Friday, April 24, 2009

So much fighting

People are fighting over at YSC. Another met-sister has died, with almost no warning; and on the same day that her death was announced, someone who'd had stage II cancer posted a message asking everyone to pretend she'd died, and what would we say, because she was worried about having to do scans. Yeah, she has PTSD, but the timing of this message could have been better. Especially since she said that she checked t he mets boards before posting anything. Hmm.

Needless to say, the responses to the post have been mixed; generally, those that didn't have mets supported her and those that have mets were unsupportive. There are exceptions on both sides, of course, but that's generally how the cards fell this time.

I know this'll surprise you, but that's how the cards fall most of the time. There's a decided rift between the two camps that is becoming greater and greater. It seems that the ones who don't have mets think that the metsters are all bitches (they *do* tend to tell it like it is, with little softening), and the metsters think the ones without mets are narcissistic and insensitive. Again, there are exceptions on both sides.

And you know, both sides are right. Many of the non-mets people *can* be narcissistic and their complaints can come across as insensitive, unnecessary, and boring. Many of the metsters *can* be bitchy... and the bitchiest are the ones who've just had a bad turn. If you've just found out your cancer has taken up space in your brain or you lungs or your liver, you're not going to have much patience for people who are complaining about things that seem silly.

There used to be more understanding and compassion between the two sides. But now it seems like people are spoiling for a fight and every time something little happens, it blows up into a huge brawl. I know that things get worse when people die... but people still need help when other people die. I wish... I wish both sides would see things from the other's perspective. I wish things people were getting along. It's getting to be so much worse on that support board that it's not a good place to be, a lot of the time.


Darling Jee said...

Sounds like a toxic place to be right now. I think that negativity perpetuates negativity. So, if one person says, "I have it so bad", human nature leads to a competitive spiral of "oh yeah, well I have it worse". It takes a strong person to bridge that divide. Me, I'm not that person. I usually just retreat into my shell and wait til the whole things blows over.

Chantelle said...

You're right - it is a toxic place... and I've left it before because it's so toxic. And then I go lurk for a while before finally posting again.

I'm not strong enough to bridge that divide, either.... I *want* to be that strong, but I know I'm not.