and false eyelashes will help. Provided I can get them attached correctly - false eyelashes that are falling off are not the right look. :)

I tried doing a smoky look with black and grey eyeshadows and it didn't look right, even though I thought I put everything in the right place. One problem I had was that the shadow went everywhere. I think I need to work with less at a time and with a different brush. I may also prefer to wet the shadow or use a cream shadow. I'm also wondering if the traditional smoky eye colours are right for me - they're black and grey. Since I'm so fair, under stage lights my eyes might look a touch too skeletal. I'll have to look around. And practice, practice, practice.

I was also reading something that said if you're pale (like me) to use bronzer on the face and all exposed skin (like the midriff) for the stage. I hadn't thought of that. It would be nice to be less... ghostly? glowingly white? up on stage. :) I'll have to see what I can find.

Ian's home!

Sorry that there was no blog entry yesterday - I'd been awake a long time meeting people and got to pick up Ian from the airport. He's home now :) Tomorrow he's going into his own office.

I enjoyed meeting the people from the list yesterday, although I'll have to say that having breast cancer mets doesn't necessarily ensure that we have anything else in common. I bonded petty well with two of the women and the list owner, but didn't have much of a chance to talk to the other two people. One of the people that I'd especially wanted to meet wasn't able to make it which was too bad.

Oh!!! It looks like someone is buying a laptop bag from me.... and someone I didn't know bought a pair of earrings. How awesome is that? :)

I'm still really, really tired and I expect to go to bed quite early tonight.

Silly fears

I got up early today to drive to Mississauga. I saw my family doctor and the xray he did last week came back normal. That's good news!

I spent the afternoon resting, surfing the internet, and occasionally watching something on tv. It was a wonderfully relaxing afternoon. I'm finding myself quite tired now and will probably be going to bed early tonight. I've got a pretty big day tomorrow: I'm meeting some of the people from my breast cancer metastases mailing list for lunch.

I'm looking forward to meeting everyone tomorrow. At the same time, I'm a little nervous, because all of these people have mets like me (most have more extensive mets than me). I very much want to know them in person instead of just through email... but a small part of me is scared because meeting them in person will make it harder for me to deal with their deaths when they die. I probably wouldn't give this a second thought except someone in my in-person support group did just die.

I know that that fear is tremendously selfish. It's ridiculous to back away from meeting wonderful people just because it'll be harder on me when they die. It is silly to deprive myself of other people - both my life and their lives will be richer for us having known each other in person. Everybody dies, and so everyone I know will die (some may even die before I do)... and I wouldn't trade the people in my life for anything. I'd rather have known people well when they die than to have backed away from them because I was selfish and afraid.

This has given me insight into some people's reactions to this kind of disease, and that's a good thing.

OH!!!!! It looks like someone is commissioning a laptop bag from me. I'm quite excited :)

Busy and overwhelmed

On the days that I'm not sleeping all day, I feel like I'm crazy busy. I feel like I'm rushing from place to place with barely any time to just stop and breathe and I think that's starting to get to me.

Take today, for example. I got up, sorted some laundry, went for lunch with a friend, bought a mirror for the sewing room, worked on the belt thingy for bellydance, sorted more laundry, went to bellydance, and then curled. I didn't watch any tv or surf the internet or do email or anything that I would normally do for downtime, because there was none.

I can tell that I'm getting stressed, too. I lost my car key at bellydance; thank goodness the building manager brought it to class. I forgot to take my street (non-bellydance) clothes to change into after curling. I lost one of my favourite pairs of non-curling socks at curling - I know I put them in my locker but I couldn't find them. I think that maybe the kids who have their stuff spread out all over the floor in front of my locker covered up my socks. Sigh. I'm just not doing a good job of keeping it together, you know? And that's a sign that I'm overwhelmed and need a break.

When I got home from curling I had (am having?) a big meltdown because I'm just feeling so overwhelmed and rushed and pressured and stressed.

Please don't get me wrong; I love doing every single thing I do, on its own (and I really do need to spend more time with my friends), but I feel like I'm doing WAY too much. I don't know where to cut back right now, but I think that I will be missing one or more physical activities next week.

It turns out, by the way, that the group wanted changes to the belt thing - I was going to make a different style completely based on discussions with the group, but we've decided to order crocheted sequin scarves instead. Sigh.

Bellydance notes

My bellydance veil arrived today!!!! It's beautiful and I am so happy with it. There was a fairly noticeable spot of the wrong colour dye on it, but I had to shorten the veil anyways and that spot isn't there anymore. I took my veil to class today and everyone oohed and aahed over it. It turns out that I'll only have a one minute break between my first dance and the second at the recital.

I did manage to get up and get a bunch of stuff done this morning. I am almost finished my prototype belt-thingy for tomorrow's bellydance class. I'm quite pleased with the way it's coming together and I hope my classmates like it, too.

It's been a long day and I'll be going to bed early for me - at 10pm, which is what Ian calls bedtime. :)

Where did the day go?

What's happening here? I went to bed last night at 10:30pm and read for a little while and then got up at 3:40pm this afternoon. That means that I got 15 or 16 hours of sleep last night!!!!! I had no idea that I needed that much sleep. It's good when Ian's here because he wakes me in the morning and I can do things that day.

I hadn't planned to do much today (I was just going to a fabric store) but I don't like it when I can't do the things I'd planned because I was asleep. At least I must be awake early for the next few days so I won't feel like I'm sleeping my life away starting tomorrow. I just feel that way about today.

A slow but ok day

I felt more refreshed today after all that sleep yesterday, although I wasn't at all excited to be getting up today. However, I'd missed the last two swimming classes and I really wanted to catch up. My instructor says that I'm doing just fine and that it looks like I've been practicing :) I talked to her about when I should be going to practice. I wouldn't call what I do "lane swimming", but it isn't really "public swimming" because I'm swimming back and forth in the shallow end (with breaks). So I should be going to shallow-end lane swimming :) There appears to be shallow-end lane swimming most days of the week.

After swimming I did some shopping; I picked up all sorts of Halloween things at 75% off. I got pumpkin scraper and saw sets for $0.24 - an awesome price, really :) I also got some stuff that we could use next year, if we wanted. We'll see. It's good to have options.

Shopping recovery

I guess all that shopping in Toronto takes a toll on me - I slept until 1:30pm (after the clocks were turned back) this afternoon and then had another two-hour nap a couple of hours later. I'm still really tired and will be heading off to bed soon.

This probably means that when I plan big trips, I have to make sure that I have time to recover the next day. The most exhausting part was walking around and shopping at stores on Queen Street. It involved a lot of walking and contortions to look at fabric in some of those stores; my feet were starting to hurt by the end of the day.

I'm still glad I went yesterday because I got some great stuff, but I didn't go shopping today as planned. I'll go tomorrow or Tuesday instead.

Fabric shopping!

The best part about learning to bellydance is doing a recital at the end of term. I'm learning two choreographies; one with the veil and a second, more complicated one, without a veil. We've decided in the second class that we'll all wear red tops and black bottoms and that none of us will match that way. We figure that if we all have the same belt thing around our waists that our looks will be pulled together.

Since I'm not working, I volunteered to do the belt thing. My classmates want fringe and metallic mesh in either gold or silver. I checked the local fabric stores but they don't have any fringe so I went fringe shopping today in Toronto.

I started with my favourite fabric store, Designer Fabrics. They have a lot of fringe :) I wasn't sure what length of fringe to get but I figured that since the belt thing will have only one tier of fringe, I could go with a longer length. I settled on 10" long fringe in gold. It's not metallic but it looks gold-coloured enough.

I went to a few other fabric stores after that and got some gold mesh fabric (it won't be enough, but it's a start)... and then I started shopping for me :) I bought some teal knit fabric, some green rayon jersey, and some red knit fabric. I am a sucker for a four-way stretch, I'll tell you :)

I'm not exactly sure how I'll do the belt thing. I think I'm going to have to bring the fringe at least around to the front so that it doesn't just stop and look weird. I could also trim the fringe so that it angles up at the front so that it doesn't look so weird. I'll have to think about this.

Happy about insurance

I'm feeling much better today, thank goodness!

As you know, I'm on long-term disability right now and am not working. A little while ago, I'd applied and was approved for CPP disability. The CPP disability payment was back-dated for last September (which is when I went on LTD) and I received a lump-sum payment from CPP for all the payments since then. I also received a payment for this September, so they paid me 13 payments.

The insurance company deducts the original CPP disability amount from the LTD payment, so obviously I had to pay back the amount that CPP has paid me since last September. I thought that they would need the entire back-payment as well as this September's payment, but I was wrong.

An advantage to the CPP disability benefit is that it has a cost-of-living increase every year and my insurance company is not taking that increase into account. As well, I didn't receive an LTD payment in September of last year so I didn't overpay for that month. Therefore, I only have to pay back 12 months x my original CPP disability entitlement.

I received 12 months of the original CPP disability plus 8 months of the cost-of-living increase, and I received CPP disability for one month before I actually received my LTD payment. So the 8 months of cost-of-living increase and the extra month of CPP disability is mine to keep - I don't need to pay it back! Yay! :)

The insurance company didn't make a mistake: I checked the book describing the coverage and it specifically says that cost-of-living adjustments in government plans (like CPP disability) are not deducted from the LTD payment amount. I'm pleased that this has worked out so well for me.

A lonely day

Ian's been gone a few days now and I'm starting to feel a bit lonely. Normally I like being on my own for a while as I'm an introvert by nature and I lived by myself for a long time. I do love living with Ian and spending time with him ... but I love being by myself, too. Usually I don't start to get lonely like this until at least a week or so after he's gone.

I'm finding myself sort of puttering around here and there doing little bits of things. The place seems too big for just me; I can't seem to fill it. I try and follow the routines we have (except for the exact bedtime time - when Ian's not here I stay up later), but they're not the same without him.

I guess that part of the reason I'm feeling this way is that the pain is up a little bit and there's no one to be whiny to. :) Seriously, when the pain is up I get a lot of comfort from being with Ian. I'm also quite tired; I worked out at Well-fit today instead of yesterday because yesterday was Halloween, and I had bellydancing class, and I curled tonight.

Ah well, tomorrow is another day - I'll sleep in, take it easy, and generally enjoy myself :)