Last week I saw my family doctor. I hadn't actually done my bloodwork or pelvic ultrasound or bone density scan before going but I'd already rebooked the appointment twice and I decided I really needed to just go. I did commit to getting all this stuff done before we go to the UK (I've mentioned that, right? My sister is getting married there in May so we're going to the wedding and will be doing some sightseeing as well).
The main thing we talked about was my antidepressant dose reduction. I'm at 10mg/day and I've been at this level for a while. I've noticed that I have more moods now than I did before, although there's nothing I can't mange. I definitely feel different than I used to before; I feel more human now and less fuzzy-headed.
My doctor commented that my affect was completely different than it's been in past visits. I was smiling and clearly happy, making eye contact, being engaged with him, and generally seeming pleasant and happy. Well, except for the fiddling that I was doing with my scarf - but I've always fiddled. It's one of the reasons that I used to smoke; smoking gave me something to do with my fiddly hands.
Anyways, my family doctor is very happy with the progress I've made and how well I'm doing now. He says that I'm not to try to decrease my antidepressant any further. He's concerned that if I decrease the antidepressant further, I might end up not doing well and it'll be harder to get back to this level. It's always easier to stay ahead of something like that than it is to keep ahead of it. It's the same with physical pain.
I'm ok with staying at this level; I'd known from the get-go that I might not be able to wean myself off of them entirely. And I have noticed a change in the way I feel at this level compared to the previous ones. I feel normal right now but I have this sense that there's a fine line between this and me not doing well. So I'd rather stay at the level where I'm at.