Tuesday, March 11, 2008

It's been a couple of days....

Sorry I haven't written anything in the last couple of days - I've gone to bed early both days and I've been too tired to write anything. I'm on my way to bed now but I'll give you something new to read :)

I saw my family doctor today and he said that if I had a new recurrence in the same breast, we would need to re-evaluate all of my treatments. Sigh. He also said that the reason I'm sleeping so much is that I'm taking so many painkillers, so we're going to start to increase the fentanyl patch and decrease the oxycontin to twice a day. Hopefully that'll keep the pain down without making me feel too tired.

My friend is still very ill and declining. Apparently her doctor has said that it's a matter of days now before she dies. I'm so sad. I want to visit her but I don't think I can really do that - and it occurred to me that I might be trying to help her in the hopes that the outcome will be different than my dad's was.... that she wouldn't die. But there's nothing I can do to help her and I can't use that to try and block the grief I feel about my dad. I'll email her husband so that he knows that he's not alone, but I can't give any more. This was a very hard realization to come to because I want to do everything I can for my friend and her family.

Tomorrow I have my young women's support group. I think I'm looking forward to that; it's hard to say. I've been spending most of my awake time down in my sewing room, playing with fabrics or sewing, and part of me would rather do that tomorrow night instead of going to a support group. However, I know that I'm in need of support so I'll go. When I get home tomorrow, if I'm not exhausted, I'm sewing. For sure :)

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