Saturday, November 25, 2006

Movies and some vague answers

We saw two movies today - Saw II and The Fountain. "Saw II" was interesting, with better acting than the first one, but with the good parts of the first one. I'd recommend this movie (for adults - there's quite a bit of violence).

"The Fountain" is a Darren Aronofsky movie - he also directed Pi and Requiem for a Dream. Ian loved both of these movies, and I loved "Requiem for a Dream" (I haven't seen "Pi"), and we thought we would like this movie even though it hasn't been getting great reviews.

We did enjoy the movie very much, and I'd recommend it to everyone. The story is interesting and the cinematography is beautiful. Some reviews said that it was very confusing, but we didn't think it was confusing at all. The overwhelming message is that a person finds peace when they accept death (their own or anyone else's). I didn't know that going in, and I don't think it'll spoil it for you to know this before you see it.

I will say that I cried through the whole movie, though, because one of the storylines (there are three) involves a couple where the wife is dying. It was really hard to watch her die and to watch the husband's reaction - knowing that she was dying, but helpless to do anything to prevent it. And completely grief-stricken when she did die. All I could think about was that this time will come for me, too - and that Ian will be in the position of that husband (although perhaps not married - it isn't that important to us to actually get married), first waiting for me to die and then, well, living without me when I'm gone. That made me very sad. I wasn't really ready to think about that just yet. I certainly haven't accepted the fact of my death (I haven't even done my will or living will yet).

On that subject, several people have asked me how long I've got left (or what my prognosis is), and I don't really have a good answer to that - the only answer I have is pretty vague. Don't read any further if you don't want to know what that vague answer is.

I know that I'm not going to die anytime soon, but that I'm also not going to live to see my retirement (so there's no point saving up for that - all of my RRSP contributions are now going towards traveling). If you do a bit of research, you'll find that women who have metatstatic breast cancer live for a median of two years after diagnosis. That includes people who have lots more mets than I do, and whose situation is much more serious than mine (like mets to liver or brain). I'm pretty sure I'm going to live more than two years, because I just have mets in the one area, and mets to bone are not fatal. Painful, but not fatal.

People with mets like mine are currently living five or ten years after diagnosis, and there have been cases where people like me have lived up to 20 years. I can't bring myself to hope that I'll live 20 years, but it's something to shoot for. I'm hoping to ride the crest of the treatment wave - to get in on new treatments that will prolong my life.

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