Regular oncologist appointment

Yesterday was my regular oncology appointment.

My CA 15-3 tumour marker from three months ago was at 43, which is higher than it's been in years but only slightly more than the previous two values of 39 and 40. Since the rest of my bloodwork yesterday was awesome and shows no problems, we agreed that there's no reason to be concerned about the tumour marker value.

It turns out that August will be scan time so I have the bone scan on August 5 and the CT scan on August 18. I'll get the results when I see my oncologist again in October unless there's a reason to be concerned - which we don't expect will happen.

In painkiller transition news, I'm doing ok. I'm definitely sweating less (which my oncologist noticed), and I'm feeling less depressed and lethargic now. I've still got some pain but it's not too bad so I think the worst of this transition is over.

EDIT: I was looking back through my tumour markers and the value three months ago was 32, down from 40 and 39 the three and six months prior to that, so it appears that the values are still oscillating. I'd checked because I was curious about when it had last been at or above 43 and when I discovered that it hadn't been that high since 2007 I was feeling a tiny bit worried. I was concerned that if the marker was starting to creep up, my years of stability might be coming to an end. Now that I know that the last value was 32, that tiny bit of worry is gone.

For fun, here's my current tumour marker graph:

Changing pain medication

I didn't realize that it had been a month since I last posted here. Clearly there's not much going on in my life these days.

One change is that I saw my family doctor last week so that he could see how I was doing and I asked to change pain medication. I'd been wearing the fentanyl patches for some number of years and lately especially I've been getting a heat rash - or prickly heat - under the patches. This happens when sweat has nowhere to go so it goes back into the skin, causing the sweat glands to be blocked and thus causing the rash. The rashes have been getting worse since the brand of generic patch changed but it was happening before that just because I sweat so much.

My family doctor agreed to put me on OxyNeo at about 3/4 the equivalent dose to my patch dose. I have no idea how much of the patch dose I was getting - it won't all go through the sweat or rash, so I don't know if I was getting 100% of the dose. I took the patches off and started taking the new pain medication on Thursday night.

It turns out that I was getting more than 75% of the dose so over the last few days I've been going through some mild withdrawal symptoms. The biggest symptom I had was what I call "woogly back" or Restless Leg Syndrome in my back (apparently it happens, although it's rare). I managed to deal with most of this with percocet in the first couple of days, to make the reduction in painkiller more tapered, and clonazepam in the days afterwards. I've also been experiencing some mild depression and lethargy.

Today was the first day that I didn't have woogles or need to take the clonazepam, and I discovered that this painkiller level isn't enough to deal with my pain. Starting this afternoon, the pain started. It isn't a a stabbing pain, but a light twingy, squeezy pain. Sigh.

So although I was really, really trying to make this level of painkiller work by not supplementing it with anything else, I'm not going to fool around with pain - once pain starts, it's harder to control so it's better to get ahead of it. I called the doctor earlier today, before the pain started, to let him know about the mild withdrawal and that I was doing ok so far but I'll have to call in the next couple of days once I've got the pain under control to see just how much I need to bump up the amount of painkiller.

On the bright side, I'm sweating less and I now definitely know that I still need the painkiller, even though the sternum is healing. I'll be very happy to leave this transition period with its woogles and lethargy and depression behind, however. This hasn't been an enjoyable few days.

Still working on the garden

I should take pictures of the garden but I'm going to wait until I'm done planting. I've planted most of the climbing plants now but I still need to plant the hen and chicks (I forgot about them before) and I may have purchased a couple more coneflower plants in shades of red today when I went to get more soil. I love purple coneflowers but I thought the red ones would add a bit more variety.

I've got one of those %&%)@! canker sores again. It's on the left side (of course), in my lower jaw (of course), where the gum meets the cheek (of course) and it's currently about 8mm in diameter. By the looks of things, there's another one forming just to the left of the center along my lower mouth. I wouldn't be surprised if the current one merged with the new one. I'm rinsing with salt water but it isn't helping much. Anbesol (or whatever it's called) does help a bit and I'm putting that stuff on before bed so I won't be woken up by the pain. Because oh my goodness it hurts. Maybe it's time to start brushing with Biotene toothpaste, which is supposed to help with them.

Ian's out tonight and I'm watching this documentary on UFOs and aliens (and the possibility of a coverup). All these people - some of them military - are talking about crafts they've seen and aliens they've seen. The narrator says that people don't want to experience a UFO or alien encounter but I think that would be awesome. Of course there's life out there somewhere although I don't know if (or why) they would be here on our planet. Anyways, if aliens really existed and visited, I'd love to meet them.

Until that day happens, I've got a garden to work on. And a canker sore to heal somehow.

More about the garden

It turns out that taking a day off of planting wasn't such a bad thing. I rested up and was able to get quite a lot planted yesterday: all of the perennials I'd bought (including asters, which I forgot to mention) as well as the begonias, zinnias, and petunias.

I think I've discovered why we had a bit of a "dead zone" on that hill where I planted all of these plants. When we had the landscaping done, either they didn't add new soil or else it's all just washed away and what's left is mulch on top of clay. And rocks. There's no soil to speak of and so no nutrients - no wonder all the plants were dying in that area!

When I planted these new plants, I added what I thought was lots of soil there so that the plants have a chance. Hopefully I've given them enough; I used some 4-in-1 organic soil so there should be something for them. I'm not totally opposed to the use of fertilizers but I'm concerned about their environmental impact and so I'd like to avoid them if at all possible.

This afternoon we got some of the groundcover plants in the ground and I got the salvia planted as well. I think I've just got vines and things that climb or trail left to plant and I hope to get them done in the next two days.

I also cut my lupine flowers down today as they were starting to go to seed and I have so many now (and seeds) that I don't need more. Say what you will about this winter but it made my lupines thrive and it killed off all of my lupine aphids so they're positively thriving.

Speaking of this past winter, it was very difficult for a number of trees and shrubs in our area. Our cherry tree's central leader has started to die off a bit and at least one of our shrubs barely survived. The buds on our weeping willow started to crack open but then stopped and now all of the branches are breaking off. The root stock is doing just fine; it's trying really hard to send growth out. We think that there's growth in the grafted area so the tree might yet be saved but we don't know. One of our rosebushes that had been doing incredibly well last year had to be cut back almost right to the ground.

All through the neighbourhood, trees and shrubs are dead or dying. I don't know if it was the cold or the ice or the snow or what but it really affected things around here. For all I know, this kind of killing winter is actually good for the trees and shrubs because once the dead stuff is cleared out, they all seem to be thriving.

I'm looking forward to getting everything planted in the garden and spending my afternoons puttering around. It turns out that I don't love the hard work so much as I love just walking around, trimming these flowers or pulling those weeds. It'll be nice to be able to be a bit lazy again.

The garden

This last week as I've been working in the garden, I've developed an appreciation and admiration for my sister who works in a commercial bakery. I spend a couple of hours on successive days working in the garden and I'm achy and stiff and sore and ready to stop, whereas my sister works on her feet lifting and moving and weighing things all day every day and has done for years. I'm in awe of her ability to keep doing this work because I'm quite wiped out.

I got the front garden done over the weekend; I planted some verbana, petunias, begonias, and a New Guinea impatiens (the regular impatiens is not available here because it just keeps dying). The flowers are all very similar shades of pink. Although there were other colours I liked, I chose this pink because it's most visible from far away. Ian thinks it's too much pink that's too similar but the flowers and foliage are all different and there's hostas in there to add colour, too. I think it's going to be lovely when everything fills in.

I spent yesterday working in the vegetable patch digging out some grass that had encroached on the patch, clearing out strawberries that had encroached on the patch and the path, clearing out raspberry runners as I see them, adding new soil to the patch, transplanting peppers, and planting some seeds. And pulling veronica weeds from the lawn; they're starting to flower and go to seed and there's quite enough of it in the lawn, thank you.

I still have quite a lot of work ahead of me. I went into a garden centre the other day just to look around and came out with rather a lot of perennials. We have an area at the back of the property that has been taken over by weeds and we want to put non-grass groundcover there so I bought 60 plants for there: 24 thyme, 12 irish and 12 spanish moss, and 12 of something else. Ian is going to help plant those this weekend.

Today I'd planned to plant the other perennials I bought: some more coneflowers to balance out the black-eyed susans, some stonecrop sedum, and a beardtongue (penstemon). Oh, and some hen-and-chicks sedum, which might go in the front, maybe, or in some rocks by the path by the waterfall in the back. I also need to plant the annuals that Ian's mom gave me, which include some red petunias, some zinnias, different kinds of asarina, and some salvia, as well as some pink begonias left over from the front.

However, I decided that I was physically exhausted and needed to rest more than I needed to plant so I did nothing at all. I keep discovering muscles that hurt - I understand why my back might hurt but how does my stomach get sore? And where did those muscles on my arms come from? I do feel better after getting some more sleep and soaking in a couple of hot baths but I'm nowhere near back to my regular self. The plants will be fine for a few more days before I get them into the ground, I think (hope). If I was my sister my garden would be done by now.

My mom's birthday

It would have been my mom's 66th birthday today and I still find myself missing her terribly. Our lilacs are blooming; they were her favourite flower and they remind me so much of her.

As the years pass I wonder when she would have died had she not killed herself. When would I have had to mourn her anyway, by now? Her mom (my grandmother, or Baba, as we called her) lived until she was 84, but she didn't have COPD like my mom did. And if she had mental illnesses, they weren't like my mom's - Baba had lived on her own for years before she was married and she had lived in her house for years before she moved into the home and later died. I don't think my mom loved being on her own in the same way I think Baba did; I think my mom was most comfortable with my dad and was very lonely. I imagine that she must have thought of all these years stretching out ahead of her and being unable to face them alone and lonely.

So would I be mourning and missing her now this year? If she hadn't killed herself when she did, I expect she'd have done it by now unless things changed dramatically for her. I don't think she'd have stayed alive until she died of natural causes so it's possible that I'd be mourning her now. There's something so sad about that, and also something oddly comforting. It's like time has caught up to me now, if that makes sense.

Although I still love my mom and I miss her, she lives on in my memories and my heart. Happy birthday, mom.

Our trip to the UK

We just got back on Wednesday from our three-week trip to the UK. We made the trip because my youngest sister got (re)married and we wanted to be there to see it. I'm very happy that we went because I really wanted to be a part of the day with my sister.  Also, my sister's new husband has a huge family and they were all there for the wedding (they live in the UK so it was easier for them to get there); our family is really small in comparison and not everyone could make it so we, along with my sister's daughter, represented our entire family.

I cried through the whole wedding. I usually cry at weddings - that's just who I am - but this time I was crying in part because our parents weren't there. I really felt the loss of both my parents that day and even now as I write this, tears are coming to my eyes. I guess it isn't surprising that I'd miss my parents so much during a big life event but it took me by surprise.

The wedding was beautiful. My sister and her groom were radiant in their wedding finery and the ceremony was very touching. It was held at the registry office and they had the most beautiful vows! The reception was at a local pub which was fun because it was relaxed and casual. 

It's hard to summarize a three-week trip to another place, especially since we spent time in so many places, but I'll try. We spent our first few days in London near Westminster Bridge and the London Eye. We didn't ride the Eye but I did see Westminster Abbey (it's old and full of the dead), the British Museum (Vikings!!! the actual Rosetta Stone!!!), the V&A museum (beautiful jewellery and clothes and ironwork), the Tower of London (Crown Jewels and old buildings), and parts of central London (full of more tourists than Londoners).

From there we went to Manchester to spend a few days there for the wedding. It reminded me very much of Edmonton for some reason. We didn't do as much touristy stuff there because we spent a lot of time with my sister, her daughter (and I wouldn't have it any other way), and her new husband. I hadn't met my sister's husband before this trip so it was good to spend time with him. He's a very nice guy (with musical talent!) and it's clear that he and my sister love each other very much and are happy together. We spent some time shopping in the central part of the city and around where my sister lives and spending time at her flat. We did see the Manchester Cathedral, which was neat. On one of the days we went to Hope in Peak's Park where we tramped through sheep fields to a couple of caverns (Treak and Speedwell).

Then we were on our way to Scotland: a night in Glasgow and then up to Fort William, where we took the Jacobite train (aka the Harry Potter train) to Mallaig. This was a steam train (they provided the trains used in the Harry Potter movies) and it went over a famous viaduct. At Mallaig we saw seagulls nesting! 

After the steam train we headed down to Edinburgh. I took a day off there, which I shouldn't have done, because it meant that we couldn't go back to Glasgow. We did see Edinburgh castle (very old, lovely crown jewels - called Honours, and lots of people), the outside of the Scott Monument (I didn't want to climb the 286 steps to the top), and we hiked up Arthur's seat. 

We spent some time in nearby North Berwick at the Scottish Seabird Centre. That was an amazing place! They have cameras set up on the nearby nesting islands so that visitors can look around and see the birds. We also took a boat out near the islands to see the birds up-close. It smelled really bad but it was so amazing to see these nesting birds (mostly gannets but also a variety of gulls as well as puffins!!!!) cover these islands. On our last day there we went over to Falkirk to see the Falkirk Wheel, which is a super-cool replacement for a series of canal locks.

We spent our last night back in London and did absolutely nothing of note because we were tired and it was raining. And then we came home.

A word about our flights: they were both delayed. On the way out, we were delayed about an hour because one of the doors wasn't showing that it was closed. Just after we took off there was a medical emergency on board and we diverted to Halifax so that the person could get proper medical treatment. We ended up landing about an hour and a half late which worked out well because we got into our hotel room right away.

On the way home, the flight was also late. At some point the plane type was changed from a 63-row 777 to a 40-something-row 777 but no one knew that until they got to the gate... and the intercom system wasn't working. So the passengers would get in line to board but about 20% of them discovered that their seat assignments weren't valid, so they had to go and stand in another line to get reassigned and then they had to stand in line to board again. It was a major mess that could have been avoided. We flew Air Canada both ways and I can't help but think that they'd have been able to handle this situation so much better.

We traveled throughout the UK on the train, which gave us a chance to see much of the countryside. It was beautiful. I had no idea that rhododendrons grow wild in the UK, but they do, and they were blooming while we were there. Bluebells were also blooming, as were gorse (related to broom plants), and ferns were unfurling. It was really beautiful countryside. 

This trip, like the one we took to Atlantic Canada, could only be like a tasting menu; we had to pick and choose what we saw. We couldn't possibly have seen everything because there's thousands of years of history there and it would take years to see it all. I guess we did see a lot but I wanted to see more. In my head I could do more but it turns out that I can't do that much. It seems that I have a fairly strict two-hour limit on activities that involve being on my feet and that I need at least two (and preferably four) hours of recovery time after that. This meant that I just couldn't do as much as I wanted to; fortunately, Ian did end up seeing a few things without me so he wasn't completely held back by me. 

We had a wonderful time on our trip but we were very happy to come home. I missed Gozer very much (she was with Ian's parents while we were gone and was happy there after an initial settling-in period) and I get tired of being away from home. I'm thrilled we could go and spend the time there and that we were able see my sister get married. I'm very happy for her and my new brother-in-law.

Finally did the scans the doctor ordered

For years I'd put off doing the pelvic ultrasound that my doctor ordered for me. I'd also put off doing the bloodwork he ordered for me. But when I last saw him a couple of months ago, I committed to him that I'd do all my tests before we left for our trip. Last week I finally got both tests done.

I had the pelvic ultrasound along with the bone density scan he more recently ordered, on Friday. I had to have both the "internal" (aka transvaginal) and "external" ultrasounds done. Usually they start with the external one because the bladder has to be full but somehow mine wasn't so we started with the internal one. Blech. Then I went for my bone density scan and finished with the regular pelvic ultrasound.

The technician who did my ultrasounds was weird. She kept asking why I was having the scan done and didn't seem to understand that it was because I'm 45 and still have a uterus that should be checked once in a while. During the first part she asked me if anyone had ever said anything about the shape of my uterus. Ummm, no. For some reason she thought it was wider at the top than usual (still within normal parameters) but when she did the second ultrasound it was normal. I hope she's not the one reading the scans.

At least the scans and tests are done and I don't have to do them again for a long time. The bone density is super-easy but pelvic ultrasounds - both parts - aren't fun for me. My bladder usually gets overfull and I find the both exams extremely uncomfortable. I know that the internal exam gives a clearer picture but I find it invasive. I wish there was another way to get the same detail with a scan that wasn't quite so intimate.

Shopping adventures

Today was pap smear day. Blech. It's not the worst medical test ever but it's far from my favourite (give me a bone scan any day!). Thankfully it's over for another few years.

I decided to indulge in a little retail therapy afterwards. Between our upcoming trip and spring finally almost here I'm in the mood for some new clothes. I bought a gorgeous skater (short semi-circular) skirt in white polka dots on black. The skirt hangs the same way all the way around - even in the center front and center back! I know that this doesn't seem like a big deal to you but it is to me. My body isn't a cylinder; in fact, it's a bit wider in front and back than it is on the sides. As a result, semi-circular skirts like this tend to drape really well on the sides but are flat in the center front and back. Somehow this skirt actually drapes in the center front and back as well as the sides. It's truly awesome. It may look good on no one else but for me and my body type, it's perfect.

I also bought a tunic. I love the bottom because it has neat pockets. The neckline is a round jewel neckline so it's kind of boring but it'll be fine for me. The sleeves are 3/4 length which I don't love; I'll leave them for now but I might think about adding an extension to the sleeves when we get back. Maybe at the same time I'll think about re-working the neckline.... or not. We'll see.

I have to admit that today wasn't my only retail therapy adventure; I've also bought some stuff online lately. I don't remember everything I've purchased because it hasn't all arrived yet, but I know that I bought a couple of comfy dresses and maybe a top. I also bought this super-gorgeous tote bag:

Sydney Love Color Block Large Tote

13" high x 21.75" wide x 8.5" deep with 10.5" handle drop

Weirdly, I have a scarf that incorporates each and every one of the accent colours used in the bag. I guess these colours must be "it" for this year.

Anyways, I had been carrying a large PC GREEN shopping tote bag with me when I traveled. It was the right size to comfortably carry everything but it didn't have a zipper, it was quite lightweight, and it had a big logo on the side. This bag is about the same size and is just as comfortable to carry but has a top zipper, no logo, and lots of small pockets. I carried it with me today and I'm very, very happy with it. Not only does it look awesome, it's comfortable to carry and holds a ton of stuff. I'm looking forward to carrying this whenever I travel.

I also bought a couple of pairs of walking shoes the other day. I replaced (again) my Merrell jungle mocs because they're so comfortable to wear and they hold up to hours of walking. I've been buying these shoes for quite a few years now. Although the soles don't last all that long and they can be slippery when they're wet, they're very comfortable when walking a lot. They also look nice enough with most pants and leggings.

I also bought a pair of these Skechers Go Walk shoes:

Skechers Go Walk shoes

I hadn't planned on looking at them at all but when I first put them on, my feet felt like they were surrounded and cushioned by all these little pillows. They were just as incredibly comfortable when I walked around and I figure that they'll be the perfect pair to wear when my feet are sore from walking. I don't think they'll last all that long because soles that soft just don't last but I think my feet will be very happy in them while they're still good.

When I started this post I didn't think it would be quite this long. I guess I've done quite a bit of shopping lately - certainly more than I thought I'd done! I still need a couple of t-shirts for summer but otherwise, I think I'm set. For now. :)

Getting ready

I may be feeling a tiny bit stressed now that our trip is only a week and a half away. At least we've booked hotels so we have places to stay! I've also booked us tickets for Titus Andronicus at the Shakespeare's Globe theatre in London and for the Vikings exhibit at the British Museum. And, err, that's all we've booked.

I suspect we'll be playing a lot of the trip by ear and figuring out what we want to do in each city once we get tehre. There's so much to do that there's no way we'll be able to do everything; like our trip to Atlantic Canada, our trip to the UK will be a "tasting" trip. We'll hit some highlights and and get a feel for the different areas but we can't see anything in depth.

In other news, I saw my oncologist on Friday. My CA 15-3 tumour markers are down to 32!! I didn't expect anything else but it's always nice to see that my tumour markers are behaving.

I also spoke to my oncologist about delaying my denosumab injection until we get back from our trip so that we don't have to worry about carrying the denosumab vial, needles, and sharps container with us. She was completely fine with that. Quite frankly, I'm happy to have a slight break from the denosumab because I'm still tired after the Twinrix-denosumab one-two punch.

Since those two last injections, I've been developing really big and painful blister rash things underneath my patches. They're like pimples but they don't have oil in them and when clothing rubs across them it feels like needles are being poked into and scraped across my skin. I'm wondering if my immune system is still a bit overloaded and that's why the reaction. If so, it's just as well to hold off the denosumab for a couple of weeks.

I've also been really tired for the last little while. I've been having to get up early every other day to give Gozer her allergy shot and that's wearing on me. I have a few things that I need to do before we go and I don't want to overdo things or burn myself out before our trip. As long as I keep myself grounded and get enough rest I think I'll be ok. I want to enjoy our trip to the fullest, after all.

Not much is happening here

So not much of anything has been happening here. We leave for the UK in three weeks and I've still got a lot of things I need to do before we leave. I've done some things, like order a new compression sleeve and gauntlet because mine are quite ratty and aren't quite right, but I still need to get the tests that I committed to my family doctor that I'd do booked and done before we leave. I'm running out of days and I'm not feeling well.

At least this is a long weekend and I can rest. The denosumab must take up a lot of my immune system because anything else that uses it knocks me flat. We had our Twinrix boosters on Wednesday (which knocked me out Wednesday afternoon) and then I had my denosumab yesterday which was a double whammy to my immune system and left me exhausted and feeling unwell all day. I'm still not feeling my best and am taking it very easy today. That denosumab is a miracle drug but it does have its drawbacks.

Gozer is still getting her allergy shots. Giving her the higher amounts of the serum isn't as easy as the smaller amounts because I think she notices them a bit more. It'll be easier once we get to the maintenance serum because then she only gets 0.5mL which is a relatively small amount that she doesn't really notice.

And that's all I have... it's been pretty boring here. Boring is good, though, because it means that I'm not freaking out about how much I have to do in the next few weeks.

Gozer gets shots

Allergy shots, that is.

Gozer finally had her first allergy shot today, and I'm the one who gave it to her! We'd tried to start the shots a couple of weeks ago but then the vet was going to be away and he wanted to be there to oversee Gozer, so we delayed until This past Thursday, which is when the vet recommended that we start. 

But then when I put the schedule into the calendar I noticed that her weekly maintenance shots would be on Sundays and that's just not convenient for Ian's parents (who will be looking after Gozer when we're away) or for us if we needed a vet to do it. I asked the vet if we could shift the maintenance injections to the next day and the vet said no, so I rescheduled the first appointment for Saturday.

The vet was pretty upset with me for changing the appointment focus on Thursday but it worked out well anyways, I think. I was able to spend time learning how to give the injections with saline which I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. It turns out that giving this kind of injection is really easy once you're shown how to do it. The first time I tried with saline, with the vet there, I completely messed it up because she didn't tell me how to hold the syringe or anything.  Once the technician went through it step-by-step I had a much easier time.

Gozer doesn't seem to have any adverse effects from the allergy shot. Interestingly, there are apparently two approaches to allergy shots: front-loading and ramping-up. In the front-loading approach, the injections start with high doses of the serum and then taper down and the ramping-up approach starts low and builds. Well, the vet thought that we were getting a front-loading type and that Gozer would need more supervision after the first couple of injections instead of the kind we're getting. Had they checked the email I sent with the dermatologist's information, they'd have known this and we wouldn't have had to wait two weeks to start the injections. Not that it matters in the long run that we waited two weeks to start the injections; when you're doing something for a lifetime, starting two weeks here or there doesn't make much of a difference.

Hopefully the next injections will go just as well and they'll help. Gozer has been panting more often as we've been walking out in the new spring weather. It isn't hot out - maybe 17C, max - so I figure maybe she's having trouble with the molds and stuff that are being uncovered once (almost) all the snow melted.

Doctor's appointment last week

Last week I saw my family doctor. I hadn't actually done my bloodwork or pelvic ultrasound or bone density scan before going but I'd already rebooked the appointment twice and I decided I really needed to just go. I did commit to getting all this stuff done before we go to the UK (I've mentioned that, right? My sister is getting married there in May so we're going to the wedding and will be doing some sightseeing as well).

The main thing we talked about was my antidepressant dose reduction. I'm at 10mg/day and I've been at this level for a while. I've noticed that I have more moods now than I did before, although there's nothing I can't mange. I definitely feel different than I used to before; I feel more human now and less fuzzy-headed.

My doctor commented that my affect was completely different than it's been in past visits. I was smiling and clearly happy, making eye contact, being engaged with him, and generally seeming pleasant and happy. Well, except for the fiddling that I was doing with my scarf - but I've always fiddled. It's one of the reasons that I used to smoke; smoking gave me something to do with my fiddly hands.

Anyways, my family doctor is very happy with the progress I've made and how well I'm doing now. He says that I'm not to try to decrease my antidepressant any further. He's concerned that if I decrease the antidepressant further, I might end up not doing well and it'll be harder to get back to this level. It's always easier to stay ahead of something like that than it is to keep ahead of it. It's the same with physical pain.

I'm ok with staying at this level; I'd known from the get-go that I might not be able to wean myself off of them entirely. And I have noticed a change in the way I feel at this level compared to the previous ones.  I feel normal right now but I have this sense that there's a fine line between this and me not doing well. So I'd rather stay at the level where I'm at.

Jeans 'n Classics show

Thursday night we went to see "One Vision - The Music of Queen" by Jeans 'n Classics. Jeans 'n Classics fuses a local orchestra or symphony and a rock band (and sometimes a local chorus group) to play the music of an artist or band. The music has been rearranged for  the fuller orchestral sound.

It was a very interesting show. I think of Queen's music as having a very full sound and I thought it would sound great played by an orchestra. I was right; the music did sound good. It wasn't a brilliant adaptation and the arrangement didn't add anything special to the music or enhance it in any way but it was still interesting to listen to and we both enjoyed it.

One thing that was super-awesome was that one of the backup singers was Rique Franks who voices the announcements on Showcase and Showcase Diva. She gave us a demonstration: "The following program contains sax and violins and viewer discretion is advised." Ha ha :)

The only complaint we had was about the lead singer. He tried to get the crowd riled up but the crowd wasn't all that interested in being riled up and he didn't really seem to get that. It was like he has a schtick that he had to run through no matter what - and that schtick needs to be updated. He also had a rather annoying tendency to spin his mike stand around which was visually disruptive. We could have overlooked all of that but he really didn't have the vocal chops to "do" Freddie Mercury. Occasionally the timbre of his voice was right but it didn't have the range and his diction and pacing were completely off.

While we mostly enjoyed the show, we much preferred the Classic Albums Live show that we saw a couple of months ago. Jeans 'n Classics was fun and all but Classic Albums Live provided a better introduction to the music and the musicians were able to both play the music note-perfect and enhance the music with the choices they made.

I might think about seeing a Jeans n' Classics show again, but not with this lead singer. And if I had to choose between the two shows, I'd pick Classic Albums Live.

Today is my birthday

It's my birthday! As Ian says, I'm exactly one day older than I was yesterday. Of course I don't usually describe myself as x years and y days old; I round down to the x years, so when that number changes, it's worth marking it and maybe even celebrating it.

Not that we did much to celebrate; we ordered pasta from Boston Pizza for dinner and it was surprisingly yummy. I've also been on a bit of a spending spree lately and I could call that buying myself birthday present(s). Because who doesn't want low-tarnish and firescale-resistant sterling silver sheet, wax detailer carving tools, sweaters, an assortment of twin sewing needles (they come in different sizes - I had no idea!), and awesome boots (black with laces AND zippers!) for their birthday? Not to mention a bunch of very tiny 1.5mm round faceted gemstones for use in some earrings I want to make, as well as a bunch of other tools and clothes.

I'm noticing this birthday more than usual, probably because today I'm turning 45 which means I'm in the next survey age bracket. I was in the 35-44 age bracket so I could kind of pretend that I wasn't all that old. But now that I'm part of the 45-54 age bracket, I can't really pretend to myself that I'm actually young anymore. I know that on the outside I'm no spring chicken but on the inside I feel like I'm just 25 or maybe 30 (although a better version of the me that I was when I was actually that age).

I don't know if everyone feels this way as they get older or if I feel this way because I wasted so many years trying to escape from reality. Back then I didn't think I was giving anything up but over the last few years, as I got mentally healthier, I wished I could have those years back. I'm coming to terms with the fact that those years are gone and that I have to let them go. That process had been going fairly well, at least up until today - because there's no better day to remind one of all the years that have passed than one's birthday.

Tomorrow I'll get back to accepting that those years are gone and I'm old(er). Today I'm celebrating the years I've been around ... and maybe buy myself some more "birthday presents".

Not much happening here

So.... it's looking less and less likely that I'll be finishing the Academy Awards red carpet post. The more time that passes, the less likely I am to finish a red carpet post, even if I started it early on. I just felt so awful for so long and I couldn't get it together to do the post.

Nothing much of anything other than me feeling sick has been happening. I'm feeling mostly better now but I still have a bit of a cough and my eyes are still a little icky and I'm still tired. It doesn't help that Gozer has taken up barking when we go to bed. We don't really know why she's doing it; I think it's related to me being in the bath.

At night we do our bedtime routine where she goes into the backyard, gets her cheeky stuff and her eye drop, and then she goes into her kennel for which she is rewarded a cookie and the kennel closes. I then run my bath and about 15 minutes later, she starts barking. It isn't just a bark; it's like a grrrrrrrrRUFF! The first few times, we took her into the backyard for a pee and tried to get her back into her kennel but she wanted a cuddle. After that, we ignored her. She continues barking every few minutes until she chooses to stop.

I think that stopping point is coming earlier and earlier now. The first time she did it, she barked all night long and kept us awake. Then she was stopping shortly after I finished my bath and went to bed. Last night I don't think she barked at all and I hope that this means that she's not going to do the barky thing again.

Aside from being a Barky McBarkerson, she's doing quite well. And so am I :)

Green Day's American Idiot musical

We saw Green Day's American Idiot tonight at the Centre in the Square. The Broadway production was nominated and won a bunch of Tony awards a few years ago and since we like Green Day, we figured we wanted to see it.

Of course we knew absolutely nothing about the story or choreography or how the music made the story work or anything but that didn't stop us from going. Now we know that the show tells the story of a year in the life of three slacker/Generation X friends and the consequences of the choices they make during that year. I enjoyed the story because it wasn't a typically feel-good story where everything is wrapped up and great at the end; it was edgy and raw and had a kind of realness to it that you don't often see in musicals. I don't want to give you any more abut the story; if you want to know more, I'm sure you can find it online.

I will tell you that I wouldn't recommend the show to kids as there's simulated sex, simulated marijuana, and simulated heroin use during the show. Next to us was a family with two kids between seven and ten - I'm sure those kids will have lots of questions for their mom and dad when they get home.

The show runs about 80 mins long and runs without an intermission, which I really liked. It meant that the intensity of the show could be maintained throughout the entire performance and they didn't have to take time to get everyone in to it. They rearranged the music a little bit from the original album and reworked it to support multiple vocalists and a chorus but it was recognizably the same (and in some cases, I thought it was better). The choreography was interesting; the dancers were not all great at dancing in an edgy, raw way, which was sort of funny.

We also really liked the set, which was a huge black wall with a number of tv sets attached to it that were used to support whatever was going on. The stage was generally divided into three zones, each with its own lights, and there was also a general light show that was projected onto the wall. There was movable scaffolding, a couch, a mattress, and other items that were used as props.

Overall, we really enjoyed the show. It was a great story, a good use of music, an interesting choreography, and great sets and lights. We definitely recommend this musical if you get a chance to see it.

Gozer goes to the doggie dermatologist

My gigantic mouth sore is still gigantic but at least it doesn't hurt anymore. Unfortunately, I haven't been feeling well over the last few days. I think I'm getting a cold and I've felt quite weak and tired. This post should have come on Wednesday evening and the fact that it didn't means that the red carpet post will also be delayed.

On Wednesday afternoon I took Gozer to a doggie dermatologist in Guelph. We knew she had some yeast problems and food allergies but we also wanted to know more about her allergies. We suspected that she had environmental allergies as well as the others and we wanted to know if that was true and what we could do about it.

It was very overwhelming. Gozer didn't like being there; once we got into the exam room and the technician entered, she completely emptied her bladder all over the floor. I've never seen her break her housetraining before. She must have been so, so scared.

The doctor confirmed that Gozer has yeast problems (by taking a piece of scotch tape, using it on her paws, and then looking at it under the microscope). As for the environmental allergies, we had two choices: allergy testing to know what she's allergic to and then giving her immunotherapy (allergy shots), or giving her something to block the allergic reaction.

I decided that she should have the testing. She was sedated and it was hard to watch her go through that; she fought it and shook and shook and shook and shook, and she had trouble coming out of it afterwards. When we got home, she was so sleepy and didn't eat or go for a walk until much later in the evening. She was fine by the next day.

She's definitely got some environmental allergies - to maple, oak, timothy grass, alfalfa, cocklebur, pigweed, ragweed, dock (a very strong reaction here), storage mites, yeast (but she's not hypersensitive to it), fleas, and mosquitos. The trees, grasses, and weeds allergans will all go into Gozer's allergy shots. We've ordered the shots and will be giving them to her in a very specific dosing schedule. These shots will take her about eight to twelve months to work, if they work at all. If they don't work, then we'll give her the pills (actually a liquid because the pills might upset her tummy, and she has a sensitive tummy) to block the allergic reaction.

For the yeast infection, we had three treatment choices: frequent bathing with a special shampoo (but Gozer really hates baths), one drug (but it can rarely cause cataracts and Gozer already has one), or another drug that doesn't cause cataracts. We're going to give her the drug that doesn't cause cataracts. This is probably something that we'll need to give hr regularly, although if it starts to work we'll try to decrease the dose.

Right now we're going to leave the food allergies alone because even though she doesn't like her food, she's ok with it and we didn't want to do too much at once. When we decide to address this component, we'll put her on an exclusion diet, giving her either a Royal Canin Vegetarian diet or cooking for her with one protein and one carbohydrate. Once she's ok with that, we'll start slooooowly adding new proteins or carbohydrates.

Our poor Gozer. There's so much wrong with her.

Some of this and a little of that

Gozer saw the vet on Friday and she's healing up really well. The lump was benign, as I expected, and the stitch was pretty much dissolved. The vet is going to refer her to a dermatologist for allergy testing. While this won't help us with her food issues, it'll tell us whether she's got any other allergies.

For some reason I've developed a wicked sore in my mouth. It's just at the spot where my cheek attaches to my lower gum and it's about 1/2" long by 3/16" wide at its widest point, starting one tooth from in from the back molar. It's almost like the two are splitting apart there. My cheek is very, very slightly swollen and my jaw is a bit tender below that spot.

Of course this sore is on the left side. That's the side where I had the original cancer, where the lymph nodes were removed, and where I've got lymphedema problems. The lymph fluid doesn't circulate well on that side so it's no surprise that if I'm going to have problems it'll be on that side.

I'm pretty sure I don't have an infection but I'm watching the sore quite closely. If there's any more swelling, heat, or redness, in the area or more discomfort or if I start developing a fever I'm heading straight to the dentist. The concern with an infection is that it could spread to the jaw and that's bad because I've been on a bisphosphonate for over six years and I'm at risk for osteonecrosis of the jaw (ONJ). I actually know someone who's been on bisphosphonates for as long as I have and who might have to have part to all of her lower jaw removed. I don't want that to happen to me, as I'm sure you can understand.

I'm watching the Oscars right now and I'm quite enjoying all of the gorgeous dresses and jewellery. I'm looking forward to doing this red carpet post!

I think I spoke too soon

Gozer is still doing very well after last week's surgery, so don't let my title scare you about that.

I guess I shouldn't have said anything about how well the transition to the new food was going, however. Yesterday she was licking her skin more obsessively than usual. She tends to lick a little bit but normally when I put my hand over the spot where's she's licking, she'll just lick my hand and then leave it. Yesterday when I put my hand on top of the spot she really tried to get at the spot by wedging her tongue between my fingers. When I took my hand away I noticed that the spot was red and raw-looking. Here's a picture:

The spot where Gozer was licking. See how red that spot is? It looks so sore.

This kind of licking behaviour is different than the the kind of licking she does when she's having yeast problems. Usually those don't get this red and she's not that obsessive. Also, she didn't have the yeasty smell that she gets when she's got itchy yeast spots.

After taking a picture of that spot I rolled her over onto her back to take a look at her belly. I was horrified and sad to see that she had a couple of red spots there. Here's a picture:

Sideways view of Gozer's belly (the top left is her right hind leg and the bottom left is her left hind leg). See the red spots? That's not good.

We're fairly certain that these spots are an allergic reaction. We'd just increased her new food to slightly more than half of her total food intake and it seems that once we reached that threshold it triggered her immune system. Obviously she can't have this new food anymore even though she loved the taste of it. At least she'll eat the food she doesn't like if it's mixed with butternut squash.

Sigh. I feel so defeated. I really wanted for her to have a food that she liked, that didn't trigger an allergic reaction, and that gives her well-formed stools (and that doesn't include any fish or shellfish). It appears that there are zero easily available foods out there and I'm so sad about that. There might be prescription foods available but I'm hesitant to head down that road because I don't want to be disappointed again and I'd like to have food options in the future. Once we run out of commercially-available foods the only option will be cooking her food.

We see the vet on Friday for our post-surgery checkup and I think we'll ask if she can be referred to a dermatologist. Maybe if we can figure out exactly what's wrong there might be other options for her.

Gozer is doing well

Gozer is doing very well. We took her for a walk just before bedtime that first night and since then she's been eating, sleeping, and playing normally. The stubble on her chin feels really creepy when she licks me but her hair is starting to grow back now.

The vet's office called on Thrusday to check on Gozer's condition and they said that we'd discuss the pathology results for her lump when she has her checkup next Friday. She said that the pathology results don't usually take long - they come back faster than people's results do - and I figured that since the results hadn't already come in, they're most likely going to be ok. It's been my experience that bad results come back super-fast.

I promised you a picture of how silly Gozer looks, and here it is:

I know that this isn't exactly the kind of silly I'd meant before.... but she does look silly, doesn't she? :) She's on our bed and she's not supposed to be there and as you can see, instead of reprimanding her, I got out my phone and took pictures.

And here's a close-up of her silly-looking chin:

If you look carefully you can see a little black bump on her black chin. That's the stitch where the lump was removed. Normally her chin has white hair (yes, on that black skin - she's got quite a few places where her hair colour and skin colour are different) but as you can see it's black.

In other Gozer news, we're transitioning her food. She'd been eating a food that she didn't like and that she would only eat if butternut squash was mixed in with it. The new food is actually the very last food we can buy for her and as it happens, she loves it. She doesn't even have to have the squash added to it to make it palatable! We've been taking the transition very slowly just to make sure that she's not allergic to it and now that we know she'll be ok, we're ramping up the transition.

Our delicate little Gozer flower is doing well. I'm very relieved.

Gozer's surgery went well

Our Gozer is very groggy after today's anaesthetic. She's very unsteady on her feet, is moving very slowly, and is sitting more like a big lump than a dog. Although she ate a few kibbles, it's clear that she's not feeling very well right now and I'm finding it really hard to watch her be in such a sad state. Is this what being a parent is like? Worrying about your little one and feeling so bad because they feel bad but you can't explain what's happening to them to help them feel better? If so, I'm glad I don't have kids because it's bad enough that I feel this way about my dog.

Gozer's surgery apparently went very well. We were given the option beforehand of having a blood panel done and setting up an IV line during the surgery. Apparently these procedures aren't standard but doing them makes getting over the anaesthetic easier. The blood panel makes sure that she's healthy for the anaesthetic and the IV line allows them to hydrate her during the surgery. We said yes to both because that's the kind of people we are.

The vet called at about 2pm to tell me that Gozer was out of surgery and that everything had gone well. We picked her up and took her home at about 4:30pm. She's not to go down stairs by herself or to do any jumping and she has to be careful while walking on a leash tonight and she should take it a bit easy tomorrow as well. At least she doesn't have to wear the Cone of Shame which is a big relief to me.

Fortunately, the vet didn't have to take too much skin off with the lump and only put one dissolvable stitch in to close it (which is why Gozer doesn't need to wear the Cone). The lump had a diameter of about 6mm and while the vet thinks it's a wart, she's sending it out for testing just to be sure that it's benign. Her teeth were very clean; there was a bit of plaque on her back teeth but overall her teeth are in very good shape. Gozer's bloodwork was also perfect. We'll see the vet again in ten days.

We do have some aftercare instructions that are all related to her dental cleaning. She's got a gel-type mouthwash that has to be given to her twice a day and an oral antibiotic to be given to her once a day for three days starting tomorrow.

They did have to shave her chin and parts of her front legs so she looks a little silly. I'll try and get a picture of her tomorrow as right now she's barely lifting up her head to look at me. Later on tonight we'll take her for a very short walk out to the communal mailboxes at the end of our place to give her a chance to pee.

I'm so happy that this surgery went well but I really I hope this is the last surgery she has to do. Surgery is stressful for everyone involved.

Gozer and the Olympics

Have you been watching the Olympics? I know there's a lot of controversy around the games what with Russia's anti-gay stance and the shooting of the stray dogs but it's the Olympics... and it's not like there hasn't been controversy around other Olympic venues.

I've been watching some of the games but with the time difference (Sochi is 9 hours ahead) it's hard to see everything. I can't stay up all night watching different sports, unfortunately, because I've got things to do during the day. I've been enjoying the figure skating, of course.

As I was walking Gozer this morning and watching her trying to pee on or against all the different snow banks I was thinking that there should be a doggy Olympics. For example, Gozer attempted a front-paw stand pee, where she tried to lift both of her back legs and pee at the same time. Later on, she attempted a ridge pee, where her left and right paws were on opposite sides of a snow ridge. She's also been known to do a hill-rolling poo where she squats at the top of a hill and tries to see how far everything rolls down. Points are given for the greatest distance achieved. Other events could include hunting for the rodent (it's either a mouse or a vole) in the snow and finding the tastiest hidden treat.

I think I'm onto something here - this could be a whole new industry, right? There could be coaches and trainers and friendly rivalries and everything we associate with Olympic competition. I don't think I'm the person to get this going but if someone else wants to, be sure to credit me :)

The reason I was walking Miss Fluffybutt this morning was that the bump she had on her chin has grown this week. It's been there ever since we first brought her home but to see that it had grown was a little disconcerting. Weirdly, it shrunk a bit yesterday but it was still bigger than it was before. The vet recommended that it be removed so she's going to have that done on Tuesday. We'll also get her teeth cleaned at the same time since she'll be under the general anaesthetic and we figure we may as well take advantage of that.

She'll go to the vet's at 8:30am Tuesday and will be able to come home around 4:30pm. She can't have anything to eat after 8pm Monday, either, so she won't get her bedtime cookie. She's allowed water and can go for a walk if she wants. Even though she'll be groggy when she comes home and so won't be able to walk home, I'm relieved that she won't have to stay there overnight.

She's going to have to wear the Cone of Shame for at least five days, most likely seven, and possibly even ten days. How long she has to wear it will depend on how deep this thing goes, how big the margins around the lump will be, and how many, if any, stitches are needed. I'm not looking forward to that because it'll be so uncomfortable for her but at the same time I don't want the wound to get infected or to stay open. It's got to heal.

They asked if we wanted to have the lump sent away for testing. I guess that the cost could be prohibitive for some, especially if the results come back as cancer or something like that. We'd rather know one way or another and deal with that rather than just take the lump off and leave it. I told them that if the lump was obviously a wart then it's ok to not send it out but if there's any uncertainty about what it is, send it.

Hopefully her scar won't prevent her from competing in the doggie Olympics.

I've felt better

As usual after dropping my antidepressant dose, I've been feeling a bit tired and generally unwell over the last little while. I've been feeling a bit fuzzy-headed and have been headachy. As well, my stomach has been feeling very upset and I've been a bit nauseous which has made eating a bit difficult. Poor Ian isn't getting dinner made for him because I'm not up to eating anything at dinnertime.

As well as feeling kind of crappy, I've been rather cranky over the last week or so. I'm not getting angry or snapping at people or anything but I've been finding myself reacting more strongly to people's posts and comments on the interwebs. In other words, I seem to be encountering more idiots out there than usual :) I know that the problem isn't everyone else - it's all me.

Part of this crankiness is because tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad's death. I miss him so much even now, six years later. My grief isn't as sharply felt as it used to be; these days, it's more of a melancholy feeling or an ache than the stabbing, overwhelming sadness that it used to be but it still affects me - especially around anniversary dates.

Fortunately, even though I'm feeling sad and cranky and physically I feel awful, I don't feel that I'm becoming depressed or that I'm dealing with everything in a bad way. That's a good sign - being on a reduced antidepressant is comparatively easy when things are going well and harder when things are going poorly. So the fact that I'm doing ok is a pretty good sign.

Classic Albums Live show

Last night we saw Classic Albums Live AC/DC Back in Black. The Classic Albums Live series has musicians reproduce, as faithfully as possible, a classic rock album. If the album has two records, playing the album takes up the whole show but if there's only one record, the musicians play some of the band's greatest hits during the second half of the show.

Even though seeing this show is pretty much equivalent to seeing a cover band, it was still fun and worth the time and money. The musicians were very good and there was a high level of quality control in terms of reproducing the vocals and music. You might not think that there's value to sitting there and listening to someone else play a classic album but you'd be wrong. Listening to music live and being able to see the musicians actually play adds an additional layer to the music itself. Plus our venue has great sound and great acoustics so we were able to really hear and feel the music as it was played. Even though we didn't hear AC/DC, we heard their music played in near-optimal conditions.

It was also interesting to see the difference in playing between the first and second halves. All of the musicians relaxed during the second half and it was like they were just jamming up there, playing the music they like. They were clearly having a great time up there, trying out their own dance moves and crazy guitar strumming, and this was reflected in the music they played. They were playing AC/DC songs with their own slight spin on them, which was fun for both them and the audience.

I was actually surprised at how many kids were at the show. There were seven that I could easily see, all between the ages of about eight and twelve, and I'm sure there were a lot more behind us. I'd expected to see zero kids there but thinking about it, taking kids to this type of show makes a lot of sense because it's a safe introduction to live rock music. You get all the loud music but none of the drugs or crushing at the front. Plus, while people were drinking they weren't going crazy with it; they were drinking like they were at the theatre. Some of the kids were in a nearby box suite and were dancing and air-guitaring up a storm while a kid in front of us was dancing and air-drumming like crazy. Eventually she and a few other kids went right up to the stage.  

One thing I really liked about the show, aside from the great music, was that the musicians saw the kids dancing and acknowledged that the kids were there - they even gave them free stuff! It was nice to see the musicians encouraging the kids to really enjoy themselves and to see them interacting with the kids. 

If you get a chance to see one of the Classic Albums Live shows, take it. I highly recommend the show for both adults and kids if they're interested in the music.

Antidepressant reduction

Did I mention that I've been tapering off my antidepressants? I've been taking Cipralex (also known as Lexapro) ever since I was diagnosed with the mets and I ended up on a fairly high dose of 30mg/day. I'd been wanting to try to decrease the dose for a few years now, mainly because I sensed that my brain was a bit fuzzy: I felt like I wasn't getting to enjoy things quite as much as I wanted to and that my thinking was duller than it used to be. I also felt like my body and brain were missing a connection and I didn't feel quite right.

However, my family doctor didn't support the idea when I first talked to him about it a couple of years ago. I could sort of see his point as at that time I was still undergoing some pretty intense therapy to deal with my childhood and my traumatic past and my new tools for dealing with life's events weren't as well-used.

However, about six months ago, after having spent two years with my psychologist, I felt ready to try to slooooowly taper off the Cirpalex. I knew I didn't want to do this too quickly because I'd heard about some unpleasant side effects (SSRI discontinuation syndrome) that could happen if the dosage was reduced too quickly. I also wanted to be sure that I really could handle life without the antidepressant (or at least this level of it) and I was confident that I could. My psychologist was also careful to make sure that I knew that it might not be possible for me to go off of the Cipralex entirely; it may be that my brain requires the chemical to function.

My psychologist helped me set up a self-monitoring plan to chart things that were early signs of worsening depression and/or poor coping skills. Each day I track the amount of sleep I get at night and from naps, how cranky I am, and how many commitments I'm dropping (the more I drop, the worse I'm doing). I also track more general signs of depression each week. She agreed to help monitor me as I do this as well, and somehow all of that convinced my doctor that I was doing this taper in a responsible way and he said I could do it.

I've been dropping 5mg/day every six or eight weeks or so and this week I just got down to 10mg/day (remember I started at 30!). The only side effect I've noticed is that I'm more tired and easily fatigued when I first drop down a level. It's as though my brain has to work a little harder when the dosage is reduced and gets tired more easily. Aside from that, I haven't noticed any other issues.

I saw my psychologist today and she agrees that I'm doing well. I'm feeling creative and my brain feels alive in a way that it didn't before. Apparently this 10mg/day is the level beyond which I might not be able to go and if that turns out to be true I'm ok with that. I'm still going to try to get down to zero and if I make it, that's great but if I don't, things are pretty good right now. Even if I do go to zero, I won't rule out taking an antidepressant (or increasing the dosage) in the future if I need it. It's a tool in my coping toolbox and it has its place. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to life without quite so many chemicals in it.

Screen Actor's Guild Awards 2014 Red Carpet

I bet you didn't think you'd get another red carpet post so soon after the last one! Well, you're in luck - it's awards season and I'm interested in what they're wearing this year. I don't think I usually look at the SAG Awards red carpet but I figured that I finished the Golden Globes post in time so why not do this one?

Enjoy the pretty (and not so pretty, and downright strange)...

One more thing

I forgot to mention one thing that came up in yesterday's appointment - I got so focused on the nurses' new best practice's that everything else left my brain.

When I got my flu shot this year, it knocked me flat for days. I couldn't figure out why but then I realized that the flu shot uses the immune system to build antibodies. The denosumab/Xgeva I've been receiving every month for a while now is a monoclonal antibody and also uses the immune system to do its job. Even though I got the flu shot halfway between my denosumab shots, my immune system still ended up overloaded and couldn't handle making antibodies for both. Hence me feeling like I was run over by a truck.

I mentioned this to my oncologist yesterday because denosumab is anew product and they're still gathering side effect information. We agreed that getting the flu shot is very important because I can't afford to get sick and that being laid up like that isnt ideal. So for next year, I'll skip a month on the denosumab and get the flu shot six weeks after the last denosumab injection. That should give my immune system plenty of time to heal up.

I know this isn't a big deal but I wanted to bring it up here for others who are on the denosumab and get flu shots.

Oncology appointment

Today was oncologist day. My tumour markers from November were at 40 (still well within my norm) and I'll get today's tumour markers when I see her again in three months. We've decided that since I'm still so stable, I'll see her every three months instead of every two. It used to be that I had the tumour marker bloodwork done two weeks before I saw my oncologist but it stopped being scheduled that way and I got tired of calling them to change it.

I think things are going to change when I get my bloodwork, though. I've been getting it done in the chemo suite because I have a port-a-cath. My veins are super-crappy from my primary cancer treatment and the less they have to be accessed, the better. I've kept the port because I figured I was going to need it for treatment - and long before now, to be honest - and because it could be used to do bloodwork at the hospital, eliminating a regular assault on my crappy veins. My port gets flushed by the home care nurses at their office in between hospital appointments.

However, at today's bloodwork appointment, I was told that their new best practices are that they don't access ports unless the person is receiving treatment that day. In other words, their best practices tell them to not access ports just for bloodwork to reduce the risk of infection. In my case, the port has to be flushed at that time anyways so it's not like it would be getting an additional access to it.

I spoke with my oncologist about this and she told me that the nurses run everything there and to push back against them. The policy doesn't make sense for me or for anyone who has bloodwork the day before they have treatment (as was happening to someone while I was there). Hopefully I'll be able to convince them to continue accessing my port instead of forcing me away.

Golden Globes 2014 red carpet

I'll bet you never thought you'd see another red carpet post from me. I've actually started a few over the last year but by the time I got to working on them it was so far past the event that it didn't seem worth posting them. This time, I really wanted to get one done. So here it is!

Most of the outfits people wore looked ok although there are always a few that are not quite right for the occasion. I'm happy to report that the strapless mermaid dress is fading from view but sad to tell you that the mullet skirt (shorter in front and longer in back) is showing up more frequently. Sparkles and embellishments are more subtle than they used to be which is a pleasant change.

Enough of me talking; go and have a look at the outfits. Enjoy!

Metalsmithing projects I have finished

One of the biggest changes for me in the last few months is that I've actually finished some metalsmithing projects. You read that right - I finished a couple of projects. I have many projects that are partly-done but very few finished objects. To prove that I finished something, I took some (rather bad) cellphone pictures.

Two sterling silver rings that I made. Each was carved out of carving wax, cast by my instructor, and then polished and finished by moi.

A side view of the rings. One of them, as you can see, has a peak all the way around while the other has just the one pointy bit.

Another view of the rings. You can see that the pointy but on the one ring is kind of a pyramid shape.

A top view of the pyramid ring so that you can see the point. You can also see the side view of the other ring.

I guess it would have been useful to include pictures of me wearing the rings, huh? Well, you'll just have to imagine them on my finger (my middle finger, as it happens). I'm quite pleased with these rings, especially considering that they're my first real attempt at carving and casting anything. They aren't perfect but I love them.

We'd learned carving before but I was having trouble carving something that looked good. I was having a hard time keeping my carvings balanced; often when I tried to file away the wax I didn't want I'd end up filing too much off of one side and my design would end up torqued. I did some research and found a fabulous, step-by-step pdf file that helped me tremendously. The best tip from that guide was scribing center and other guide lines on the wax. That tip alone helped me keep my designs from torquing.

Now that carving is easier for me, I'm finding it a very relaxing thing to do. I'd like to do a few more rings around the pyramid theme and maybe some others involving more complex carving. We'll see; I have some other projects I need to finish, too. And still others that I need to start :)

Our fluffybutt, Gozer

I'm sure you're all wondering how Gozer has been doing. She thinks she's the center of our universe so you must think so, too, right? Ok, maybe not, but since she is the center of our universe I want to talk about her.

It was a rough fall for Gozer. Just before Thanksgiving she was being treated for yet another ear infection and the vet suggested that she had food allergies. She was constantly scratching and licking and developing ear infections, all of which are signs of food allergies in dogs. She had also developed red spots on her abdomen.

We switched her over to a new veterinary food, Hill's Prescription Diet z/d Ultra which has hydrolyzed proteins and tried that for a few weeks. She stopped licking and getting ear infections but her stool was very soft. The vet kept urging us to stay on this food because it's great for dog's digestion but our dog needs to have good, solid poops and these were not them.

We switched her over to a Lamb and Potato mix and within a week she was licking like crazy so we had to take her off that right away. We moved her over to a limited ingredient Turkey and Pea protein food that she seems to be tolerating fairly well. We're giving her the treats we were first given with the Hill's diet because she likes them and tolerates them. We'd tried other treats but she seemed to still be licking more than when on these treats so that's what she gets.

After we started the turkey food, she developed red sore-looking things under her arms and the vet told us that we had to put her on antibiotics for two weeks. These antibiotics were very hard on her, giving her an upset tummy, very loose stool, and lots of lethargy. She was barely eating anything at all and so we tried giving her canned pumpkin mixed with her food to make her eat. It worked for about two days before she stopped wanting to eat again. We ended up hand-feeding her some of her food and playing with other parts (so that she could hunt for her kibble) so that she'd eat.

It's been a few weeks since she finished the antibiotics and she's now eating full meals again. We had to reduce her "full meals" to ensure that she finished them, but she is eating everything in her bowl now. She's also having regular, well-formed bowel movements. That's all good.

On the downside, she's got a yeast problem. I thought that corn-chip smell she had was just her smell but it's actually the smell of yeast. We're using one of the eardrops we'd been previously given for yeast infections which seems to be clearing that up, and we're also trying a new shampoo to try to clear the yeast off of her paw and thighs since she's still licking there occasionally. The old shampoo was good for her but it has oatmeal in it and I read somewhere that yeast like oatmeal so it isn't necessarily the best way to clean her and get rid of the yeast.

A little bit more concerning is that she's having anal gland issues. After she finished the antibiotics she was clearly having problems there because she was licking like crazy and appeared uncomfortable. The vet expressed them and said that they were almost impacted. I figured that this had happened because the antibiotics had made her stool very soft and her glands weren't emptied properly with her bowel movements.

The vet told us to have her glands expressed no more than every six weeks. Since she's being groomed every six weeks and they can express her glands then for only $15 extra (compared to a normal vet visit of $90), we're having it done then. Three weeks after her glands were expressed, she was groomed and we had her glands expressed again - we figured it wouldn't hurt and it would help us get into the habit of having it done.

It's just as well that we had her anal glands expressed because they were quite full again. I thought that this might have been because her stools weren't completely regular or well-formed at that point. However, now I'm questioning that conclusion because she's been licking her butt again and is looking uncomfortable. I think her glands are in need of expressing yet again and it's only been about three weeks since they were last done.

Our sweet little rescue doggie has turned out not to be maintenance-free. I hope that in 2014, she stays stable on her food, her yeast infections go away, and her anal glands start working properly.