Friday, April 04, 2008

More on that inner voice

Thinking more of feeling inadequate.... I do have a voice of reason, but I'm not so advanced that it's there all the time. And it isn't necessarily a positive voice all the time; it's fairly unbiased and it tells me that I'm as good as I think I am, but I'm not always good, you know? I am good at some things and abysmal at other things, and I fall in between on others. I'm pretty good at the things that I do because I like doing them and doing something is the way to get better.

The funny thing about deep-seated fears is that they're ready to come out pretty well any time. In a new situation, I tend to feel more inadequate than usual and it takes me a while to pull out of that. It's this feeling that makes me feel shy in new situations or around new people. If it bothers me or I feel that it's limiting me, then I think of someone who has the characteristics I wish I had and pretend that I'm that person. The good thoughts usually follow.

And if the good thoughts aren't on their way, it's a sure bet that my antidepressants aren't working. I wish I'd known that antidepressants could make such a difference as I would have started taking them years ago.

1 comment:

Monisa N said...

Really about the antidepressants? Would you consider elaborating on that? Maybe we can chat next time we see each other. There's a history of clinical depression on my mother's side of the family (which my grandfather only just thought to disclose to me after I asked him why my mother is always so moody!) so I'm starting to pay attention. I have heard some people say that they make them feel "woogly" and that long-term use short circuits the brain's dopamine cycle. But I have also heard a number of people say that they have been life-changing.

As for that new situation technique, that's a really great idea. Next conference or networking event, I'll have to try pretending I'm someone who can talk to anyone. Fortunately I have a good friend who is like that :)