A lot packed into such a short day

Either I was tired before the Pamidronate or it knocked me out again, because I didn't get up until 2pm today. Oh well - sleep isn't a bad thing.

When I got up I went to look at my favourites on etsy and found that many of the patterns that I liked had been sold. I didn't know why that would have happened all of a sudden but when I checked the A Dress A Day blog it became clear. The sellers of those patterns are having a Buried Treasure sale and so people bought the patterns. Of course I didn't want all of the patterns I liked to be sold so I bought some :) I can't wait until they all arrive!!!

This evening Ian and I went to a games night with some people that he knows. We played Bohnanza and had a great time. I won the first game and came in tied for last on the second one. I hope to go again another time.

While at game night, an etsy seller invited me to be in a craft show. The next show is May 26 and is held about monthly after that. A table is $45. I was poking around and it seems that the focus of the show is reclaimed goods but that any crafter can apply. There is some jewelry there but none of it is like what I make, so I'd be bringing something new there. I think I need a vendor's permit and so I'd have to register Angelstuff.... am I ready for that? What do you think? Information on the show is here. Thanks for your thoughts :)

Sewing fun

Ian and I put up some shelves in my sewing room today. I'm thrilled! I'm going to use them to store the stuff that is currently in mountainous piles around my machines - like patterns, stuff I'm also working on, cutting things, extra pieces, and so on. We also put a light under the shelf above my cutting area and that will make things much, much easier when I'm working there. It can be hard to see otherwise. I'm looking forward to working there now :)

Unfortunately, my serger is behaving badly these days :( There's a thin needle-thing in the throat plate that I think is out of place. The lower looper thread is somehow putting additional tension on the outside straight stitch so that it skips and sometimes breaks. Once it breaks the threads get messed up. If I go slow and be careful and watch (and listen carefully - I can hear the thread doing something strange), I can use the serger. But once this bag is done, I'm going to take the serger in for service. I've had it for three years or so and it's never been serviced so it's past time.

I had my Pamidronate today and I used the emla cream and it made a HUGE difference!!! I had no pain when they accessed my port. Yay! I messed up, though; most of the port is underneath my scar (which is huge and not healed) and it's hard to access it if I'm lying flat, which I was. The nurse and I were talking and she cleaned the area to make it sterile when I put my finger on the port to show her how she could access it if I was sitting up a bit. I wasn't supposed to touch the area because I made it unsterile. Oooops. I won't do that again.

I'm feeling ok but a bit tired and so we took it easy tonight - except to put up the shelves and to tidy up the sewing room a tiny bit.

Right now, I'm lucky

The next paragraph reveals a vague generality (aka "spoiler") about one of the shows we watch that might be a spoiler. If you haven't watched tonight's Monday night tv yet, you might want to stop reading here.









Still with me? Ok. We watched a show on tv tonight that ended up with one of the characters dying. I don't want to be any more specific It caught me off guard and even though the person didn't die of cancer, the point was that the person did die. And I cried and cried and cried.

Watching the scene - touchingly done, with lots of realism and wisdom - brought back my grief for my dad and my friend that died earlier this year. Watching someone die always reminds me that I'm going to die, too. Right now I'm very lucky because things are going well, but the time will come when I'm not so lucky and I wind up dying. I don't want to die.

I hope that I stay very lucky for a long time to come. In the meantime, I'm trying to live my life the best I can. I know that sounds sort of silly :) I'd like to think that I'm sort of spiritually advanced and living a good life, and that I've accepted death and dying... but clearly that's not the case today.

One way to spend a cold, rainy, long weekend

Since almost everything is closed tomorrow we did some errands today. I have my Pamidronate infusion on Tuesday and they recommended that I use EMLA cream so it doesn't hurt so much. Anyways, I picked that up today; it's available over the counter and it costs $50 (gulp!).

After that we wandered around Home Depot for a while. We're looking at restructuring my sewing room so that we can find things more easily and so that it's more organized. We got a couple of shelves and a 16"x60" frameless mirror that I've been looking for. I have a smaller one but it's not long enough or wide enough.

And of course I'm still sewing. I did finish the front panel of the messenger bag, which is good news. Now onto the rest of the bag so that I can sew, sew, sew for myself!

This is the bag that never ends

You know, I've been working on this messenger bag and I wish I could say that it's going smoothly, but I seem to be recutting and redoing quite a lot of pieces.

I'm working on the front panel right now which has a hidden zippered pocket, a bellows pocket, and a topstitched zippered pocket. I've recut the panel itself twice: the first because the fabric I'm using is an uneven houndstooth (like an uneven plaid) and my first attempt was upside-down. I recut it the second time because I had put the hidden zippered pocket in the seam allowance of the bag. Silly me.

I also had to redo the topstitched zippered pocket once. The way it's constructed is to open up a zipper and sew each side on opposite sides of the fabric. The first time I did this, I managed to flip one of the zipper sides so that the teeth were upside-down on one side. Oops.

Did I mention that I had to redo the bellows pocket flap as well? Yes, I mismatched the houndstooth. Sigh. At least it's a small piece.

These are all silly errors and I don't quite know why I'm making them. Fortunately, I'm getting the final pieces right and the front panel is looking good. I'll tell you, though, I'm looking forward to finishing the front panel and moving on to the lining compartments. I'm hoping that the rest of the bag will be smoooooth sailing once all the fiddly pockets are done.

Thinking about old times

I got my patterns today!!! Now I want to sew them... but I have to hold off until I'm finished the messenger bag. I'm working on it and now I have a reason to finish it quickly.

We're watching the Final 24, a show airing on History; it's a show that about the last 24 hours of the life of celebrities who have died. Last week it was about Sid Vicious and this week is about John Belushi. The show mixes interviews with re-enactments and photos or videos of the star in order to try and explain why the star ended up like they did.

It can be hard for me to watch shows like this. Back in the day, for about three years 15 years ago, I had a weekend cocaine habit and so I find it difficult to watch these scenes where people do drugs. I find myself wanting the drugs again when I'm watching this; honestly, I never think about doing drugs any other time. I'm very happy that the drugs are out of my life and I know that I wouldn't go back to them - but just the same, I'm glad that I don't know anyone who does them. It's too easy to let the drugs take over like it did for those celebrities - and yeah, I think I'm strong, but I'd rather not put my strength to the test.

Trolls under the bridge

Over on the side there in the links is a link to one of my favourite blogs: A Dress A Day. I read it just about every day; the author writes about dresses and accesories and sewing. She's a lexicographer as her "real job" and she's written some books about words. I love reading her writing and I love that blog. Her "Secret Lives of Dresses" stories are well worth reading and I urge any of you interested in clothing to read them - personally, I think the best ones start at about the fourth or fifth story. The links are on the right side of her blog. Go! Or at least open a window/tab to save the reading for later.

Anyways, some troll recently posted in the comments accusing the blogger of being a shill for companies - that she's just writing to sell stuff. Yes, she posts links to products that she likes, but she's not encouraging anyone to buy anything. I guess trolls like that are part and parcel of the internet, but I wish they weren't. It's great that we can all read her blog, but why would people go and be trolls anyway?

A good young women's meeting

I got up today thinking that it was 2pm and of course I was sad because I thought I lost practically the whole day. When I looked more closely at the clock I realized that it was only noon and I had lots and lots of day left :)

My young women's support group was much better tonight than either of the last two meetings. Of course the person with whom I don't get along wasn't there which made it better. The atmosphere was also different tonight, and I'm not sure why that was. It could have been the baby - one of the members has a month-old baby and she brought it in tonight - but whatever the reason, I felt really good coming out of that meeting. I hope that this continues over the next few months :)

Prepared for the next Indiana Jones movie

In preparation for next week's opening of the fourth Indiana Jones movie, we got together with some people at Ian's work to watch the first three Indiana Jones movies. I remembered the first movie pretty clearly, the second one a little bit, and it seems that I'd never seen the third one at all. I liked it quite a lot as it's more similar to the first one in plot and structure, and it was pretty funny. I think I'm ready for the next movie now.

I hear that Harrison Ford did all of his own stunts for the fourth movie, just as he did for the first three (except when he was injured, of course), and that somehow the 20-year time difference in his age is explained. He's not pretending to be a young guy. Although thinking now, if he is in his 60s, then he was in his 30s when he shot those movies. He was pretty darn hot for someone who was that age! I wish I looked so good :)

My bellydance recital went well

Sorry I didn't write anything yesterday - a headache started yesterday afternoon and came back twice as hard after the Advil I took wore off. I went to bed at 8pm and I couldn't read or anything; all I could do was sleep until I got up at 3pm today.

I'm feeling mostly better, thanks. I still have a bit of a headache that comes (it's here now) and goes and I'm still very tired, but I'll be ok.

The bellydance recital went really well. I danced well enough, as did the people who were in my class, and many of the choreographies were interesting. I don't totally understand why one choreography was repeated twice, though. The funniest thing that happened was that the pink pailettes on my new pink hip scarf left pink on my stomach after I'd been wearing it for a while :) I had to go and scrub my belly off and then I applied some bronzer, which masked the pink. My head-jewelry left divots in my head, too :)

Just sitting around

We just finished watching the Across the River to Motor City mini-series. Yes, I know that it aired back around Christmas, but it takes a while for us to get around to watching things that we've recorded. Anyways, we both thought that it was quite good. There are several intertwining stories told in a series of flashbacks between the 60's and 2001, set in Detroit/Windsor. The first episode wasn't great but the series got a lot better with each episode.

I didn't want to do much today because tomorrow I've got my bellydance recital. It's sold out! I'm in one of the last choreographies, so I hope that people stick around to see me :)

Putting my foot in my mouth

So here I am bragging about how my sewing is getting better and it turns out that I'm exaggerating a bit. I'm working on a dress now and I've got the sleeves in and something is wrong. They're supposed to be a little poufy, but they wound up looking like mutton legs. Part of the problem is that the shoulders are about an inch and a half too wide but that's not all of it. I think the sleeves are too poufy for me. Sigh. I'll have to take the sleeves out and recut both the shoulders and sleeves.

After I finish this dress, I'm not going to work on more dresses until my new (vintage) patterns arrive. I do need to work on the messenger bag, but I also want to try using these other patterns before I do anything else.

As for fixing pants that have worn through: duct tape is one solution. However, a better one would be to get some denim that matches the colour and shade of the jeans as possible and then darn them (or zigzag, or drop the feed-dogs and move the patched area around, on a machine) in place. The patch will be a little bit noticeable but not as noticeable as duct tape :)

Yellow tulips

The people who lived in our place before us had planted some kinds of flowers in our front patch. For the last couple of years the only thing that showed up were big green floppy leaves. This year the conditions were just right and for the first time, we have gorgeous yellow tulips growing there. What a nice way to start the summer!

I must be getting better at sewing because I don't have to rip things out or redo them much anymore. It takes a lot less time to make something if I don't have to sew each seam at least twice :) It has taken a long, long time to get to this point and there are certain things that I can almost guarantee that I'll have trouble with - like collars. But I'm getting better at those, too, and over time I hope to improve even more.

I know that I've been obsessed with sewing and dresses (50s dresses..... sigh) but believe it or not, I have had a few ideas for some jewelry. Yes, really :) I haven't been making much of that lately, as I think you know. I'm hoping to get back to that, a bit, because I'd like to get the designs out of my head and constructed. Not that I've photographed or listed the last couple of pairs I made, of course, but that doesn't matter. The point is to get stuff made. :)

Celebrating great news!

There is no recurrence in my breast. Yay!!!! The pathology report showed that the core biopsies were composes of skin and fat but not breast tissue and so there is no recurrence. This is a huge relief and is definitely something to celebrate :) . Yippeeee!!!

And to celebrate, I got a pattern ready and cut it out. I might have mentioned that I have a 50s dress fetish/obsession going on right now? Well, I adjusted and cut out a regular shirtdress with an a-line skirt and unpressed pleats. And side pockets, of course :) I hope that it doesn't take too long to sew up.

I've found all sorts of vintage pattern sources online and I'm feeding my fetish by looking at them. If you know me, you know that it's hard for me to resist buying items related to my current obsession..... so I've just ordered two vintage dress patterns. This one is almost identical to a dress that I sketched for me, and I just had to buy the pattern when I found it! This other one is adorable - look at the button detail on the sleeves that matches the front placket. I can hardly wait to get them and make them up :) I'll have to grade both of the patterns up a size or two but I'm pretty sure I can do that, and if I run into trouble there are resources on the web.

I'm also bidding on this other vintage shirtdress pattern; we'll see if I win it. Cute, isn't it? Can't you see me wearing this during the summer? This pattern I have to grade down which is a bit easier :)

Now all we have to do is figure out how to manage my lack of endurance. Monisa is right in that I sleep a crazy amount the day after doing activities. If I can't get all the sleep I'd like to that first day, it builds up until I sleep WAAAAYYYYY too much one day - like yesterday, where I slept the whole day, or that Saturday that I lost. Would I sleep less if I was in better shape? And how do I get in better shape if an hour of bellydancing exhausts me?

Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. sleep... and more sleep

I slept all day again today. Sigh. I know that some of you are probably jealous because I'm able to sleep all day, but I find it frustrating. I keep losing these days and they're not coming back... and I'm not losing them for anything really worthwhile except sleep. The worst part is that I'm still tired :(

I guess my body/mind needs that kind of sleep, but I don't like it. I have been sort of tired over the last couple of days but I wouldn't expect that that kind of tiredness would make me sleep all the live-long day. I do have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow to get the results of the core biopsies but I'd honestly forgotten about that until this evening, so I don't think that has anything to do with it.

My pain is well under control and I'm not taking nearly as much Oxycontin, especially at night, so I'd have thought that I'd be able to get better-quality sleep. I see my family doctor in a couple of weeks and I'll talk to him about this then. I want to sleep like a normal person.

Bellydance practice

I practiced my bellydance routine today. It turned out that I was a little off of the other two doing the choreography and so I have to make a couple of adjustments. I don't mind doing that as long as the choreography looks good. I'm going to wear my new pink top and hip scarf :)

The recital is on Mother's Day - this coming Sunday, from 2:30-4:30pm. I'm looking forward to it. The night before is the Funkabelly dance - I sort of want to go but I don't want to go by myself. We'll see. It might not be an idea to be out late with the recital the next day.

Spring is springing

There's a robin outside our window that's building a nest in one of the trees outside. It's fun to watch it bring each piece - first some paper, then some grass, and then some bits of string - and arrange it all to make a little nest. The paper is still flapping and in danger of blowing away! The cats next door will be very pleased if baby robins are born in the nest. They're indoor cats but I don't think that matters when it comes to cats chasing birds :)

I love watching the leaves come out, the flowers bloom, and now the bird making its nest. Even the colour of the light is different throughout the day as it's filtered through the budding trees (and very little pollution). Spring brings new life and renewal and that's why it's just about the best time of year for this reason, I think.

BTW I want to reassure you that while I do get sad about my dad sometimes, I'm not sad all the time. I've been pretty happy overall, in fact - but it is important for me to share the feelings I have about my dad and his passing.

Thinking of my dad

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately and that's left me quite sad. We didn't talk often but I would try and email him occasionally... and maybe it's about time that I would have tried to talk to him because it's been a while since I last heard from him. I know that he would have got in touch with me about my tumour markers, too. But I can't talk to him for any reason because he's gone and that's leaves me sad. My eyes started welling up with tears while Ian and I were in the store looking at stuff; I was reminded of this past Christmas and how my parents got one thing because that's what my dad wanted... and I'm crying again just thinking about that :(

I don't want to forget my dad but I wish I could remember him without crying. I don't seem to be able to do that yet. I think that this is normal grieving but I didn't expect it to blindside me like it has over the last few days.

Iron man

We saw Iron man this afternoon. It's awesome! Yes, it's a comic book movie, but you don't need to know much about the comic to really enjoy the movie. There is a profound subtext in the movie about the responsibilities and containment of weapons technology. Of course there's the requisite good versus evil elements, but there's much more to the movie than that, too. There are some elements of the movie that require some suspension of disbelief, but it's a movie well worth watching.

If you do see it, stay right until the end of the credits. I'm not telling you what's there, but it's more than just the song titles, thank yous, and MPAA number :)

BTW I was just looking at the imdb full credits page for this movie and I see that many of the effects people have pages. Interesting - they aren't just faceless tech employees anymore. Nice.

Almost normal

I was up very early today as I had a dentist's appointment. My teeth are nice and shiny clean again :) I managed to stay awake until just after supper when I had to sleep for an hour or so; this tells me that I'm not quite ready for a normal life just yet.

Of course I may have been extra tired because I had a hard time sleeping last night. I kept waking up and I was thinking a lot about my dad so it was harder to get back to sleep. As well, I'm trying to reduce my Oxycontin intake and I think I'm running into withdrawl symptoms - woogly back and hot flashes - which wake me in the middle of the night.

So maybe I'll get to have a normal life if I can sleep like normal people. At least I got some stuff done during the day today. I'll tell you, the thought that my cancer has stabilized - which we won't know until I get my scan results at the end of June - is quite exciting. I'd like to think that if I really am stable and I can be normal, that I might work again. What an odd feeling.