My sisters and I had a great afternoon shopping and hanging out. Who knew that a fur vest could give rise to so many giggles? It was so nice to just be with my sisters and laugh and talk. After our shopping adventure we had our counseling session. We're going to a few counseling sessions together to help us develop a stronger relationship between us. We've always had our parents in common but we want to have a relationship based on more than the fact that we're related.
Our mom often played two against one and would say things about any of us behind our backs to the other two. If she had an issue with one of us she never just talked to that person about what was going on, instead talking to anyone and everyone but that person. My dad mostly stayed out of things or would relay messages for our mom.
Add to that the fact that when we were vulnerable around our mom, she would poke at that vulnerability and hurt us, and you can see where we might need some help being close to each other. As a result of the way we were raised, my sisters and I don't know how to talk to each other like normal people do, especially when we get upset or we're angry. I've really enjoyed our sessions and they've definitely given me things to think about. We'll have at least one more session next week and possibly others over the phone or skype or something.
I'll be seeing an individual counselor when I get back to Ontario. I know I need help with some things but I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do when I get there. I know that I have some behaviours I don't like and it would be good to get those under control, but I also think I could use some help processing my upbringing. It's hard to know exactly where to start. It's also hard to think about where to start because my thoughts slide around the most painful and vulnerable areas without looking too deeply at them. Maybe the counselor can help me figure out where to start.
I'll definitely be spending more time with my sisters while I'm here. I'm excited at the prospect of being closer to them and to be more aware of and involved in their lives. There's just us now and it's important to me that we forge strong, healthy bonds between us so as to not lose the connection we have to each other.