I see my surgeon every three months or so right now; in fact, I was supposed to see him on February 14 but what with my dad, I didn't make it to that appointment. He's going away next week and I was lucky to get in to see him before he left.
During the examination, he found a thickening in latest scar (the one from the last lumpectomy in May, 2006, where he removed the recurrence tumour). This thickening wasn't there the last time he saw me in November so he took a fine-needle aspiration sample of it and sent it off to the lab. He'll get the results in about 10 days, except of course he won't be there, so hopefully I'll get the results from my family doctor. The thickening could be nothing or it could be the cancer coming back in my breast.
This turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's (my) back. I'm still dealing with my dad's death, and my friend isn't doing well, and now there's a possibility that the cancer has come back in the same breast. Aaaaarghhhh! I started freaking out a bit. I know it's not the same as worrying that the cancer has showed up in some new organ, but it's worrisome enough as it is and I don't feel equipped to deal with this on top of everything everything.
So I did a little retail therapy. I went to Fabricland and bought lots of patterned stretch jersey and some 70% cotton/30% silk voile in both black and white and some other polka-dotted stretch satin fabric. I also bought some patterns that were on sale for $2/each. I did what I could to save money but I still spent a lot. Yes, I felt a bit better afterwards. I'd walked in a zombie and came out excited about the fabrics. After curling this evening, I washed the fabrics and I picked out a pattern and prepared it. I'm going to sew this weekend.
On Monday, I'm going to call my social worker. As well, my Spirituality and Healing group starts meeting again on Thursday and my Young Women's support group meets on Wednesday this week so I'll go to those. I feel like I need some help coping and as much as I love love love retail therapy, I don't have unlimited funds.