Finally did the scans the doctor ordered

For years I'd put off doing the pelvic ultrasound that my doctor ordered for me. I'd also put off doing the bloodwork he ordered for me. But when I last saw him a couple of months ago, I committed to him that I'd do all my tests before we left for our trip. Last week I finally got both tests done.

I had the pelvic ultrasound along with the bone density scan he more recently ordered, on Friday. I had to have both the "internal" (aka transvaginal) and "external" ultrasounds done. Usually they start with the external one because the bladder has to be full but somehow mine wasn't so we started with the internal one. Blech. Then I went for my bone density scan and finished with the regular pelvic ultrasound.

The technician who did my ultrasounds was weird. She kept asking why I was having the scan done and didn't seem to understand that it was because I'm 45 and still have a uterus that should be checked once in a while. During the first part she asked me if anyone had ever said anything about the shape of my uterus. Ummm, no. For some reason she thought it was wider at the top than usual (still within normal parameters) but when she did the second ultrasound it was normal. I hope she's not the one reading the scans.

At least the scans and tests are done and I don't have to do them again for a long time. The bone density is super-easy but pelvic ultrasounds - both parts - aren't fun for me. My bladder usually gets overfull and I find the both exams extremely uncomfortable. I know that the internal exam gives a clearer picture but I find it invasive. I wish there was another way to get the same detail with a scan that wasn't quite so intimate.

Shopping adventures

Today was pap smear day. Blech. It's not the worst medical test ever but it's far from my favourite (give me a bone scan any day!). Thankfully it's over for another few years.

I decided to indulge in a little retail therapy afterwards. Between our upcoming trip and spring finally almost here I'm in the mood for some new clothes. I bought a gorgeous skater (short semi-circular) skirt in white polka dots on black. The skirt hangs the same way all the way around - even in the center front and center back! I know that this doesn't seem like a big deal to you but it is to me. My body isn't a cylinder; in fact, it's a bit wider in front and back than it is on the sides. As a result, semi-circular skirts like this tend to drape really well on the sides but are flat in the center front and back. Somehow this skirt actually drapes in the center front and back as well as the sides. It's truly awesome. It may look good on no one else but for me and my body type, it's perfect.

I also bought a tunic. I love the bottom because it has neat pockets. The neckline is a round jewel neckline so it's kind of boring but it'll be fine for me. The sleeves are 3/4 length which I don't love; I'll leave them for now but I might think about adding an extension to the sleeves when we get back. Maybe at the same time I'll think about re-working the neckline.... or not. We'll see.

I have to admit that today wasn't my only retail therapy adventure; I've also bought some stuff online lately. I don't remember everything I've purchased because it hasn't all arrived yet, but I know that I bought a couple of comfy dresses and maybe a top. I also bought this super-gorgeous tote bag:

Sydney Love Color Block Large Tote

13" high x 21.75" wide x 8.5" deep with 10.5" handle drop

Weirdly, I have a scarf that incorporates each and every one of the accent colours used in the bag. I guess these colours must be "it" for this year.

Anyways, I had been carrying a large PC GREEN shopping tote bag with me when I traveled. It was the right size to comfortably carry everything but it didn't have a zipper, it was quite lightweight, and it had a big logo on the side. This bag is about the same size and is just as comfortable to carry but has a top zipper, no logo, and lots of small pockets. I carried it with me today and I'm very, very happy with it. Not only does it look awesome, it's comfortable to carry and holds a ton of stuff. I'm looking forward to carrying this whenever I travel.

I also bought a couple of pairs of walking shoes the other day. I replaced (again) my Merrell jungle mocs because they're so comfortable to wear and they hold up to hours of walking. I've been buying these shoes for quite a few years now. Although the soles don't last all that long and they can be slippery when they're wet, they're very comfortable when walking a lot. They also look nice enough with most pants and leggings.

I also bought a pair of these Skechers Go Walk shoes:

Skechers Go Walk shoes

I hadn't planned on looking at them at all but when I first put them on, my feet felt like they were surrounded and cushioned by all these little pillows. They were just as incredibly comfortable when I walked around and I figure that they'll be the perfect pair to wear when my feet are sore from walking. I don't think they'll last all that long because soles that soft just don't last but I think my feet will be very happy in them while they're still good.

When I started this post I didn't think it would be quite this long. I guess I've done quite a bit of shopping lately - certainly more than I thought I'd done! I still need a couple of t-shirts for summer but otherwise, I think I'm set. For now. :)

Getting ready

I may be feeling a tiny bit stressed now that our trip is only a week and a half away. At least we've booked hotels so we have places to stay! I've also booked us tickets for Titus Andronicus at the Shakespeare's Globe theatre in London and for the Vikings exhibit at the British Museum. And, err, that's all we've booked.

I suspect we'll be playing a lot of the trip by ear and figuring out what we want to do in each city once we get tehre. There's so much to do that there's no way we'll be able to do everything; like our trip to Atlantic Canada, our trip to the UK will be a "tasting" trip. We'll hit some highlights and and get a feel for the different areas but we can't see anything in depth.

In other news, I saw my oncologist on Friday. My CA 15-3 tumour markers are down to 32!! I didn't expect anything else but it's always nice to see that my tumour markers are behaving.

I also spoke to my oncologist about delaying my denosumab injection until we get back from our trip so that we don't have to worry about carrying the denosumab vial, needles, and sharps container with us. She was completely fine with that. Quite frankly, I'm happy to have a slight break from the denosumab because I'm still tired after the Twinrix-denosumab one-two punch.

Since those two last injections, I've been developing really big and painful blister rash things underneath my patches. They're like pimples but they don't have oil in them and when clothing rubs across them it feels like needles are being poked into and scraped across my skin. I'm wondering if my immune system is still a bit overloaded and that's why the reaction. If so, it's just as well to hold off the denosumab for a couple of weeks.

I've also been really tired for the last little while. I've been having to get up early every other day to give Gozer her allergy shot and that's wearing on me. I have a few things that I need to do before we go and I don't want to overdo things or burn myself out before our trip. As long as I keep myself grounded and get enough rest I think I'll be ok. I want to enjoy our trip to the fullest, after all.

Not much is happening here

So not much of anything has been happening here. We leave for the UK in three weeks and I've still got a lot of things I need to do before we leave. I've done some things, like order a new compression sleeve and gauntlet because mine are quite ratty and aren't quite right, but I still need to get the tests that I committed to my family doctor that I'd do booked and done before we leave. I'm running out of days and I'm not feeling well.

At least this is a long weekend and I can rest. The denosumab must take up a lot of my immune system because anything else that uses it knocks me flat. We had our Twinrix boosters on Wednesday (which knocked me out Wednesday afternoon) and then I had my denosumab yesterday which was a double whammy to my immune system and left me exhausted and feeling unwell all day. I'm still not feeling my best and am taking it very easy today. That denosumab is a miracle drug but it does have its drawbacks.

Gozer is still getting her allergy shots. Giving her the higher amounts of the serum isn't as easy as the smaller amounts because I think she notices them a bit more. It'll be easier once we get to the maintenance serum because then she only gets 0.5mL which is a relatively small amount that she doesn't really notice.

And that's all I have... it's been pretty boring here. Boring is good, though, because it means that I'm not freaking out about how much I have to do in the next few weeks.

Gozer gets shots

Allergy shots, that is.

Gozer finally had her first allergy shot today, and I'm the one who gave it to her! We'd tried to start the shots a couple of weeks ago but then the vet was going to be away and he wanted to be there to oversee Gozer, so we delayed until This past Thursday, which is when the vet recommended that we start. 

But then when I put the schedule into the calendar I noticed that her weekly maintenance shots would be on Sundays and that's just not convenient for Ian's parents (who will be looking after Gozer when we're away) or for us if we needed a vet to do it. I asked the vet if we could shift the maintenance injections to the next day and the vet said no, so I rescheduled the first appointment for Saturday.

The vet was pretty upset with me for changing the appointment focus on Thursday but it worked out well anyways, I think. I was able to spend time learning how to give the injections with saline which I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise. It turns out that giving this kind of injection is really easy once you're shown how to do it. The first time I tried with saline, with the vet there, I completely messed it up because she didn't tell me how to hold the syringe or anything.  Once the technician went through it step-by-step I had a much easier time.

Gozer doesn't seem to have any adverse effects from the allergy shot. Interestingly, there are apparently two approaches to allergy shots: front-loading and ramping-up. In the front-loading approach, the injections start with high doses of the serum and then taper down and the ramping-up approach starts low and builds. Well, the vet thought that we were getting a front-loading type and that Gozer would need more supervision after the first couple of injections instead of the kind we're getting. Had they checked the email I sent with the dermatologist's information, they'd have known this and we wouldn't have had to wait two weeks to start the injections. Not that it matters in the long run that we waited two weeks to start the injections; when you're doing something for a lifetime, starting two weeks here or there doesn't make much of a difference.

Hopefully the next injections will go just as well and they'll help. Gozer has been panting more often as we've been walking out in the new spring weather. It isn't hot out - maybe 17C, max - so I figure maybe she's having trouble with the molds and stuff that are being uncovered once (almost) all the snow melted.

Doctor's appointment last week

Last week I saw my family doctor. I hadn't actually done my bloodwork or pelvic ultrasound or bone density scan before going but I'd already rebooked the appointment twice and I decided I really needed to just go. I did commit to getting all this stuff done before we go to the UK (I've mentioned that, right? My sister is getting married there in May so we're going to the wedding and will be doing some sightseeing as well).

The main thing we talked about was my antidepressant dose reduction. I'm at 10mg/day and I've been at this level for a while. I've noticed that I have more moods now than I did before, although there's nothing I can't mange. I definitely feel different than I used to before; I feel more human now and less fuzzy-headed.

My doctor commented that my affect was completely different than it's been in past visits. I was smiling and clearly happy, making eye contact, being engaged with him, and generally seeming pleasant and happy. Well, except for the fiddling that I was doing with my scarf - but I've always fiddled. It's one of the reasons that I used to smoke; smoking gave me something to do with my fiddly hands.

Anyways, my family doctor is very happy with the progress I've made and how well I'm doing now. He says that I'm not to try to decrease my antidepressant any further. He's concerned that if I decrease the antidepressant further, I might end up not doing well and it'll be harder to get back to this level. It's always easier to stay ahead of something like that than it is to keep ahead of it. It's the same with physical pain.

I'm ok with staying at this level; I'd known from the get-go that I might not be able to wean myself off of them entirely. And I have noticed a change in the way I feel at this level compared to the previous ones.  I feel normal right now but I have this sense that there's a fine line between this and me not doing well. So I'd rather stay at the level where I'm at.

Jeans 'n Classics show

Thursday night we went to see "One Vision - The Music of Queen" by Jeans 'n Classics. Jeans 'n Classics fuses a local orchestra or symphony and a rock band (and sometimes a local chorus group) to play the music of an artist or band. The music has been rearranged for  the fuller orchestral sound.

It was a very interesting show. I think of Queen's music as having a very full sound and I thought it would sound great played by an orchestra. I was right; the music did sound good. It wasn't a brilliant adaptation and the arrangement didn't add anything special to the music or enhance it in any way but it was still interesting to listen to and we both enjoyed it.

One thing that was super-awesome was that one of the backup singers was Rique Franks who voices the announcements on Showcase and Showcase Diva. She gave us a demonstration: "The following program contains sax and violins and viewer discretion is advised." Ha ha :)

The only complaint we had was about the lead singer. He tried to get the crowd riled up but the crowd wasn't all that interested in being riled up and he didn't really seem to get that. It was like he has a schtick that he had to run through no matter what - and that schtick needs to be updated. He also had a rather annoying tendency to spin his mike stand around which was visually disruptive. We could have overlooked all of that but he really didn't have the vocal chops to "do" Freddie Mercury. Occasionally the timbre of his voice was right but it didn't have the range and his diction and pacing were completely off.

While we mostly enjoyed the show, we much preferred the Classic Albums Live show that we saw a couple of months ago. Jeans 'n Classics was fun and all but Classic Albums Live provided a better introduction to the music and the musicians were able to both play the music note-perfect and enhance the music with the choices they made.

I might think about seeing a Jeans n' Classics show again, but not with this lead singer. And if I had to choose between the two shows, I'd pick Classic Albums Live.

Today is my birthday

It's my birthday! As Ian says, I'm exactly one day older than I was yesterday. Of course I don't usually describe myself as x years and y days old; I round down to the x years, so when that number changes, it's worth marking it and maybe even celebrating it.

Not that we did much to celebrate; we ordered pasta from Boston Pizza for dinner and it was surprisingly yummy. I've also been on a bit of a spending spree lately and I could call that buying myself birthday present(s). Because who doesn't want low-tarnish and firescale-resistant sterling silver sheet, wax detailer carving tools, sweaters, an assortment of twin sewing needles (they come in different sizes - I had no idea!), and awesome boots (black with laces AND zippers!) for their birthday? Not to mention a bunch of very tiny 1.5mm round faceted gemstones for use in some earrings I want to make, as well as a bunch of other tools and clothes.

I'm noticing this birthday more than usual, probably because today I'm turning 45 which means I'm in the next survey age bracket. I was in the 35-44 age bracket so I could kind of pretend that I wasn't all that old. But now that I'm part of the 45-54 age bracket, I can't really pretend to myself that I'm actually young anymore. I know that on the outside I'm no spring chicken but on the inside I feel like I'm just 25 or maybe 30 (although a better version of the me that I was when I was actually that age).

I don't know if everyone feels this way as they get older or if I feel this way because I wasted so many years trying to escape from reality. Back then I didn't think I was giving anything up but over the last few years, as I got mentally healthier, I wished I could have those years back. I'm coming to terms with the fact that those years are gone and that I have to let them go. That process had been going fairly well, at least up until today - because there's no better day to remind one of all the years that have passed than one's birthday.

Tomorrow I'll get back to accepting that those years are gone and I'm old(er). Today I'm celebrating the years I've been around ... and maybe buy myself some more "birthday presents".

Not much happening here

So.... it's looking less and less likely that I'll be finishing the Academy Awards red carpet post. The more time that passes, the less likely I am to finish a red carpet post, even if I started it early on. I just felt so awful for so long and I couldn't get it together to do the post.

Nothing much of anything other than me feeling sick has been happening. I'm feeling mostly better now but I still have a bit of a cough and my eyes are still a little icky and I'm still tired. It doesn't help that Gozer has taken up barking when we go to bed. We don't really know why she's doing it; I think it's related to me being in the bath.

At night we do our bedtime routine where she goes into the backyard, gets her cheeky stuff and her eye drop, and then she goes into her kennel for which she is rewarded a cookie and the kennel closes. I then run my bath and about 15 minutes later, she starts barking. It isn't just a bark; it's like a grrrrrrrrRUFF! The first few times, we took her into the backyard for a pee and tried to get her back into her kennel but she wanted a cuddle. After that, we ignored her. She continues barking every few minutes until she chooses to stop.

I think that stopping point is coming earlier and earlier now. The first time she did it, she barked all night long and kept us awake. Then she was stopping shortly after I finished my bath and went to bed. Last night I don't think she barked at all and I hope that this means that she's not going to do the barky thing again.

Aside from being a Barky McBarkerson, she's doing quite well. And so am I :)

Green Day's American Idiot musical

We saw Green Day's American Idiot tonight at the Centre in the Square. The Broadway production was nominated and won a bunch of Tony awards a few years ago and since we like Green Day, we figured we wanted to see it.

Of course we knew absolutely nothing about the story or choreography or how the music made the story work or anything but that didn't stop us from going. Now we know that the show tells the story of a year in the life of three slacker/Generation X friends and the consequences of the choices they make during that year. I enjoyed the story because it wasn't a typically feel-good story where everything is wrapped up and great at the end; it was edgy and raw and had a kind of realness to it that you don't often see in musicals. I don't want to give you any more abut the story; if you want to know more, I'm sure you can find it online.

I will tell you that I wouldn't recommend the show to kids as there's simulated sex, simulated marijuana, and simulated heroin use during the show. Next to us was a family with two kids between seven and ten - I'm sure those kids will have lots of questions for their mom and dad when they get home.

The show runs about 80 mins long and runs without an intermission, which I really liked. It meant that the intensity of the show could be maintained throughout the entire performance and they didn't have to take time to get everyone in to it. They rearranged the music a little bit from the original album and reworked it to support multiple vocalists and a chorus but it was recognizably the same (and in some cases, I thought it was better). The choreography was interesting; the dancers were not all great at dancing in an edgy, raw way, which was sort of funny.

We also really liked the set, which was a huge black wall with a number of tv sets attached to it that were used to support whatever was going on. The stage was generally divided into three zones, each with its own lights, and there was also a general light show that was projected onto the wall. There was movable scaffolding, a couch, a mattress, and other items that were used as props.

Overall, we really enjoyed the show. It was a great story, a good use of music, an interesting choreography, and great sets and lights. We definitely recommend this musical if you get a chance to see it.

Gozer goes to the doggie dermatologist

My gigantic mouth sore is still gigantic but at least it doesn't hurt anymore. Unfortunately, I haven't been feeling well over the last few days. I think I'm getting a cold and I've felt quite weak and tired. This post should have come on Wednesday evening and the fact that it didn't means that the red carpet post will also be delayed.

On Wednesday afternoon I took Gozer to a doggie dermatologist in Guelph. We knew she had some yeast problems and food allergies but we also wanted to know more about her allergies. We suspected that she had environmental allergies as well as the others and we wanted to know if that was true and what we could do about it.

It was very overwhelming. Gozer didn't like being there; once we got into the exam room and the technician entered, she completely emptied her bladder all over the floor. I've never seen her break her housetraining before. She must have been so, so scared.

The doctor confirmed that Gozer has yeast problems (by taking a piece of scotch tape, using it on her paws, and then looking at it under the microscope). As for the environmental allergies, we had two choices: allergy testing to know what she's allergic to and then giving her immunotherapy (allergy shots), or giving her something to block the allergic reaction.

I decided that she should have the testing. She was sedated and it was hard to watch her go through that; she fought it and shook and shook and shook and shook, and she had trouble coming out of it afterwards. When we got home, she was so sleepy and didn't eat or go for a walk until much later in the evening. She was fine by the next day.

She's definitely got some environmental allergies - to maple, oak, timothy grass, alfalfa, cocklebur, pigweed, ragweed, dock (a very strong reaction here), storage mites, yeast (but she's not hypersensitive to it), fleas, and mosquitos. The trees, grasses, and weeds allergans will all go into Gozer's allergy shots. We've ordered the shots and will be giving them to her in a very specific dosing schedule. These shots will take her about eight to twelve months to work, if they work at all. If they don't work, then we'll give her the pills (actually a liquid because the pills might upset her tummy, and she has a sensitive tummy) to block the allergic reaction.

For the yeast infection, we had three treatment choices: frequent bathing with a special shampoo (but Gozer really hates baths), one drug (but it can rarely cause cataracts and Gozer already has one), or another drug that doesn't cause cataracts. We're going to give her the drug that doesn't cause cataracts. This is probably something that we'll need to give hr regularly, although if it starts to work we'll try to decrease the dose.

Right now we're going to leave the food allergies alone because even though she doesn't like her food, she's ok with it and we didn't want to do too much at once. When we decide to address this component, we'll put her on an exclusion diet, giving her either a Royal Canin Vegetarian diet or cooking for her with one protein and one carbohydrate. Once she's ok with that, we'll start slooooowly adding new proteins or carbohydrates.

Our poor Gozer. There's so much wrong with her.

Some of this and a little of that

Gozer saw the vet on Friday and she's healing up really well. The lump was benign, as I expected, and the stitch was pretty much dissolved. The vet is going to refer her to a dermatologist for allergy testing. While this won't help us with her food issues, it'll tell us whether she's got any other allergies.

For some reason I've developed a wicked sore in my mouth. It's just at the spot where my cheek attaches to my lower gum and it's about 1/2" long by 3/16" wide at its widest point, starting one tooth from in from the back molar. It's almost like the two are splitting apart there. My cheek is very, very slightly swollen and my jaw is a bit tender below that spot.

Of course this sore is on the left side. That's the side where I had the original cancer, where the lymph nodes were removed, and where I've got lymphedema problems. The lymph fluid doesn't circulate well on that side so it's no surprise that if I'm going to have problems it'll be on that side.

I'm pretty sure I don't have an infection but I'm watching the sore quite closely. If there's any more swelling, heat, or redness, in the area or more discomfort or if I start developing a fever I'm heading straight to the dentist. The concern with an infection is that it could spread to the jaw and that's bad because I've been on a bisphosphonate for over six years and I'm at risk for osteonecrosis of the jaw (ONJ). I actually know someone who's been on bisphosphonates for as long as I have and who might have to have part to all of her lower jaw removed. I don't want that to happen to me, as I'm sure you can understand.

I'm watching the Oscars right now and I'm quite enjoying all of the gorgeous dresses and jewellery. I'm looking forward to doing this red carpet post!

I think I spoke too soon

Gozer is still doing very well after last week's surgery, so don't let my title scare you about that.

I guess I shouldn't have said anything about how well the transition to the new food was going, however. Yesterday she was licking her skin more obsessively than usual. She tends to lick a little bit but normally when I put my hand over the spot where's she's licking, she'll just lick my hand and then leave it. Yesterday when I put my hand on top of the spot she really tried to get at the spot by wedging her tongue between my fingers. When I took my hand away I noticed that the spot was red and raw-looking. Here's a picture:

The spot where Gozer was licking. See how red that spot is? It looks so sore.

This kind of licking behaviour is different than the the kind of licking she does when she's having yeast problems. Usually those don't get this red and she's not that obsessive. Also, she didn't have the yeasty smell that she gets when she's got itchy yeast spots.

After taking a picture of that spot I rolled her over onto her back to take a look at her belly. I was horrified and sad to see that she had a couple of red spots there. Here's a picture:

Sideways view of Gozer's belly (the top left is her right hind leg and the bottom left is her left hind leg). See the red spots? That's not good.

We're fairly certain that these spots are an allergic reaction. We'd just increased her new food to slightly more than half of her total food intake and it seems that once we reached that threshold it triggered her immune system. Obviously she can't have this new food anymore even though she loved the taste of it. At least she'll eat the food she doesn't like if it's mixed with butternut squash.

Sigh. I feel so defeated. I really wanted for her to have a food that she liked, that didn't trigger an allergic reaction, and that gives her well-formed stools (and that doesn't include any fish or shellfish). It appears that there are zero easily available foods out there and I'm so sad about that. There might be prescription foods available but I'm hesitant to head down that road because I don't want to be disappointed again and I'd like to have food options in the future. Once we run out of commercially-available foods the only option will be cooking her food.

We see the vet on Friday for our post-surgery checkup and I think we'll ask if she can be referred to a dermatologist. Maybe if we can figure out exactly what's wrong there might be other options for her.

Gozer is doing well

Gozer is doing very well. We took her for a walk just before bedtime that first night and since then she's been eating, sleeping, and playing normally. The stubble on her chin feels really creepy when she licks me but her hair is starting to grow back now.

The vet's office called on Thrusday to check on Gozer's condition and they said that we'd discuss the pathology results for her lump when she has her checkup next Friday. She said that the pathology results don't usually take long - they come back faster than people's results do - and I figured that since the results hadn't already come in, they're most likely going to be ok. It's been my experience that bad results come back super-fast.

I promised you a picture of how silly Gozer looks, and here it is:

I know that this isn't exactly the kind of silly I'd meant before.... but she does look silly, doesn't she? :) She's on our bed and she's not supposed to be there and as you can see, instead of reprimanding her, I got out my phone and took pictures.

And here's a close-up of her silly-looking chin:

If you look carefully you can see a little black bump on her black chin. That's the stitch where the lump was removed. Normally her chin has white hair (yes, on that black skin - she's got quite a few places where her hair colour and skin colour are different) but as you can see it's black.

In other Gozer news, we're transitioning her food. She'd been eating a food that she didn't like and that she would only eat if butternut squash was mixed in with it. The new food is actually the very last food we can buy for her and as it happens, she loves it. She doesn't even have to have the squash added to it to make it palatable! We've been taking the transition very slowly just to make sure that she's not allergic to it and now that we know she'll be ok, we're ramping up the transition.

Our delicate little Gozer flower is doing well. I'm very relieved.

Gozer's surgery went well

Our Gozer is very groggy after today's anaesthetic. She's very unsteady on her feet, is moving very slowly, and is sitting more like a big lump than a dog. Although she ate a few kibbles, it's clear that she's not feeling very well right now and I'm finding it really hard to watch her be in such a sad state. Is this what being a parent is like? Worrying about your little one and feeling so bad because they feel bad but you can't explain what's happening to them to help them feel better? If so, I'm glad I don't have kids because it's bad enough that I feel this way about my dog.

Gozer's surgery apparently went very well. We were given the option beforehand of having a blood panel done and setting up an IV line during the surgery. Apparently these procedures aren't standard but doing them makes getting over the anaesthetic easier. The blood panel makes sure that she's healthy for the anaesthetic and the IV line allows them to hydrate her during the surgery. We said yes to both because that's the kind of people we are.

The vet called at about 2pm to tell me that Gozer was out of surgery and that everything had gone well. We picked her up and took her home at about 4:30pm. She's not to go down stairs by herself or to do any jumping and she has to be careful while walking on a leash tonight and she should take it a bit easy tomorrow as well. At least she doesn't have to wear the Cone of Shame which is a big relief to me.

Fortunately, the vet didn't have to take too much skin off with the lump and only put one dissolvable stitch in to close it (which is why Gozer doesn't need to wear the Cone). The lump had a diameter of about 6mm and while the vet thinks it's a wart, she's sending it out for testing just to be sure that it's benign. Her teeth were very clean; there was a bit of plaque on her back teeth but overall her teeth are in very good shape. Gozer's bloodwork was also perfect. We'll see the vet again in ten days.

We do have some aftercare instructions that are all related to her dental cleaning. She's got a gel-type mouthwash that has to be given to her twice a day and an oral antibiotic to be given to her once a day for three days starting tomorrow.

They did have to shave her chin and parts of her front legs so she looks a little silly. I'll try and get a picture of her tomorrow as right now she's barely lifting up her head to look at me. Later on tonight we'll take her for a very short walk out to the communal mailboxes at the end of our place to give her a chance to pee.

I'm so happy that this surgery went well but I really I hope this is the last surgery she has to do. Surgery is stressful for everyone involved.

Gozer and the Olympics

Have you been watching the Olympics? I know there's a lot of controversy around the games what with Russia's anti-gay stance and the shooting of the stray dogs but it's the Olympics... and it's not like there hasn't been controversy around other Olympic venues.

I've been watching some of the games but with the time difference (Sochi is 9 hours ahead) it's hard to see everything. I can't stay up all night watching different sports, unfortunately, because I've got things to do during the day. I've been enjoying the figure skating, of course.

As I was walking Gozer this morning and watching her trying to pee on or against all the different snow banks I was thinking that there should be a doggy Olympics. For example, Gozer attempted a front-paw stand pee, where she tried to lift both of her back legs and pee at the same time. Later on, she attempted a ridge pee, where her left and right paws were on opposite sides of a snow ridge. She's also been known to do a hill-rolling poo where she squats at the top of a hill and tries to see how far everything rolls down. Points are given for the greatest distance achieved. Other events could include hunting for the rodent (it's either a mouse or a vole) in the snow and finding the tastiest hidden treat.

I think I'm onto something here - this could be a whole new industry, right? There could be coaches and trainers and friendly rivalries and everything we associate with Olympic competition. I don't think I'm the person to get this going but if someone else wants to, be sure to credit me :)

The reason I was walking Miss Fluffybutt this morning was that the bump she had on her chin has grown this week. It's been there ever since we first brought her home but to see that it had grown was a little disconcerting. Weirdly, it shrunk a bit yesterday but it was still bigger than it was before. The vet recommended that it be removed so she's going to have that done on Tuesday. We'll also get her teeth cleaned at the same time since she'll be under the general anaesthetic and we figure we may as well take advantage of that.

She'll go to the vet's at 8:30am Tuesday and will be able to come home around 4:30pm. She can't have anything to eat after 8pm Monday, either, so she won't get her bedtime cookie. She's allowed water and can go for a walk if she wants. Even though she'll be groggy when she comes home and so won't be able to walk home, I'm relieved that she won't have to stay there overnight.

She's going to have to wear the Cone of Shame for at least five days, most likely seven, and possibly even ten days. How long she has to wear it will depend on how deep this thing goes, how big the margins around the lump will be, and how many, if any, stitches are needed. I'm not looking forward to that because it'll be so uncomfortable for her but at the same time I don't want the wound to get infected or to stay open. It's got to heal.

They asked if we wanted to have the lump sent away for testing. I guess that the cost could be prohibitive for some, especially if the results come back as cancer or something like that. We'd rather know one way or another and deal with that rather than just take the lump off and leave it. I told them that if the lump was obviously a wart then it's ok to not send it out but if there's any uncertainty about what it is, send it.

Hopefully her scar won't prevent her from competing in the doggie Olympics.

I've felt better

As usual after dropping my antidepressant dose, I've been feeling a bit tired and generally unwell over the last little while. I've been feeling a bit fuzzy-headed and have been headachy. As well, my stomach has been feeling very upset and I've been a bit nauseous which has made eating a bit difficult. Poor Ian isn't getting dinner made for him because I'm not up to eating anything at dinnertime.

As well as feeling kind of crappy, I've been rather cranky over the last week or so. I'm not getting angry or snapping at people or anything but I've been finding myself reacting more strongly to people's posts and comments on the interwebs. In other words, I seem to be encountering more idiots out there than usual :) I know that the problem isn't everyone else - it's all me.

Part of this crankiness is because tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad's death. I miss him so much even now, six years later. My grief isn't as sharply felt as it used to be; these days, it's more of a melancholy feeling or an ache than the stabbing, overwhelming sadness that it used to be but it still affects me - especially around anniversary dates.

Fortunately, even though I'm feeling sad and cranky and physically I feel awful, I don't feel that I'm becoming depressed or that I'm dealing with everything in a bad way. That's a good sign - being on a reduced antidepressant is comparatively easy when things are going well and harder when things are going poorly. So the fact that I'm doing ok is a pretty good sign.

Classic Albums Live show

Last night we saw Classic Albums Live AC/DC Back in Black. The Classic Albums Live series has musicians reproduce, as faithfully as possible, a classic rock album. If the album has two records, playing the album takes up the whole show but if there's only one record, the musicians play some of the band's greatest hits during the second half of the show.

Even though seeing this show is pretty much equivalent to seeing a cover band, it was still fun and worth the time and money. The musicians were very good and there was a high level of quality control in terms of reproducing the vocals and music. You might not think that there's value to sitting there and listening to someone else play a classic album but you'd be wrong. Listening to music live and being able to see the musicians actually play adds an additional layer to the music itself. Plus our venue has great sound and great acoustics so we were able to really hear and feel the music as it was played. Even though we didn't hear AC/DC, we heard their music played in near-optimal conditions.

It was also interesting to see the difference in playing between the first and second halves. All of the musicians relaxed during the second half and it was like they were just jamming up there, playing the music they like. They were clearly having a great time up there, trying out their own dance moves and crazy guitar strumming, and this was reflected in the music they played. They were playing AC/DC songs with their own slight spin on them, which was fun for both them and the audience.

I was actually surprised at how many kids were at the show. There were seven that I could easily see, all between the ages of about eight and twelve, and I'm sure there were a lot more behind us. I'd expected to see zero kids there but thinking about it, taking kids to this type of show makes a lot of sense because it's a safe introduction to live rock music. You get all the loud music but none of the drugs or crushing at the front. Plus, while people were drinking they weren't going crazy with it; they were drinking like they were at the theatre. Some of the kids were in a nearby box suite and were dancing and air-guitaring up a storm while a kid in front of us was dancing and air-drumming like crazy. Eventually she and a few other kids went right up to the stage.  

One thing I really liked about the show, aside from the great music, was that the musicians saw the kids dancing and acknowledged that the kids were there - they even gave them free stuff! It was nice to see the musicians encouraging the kids to really enjoy themselves and to see them interacting with the kids. 

If you get a chance to see one of the Classic Albums Live shows, take it. I highly recommend the show for both adults and kids if they're interested in the music.

Antidepressant reduction

Did I mention that I've been tapering off my antidepressants? I've been taking Cipralex (also known as Lexapro) ever since I was diagnosed with the mets and I ended up on a fairly high dose of 30mg/day. I'd been wanting to try to decrease the dose for a few years now, mainly because I sensed that my brain was a bit fuzzy: I felt like I wasn't getting to enjoy things quite as much as I wanted to and that my thinking was duller than it used to be. I also felt like my body and brain were missing a connection and I didn't feel quite right.

However, my family doctor didn't support the idea when I first talked to him about it a couple of years ago. I could sort of see his point as at that time I was still undergoing some pretty intense therapy to deal with my childhood and my traumatic past and my new tools for dealing with life's events weren't as well-used.

However, about six months ago, after having spent two years with my psychologist, I felt ready to try to slooooowly taper off the Cirpalex. I knew I didn't want to do this too quickly because I'd heard about some unpleasant side effects (SSRI discontinuation syndrome) that could happen if the dosage was reduced too quickly. I also wanted to be sure that I really could handle life without the antidepressant (or at least this level of it) and I was confident that I could. My psychologist was also careful to make sure that I knew that it might not be possible for me to go off of the Cipralex entirely; it may be that my brain requires the chemical to function.

My psychologist helped me set up a self-monitoring plan to chart things that were early signs of worsening depression and/or poor coping skills. Each day I track the amount of sleep I get at night and from naps, how cranky I am, and how many commitments I'm dropping (the more I drop, the worse I'm doing). I also track more general signs of depression each week. She agreed to help monitor me as I do this as well, and somehow all of that convinced my doctor that I was doing this taper in a responsible way and he said I could do it.

I've been dropping 5mg/day every six or eight weeks or so and this week I just got down to 10mg/day (remember I started at 30!). The only side effect I've noticed is that I'm more tired and easily fatigued when I first drop down a level. It's as though my brain has to work a little harder when the dosage is reduced and gets tired more easily. Aside from that, I haven't noticed any other issues.

I saw my psychologist today and she agrees that I'm doing well. I'm feeling creative and my brain feels alive in a way that it didn't before. Apparently this 10mg/day is the level beyond which I might not be able to go and if that turns out to be true I'm ok with that. I'm still going to try to get down to zero and if I make it, that's great but if I don't, things are pretty good right now. Even if I do go to zero, I won't rule out taking an antidepressant (or increasing the dosage) in the future if I need it. It's a tool in my coping toolbox and it has its place. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to life without quite so many chemicals in it.

Screen Actor's Guild Awards 2014 Red Carpet

I bet you didn't think you'd get another red carpet post so soon after the last one! Well, you're in luck - it's awards season and I'm interested in what they're wearing this year. I don't think I usually look at the SAG Awards red carpet but I figured that I finished the Golden Globes post in time so why not do this one?

Enjoy the pretty (and not so pretty, and downright strange)...