2015 Grammy Awards Red Carpet

For the first time in ages, I've finished a red carpet post for you! This one is for the 57th annual Grammys, held on February 8, 2015. There were a whole lot of sequins and sparkles, a  lot of cleavage and under-boob, and a lot of sheer.

One thing I love about the Grammys is that it's a formal occasion but there's an edginess to the outfits so they aren't all the same. I also love that so many of the singers aren't super-skinny like Hollywood actresses; these women have bodies that are more like regular people and they clearly don't fit into the sample size. Anyways, without further ado... enjoy the outfits and my assessments after the jump!

Oncologist appointment

Gozer seems to be doing much better on her new food. Her urine is a good colour, she loves the food, and she doesn't seem to be licking any more than usual. The food does make her drink a LOT more so we have to be sure she gets lots of chances to pee during the day - at least every three or four hours. I'm very happy that she's doing ok.

I saw my oncologist this week and we're taking out my portacath. It comes out on March 2. I've read that the surgery is quite easy - even easier than going in. That's good because I had a hard time when it went in because my pain wasn't fully under control. And I'm a bit of a wimp. It feels strange to think about it taken out because I thought I'd never be without it. Honestly, I didn't think I'd make it this long -  I'm definitely one of the outliers, survivor-wise.

Not having my port will be nice because it won't show anymore and I won't feel it in my neck (the catheter part loops up by my neck). The healing will be a bit tricky because I won't be able to life anything for a few days (including Gozer) and I won't want anyone jumping on me (including Gozer) or touching it (including Gozer).

My tumour markers were at 36 which is still good. So... good news all around!

Gozer update and more

Gozer is doing much better now. We took her and a sample of her urine in this week and the urine had a pH of 6.0. She's pretty well stopped bleeding when peeing, too, so I think she's over the worst of the problem.

Clearly the food is working, and although she's showing some signs of itching she's responding well to it. The vet said that we could easily feed her another food while we were visiting Ian's parents so that we don't trigger his mom's allergies with the fish oil. So I guess that's what we'll do for now.

Speaking of itching, I've been incredibly itchy since last night. I woke in the middle of the night scratching and scratching and scratching and I've been scratching today, too. I took some Benadryl, which helped, but I'm still itchy.

I'm thinking I'm itchy either because of the flowers I bought for the dining room or the people we had here last night. Ian hosted a pinball league night here and we had about 20 people (some of them smokers) here. I bought the flowers to brighten the (newly clean) dining room. The night went well; everyone was respectful of the house and they weren't too loud or anything. Apparently there was a problem with one machine but the others all worked just fine so we're calling the evening a success.

Adventures with Gozer

We have had quite the week with Gozer. Sunday morning, Ian noticed that her pee looked orange, like it had blood in it. Her pee was a normal colour in the afternoon but we decided to take her to our vet on Monday morning.

We took a pee sample in to the vet's and they did an analysis which showed that it had magnesium phosphate (struvite) crystals, a pH of 7.0, bacteria, and red and white blood in it, with no sign of bile salts. They did an xray to see if she had stones but it was inconclusive so we set up an ultrasound for the next day. The vet gave Gozer an antibiotic shot because she has such a hard time with antibiotics.

The ultrasound showed no stones but a LOT of sediment from the crystals and signs of anaerobic bacteria. Fortunately, the antibiotic shot should treat that kind of bacteria as well as aerobic bacteria.

The main treatment is to get the pH in her urine down, which will make the crystals re-dissolve in her urine, and that's done by changing her food to lower the amount of protein she's getting. The vet prescribed Royal Canin Urinary SO but it has corn and chicken in it, which we think she's allergic to, and fish oil, which Ian's mom is allergic to. I contacted Gozer's dermatologist and she said to try to keep her on this food for 2-4 weeks to clear up this problem and if Gozer shows allergy signs (lots of scratching and licking and hotspots) then I need to make an appointment to take her in so that we can figure out her food.

I figure that if we do take Gozer to Ian's parent's place while she's on this food, we can just feed her squash and rice instead of the food while we're there. That way, we don't have to worry about Ian's mom's allergy - but this isn't a great long-term solution. I suspect Gozer may end up with allergies to the food before long anyways.

Unfortunately, I don't think there are many (if any) commercially available low-protein foods that meet the non-allergy requirements out there so I suspect that we will end up having to cook her food at home.

For now, Gozer is doing ok. She has varying amounts of blood in her pee from passing the crystals, which are sharp and cut her: sometimes there's none, sometimes it's all blood, and I know that when there's blood it hurts her. However, she's as happy and cuddly as usual and she's not straining to pee or anything. The ultrasound day was tough as they didn't take her out to pee afterwards (she went in not having peed in the morning) and she peed in the cage she was in :( She's bounced back since then.

Poor girl. I hope she's going to be ok.

Goodbye 2014, hello 2015

It's almost time for a new year. Where does the time go? If I'm not careful, it just slips by without my noticing it.

We spent Christmas at Ian's parent's house. Well, it was fake Christmas because it was two days late; Ian had had a cold and we didn't want to infect his dad so Christmas was postponed until Ian was better. We had lots of delicious food and Ian's mom had decorated the house and yard so beautifully and I don't think any of us really noticed that it was fake Christmas.

We're spending a very low-key New Year's Eve. Ian's playing the video game he got for Christmas (Dragon's Age: Inquisition) and I'm helping by pointing out things the character can pick up. It's fun for both of us.

I have no idea what's in store for next year. This past year was pretty good (neighbour issues aside) and  I hope that next year is even better. I hope that your next year is even better than this last year. Happy New Year!  

The Book of Mormon

We saw The Book of Mormon this week. When it won all those Tony awards I knew I wanted to see it so when I heard that it was coming here, I was very excited. Our seats were close to the front but off to the side which isn't perfect, but allows us (Ian) to have more leg room.

I wasn't sure what to expect from the show. I knew it was a musical, and I knew it was funny, and that it was created by the creators of South Park. I figured that it would probably skewer Mormon religions - what with the title being the Book of Mormon and all - but it didn't, really. It did poke fun at the religion but not that much. I expected some inappropriate humour and it was also present but it wasn't as widespread as I thought it would be.

In many ways, the subject was fairly serious: two new Elders are sent to complete their two-year missions in Uganda. There, they arrive in a village where all the women are either circumcised or are going to be, almost everyone has AIDS, and people are oppressed by a very nasty general. One Elder undergoes culture shock while the other, who is an awkward, incorrigible liar, tries to bring the villagers hope (and tried to convert them, of course) by telling them his version of the Book of Mormon.

One thing I liked about the humour in the show was that it was generally very gentle and subtle and it wasn't mean. Even when they were making fun of Mormons, they weren't saying that the people or the religion was bad; they were just pointing out some inconsistencies but they weren't doing it in a negative way. I actually learned a thing or two about the history of Mormonism from this musical. Who'd have thought?

The actors were very good and I was quite impressed with their performance. The only quibble I had was that the sound levels for two of the performers was off just a bit and we couldn't hear them singing as well as we could the others. Aside from that, everything was smooth and well-executed.

Unlike at other shows we've attended recently, a physical program was given out. Aside from the venue and production company ads, there was only a single advertiser in the program: the Mormon church. I guess that makes sense.

I definitely recommend this show for adults only - this is not suitable for kids as there is quite a bit of swearing and some sexual situations. The Book of Mormon is funny, over-the-top sometimes, and there was a joke that was repeated once too often for my taste, but underneath all that it felt very serious, honest, and real. If this show is coming to your city, try to see it.

Gozer's birthday and my optometrist

Time flies! Two Three years ago today Gozer joined our family. She's settled in so well that it's as if she's been here forever; I can't imagine life without her, now.

Update: Gozer came to us in 2011, not 2012, so we've had her for three years - time really does fly!

 We're celebrating by giving her an extra cookie and by giving her a replacement moo cow squeakie toy. Moo cow is a plush toy with a small round squeaker in it - the kind that's in most dog toys. Normally Gozer doesn't get plush toys because she eviscerates them but she loves them so much (probably because she can eviscerate them) but for her "birthday" we made an exception. I gave her moo cow this morning and she bit through the squeaker within one minute, after which she started gnawing on the plush legs and head. This is a toy that won't last long.

 I also saw an optometrist today. I'd been seeing my old optometrist for years and years but she's located in Uptown Waterloo, which is about a 20 or 25 minute drive away, and she's always, always, always running late. The last time I was there I waited for 40 minutes before I was told that she would be running even later; I rescheduled the appointment and walked out. Then I went looking for a new optometrist who was closer to home.

 My new optometrist is located at River St and Victoria Rd, about a 5-10 minute drive, a 45 minute walk, or a 15-min bus ride (including walking time to and from the bus). When I showed up this morning, they were running early due to a cancellation. The people were all very friendly and helpful. I loved the optometrist. Her eye prescription is just a little bit worse than mine at about -10 so she understands the particular challenges of having really bad eyes. She said that she will always dilate my eyes when I see her, which is fine with me.

We talked about laser surgery to correct my eyesight and she said that it's possible for people with our prescription (depending on the thickness of our corneas), but she wouldn't recommend it for me because of my cancer and the treatment. My eyes are already dry and the surgery can make them drier which in turn could impede healing. I don't need to add that kind of burden to my immune system, so no eye surgery for me. She did give me some sample contacts to see if I like the way they feel. It would be nice to be able to wear contacts for parties or Halloween or anytime I wear makeup. When she checked my vision, she saw that my left eye's prescription has improved ever-so-slightly.

It turns out that when they did the puff test to measure the pressure in each eye, the pressure was a bit high which is new for me. The optometrist then used one the new-to-me machines (she has more advanced equipment than my old optometrist) to take a picture of my optic nerves and to measure the thickness of my retinas, and it showed that there were some areas on my retinas that were thicker than the statistical norm. She isn't saying that I have glaucoma right now but she's concerned that I might be developing it. Therefore she's asked me to do a vision field test next week. If the results indicate some problems, she'll see me at least every six months; otherwise, it'll be once per year. My old optometrist used to do a puff test (although I haven't had one done in quite a while) but didn't have one of these scanning machines so I'm really happy that I've switched.

 I spent some time afterwards looking at their eyeglass frames. The people didn't really leave me to do that on my own, I think because some frames were tucked away and I wouldn't know where they were. I didn't buy anything this time but I'll keep looking. My glasses aren't going anywhere so it makes sense to me to have the prettiest, most flattering glasses possible.

The end of neighbour problems... for now

I've been wrapped up in my own self and life for the last few weeks and I've barely noticed the world passing me by. As I mentioned before, we'd had work done on our property - which looks great, I'm just waiting to get pictures for you - and as I expected, we ran into problems with the neighbour when we got to the driveway.

The situation was worse because Ian was away and I had to deal with this neighbour myself and this is something I suck at. I'm not good at dealing with conflict, and I'm especially not good at dealing with someone who is being aggressive: I have a tendency to match aggression with aggression, especially when I'm feeling threatened or upset. At one point I was ready to move and investigated all the properties available in this area.

The neighbour stopped all work for an entire morning demanding that we do this and that and blustering about. He lied about where the property line was located and he lied about having had a permit to change the drainage on his driveway. He told me that he has a right to drive over the part of the driveway in the city easement area - the part that would have a sidewalk and boulevard, if we had them - because it's not owned by us. I still don't know if this is true but based on his other lies, I have my doubts. During this conversation he threatened to park on that part of our driveway (I checked and that is definitely illegal; he's not allowed to park on the boulevard area and he's not allowed to block access to our driveway). He also threatened to come onto our property and rip out the work we'd had done if he didn't like the drainage (I checked and that's also definitely illegal). He ended by telling me that we're enemies now.

I'm so grateful for the foreman, who was the one person would could talk to our neighbour. Seriously. He could even tell our neighbour that he was being an asshole and that if a neighbour was wasting his guy's time the way he was wasting theirs, he'd freak out. I gave them a big tip - or what I thought was a big tip - just for that. Nevermind that I also loved the work they did.

So far, the neighbour has left us alone. I had a chat with one of the other people on the street and apparently they're not happy with him (and vice versa, of course), either. They had their basement converted to an apartment and asked him for a quote. However, he gave them just a final figure with no breakdown of what different parts would cost, and although they asked him to break it down, he didn't. So they went with a different company and our neighbour freaked out. It's gratifying to know that I'm not alone in having problems with this neighbour.

One does have to wonder, though, why someone who makes their living as a contractor (as our neighbour does) would waste so much of another contractor's time. That doesn't seem to me to be a good way to conduct one's business... but what do I know? I'm a woman, and he doesn't deal with women.

Oncology appointment

I saw my oncologist today for my regular checkup. Everything is great. My CA 15-3 tumour markers, which had risen slightly the last two times, dropped back down to 36.

My scans were clear as well; there are no new lesions and everything looks the same as the scans I've had over the last few years. In fact, I'm doing so well that we're going to stop the denosumab, which is used to build up my bones. My oncologist figures that I don't need it since the cancer only affected the one bone and that bone is healing.

 We're also talking about removing my port-a-cath. I've had it in for 6 or 7 years and I'm now only actually using it to have bloodwork drawn every three months. My veins are bad but I think they can sustain bloodwork every three months if I were to have the port removed. So we'll see; I don't need to make a decision right now but it's something to think about.

Neighbour problems (again)

We've hired a company to replace our window wells, fix the path on the side of the house, and make our driveway narrower. They started work this week and have finished putting in the stone window wells. We're quite pleased with the work our contractors have done; it's nice, they're tidy, and they put away their work neatly at the end of each day. They're personable but not chatty and prefer that I leave them alone and if there are problems to talk to the project manager.

Unfortunately, things are not going smoothly with our neighbour - the one we've had problems with before. We figured he'd be upset because he wasn't doing the work for us and we were right.

He's already stopped by earlier this week to tell our contractors that they were doing their job wrong and we were crafting an email to ask him not to approach our contractors directly. Today he flipped. Our contractors were cutting the capstones for the window wells and it was really windy so the dust was blowing into our neighbour's yard. He came over and spoke to (yelled at?) about how the dust was blowing by his office windows and they had to stop it. Apparently they offered to cut the stones somewhere else but that wasn't acceptable to him.

Then he rang the doorbell and told me the same thing about the dust and his office. I told him that it was windy and the dust couldn't be helped. He said that he builds a little house thingy and cuts in there and that I had better stop the dust blowing into his yard. OR ELSE.

I told him that just as it was unacceptable for me to talk to his guys, it's unacceptable for him to talk to my guys and to please come to me instead of them. Then I told him that he should know that we are having work done on the driveway on the property line and that the weeping tile may need to be adjusted. He said that they had better not mess things up OR ELSE. "Or else what?" I asked, and his answer was: "You'll see". That freaked me out.

After all that he asked why we didn't talk to him about the driveway. All I could say was, "Really? Really? After everything that's happened, why would we do that?"

I admit that I didn't respond well to him and I know I made things worse between our houses. When I'm confronted with anger I respond in kind, which makes me exactly the wrong person to deal with him. I do feel compassion for him because I know he wants the work and I think he was hurt that we didn't give him the opportunity to bid on the work we're having done. That compassion doesn't change the fact that I'm also worried that he'll do something. I don't know what, but something... maybe sabotage the work we're having done?

I'm especially worried about what's going to happen once the contractors get to the driveway. There's a Rogers cable going to the neighbour's house that's under our driveway somewhere and there's a very good chance that the the contractors will cut that cable... making our neighbour's internet go out. He has an office at home and needs that internet and if it's cut then he will be very, very, very angry. We don't think Rogers does locates because we've been told that they prefer that the cable just be cut and they'll repair it but I'll check and see.

I thought about calling the police about the ("don't mess things up OR ELSE" with a "you'll see" explanation of the or else part) because I felt threatened but then I thought that he'd be even angrier if I did that. My metalsmithing instructor said that I should call the police just so that if something happens, there's a record of it.

I don't know. I want nothing to happen, but in that last kerfuffle he told Ian that he has to be aggressive and that he can't show weakness in the construction industry... and that kind of thinking doesn't really lend itself to leaving things alone.

I hate neighbour disputes. I wish I'd handled things like this better. And I wish we had a different neighbour.

How does our garden grow?

It grows weedy and overgrown, for the most part. But it's our yard, and I know you all want to see it.

Finally, I've got the yard pictures done. I'm not sure that they're in completely the right order but they're all annotated, I think. So here you go - there's a lot of them so they're after the jump.

Conference

I'm still working on the yard/garden post but I was at a conference this weekend and didn't do any work on it. I figured you'd want to know about the conference so I'm updating you on that right now.

This conference was held by the Metastatic Breast Cancer Network, which is a volunteer-led organization dedicated to people with metastatic breast cancer. This year's conference was held in Chapel Hill, NC so I was there for the weekend.

The conference runs for two days and although I'd planned to go to both days, I didn't make it. I had rented a car and locked my keys in the trunk of the car. I called the rental car company and they sent someone out to unlock the car but it turns out that they still make cars that have no internal trunk release and we couldn't get the trunk open. By the time we figured all that out, the conference was over so I ended up going to the airport early. It was a very long, very boring day.

Fortunately, Saturday's sessions were interesting. There was a talk on molecular genetics that I really enjoyed. It wasn't very detailed but it gave a good overview of the current science and research trends.

The most unforgettable session was the one on pain and sexuality. I expected this to be a session about how to adapt sexuality to the pain but it wasn't that at all. It turns out the speaker is a leading researcher in the area and so the talk was more of how she got the knowledge she did. In all that meandering, I learned a few things:

• When men have sexual problems, it's often considered to be a physical problem but when women do, it's often considered psychological.
• Before addressing sexual pain, the cause of the pain - nerves, skin, or muscle - must be determined.
• Neuropathy can occur in the genital area in the same way as it does in the hands and feet because the nerves are the same size. THIS BLEW MY MIND.
• Any treatment that can affect the mouth can affect the genitals in the same way because the tissues are structured the same way and are both mucous membranes (she had pictures to emphasize this point). 
• If the area isn't used, the muscles can atrophy and cause pain, just like they would anywhere else.
• Dilators don't help all that much; a better solution is apparently a modified Hodge pessary kept in at night.
• If the skin has a rash or is very delicate use Crisco shortening(!!) to protect it. Crisco can also be used with the pessary and in place of Replens. It works because it doesn't contain harsh chemicals and it doesn't come off easily.

The session ended up being quite funny and informative. I'm happy that I went just for that because it really was informative. 

Bit of this and that

I'm still working on the pictures of our yard but I've been lazy and haven't finished annotating them all. There are over 150 of them, after all, which is more than even red carpet posts used to have.

I was out weeding in the yard today. I spent about three hours out there and I pulled up around 100 big dandelions and 50 or so baby-sized ones in a 250 sq ft area. There's at least double that area to go but those areas don't have quite so many of these dandelions. I knew the lawn was full of weeds but I didn't realize just how bad it is. I'm trying to get them pulled so that I can rake the lawn to get the growing bittercress and veronica out before reseeding the yard.

Gozer hasn't been feeling terribly well lately. She was on antibiotics for a hotspot which made her vomit. After she went off them, she was constipated for a few days and then yesterday she started having diarrhea. Poor girl. She had diarrhea again today and we're hoping that her system will settle down. We're hesitant to take her to the vet because we don't want them to give her pills and we figure that we can help her with diet. She's already getting half squash for food and if she still has problems tomorrow, we'l give her rice instead of kibbles for the other half.

Well, Ian will give her rice for food; I'm heading to Chapel Hill, North Carolina this weekend for a conference. I'm nervous about going because I don't think many of my friends are going and because Chapel Hill is near Raleigh and that area holds some memories for me. I'm hoping that it'll be a fun weekend and if it turns out to be lame, well, I won't be there that long.

Gozer in the yard

I took a bunch of pictures of our yard and the plants in it yesterday. It was a lovely sunny day so I got some good pictures for you. However, it's going to take another day or so to get the pictures in the right order and commented and stuff so in the meantime, I thought I'd show you some pictures of Gozer, aka Miss Flufflybutt.

Hi mom!

Something smells good over here.

What could have been in this spot?

That smells really, really good...

...it'll make me smell good, too!!

I am look good, I smell good, and I'm feeling fine. Off I go!

A lot about not very much

There's been a whole lot of not much going on around here. I've been spending time outside in the yard and I've finally started working on the dandelions that have grown to monstrous proportions. Seriously, some of those things, especially around our vegetable garden, are huge! Clearly whatever soil we're giving the vegetables is helping the dandelions.

The leaves are up to a foot long and the root is up to one inch in diameter; the leafmass is almost too big for me to hold when I try to rip them out. I'm not actually able to get the full length of some of the roots out and I know that I'll have to do some serious digging when the leaves grow back. I don't care about that right now; just getting the leaves and flowers out is enough for me right now.

One of the less pleasant parts about clearing out these giant dandelions is that we have an unusual variety of ants in the area. They're called citronella ants and they're named for the smell they give off when they're crushed - it's described as a pleasant lemon scent in places but we think it's more of a cloying, chemical, citronella scent. These ants apparently farm root aphids (aphids that eat roots like dandelions and potatoes but not carrots or radishes for some reason) and mealybugs and their territory extends from the vegetable garden to the fruit trees. Anyways, when I pull out the dandelions in that area I invariably crush some of those ants and the smell just reeks. Blech. I don't think it repels mosquitoes, either.

We'd seen these ants a while ago carrying white things around and we assumed that they were carrying eggs. A bit of research showed that no, those are aphids or mealybugs, and they're moving them so that the aphids eat more yummy roots (and mealybugs eat more yummy whatever) so that the ants can eat the yummy honeydew that the aphids and mealy bugs produce.

It is kind of neat that there are more than one species of ant that farms their food and that they do it in such different places.

I really have been meaning to take pictures of our yard but I've been waiting for good light. If the light isn't good soon I'm afraid that you'll get pictures of a bunch of dead flowers, which are pretty in their own way. Also, our contractor neighbour is mad at me for talking to his employee about the way he was encroaching on our property while parking the truck and then for talking to himself in front of that same employee about parking the truck and trailer in front of the fire hydrant. He also thought that I was stalking him or his employee because I spoke to his employee that one time.

All of that is sort of hilarious in the way that neighbourly disputes often are, but the thing that isn't funny is that the neighbour didn't approach me to talk to me about the problem. Instead, he talked to Ian because this neighbour "doesn't talk to women". He said all sorts of awful, misogynist things to Ian, including telling Ian to control his woman. As if that's even possible!

I did apologize via email for speaking to the neighbour's employee directly and for talking to him about an issue in front of the employee, because underneath all that bluster and completely offensive language I understand that it's important to him to appear to be in control and that my actions caused him to lose face in front of his employees. And it's really no big deal to talk to him directly and privately if I have a concern, although apparently it's much too much to ask that he afford me the same courtesy.

Anyways, the point of that diversion is that because this neighbour thought I was stalking him or his employee, I don't want him to think that I'm stalking him by taking photos of the property. Of course we're also getting quotes for work on our driveway and they're taking all sorts of photos, but that's a bit different. As I write this, it occurs to me that it would be a good idea to take photos so that we have some "before" pictures of the areas that will be changed.

Speaking of getting work done, this neighbour has repeatedly asked us to ask him for a quote before we hire anyone and has been mad when we haven't done that. However, after this whole kerfuffle there's no way I'll do business with him. I can't choose my neighbour but I can choose who I hire, and I choose not to hire people who express themselves in misogynist ways. Even if he was awesome at doing stuff (which he isn't; some of the work we need to have done is fixing work he did for us before), I wouldn't hire him just on principle. I know that this decision won't improve the relationship between the households much (and that he might end up doing petty things like encouraging his guests to flick cigarette butts into our yard as a result), but I'm willing to take that risk.

Hopefully I'll get to take some photos for you this week. We really do have a nice yard even if it is a little overgrown and unbalanced and full of weeds. I'd like to show it to you.

Huh. I sure wrote a lot for not much going on, didn't I? It just goes to show that I can talk a lot about anything :)

Transition finished!

I think the painkiller transition is finally over. We've found the right level of the new painkiller and although I occasionally have twinges in my sternum (which may be related to Gozer jumping on me), I'm not experiencing any real pain.

I've noticed some changes since I've switched painkillers, mostly related to sweating. I know this might be TMI but it's part of the way painkillers affect me. Before, my entire body would sweat. Seriously - my fingers and arms and legs and even my toes would sweat, and I developed little bumps around my eyes from sweat. Because I sweated so much, I drank a lot of water but didn't pee as much as you might think.

All that has changed: I now sweat only in the more normal places - like under my arms and on my scalp - and I pee way more often. My sweat also smells different to me; before, it didn't have much smell but now it smells the way it did before I ever had cancer. So that's a good thing, I guess.

I'm also finding that I enjoy my baths less. I loved taking baths and would take several each day... which, it turns out, wasn't a good thing. A hot bath increases the amount of painkiller I absorbed and then once the bath was done I'd experience withdrawal symptoms (like increased sweating). In other words, I was abusing my painkiller patches. I had no idea that I'd been doing this until I went to have a bath and it just didn't feel the same. I was ashamed once I realized what I'd been doing, and that shame was probably made worse by the fact that I was mildly depressed. At least I'm off the patches now and it's not possible for me to unknowingly misuse my pills.

The mild depression is gone now. My psychologist is away until the end of this next week so I wasn't able to make an appointment to see her. If I'd been feeling worse I'd have asked to see another psychologist in the clinic but I figured I wasn't doing too badly. I'm feeling much more emotionally even and am generally happy now so I think I'll be ok.

I'm really happy that the transition is over. I like that I'm feeling more like a normal person with the pills than I felt with the patches... but mostly I like that the transition is over.

Update on me and Gozer

I'm feeling a bit better now although my digestive system is still not quite right. At least I'm not at the point where my belly and gut are so distended that I can't wear anything constrictive, which is where I was in my last post. I'm also feeling less depressed although I'm still somewhat lethargic.

I haven't called my psychologist yet because I keep wishing that I could just fix this mild depression myself since I have the tools to do it. However, the fact that all of this is related to the change in painkiller medication means that I don't have much control over it. I'll call her tomorrow and set up an appointment.

In other news, Gozer saw her dermatologist last week. The dermatologist was happy to see Gozer looking good and scratching and licking less. We think the allergy shots are helping but we won't know for sure one way or another until Fall. Gozer still has yeast problems so for two weeks she'll receive her anti-yeast pills every day instead of two consecutive days each week. As well, the dermatologist gave us a medicated shampoo that we're to use one to three times a week; on the days that Gozer gets a bath, we're to wash all of her bedding, blankets, leash, and collars.

I also have to keep track of Gozer's itchiness each day on a scale of 1-10 (1 = least itchy, 10 = crazy itchy) and email the results (along with her regular calendar of pills and appointments) to the dermatologist each month. Finally, we decided that we're going to wait until the Fall to change her diet to deal with her food allergies, mainly because we want to give the allergy shots more time to work and make a difference and to get her yeast problems under control.

Gozer doesn't much like getting bathed, especially since this shampoo has to sit for 5-10 minutes before it's rinsed off. She's more resigned to the process than she used to be, although it's difficult to get her into the bathroom where she gets a bath. However, we've discovered that she love love love loves carrots so we grate some up for her and feed her the grated bits as a treat and that keeps her happy.

Oh, and it turns out that she knows the command for "Speak". We had no idea!

A little TMI whine

I've been having to take percocet to deal with the pain because the amount of the new painkiller wasn't enough. I talked to my family doctor's office today and my doctor is going to increase the painkiller amount. 

In the meantime, I'm having to deal with a common side effect of these drugs: constipation. Some (Ian) might say that I'm full of it (ha ha). I know this is a bit of TMI but it's (unfortunately) a fact of life with this stuff. Everything had been going so well for so long that I kind of forgot that I have to make sure that things stay going well. 

I've taken some dulcolax and it'll help eventually right now I'm quite uncomfortable. If this goes on for much longer I'm going to be very heartburny which can be unpleasant for me and anyone I talk to. Gum can only cover up so much, you know? 

Sigh. I'm whining, I know, but I figure that it's important to talk about the stuff that isn't so pleasant, too.

I've mentioned before that I've been experiencing some mild depression with this transition and since it's still going on (it's mild, but it's there) I'm thinking that it would be a good idea for me to see my psychologist. I know I have the tools to deal with all this but I'd feel better if I saw her.

I love not using the patches but I'm not in love with this transition. I'll be very happy once the amount of painkiller is stabilized and I'm back to being my regular happy self.

Regular oncologist appointment

Yesterday was my regular oncology appointment.

My CA 15-3 tumour marker from three months ago was at 43, which is higher than it's been in years but only slightly more than the previous two values of 39 and 40. Since the rest of my bloodwork yesterday was awesome and shows no problems, we agreed that there's no reason to be concerned about the tumour marker value.

It turns out that August will be scan time so I have the bone scan on August 5 and the CT scan on August 18. I'll get the results when I see my oncologist again in October unless there's a reason to be concerned - which we don't expect will happen.

In painkiller transition news, I'm doing ok. I'm definitely sweating less (which my oncologist noticed), and I'm feeling less depressed and lethargic now. I've still got some pain but it's not too bad so I think the worst of this transition is over.

EDIT: I was looking back through my tumour markers and the value three months ago was 32, down from 40 and 39 the three and six months prior to that, so it appears that the values are still oscillating. I'd checked because I was curious about when it had last been at or above 43 and when I discovered that it hadn't been that high since 2007 I was feeling a tiny bit worried. I was concerned that if the marker was starting to creep up, my years of stability might be coming to an end. Now that I know that the last value was 32, that tiny bit of worry is gone.

For fun, here's my current tumour marker graph:

Changing pain medication

I didn't realize that it had been a month since I last posted here. Clearly there's not much going on in my life these days.

One change is that I saw my family doctor last week so that he could see how I was doing and I asked to change pain medication. I'd been wearing the fentanyl patches for some number of years and lately especially I've been getting a heat rash - or prickly heat - under the patches. This happens when sweat has nowhere to go so it goes back into the skin, causing the sweat glands to be blocked and thus causing the rash. The rashes have been getting worse since the brand of generic patch changed but it was happening before that just because I sweat so much.

My family doctor agreed to put me on OxyNeo at about 3/4 the equivalent dose to my patch dose. I have no idea how much of the patch dose I was getting - it won't all go through the sweat or rash, so I don't know if I was getting 100% of the dose. I took the patches off and started taking the new pain medication on Thursday night.

It turns out that I was getting more than 75% of the dose so over the last few days I've been going through some mild withdrawal symptoms. The biggest symptom I had was what I call "woogly back" or Restless Leg Syndrome in my back (apparently it happens, although it's rare). I managed to deal with most of this with percocet in the first couple of days, to make the reduction in painkiller more tapered, and clonazepam in the days afterwards. I've also been experiencing some mild depression and lethargy.

Today was the first day that I didn't have woogles or need to take the clonazepam, and I discovered that this painkiller level isn't enough to deal with my pain. Starting this afternoon, the pain started. It isn't a a stabbing pain, but a light twingy, squeezy pain. Sigh.

So although I was really, really trying to make this level of painkiller work by not supplementing it with anything else, I'm not going to fool around with pain - once pain starts, it's harder to control so it's better to get ahead of it. I called the doctor earlier today, before the pain started, to let him know about the mild withdrawal and that I was doing ok so far but I'll have to call in the next couple of days once I've got the pain under control to see just how much I need to bump up the amount of painkiller.

On the bright side, I'm sweating less and I now definitely know that I still need the painkiller, even though the sternum is healing. I'll be very happy to leave this transition period with its woogles and lethargy and depression behind, however. This hasn't been an enjoyable few days.