Monday, March 28, 2011

Still getting used to my new self

I had been feeling really overwhelmed and tired with all the different things going on. Thankfully, almost everything is finished and all I've got is my bereavement group on Tuesdays. Once that's over, I'll start my next metalsmithing class (also on Tuesdays). My Tuesday evenings are going to be busy until early June but I won't have much else happening.

I always seem to forget that I'm not the person I used to be and that I need more downtime than I did before. Back in the day I used to work every day (and many evenings and weekends) and then do bellydancing or dragonboating a few times a week and I was ok. But these days it's all I can do to be busy more than two days a week. Any more than that and I'm out of sorts.

Sometimes I can't help but feel like a bit of a loser or an old lady because I can't do as much as I used to or as much as I think I should be able to do. I don't like the word "should" because I feel that it's used to deny what is actually happening and also to add pressure and/or expectations onto a person. I try to stay away from using it myself but it still comes up in this one area because I don't like the reality in front of me.

I know that I'm not quite as physically or mentally capable as I used to be and I've accepted that as part of the aging process. However, I seem to consistently underestimate just how much I've changed, which is why I feel that I "should" be a different way. One of these days I hope to be able to fully accept my new self with all of its (changing) limitations. For now I'm just happy that I've got fewer time commitments than I did last month.

1 comment:

PussDaddy said...

I know. Aging sucks. My fat ass can however still turn a handspring. On the downside I can never make it through a movie on tv now without falling asleep. We attended a wedding this weekend and my husband was ready to go by 8 P.M., and we got home about midnight and were saying "Wow I can't believe we stayed out that late".