Monday, May 19, 2008

Right now, I'm lucky

The next paragraph reveals a vague generality (aka "spoiler") about one of the shows we watch that might be a spoiler. If you haven't watched tonight's Monday night tv yet, you might want to stop reading here.

Still with me? Ok. We watched a show on tv tonight that ended up with one of the characters dying. I don't want to be any more specific It caught me off guard and even though the person didn't die of cancer, the point was that the person did die. And I cried and cried and cried.

Watching the scene - touchingly done, with lots of realism and wisdom - brought back my grief for my dad and my friend that died earlier this year. Watching someone die always reminds me that I'm going to die, too. Right now I'm very lucky because things are going well, but the time will come when I'm not so lucky and I wind up dying. I don't want to die.

I hope that I stay very lucky for a long time to come. In the meantime, I'm trying to live my life the best I can. I know that sounds sort of silly :) I'd like to think that I'm sort of spiritually advanced and living a good life, and that I've accepted death and dying... but clearly that's not the case today.


Darling Jee said...

Oh my goodness, Amber died, didn't she?? I have to go watch House now!

Darling Jee said...

When I wrote that last comment, I hoped deep down that you were watching another show and that she wouldn't die. Now I can't stop crying and crying. I feel silly because she's not real. All the characters are fictitious. So why am I still crying? :(

Chantelle said...

I couldn't stop crying, either, and I know she's ficticious :( Part of it was the way that she died, with Wilson lying beside her in her arms, wanting more time. When she said, "we'll always want just a little more time" I fell apart completely because that is so true.

It's the mark of a good show that the characters can evoke such emotion.

Anonymous said...

I cried and cried and cried when I watched. Not because of Amber, but because my heart ached for your sadness, Chantelle.

I am glad to read you're thinking of going back to work, though - it might be a positive change. It's very grown-up of you to consider it, anyways (hahahaha only a sister o'mine would consider that a compliment, no?)...