Up until yesterday I thought that I might possibly get off easy with respect to side effects. I thought that maybe, since the treatment was so targeted, I wouldn't have too much pain or fatigue. So much for that; I'm definitely noticing side effects today.
It could be that I overdid it yesterday (Gozer decided that she needed a 4km walk in the rain yesterday afternoon), or it could be that the mild lymphedema swelling which extends to my chest and side is increasing the side effects, or it could be that this is naturally when the side effects really start to show up. Or it could be a combination of these or other factors; whatever the immediate cause, I'm noticing a marked uptick in sternal pain. My sternum is now achy much of the time and gives me occasional sharper pain. The pain is somewhat dulled because of my regular painkillers but it's definitely there.
To manage the pain I'm taking additional painkillers, which increases the fatigue I'm also experiencing. As I write this I'm thinking I'll need to make dinner soon and the thought of getting up and doing all of that - including all that standing - is exhausting. I don't know that I can sleep but I want to try... Even if "trying" is just zoning out in front of the TV.
I did do my lymphatic massage exercises this afternoon. Hopefully that will diminish whatever impact the lymph fluid buildup is having on the side effects.
Thursday, March 02, 2017
Wednesday, March 01, 2017
Side effect update
I hadn't realized that it's been so long since my last post - the days have just flown by! I've actually been feeling ok overall. Of course I'm taking it very easy and I'm not really pushing myself; at the slightest hint of pain I take painkillers (it's better to deal with it early than try to treat it when it's raging) and I rest if I feel even a bit tired. Honestly, though, I haven't had as much pain or fatigue as I expected and my esophagus isn't bothering me. My lymphedema is acting up a bit which is no surprise, but the swelling is mild and easily controlled.
Ian's been so supportive also and has sent me to rest if I even look tired. He's also spent some time doing some of the things I normally do so I don't have quite so much on my plate. I really appreciate his help and support; I would have a tough time without it.
My sisters asked great questions that I think most of you will be curious about as well. One asked how long the doctor said it would be until I feel like my old self again. The answer is that the bulk of the side effects should be gone after a month or so. The fatigue can linger longer than that but I should be feeling pretty normal after a month. I'll be seeing the radiation oncologist for a follow-up on March 23 (four weeks after treatment ended) to see how I'm doing.
My other sister asked when will they know if it worked as well as they hoped. We'll know whether the treatment worked when we do my regular scans in the summer. There's no point in doing scans right now because things tend to get worse before they get better, and I don't mind waiting that long to be sure. We may see other indications that the treatment worked before the summer scans: for example, the pain and my tumour markers will decrease after a possible initial increase. I see my regular oncologist next week and I've already done my tumour marker bloodwork already so we'll see where it is.
If you have questions about any part of this, please ask them either in the comments or by emailing/texting/messaging me. If you're wondering about something, someone else will also be wondering
Ian's been so supportive also and has sent me to rest if I even look tired. He's also spent some time doing some of the things I normally do so I don't have quite so much on my plate. I really appreciate his help and support; I would have a tough time without it.
My sisters asked great questions that I think most of you will be curious about as well. One asked how long the doctor said it would be until I feel like my old self again. The answer is that the bulk of the side effects should be gone after a month or so. The fatigue can linger longer than that but I should be feeling pretty normal after a month. I'll be seeing the radiation oncologist for a follow-up on March 23 (four weeks after treatment ended) to see how I'm doing.
My other sister asked when will they know if it worked as well as they hoped. We'll know whether the treatment worked when we do my regular scans in the summer. There's no point in doing scans right now because things tend to get worse before they get better, and I don't mind waiting that long to be sure. We may see other indications that the treatment worked before the summer scans: for example, the pain and my tumour markers will decrease after a possible initial increase. I see my regular oncologist next week and I've already done my tumour marker bloodwork already so we'll see where it is.
If you have questions about any part of this, please ask them either in the comments or by emailing/texting/messaging me. If you're wondering about something, someone else will also be wondering
Friday, February 24, 2017
More than just tired
I hadn't planned on writing anything today but I've been feeling tired and it's affecting me in ways I'd forgotten it did so I thought I would write about that. I could pass it off as being cranky, which is how I think it comes across to other people, but it feels a bit different than just being cranky. To me, I'm reacting in "easy" ways, following well-established emotional pathways because I'm too tired to try to react in another way.
There are two main emotional pathways at work: anger and depression. For much of my life I've had anger issues; pretty much any negative emotion I might have translates into anger, and although I've done a lot of work in that area, those original pathways and reactions are still there and easy to find. Therefore, when I'm really tired and something doesn't work like I think it should, I feel this huge anger. Some of that reaction is that I have limited energy and can only imagine things going one way; any deviation from that and poof! I'm feeling angry.
I've also been depressed for much of my life, so that's an easy pathway to find as well. After my primary breast cancer in 2000, I had huge cognitive issues and spent a lot of time feeling really stupid. For whatever reason, that particular reaction is now the "easiest" one. If I get mixed up, I automatically assume it's me being stupid and that just leads to thoughts like "I can't do anything right" and "I feel like I'm pointless" and "why am I even here?" and poof! I'm feeling depressed.
This isn't to say that these reactions are always there, or that I stay in them because I have done a lot of work in these areas. But they are the "easiest" reactions and it takes work to pull away from them and it's harder to do that work when I'm really tired. At least I can see these reactions happening, which is a big help because then I know that my brain is just taking the easy route.
There are two main emotional pathways at work: anger and depression. For much of my life I've had anger issues; pretty much any negative emotion I might have translates into anger, and although I've done a lot of work in that area, those original pathways and reactions are still there and easy to find. Therefore, when I'm really tired and something doesn't work like I think it should, I feel this huge anger. Some of that reaction is that I have limited energy and can only imagine things going one way; any deviation from that and poof! I'm feeling angry.
I've also been depressed for much of my life, so that's an easy pathway to find as well. After my primary breast cancer in 2000, I had huge cognitive issues and spent a lot of time feeling really stupid. For whatever reason, that particular reaction is now the "easiest" one. If I get mixed up, I automatically assume it's me being stupid and that just leads to thoughts like "I can't do anything right" and "I feel like I'm pointless" and "why am I even here?" and poof! I'm feeling depressed.
This isn't to say that these reactions are always there, or that I stay in them because I have done a lot of work in these areas. But they are the "easiest" reactions and it takes work to pull away from them and it's harder to do that work when I'm really tired. At least I can see these reactions happening, which is a big help because then I know that my brain is just taking the easy route.
Thursday, February 23, 2017
And... done!
Whoo hoo! Radiation treatment is finished! When I got home after treatment this morning I did a song and dance about being finished radiation because I was so happy.
In all my excitement about finishing treatment, I forgot to take my morning painkiller and I am paying for that now with pain and a woogly back. It's not the end of the world but I do feel like an idiot - I can take care of myself, really I can. Really.
Today's treatment went really, really well. I didn't have to be told to breathe deeper at all and I did a great job of holding my breath. I made sure to fully relax after they got me into position, before they started treatment, and between breath holds. It turns out that all that meditation and mindfulness training I did comes in handy!
I didn't do anything crazy to relax - there was no "breathe in through one nostril and out through the other" (although I can do that). I just closed my eyes and imagined myself being heavy and sinking into the surface... as if I was lying on a towel on a sunny beach. Then I imagined the CT scanner "whoosh-whoosh" around me and imagined myself sort of rocking and floating to that noise - kind of like I was rocking in a straight hammock and on a magic carpet. Weird, I know, but somehow that worked for me.
When I finished the nurses told me that the radiation will continue to affect me and that I can expect side effects like difficulty swallowing due to radiation affecting the esophagus and fatigue. I told them about the prescription I didn't wait for and they said it would be in my file so when I need it to just call in and ask them to send it to the pharmacy. They also said to listen to my body and sleep when I need to.
I am very, very tired. Some of that is undoubtedly the forgotten painkiller, and some of it will be having gotten up for my 7am appointment, but there's a component of it that feels like radiation fatigue. I slept for a couple of hours this afternoon and when I'm done this I'll be having another nap.
My throat is also a tiny bit sore and I can feel that there's some rawness when I swallow. I'm not having real trouble yet but if it gets too much worse I'll need to get that Magic Mouthwash prescription filled.
My sternum is also very tender to the touch and hurts if I put any pressure on or near it - even wearing a seatbelt is a bit uncomfortable. I expect that to get worse before it gets better.
I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing and how much I'm affected by side effects. I don't expect to post every day but I hope to provide an update every other day or so.
In all my excitement about finishing treatment, I forgot to take my morning painkiller and I am paying for that now with pain and a woogly back. It's not the end of the world but I do feel like an idiot - I can take care of myself, really I can. Really.
Today's treatment went really, really well. I didn't have to be told to breathe deeper at all and I did a great job of holding my breath. I made sure to fully relax after they got me into position, before they started treatment, and between breath holds. It turns out that all that meditation and mindfulness training I did comes in handy!
I didn't do anything crazy to relax - there was no "breathe in through one nostril and out through the other" (although I can do that). I just closed my eyes and imagined myself being heavy and sinking into the surface... as if I was lying on a towel on a sunny beach. Then I imagined the CT scanner "whoosh-whoosh" around me and imagined myself sort of rocking and floating to that noise - kind of like I was rocking in a straight hammock and on a magic carpet. Weird, I know, but somehow that worked for me.
When I finished the nurses told me that the radiation will continue to affect me and that I can expect side effects like difficulty swallowing due to radiation affecting the esophagus and fatigue. I told them about the prescription I didn't wait for and they said it would be in my file so when I need it to just call in and ask them to send it to the pharmacy. They also said to listen to my body and sleep when I need to.
I am very, very tired. Some of that is undoubtedly the forgotten painkiller, and some of it will be having gotten up for my 7am appointment, but there's a component of it that feels like radiation fatigue. I slept for a couple of hours this afternoon and when I'm done this I'll be having another nap.
My throat is also a tiny bit sore and I can feel that there's some rawness when I swallow. I'm not having real trouble yet but if it gets too much worse I'll need to get that Magic Mouthwash prescription filled.
My sternum is also very tender to the touch and hurts if I put any pressure on or near it - even wearing a seatbelt is a bit uncomfortable. I expect that to get worse before it gets better.
I'll keep you posted on how I'm doing and how much I'm affected by side effects. I don't expect to post every day but I hope to provide an update every other day or so.
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Almost done
That's the fourth one done! I'm starting to feel really tired now, my sternum is starting to hurt and is extremely tender to the touch, and my esophagus is also feeling a bit raw. All of these side effects are expected and I think I can expect some to get worse over the coming days. I haven't seen any skin changes, which is good.
Today's treatment went a bit better for me. I did some practicing yesterday and I realized that the only way I could inflate my lungs enough and hold it was to be fully, completely relaxed before breathing in. I tried doing that today and it definitely made a difference: I had one segment where I didn't breathe in properly because I wasn't relaxed but the rest of the segments went as well as they did the first day. I told the nurses about how this worked for me so that they can give this information to other patients.
When I was getting put into position today, I looked at the linear accelerator and noticed that instead of seeing a rectangle of light, I saw a heart-like shape (a real heart with an aorta). On the sides of the opening are a series of rectangular lead things that can move horizontally between the side and the center so that they meet at the center. They can be moved so that the shape of radiation field is just right for each person. Once I realized that, I watched as the machine went over and around me and I saw the lead things moving continuously to change the shape of the field. Is that cool or what?
I saw the radiation oncologist today and she confirmed that the side effects I'm experiencing are normal and expected. She asked if I wanted a prescription for Magic Mouthwash and I said yes. I wasn't sure whether she was giving me a physical prescription or was just leaving it over at the pharmacy, so after waiting for about 10 minutes I was tired and left. I'm going to assume that the prescription is on file at the cancer center pharmacy - the only place where it can be filled, according to the oncologist, probably because it's made (compounded) specifically for the patient and they have the ingredients there.
When I got home I crashed. I'm going to take it very easy tonight and probably go to bed early.
Today's treatment went a bit better for me. I did some practicing yesterday and I realized that the only way I could inflate my lungs enough and hold it was to be fully, completely relaxed before breathing in. I tried doing that today and it definitely made a difference: I had one segment where I didn't breathe in properly because I wasn't relaxed but the rest of the segments went as well as they did the first day. I told the nurses about how this worked for me so that they can give this information to other patients.
When I was getting put into position today, I looked at the linear accelerator and noticed that instead of seeing a rectangle of light, I saw a heart-like shape (a real heart with an aorta). On the sides of the opening are a series of rectangular lead things that can move horizontally between the side and the center so that they meet at the center. They can be moved so that the shape of radiation field is just right for each person. Once I realized that, I watched as the machine went over and around me and I saw the lead things moving continuously to change the shape of the field. Is that cool or what?
I saw the radiation oncologist today and she confirmed that the side effects I'm experiencing are normal and expected. She asked if I wanted a prescription for Magic Mouthwash and I said yes. I wasn't sure whether she was giving me a physical prescription or was just leaving it over at the pharmacy, so after waiting for about 10 minutes I was tired and left. I'm going to assume that the prescription is on file at the cancer center pharmacy - the only place where it can be filled, according to the oncologist, probably because it's made (compounded) specifically for the patient and they have the ingredients there.
When I got home I crashed. I'm going to take it very easy tonight and probably go to bed early.
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Only two left
Well that's one more done! Although I had some coffee before heading to the appointment I still didn't breathe in quite enough. I found that I could tell when the machine was about to stop and I'd breathe in a little more deeply before they asked me to. They said they noticed me doing that and that they thought I was very smart for figuring this out.
When I got home I did some research on this holding my breath technique and it turns out that it has a name: Deep Inspiration Breath Hold (DIBH). Who knew? There's even been a review study about it saying that it is effective. That's good!
One thing my research discovered is that some treatment centers have ways of giving visual feedback so that the patient is better able to tell when they're doing it right. The best way of doing feedback hasn't been decided. Neither has the best instruction set. But they're getting there - this is a new technique, developed in the last six or seven years, and so of course it won't be perfect. I'm just thrilled that I get to do something new.
Side effect-wise, I'm doing ok. I'm a little tired and sleeping deeply at night, but I was also up before 7am. My sternum is sensitive and hurts occasionally (especially when Gozer steps on it!). I did the manual lymphatic massage exercises yesterday and they're definitely making a difference - my hand is smaller and my sweat and other excretions smell funny. At least the toxins are leaving me :)
When I got home I did some research on this holding my breath technique and it turns out that it has a name: Deep Inspiration Breath Hold (DIBH). Who knew? There's even been a review study about it saying that it is effective. That's good!
One thing my research discovered is that some treatment centers have ways of giving visual feedback so that the patient is better able to tell when they're doing it right. The best way of doing feedback hasn't been decided. Neither has the best instruction set. But they're getting there - this is a new technique, developed in the last six or seven years, and so of course it won't be perfect. I'm just thrilled that I get to do something new.
Side effect-wise, I'm doing ok. I'm a little tired and sleeping deeply at night, but I was also up before 7am. My sternum is sensitive and hurts occasionally (especially when Gozer steps on it!). I did the manual lymphatic massage exercises yesterday and they're definitely making a difference - my hand is smaller and my sweat and other excretions smell funny. At least the toxins are leaving me :)
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Side effect check
We've definitely enjoyed the glorious and spring-like weather on our long Gozer walks this weekend! Gozer has also very much enjoyed all the smells being released from the melting snow and all the mud and dirt and thaw by-products. She has a filthy belly!
Since I am able to go on these walks, it's safe to say that I'm feeling pretty good overall. Yes, I have some pain in my sternum, but it's easily controlled. Yes, I'm a bit tired but I don't think I'm much more tired than normal.
One side effect I hadn't anticipated that has shown up is that my lymphedema is flaring up a bit. It makes sense that this would happen: the lymphatic system transports cells to prevent infection and removes waste and will be heading for the treatment area. Since my lymph fluid doesn't drain very well on the lymphedema side when I'm not undergoing treatment, it's not going to drain well on that side when I am undergoing treatment. I need to do the manual lymphatic massage exercises I was given ages ago to help the fluid circulate.
The other side effect that has surprised me is anxiety attacks. I'll be sitting there when all of a sudden my heart starts pounding and I feel scared and shaky and I want to hide. I have self-care techniques to deal with these (mainly deep breathing, asking myself questions about what I'm feeling, and talking about it) but even so I'm not liking them. Ian pointed out that the cancer is much more top ofind than usual what with the treatment and pain. This makes sense as I'd kind of put the cancer mortality fears to bed, in a way. When nothing is happening it's easy to forget that something could happen, if that makes sense. If it comes to it I have medications I can take for this anxiety but I think I'll be ok.
I haven't experienced any other side effects so let's hope things stay that way :)
Since I am able to go on these walks, it's safe to say that I'm feeling pretty good overall. Yes, I have some pain in my sternum, but it's easily controlled. Yes, I'm a bit tired but I don't think I'm much more tired than normal.
One side effect I hadn't anticipated that has shown up is that my lymphedema is flaring up a bit. It makes sense that this would happen: the lymphatic system transports cells to prevent infection and removes waste and will be heading for the treatment area. Since my lymph fluid doesn't drain very well on the lymphedema side when I'm not undergoing treatment, it's not going to drain well on that side when I am undergoing treatment. I need to do the manual lymphatic massage exercises I was given ages ago to help the fluid circulate.
The other side effect that has surprised me is anxiety attacks. I'll be sitting there when all of a sudden my heart starts pounding and I feel scared and shaky and I want to hide. I have self-care techniques to deal with these (mainly deep breathing, asking myself questions about what I'm feeling, and talking about it) but even so I'm not liking them. Ian pointed out that the cancer is much more top ofind than usual what with the treatment and pain. This makes sense as I'd kind of put the cancer mortality fears to bed, in a way. When nothing is happening it's easy to forget that something could happen, if that makes sense. If it comes to it I have medications I can take for this anxiety but I think I'll be ok.
I haven't experienced any other side effects so let's hope things stay that way :)
Friday, February 17, 2017
And another one down
I had my second radiation treatment this morning at 8:30am. This morning's setup is getting to be kind of old hat to me now. I lie on a sheet on a hard-backed surface with my head in a depression and my hands holding the poles above my head. In the room are several lasers that project lines onto me and it's these, together with the little dot tattoos, that are used to get me lined up. To do that, they ask me to be heavy and they pull the sheet (and occasionally me) however they need to. While they're doing that, I stare either at my reflection in the radiation application machine (which is a linear accelerator) or up at the ceiling. They've got a couple of lighted panels of a garden with tulips and daffodils up there which is nice to look at.
Then when I'm in position, they take a few xrays to make sure I'm in the right place, move the surface around if needed, and give me the treatment. BTW, this video from BBC's Bang Goes the Theory gives a pretty good overview of how this type of treatment works.
It turns out that 8:30am is early for me as I'm not a morning person at all! I hadn't even had any coffee before treatment, which turned out to be a mistake.
I didn't do as well in the breath-holding department today as I did yesterday, even though the nurse said that I did much better than a lot of other people. Although I had no problem holding my breath for the required time, it turns out that I didn't expand my lungs enough and they had to ask me to breathe more deeply three times. I didn't understand what they were asking the first time so we had to stop that segment, and I ended up doing five breath-holding segments instead of yesterday's four. It's very important that I expanded my chest and abdomen the same amount because otherwise important organs like my heart will get in the way.
One reason I had trouble breathing in deeply was that I wasn't fully awake; another reason was that after I let my breath out, I developed a throbbing headache - probably due to caffeine withdrawal. Therefore, even though my next treatment on Tuesday will be at 7:30am, I must be sure to have some coffee before we get started.
Overall, I'm still feeling pretty good. Last night and this afternoon I was quite tired but that's not surprising what with getting up so early both days. This type of fatigue is different from radiation fatigue: radiation and chemotherapy fatigue feels like you've been hit by a truck and can't move, and I'm not there yet.
About an hour ago I did notice that my sternum was starting to hurt. At first I thought that the pain was all in my head but it's got worse so I think it's real. The pain is to be expected, and is a sign that the treatment is working. I also expect the pain to get worse before it gets better which I'm not terribly excited about but I'll manage.
Then when I'm in position, they take a few xrays to make sure I'm in the right place, move the surface around if needed, and give me the treatment. BTW, this video from BBC's Bang Goes the Theory gives a pretty good overview of how this type of treatment works.
It turns out that 8:30am is early for me as I'm not a morning person at all! I hadn't even had any coffee before treatment, which turned out to be a mistake.
I didn't do as well in the breath-holding department today as I did yesterday, even though the nurse said that I did much better than a lot of other people. Although I had no problem holding my breath for the required time, it turns out that I didn't expand my lungs enough and they had to ask me to breathe more deeply three times. I didn't understand what they were asking the first time so we had to stop that segment, and I ended up doing five breath-holding segments instead of yesterday's four. It's very important that I expanded my chest and abdomen the same amount because otherwise important organs like my heart will get in the way.
One reason I had trouble breathing in deeply was that I wasn't fully awake; another reason was that after I let my breath out, I developed a throbbing headache - probably due to caffeine withdrawal. Therefore, even though my next treatment on Tuesday will be at 7:30am, I must be sure to have some coffee before we get started.
Overall, I'm still feeling pretty good. Last night and this afternoon I was quite tired but that's not surprising what with getting up so early both days. This type of fatigue is different from radiation fatigue: radiation and chemotherapy fatigue feels like you've been hit by a truck and can't move, and I'm not there yet.
About an hour ago I did notice that my sternum was starting to hurt. At first I thought that the pain was all in my head but it's got worse so I think it's real. The pain is to be expected, and is a sign that the treatment is working. I also expect the pain to get worse before it gets better which I'm not terribly excited about but I'll manage.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
One down, four to go
Well that's one done. Today's radiation appointment was fairly straightforward. When I checked in I received my itinerary which showed that I'd be receiving five treatments altogether over the next five business days (Monday is a holiday). Then I spent 15 minutes talking to one of the nurses about what was coming. I only had one question: can I drive myself to appointments? She said that as long as I was feeling up to it, I could, and that the fatigue probably wouldn't kick in until after the treatments are finished.
Then I got changed and waited. The overall procedure was much the same as during the preparation. The main difference was the machines: instead of being in a CT scanner, I had an x-ray and the actual radiation delivery device.
Once they got me arranged and all lined up they took a couple of x-rays to make sure that I was lined up properly. And then the x-ray retracted and the radiation device lined up on the side.
Then they asked me to hold my breath while the machine rotated about 90deg from my side to about my midsection. We took a break and then I held my breath while the machine rotated to my other side. After that we repeated the process with the machine going the other way. I think if I could have held my breath for over a minute we wouldn't have needed a break but I'm happy with only holding it for 30 or 35 seconds at a time. Apparently I did a really good job of holding my abdomen perfectly still so that's great!
I was nervous driving to the hospital. It's a big change, after all, so it's no surprise that I'd be unsettled. Also, I'd seen my family doctor for my annual physical this morning and was tired out from that. I'd have changed that appointment but my stomach has been hurting again (probably due to long-term NSAID use) and I wanted to talk to him about it. He's sending me to a gastroenterologist.
Once I got there I felt less nervous, and then while the treatment went on I dozed off a bit. Most of my next treatments are early in the morning so I'll pretty much be able to roll out of bed and go.
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
This radiation party is about to start
I finally received a call from the radiation department this morning with good news: my first radiation appointment will be Thursday, February 16 at 3:15pm. I'm happy that this is finally happening because I was starting to wonder what was going on. I guess that they'll be using the breath-holding technique that we did during the radiation preparation appointment a couple of weeks ago.
The person who called also said that I'll receive a schedule for the treatments on that day so I am inferring that there will be more than one radiation treatment. I'll need to figure out transportation to and from the hospital; they typically don't want people driving themselves because of the fatigue associated with radiation. I expect I'd be fine to drive the first day as I don't think the fatigue starts right away but we'll see. It's kind of hard to make any arrangements without knowing how many treatments there will be or what time of the day they are. We'll figure it out.
So here we go!
The person who called also said that I'll receive a schedule for the treatments on that day so I am inferring that there will be more than one radiation treatment. I'll need to figure out transportation to and from the hospital; they typically don't want people driving themselves because of the fatigue associated with radiation. I expect I'd be fine to drive the first day as I don't think the fatigue starts right away but we'll see. It's kind of hard to make any arrangements without knowing how many treatments there will be or what time of the day they are. We'll figure it out.
So here we go!
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Radiation therapy preparation redux
Today's radiation therapy preparation went well, I think. You might remember that the oncologist hadn't been able to figure out a way to give me the treatments without affecting my heart and she wanted to try a different position for the radiation. Because the position is different, they need to repeat the CT scan and i went in at 7:45am this morning to do that.
While the basic procedure was the same as before - get me into the right position and lying still and then taking CT scans - the details differed. This time, they didn't use the bean bag mold thingy to hold me in position. Instead, I had to put my arms over my head, with my hand resting against poles situated above my head. I wasn't supposed to grip the poles because they wanted my arms relaxed (especially since I was in that position for a half-hour or so) so I ended up kind of resting the webbing between my thumb and forefinger against the poles with my thumbs straight and my fingers loosely curled around the poles.
I have a hard time raising my left arm (the side where my primary cancer was) over my head both because they took out lymph nodes in my armpit, leaving scar tissue and reducing mobility, and because I have lymphedema on that side, reducing mobility further. Therefore, the position wasn't what I'd call comfortable but it also wasn't unbearable.
Once they got me into the basic position they started finding all the alignment tattoos and pushing and pulling me into the exact position. Because I have the original alignment tattoos and they added new tattoos during the last preparation, they had to figure out which to use. The nurses ended up circling the ones to use and crossing out the other ones, and then taking photos of my tattoos for my chart.
After I was fully aligned in position, they put a small weight on my diaphragm so that they could see where my diaphragm was on the scan. Then we got started.
I spent the rest of the time lying in the CT scanner. The scanner itself is donut-shaped; the thing that scans goes around and around and around in the donut while the patient lies on a table in the middle of the donut. During an actual scan the scanner picks up speed but during all the waiting, it kept a slower pace and to me that pace sounded like whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh. I found this noise oddly calming, almost like water or fluid whooshing back and forth around me. Between that soothing noise and the fact that it was 8am, I dozed off a bit.
They did two CT scans, one with me just breathing normally and one with me holding my breath. They also had me practice holding my breath so that I was comfortable doing it in that position. I'd been practicing holding my breath since I got the call from the radiation oncologist but I hadn't been practicing with my arms above my head and a small weight on my diaphragm - and those do make holding my breath feel different.
When the nurse came to get me and we talked about what we were going to do, I told her that I'd been practicing holding my breath but feeling nervous about whether I was doing it right. She said to be sure to fill my lungs, not my belly, and to keep my back flat on the table. I kept these points in mind when I was holding my breath.
Basically, what I did was take a breath in, blow it alllllll out, and then breathe in slowly and completely, trying to fill my lungs from the bottom up. When I'd been practicing, I kept a count to see how long I was holding my breath so I did that during the radiation prep too. I didn't have to hold my breath for nearly as long as I can so I was pleased about that.
The nurses said that I'd done a good job holding my breath because I didn't move and because I'd got my diaphragm up really high. Hopefully this approach will work. They did say that there were still more approaches the radiation oncologist can take, so I'm not out of options here. That's a load off of my mind.
So now I just wait for someone to call me to either set up my first radiation appointment or to tell me that this approach won't work either and I need to go back for a third prep session.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Not quite the update I'd hoped to give
My radiation oncologist called today to tell me that she's been working on my treatment plan and is having trouble ensuring that the radiation beams don't hit my heart. Apparently my spot is quite close to my heart, which makes giving it radiation quite tricky. I don't want to have a damaged heart and if the radiation beams don't clear the heart, I'm looking at it being damaged.
She's not giving up yet, though! She asked if I can hold my breath for 30 seconds and I said yes (I checked afterwards and I can hold my breath for at least 40 seconds). She said she'd like to redo the CT prep with me holding my breath because apparently inflating the lungs pushes the heart out of the way. It's possible that this position and technique will give her the clearance she needs to give me these treatments. Of course I said yes I'd be willing to redo the scan and prep!
She also asked me to practice holding my breath as the longer I can hold my breath, the shorter each treatment will be. If I can only hold my breath for 10 seconds then they can only apply less than 10 seconds of radiation, after which they have to wait until I'm ready again. Of course if it had to go that slowly it would be ok but it's better if they have to stop less frequently.
A couple of hours later the nurse called with my new CT scan and prep appointment. It's scheduled for Tuesday, January 31 at 7:45am (eeep that's early!). Hopefully this approach will work.
She's not giving up yet, though! She asked if I can hold my breath for 30 seconds and I said yes (I checked afterwards and I can hold my breath for at least 40 seconds). She said she'd like to redo the CT prep with me holding my breath because apparently inflating the lungs pushes the heart out of the way. It's possible that this position and technique will give her the clearance she needs to give me these treatments. Of course I said yes I'd be willing to redo the scan and prep!
She also asked me to practice holding my breath as the longer I can hold my breath, the shorter each treatment will be. If I can only hold my breath for 10 seconds then they can only apply less than 10 seconds of radiation, after which they have to wait until I'm ready again. Of course if it had to go that slowly it would be ok but it's better if they have to stop less frequently.
A couple of hours later the nurse called with my new CT scan and prep appointment. It's scheduled for Tuesday, January 31 at 7:45am (eeep that's early!). Hopefully this approach will work.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Radiation therapy preparation
I think today's CT scan and marking, or radiation preparation, went well. I don't remember exactly what happened during my previous radiation prep treatments so I can't really say whether or not this one went better or worse than those ones.
When I got to the cancer center I hadn't realized that I didn't have to check in at the main desk so I wasted a little bit of time waiting in line there. Fortunately I wasn't late and my nurse was so it all worked out just fine.
The nurse started off by explaining what would happen: that they were positioning me to receive the radiation treatments with the help of a CT scanner and that I would have to lie very still. To help me lie still, they would be setting up a mold around me and they would be adding compression to my abdomen so that I didn't move much when I breathed. At this point we don't know how many treatments I will be receiving as the oncologist wanted to see the CT scan to see what was going on around my sternum. It will take an unknown amount of time to make all the calculations. I'll receive a call for the first appointment sometime and when I come to that appointment I'll get the the treatment schedule.
It sounds kind of loosey-goosey, doesn't it? Normally when people go in for radiation, they're told how many treatments they'll get. Then again, most people are receiving a standard radiation therapy treatment for their cancer, and in those cases everything is pretty much known. My treatment is customized for me and must take into account the amount of radiation I've received to that area already along with the arrangement of my organs and bones. Customizing something always takes longer than giving the standard thing.
After she talked to me she took a photo of my face for my file (apparently I've changed a little in the last decade), a second nurse came in, and we got started.
I laid on a narrow, hard CT scanning bed with laser lines projecting down onto me. One of them kept going into my eye so I ended up just keeping my eyes closed throughout. Some of my alignment marking tattoos from the first radiation treatments are still there and they used those to align me. It's an odd sensation, lying there still and heavy while they pushed and pulled me into position. Once I was fixed in place, they pushed what would become my individual mold close to me so that I couldn't move. Apparently this mold is like a giant beanbag with little styrofoam balls in it; to make the mold, they suck all the air out and presto-magico, instant mold! When I'm done with it they force air into it and it relaxes again, ready to be used again.
Once I was fixed into position, the oncologist came in and added the abdominal compression. She kept tightening it until my breathing was balanced between comfortable and uncomfortable. It's difficult to describe the feeling of trying to breathe when my abdomen was prevented from expanding. I could only take shallow breaths - taking deep breaths was really hard what with the big weight thingy on my abdomen - which led me to feel like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Then I would start to feel like I couldn't breathe and that I was starting to suffocate and I'd have to remind myself that I was getting enough oxygen and to relax. Keeping my eyes closed helped me stay calm, I think. So did all that meditation training - for a while I was doing that "breathe in through one nostril and out through the other" thing.
After all that, the CT scan started. This was just like other CT scans except that I didn't have to hold my breath and I didn't have to have any contrast injected into me. When the CT scan was done, the nurses came back, removed the abdominal compression, and made little x's where they wanted to place alignment tattoos. They gave me the little dot tattoos and let me go. The whole thing took about an hour.
I'm a little nervous about the treatment, I think. I was very chatty this morning (I get chatty when I'm nervous) and the nurse made it kind of clear that she just wanted me to be quiet and let them do their jobs. Closing my eyes helped me do that, too. I'm also having episodes where I'm feeling a bit depressed. I think I'm feeling this way because things are changing for me and I'm entering a new metastatic chapter. Add to that all the unknowns associated with this change and it's not surprising that I'm feeling a bit nervous and down. I'm not feeling so sad that it's a problem; it's just something I need to be aware of and I need to make sure I take care of myself.
After all this, the actual radiation sessions should be pretty quick and straightforward.
When I got to the cancer center I hadn't realized that I didn't have to check in at the main desk so I wasted a little bit of time waiting in line there. Fortunately I wasn't late and my nurse was so it all worked out just fine.
The nurse started off by explaining what would happen: that they were positioning me to receive the radiation treatments with the help of a CT scanner and that I would have to lie very still. To help me lie still, they would be setting up a mold around me and they would be adding compression to my abdomen so that I didn't move much when I breathed. At this point we don't know how many treatments I will be receiving as the oncologist wanted to see the CT scan to see what was going on around my sternum. It will take an unknown amount of time to make all the calculations. I'll receive a call for the first appointment sometime and when I come to that appointment I'll get the the treatment schedule.
It sounds kind of loosey-goosey, doesn't it? Normally when people go in for radiation, they're told how many treatments they'll get. Then again, most people are receiving a standard radiation therapy treatment for their cancer, and in those cases everything is pretty much known. My treatment is customized for me and must take into account the amount of radiation I've received to that area already along with the arrangement of my organs and bones. Customizing something always takes longer than giving the standard thing.
After she talked to me she took a photo of my face for my file (apparently I've changed a little in the last decade), a second nurse came in, and we got started.
I laid on a narrow, hard CT scanning bed with laser lines projecting down onto me. One of them kept going into my eye so I ended up just keeping my eyes closed throughout. Some of my alignment marking tattoos from the first radiation treatments are still there and they used those to align me. It's an odd sensation, lying there still and heavy while they pushed and pulled me into position. Once I was fixed in place, they pushed what would become my individual mold close to me so that I couldn't move. Apparently this mold is like a giant beanbag with little styrofoam balls in it; to make the mold, they suck all the air out and presto-magico, instant mold! When I'm done with it they force air into it and it relaxes again, ready to be used again.
Once I was fixed into position, the oncologist came in and added the abdominal compression. She kept tightening it until my breathing was balanced between comfortable and uncomfortable. It's difficult to describe the feeling of trying to breathe when my abdomen was prevented from expanding. I could only take shallow breaths - taking deep breaths was really hard what with the big weight thingy on my abdomen - which led me to feel like I wasn't getting enough oxygen. Then I would start to feel like I couldn't breathe and that I was starting to suffocate and I'd have to remind myself that I was getting enough oxygen and to relax. Keeping my eyes closed helped me stay calm, I think. So did all that meditation training - for a while I was doing that "breathe in through one nostril and out through the other" thing.
After all that, the CT scan started. This was just like other CT scans except that I didn't have to hold my breath and I didn't have to have any contrast injected into me. When the CT scan was done, the nurses came back, removed the abdominal compression, and made little x's where they wanted to place alignment tattoos. They gave me the little dot tattoos and let me go. The whole thing took about an hour.
I'm a little nervous about the treatment, I think. I was very chatty this morning (I get chatty when I'm nervous) and the nurse made it kind of clear that she just wanted me to be quiet and let them do their jobs. Closing my eyes helped me do that, too. I'm also having episodes where I'm feeling a bit depressed. I think I'm feeling this way because things are changing for me and I'm entering a new metastatic chapter. Add to that all the unknowns associated with this change and it's not surprising that I'm feeling a bit nervous and down. I'm not feeling so sad that it's a problem; it's just something I need to be aware of and I need to make sure I take care of myself.
After all this, the actual radiation sessions should be pretty quick and straightforward.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Getting started
The cancer center called today asking if I could come in tomorrow morning at 8:15am for the CT scan and to get the markings. Of course I can! Let's get this stereotactic radiation therapy party started!
I've been waiting for this call - I had kind of expected that I'd hear from them before now but I guess my treatment isn't exactly urgent, given that my cancer has been stable for so long.
The appointment is supposed to take about an hour and fifteen minutes. I don't know when the actual treatments will start but I expect it'll be a matter of days rather than weeks.
I've been waiting for this call - I had kind of expected that I'd hear from them before now but I guess my treatment isn't exactly urgent, given that my cancer has been stable for so long.
The appointment is supposed to take about an hour and fifteen minutes. I don't know when the actual treatments will start but I expect it'll be a matter of days rather than weeks.
Friday, December 30, 2016
A proper subscription box!
I've (finally) added a subscription box over at the side there so that you can be notified when I've written a new post instead of having to check back all the time. I don't see myself posting every day so I don't think you'll be overwhelmed with posts. Thank you for your support!
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Consultation for a new treatment
Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? I meant to post more but then it got away from me. So much of this blog, in the early days, was to keep my family updated about my life but now I mostly keep in touch with family via social media. The other main purpose of this blog was to chronicle my life with cancer and there really hasn't been anything new on that front.
Until now. But it's a good new thing! Sort of.
What's happened is that the metastatic cancer spot on my sternum showed additional takeup on my annual bone scan in August over the August, 2015 scan (the one from the previous year). The way the scan works is they inject me with a radioactive tracer which settles in my bones. Areas where there's more tracer have additional takeup, and this means that some kind of activity is going on there. We redid the scan in November and it showed the same amount of additional takeup over the scan from August, 2015.
Between the scan results and the fact that I've been experiencing additional pain in my sternum over the last eight months or so, it's reasonable to conclude that my spot is starting to be active again. There are no other spots showing up in any other area: the only active area is this spot on my sternum.
So my oncologist suggested that we see if we can get rid of it with a type of focused radiation called stereotactic body radiotherapy (SBRT) (aka stereotactic ablation radiotherapy, or SABR). In this treatment, the tumour/lesion/spot is basically burned out and because the radiation is focused, there isn't as much damage to surrounding tissue. My cancer centre recently got the equipment to do this type of treatment so it could be done locally. She sent me for a consultation with a radiation oncologist, who I saw today.
I am a candidate for the SBRT because my sternum hasn't received the maximum lifetime dose of radiation. Apparently, although SBRT is in use throughout the body - including in the brain, liver, and lungs - and it's been extremely well-studied in all those places, it's less well-studied in bones. This doesn't mean that it won't work, just that the benefits and side effects aren't quite as well-understood. I didn't see this as a reason to not do it.
Benefits of the treatment is that it'll take my spot out, which will reduce the amount of metastatic cancer in my body. Yay! The radiation oncologist also indicated that I should see reduced pain in the sternum after the initial spike. Yay again! Side effects of the treatment include fatigue, initial increased pain, and possible tissue damage. Side effects from that tissue damage depend on which tissue is damaged, but can include heartburn, lung damage, rib damage, etc. One other side effect is that my sternum will become very fragile so it could break more easily.
The radiation oncologist has to check what doses I've received and where and make up a plan for me but she thinks that I'll get one or two treatments. I'll need a CT scan for positioning (applying radiation has to be a very thorough and detailed process to minimize tissue damage.
I'll be posting updates about the this treatment and side effects so watch this space for more details.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Gozer update
It's been a while again, hasn't it? Pretty much all of my time and energy has gone towards Gozer and her training. She was having a much easier time at night once we stopped making her sleep in her crate. She's been sleeping on a comforter on the floor that used to be on our bed so it smells like us (even to the untrained human nose).
I forgot to give her the Clomicalm late last week and we've had some problems with her being restless and demanding to sleep on the bed beside me since then. We've also set up an exercise pen (xpen) in the bedroom so that she can become desensitized to it. We're both going to be traveling in a few weeks and Gozer can't just sleep any old place on the floor while we're away, so we're hoping she'll sleep in the xpen. Before we can get her to sleep in there, she needs to see it as just another piece of furniture.
We've also been working on training Gozer and getting her used to me moving away from her while she's in an xpen in the great room. Training is a lot of a work! Fortunately, Gozer's doing well. One game she really loves is Find It, where we put kibbles under a 500mL yoghurt or cottage cheese container (or two) and she has to sniff them out and get to them. She is very good at turning these containers over. Of course this means that these containers aren't safe on the floor because she'll try and find kibble under them.
I hope that Gozer continues to improve. At least we have an awesome (and very patient) trainer helping us with Gozer. She's made this training easier than I thought it would be and she's got good tips and ideas.
I forgot to give her the Clomicalm late last week and we've had some problems with her being restless and demanding to sleep on the bed beside me since then. We've also set up an exercise pen (xpen) in the bedroom so that she can become desensitized to it. We're both going to be traveling in a few weeks and Gozer can't just sleep any old place on the floor while we're away, so we're hoping she'll sleep in the xpen. Before we can get her to sleep in there, she needs to see it as just another piece of furniture.
We've also been working on training Gozer and getting her used to me moving away from her while she's in an xpen in the great room. Training is a lot of a work! Fortunately, Gozer's doing well. One game she really loves is Find It, where we put kibbles under a 500mL yoghurt or cottage cheese container (or two) and she has to sniff them out and get to them. She is very good at turning these containers over. Of course this means that these containers aren't safe on the floor because she'll try and find kibble under them.
I hope that Gozer continues to improve. At least we have an awesome (and very patient) trainer helping us with Gozer. She's made this training easier than I thought it would be and she's got good tips and ideas.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Bark bark bark bark
Have I mentioned that Gozer is barking at night? Sometimes she only barks a little at around 1am and then around 5am, and sometimes she barks a lot - the night before last she barked continuously from 11pm until 7am - but she barks at night. It's exhausting for all three of us.
I don't know exactly when the barking started - I'm too tired to remember much - but I do remember it was around the grooming before last, which was a couple of weeks after we got the new bed. The new bed is higher than the old one so it's possible that part of the problem is that she could no longer see us at night. It's also possible that something freaked her out at the groomer's (they put her in a crate for part of her visit there). It's possible that her cataract is bigger, which means she's not seeing as well at night. There are a lot of possible reasons for the barking. I think something - any one of those possibilities, or something I haven't thought of - triggered the night barking and now we're in this terrible cycle that we just need to break somehow.
It's not like we haven't tried to stop the barking. We've tried:
- moving her crate into a different spot in the bedroom
- moving her crate into the living room (where it was when we first got her)
- playing doggie sleepy music
- putting a thundershirt on her
- keeping a light on
- keeping the lights off (including closing the door on the pepper seedling lamp)
- tiring her out with a brisk walk before bedtime
Nothing really helps. She just keeps barking: barkbarkbark pantpantpant barkbarkbark pantpantpant barkbark in this frantic barking and panting cycle all night long. Ian's parents succeeded in shutting her up by playing late-night talk shows but that required them to also be awake and that's not a long-term solution.
I took her in to see the vet today because we're at our wit's end. All three of us are exhausted. The vet thinks thinks that there's a separation anxiety component to this and that we need to stop it as soon as possible. Therefore, we're going with a multi-pronged strategy involving pheromones, drugs, food, and training.
The pheromone is Dog Appeasing Pheromone (DAP), which is a synthetic version of the one mommy dogs send out to calm their pups and that has apparently been shown to calm some dogs. At this point, I figure it's worth trying because maybe it'll work with Gozer. I bought an Adaptil plug-in diffuser that we're putting near her crate, a spray that can be used on both her bedding and thundershirt, and a collar for when she gets to stay somewhere else.
The drug is Clomicalm (clomipramine), a tri-cyclic antidepressant, which will help to reduce anxiety in general. I don't love giving Gozer drugs but it's clear that she's distressed and unhappy and I want life to be good for her, too. We'll wean her off this drug as soon as possible after the situation is under control.
The food is Royal Canin Calm, a food that boosts serotonin production and that should help to reduce anxiety. It's the same manufacturer as her current food and is a urinary-reduction food like her current food.
The training is separation-anxiety reducing training, which means that I need to work on getting her less attached to me, getting her more independent and more confident by practicing more basic training (stay and come, for example), and to break the associations with bedtime. Normally with dogs that have separation anxiety if their owner leaves, the owner breaks the associations with leaving by doing parts of the leaving routine out of order or without leaving, and then leaving the dog for longer and longer. So we'll (or I'll) need to practice the bedtime routine all out of order and at weird times of the day. This is not going to be easy, because she barks when we leave, too. But let's get the night barking problem under control first.
The vet also suggested moving the crate back into the bedroom and to raise the crate so that she can see us at night to eliminate that part of the equation. We're trying that tonight.
I don't know exactly when the barking started - I'm too tired to remember much - but I do remember it was around the grooming before last, which was a couple of weeks after we got the new bed. The new bed is higher than the old one so it's possible that part of the problem is that she could no longer see us at night. It's also possible that something freaked her out at the groomer's (they put her in a crate for part of her visit there). It's possible that her cataract is bigger, which means she's not seeing as well at night. There are a lot of possible reasons for the barking. I think something - any one of those possibilities, or something I haven't thought of - triggered the night barking and now we're in this terrible cycle that we just need to break somehow.
It's not like we haven't tried to stop the barking. We've tried:
- moving her crate into a different spot in the bedroom
- moving her crate into the living room (where it was when we first got her)
- playing doggie sleepy music
- putting a thundershirt on her
- keeping a light on
- keeping the lights off (including closing the door on the pepper seedling lamp)
- tiring her out with a brisk walk before bedtime
Nothing really helps. She just keeps barking: barkbarkbark pantpantpant barkbarkbark pantpantpant barkbark in this frantic barking and panting cycle all night long. Ian's parents succeeded in shutting her up by playing late-night talk shows but that required them to also be awake and that's not a long-term solution.
I took her in to see the vet today because we're at our wit's end. All three of us are exhausted. The vet thinks thinks that there's a separation anxiety component to this and that we need to stop it as soon as possible. Therefore, we're going with a multi-pronged strategy involving pheromones, drugs, food, and training.
The pheromone is Dog Appeasing Pheromone (DAP), which is a synthetic version of the one mommy dogs send out to calm their pups and that has apparently been shown to calm some dogs. At this point, I figure it's worth trying because maybe it'll work with Gozer. I bought an Adaptil plug-in diffuser that we're putting near her crate, a spray that can be used on both her bedding and thundershirt, and a collar for when she gets to stay somewhere else.
The drug is Clomicalm (clomipramine), a tri-cyclic antidepressant, which will help to reduce anxiety in general. I don't love giving Gozer drugs but it's clear that she's distressed and unhappy and I want life to be good for her, too. We'll wean her off this drug as soon as possible after the situation is under control.
The food is Royal Canin Calm, a food that boosts serotonin production and that should help to reduce anxiety. It's the same manufacturer as her current food and is a urinary-reduction food like her current food.
The training is separation-anxiety reducing training, which means that I need to work on getting her less attached to me, getting her more independent and more confident by practicing more basic training (stay and come, for example), and to break the associations with bedtime. Normally with dogs that have separation anxiety if their owner leaves, the owner breaks the associations with leaving by doing parts of the leaving routine out of order or without leaving, and then leaving the dog for longer and longer. So we'll (or I'll) need to practice the bedtime routine all out of order and at weird times of the day. This is not going to be easy, because she barks when we leave, too. But let's get the night barking problem under control first.
The vet also suggested moving the crate back into the bedroom and to raise the crate so that she can see us at night to eliminate that part of the equation. We're trying that tonight.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Metal forming classes
I spent the last week in Albuquerque at Rio Grande, my favourite jewellery supplier, taking classes forming metal using miniature stakes. The classes used the super-awesome Fretz hammers and stakes and were taught by Bill Fretz himself! That probably doesn't mean anything to you but he's one of the "rock stars" of the business, and the hammers and stakes he's designed are the best. The opportunity to spend a week learning from him how to use the hammers and stakes he designed to form metal was just too good to pass up.
Albuquerque is located in a high-altitude desert and it was very hot and windy. The plants were quite different from what we have in Southern Ontario - I had no idea that yuccas grew so tall! - but they were beautiful in their own way. I spent my last morning there at the local botanical garden in the Southwest US section but those are pictures for another post.
Today I want to show off what I made during the week. We practiced on circular tubes of varying widths and diameters; most often, we sawed the finished forms open to make cuffs. We used brass for almost everything. Almost all of my pieces still need polishing - but these were metal forming classes, not metal polishing classes, and I wanted to make the best possible use of my time. I can polish things at the studio if I want to.
In the first class, Forming metal with miniature stakes, we learned how to control the hammers - not only to hit what you're aiming for, but how to hit with the right amount of force - then how to make concave forms, how to make convex forms, and how to add fluting (ridges).
Whew! We did a lot in those two days!
In the second class, Continuing metal forming, we focused mainly on fluting: adding it in different directions, to different shapes, and we used fine silver for a couple of pieces.
We didn't do as many pieces over these three days because the fluting takes quite a bit more time to do than it does to make a convex (synclastic) or concave (anticlastic) cuff.
I loved these classes, although I found the week exhausting. Hammering and learning are both very tiring! I really, really, really love the process of forming these pieces and I will be purchasing the equipment to continue learning. I may end up practicing in copper instead of brass, just as I've been doing with the foldforming. I don't know exactly where these techniques will take me but I am bursting with ideas and I'm excited to get to work on realizing them.
(updated to include starting blank measurements and background repeat, as well as formatting).
Albuquerque is located in a high-altitude desert and it was very hot and windy. The plants were quite different from what we have in Southern Ontario - I had no idea that yuccas grew so tall! - but they were beautiful in their own way. I spent my last morning there at the local botanical garden in the Southwest US section but those are pictures for another post.
Today I want to show off what I made during the week. We practiced on circular tubes of varying widths and diameters; most often, we sawed the finished forms open to make cuffs. We used brass for almost everything. Almost all of my pieces still need polishing - but these were metal forming classes, not metal polishing classes, and I wanted to make the best possible use of my time. I can polish things at the studio if I want to.
In the first class, Forming metal with miniature stakes, we learned how to control the hammers - not only to hit what you're aiming for, but how to hit with the right amount of force - then how to make concave forms, how to make convex forms, and how to add fluting (ridges).
 |
Back row, L-R:
- learning hammer control by planinshing (hammering lightly using overlapping blows to smooth out the metal and harden it) on a cuff made from a 7/8" wide by 2" diameter blank - a concave (also known as anticlastic) cuff made from the same blank - a wider oncave cuff made from a 1 1/2" wide by 2 1/4" blank
Front row, L-R:
- a large convex (domed, also known as synclastic) unopened cuff made from a 7/8" wide by 2 1/4" diameter blank - a small convex ring made from a 1/2" wide by 1" diameter blank - a convex fluted (ridged) unopened cuff made from the 7/8" wide by 2" diameter blank - a small concave ring thing whose sides have been completely folded over made from a 1/2" wide by 1 1/4" diameter blank
Not shown:
- a wiggly convex fluted form (I forgot to bring it home) For reference, the background plaid has a repeat of about 5 1/8" in each direction. |
Whew! We did a lot in those two days!
In the second class, Continuing metal forming, we focused mainly on fluting: adding it in different directions, to different shapes, and we used fine silver for a couple of pieces.
 |
| Back row, L-R: - a concave fluted unopened cuff made from a 7/8" wide by 2 1/4" diameter blank - a 2 1/2" diameter bracelet made by closing this wiggly 1 1/4" wide by 8 1/2" long blank into a ring, making it concave, and then folding the sides over to meet - a wide flat unopened cuff with fluting running around the cuff whose sides were flared upwards, made from 1 1/2" wide by 2 1/4" diameter blank Front row, L-R: - a 2" diameter disk that is domed and then fluted - a slightly convex fine silver cuff made from a 7/8" wide by 6 1/2" long blank that is closed, formed, and then cut open - a wide convex fine silver form with fluting running around the piece and the sides flared upwards made from a 1 1/4" wide by 6 1/2" long blank that is closed, formed, and then cut open For reference, the background plaid has a repeat of about 5 1/8" in each direction |
We didn't do as many pieces over these three days because the fluting takes quite a bit more time to do than it does to make a convex (synclastic) or concave (anticlastic) cuff.
I loved these classes, although I found the week exhausting. Hammering and learning are both very tiring! I really, really, really love the process of forming these pieces and I will be purchasing the equipment to continue learning. I may end up practicing in copper instead of brass, just as I've been doing with the foldforming. I don't know exactly where these techniques will take me but I am bursting with ideas and I'm excited to get to work on realizing them.
(updated to include starting blank measurements and background repeat, as well as formatting).
Saturday, May 07, 2016
Met Gala 2016 Red Carpet
The Met Gala is the annual fundraiser for the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume. Each year the Institute hosts an exhibition based on a theme, and the Gala is the opening night for the exhibit.
This year's theme is Manus x Machina: Fashion in the age of technology. Now that's an exciting theme, isn't it? Technology plays an integral role in clothing production but at the couture level, technology is less present. This exhibit "will explore how fashion designers are reconciling the handmade and the machine-made in the creation of haute couture and avant-garde ready-to-wear." according to the exhibit home page.
Anna Wintour chairs the Gala and determines everything from the guest list to guest arrival times; see this article for an excellent description of what she does. People from Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Prada are also involved in the event and therefore, many attendees wore Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Prada.
Many of the Gala attendees dress to the theme, although some choose just to wear a formal outfit. Many appeared to interpret the technology theme as either "futuristic" or "armour" and so there are a lot of silver sequinned outfits. Others clearly stuck to the "fashion" part of the theme, and many of those outfits sport a lot of feathers. Apparently nothing says "fashion" like feathers.
Regardless of the adherence to the theme, the outfits worn at this event were so interesting and unusual that I wanted to comment on them. I didn't include every outfit that appeared on the red carpet; a celebrity wearing a pretty dress is just not so interesting to me, especially when there are so many other interesting and unusual outfits to look at.
See the ones I included in this picture-heavy post after the jump.
This year's theme is Manus x Machina: Fashion in the age of technology. Now that's an exciting theme, isn't it? Technology plays an integral role in clothing production but at the couture level, technology is less present. This exhibit "will explore how fashion designers are reconciling the handmade and the machine-made in the creation of haute couture and avant-garde ready-to-wear." according to the exhibit home page.
Anna Wintour chairs the Gala and determines everything from the guest list to guest arrival times; see this article for an excellent description of what she does. People from Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Prada are also involved in the event and therefore, many attendees wore Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Prada.
Many of the Gala attendees dress to the theme, although some choose just to wear a formal outfit. Many appeared to interpret the technology theme as either "futuristic" or "armour" and so there are a lot of silver sequinned outfits. Others clearly stuck to the "fashion" part of the theme, and many of those outfits sport a lot of feathers. Apparently nothing says "fashion" like feathers.
Regardless of the adherence to the theme, the outfits worn at this event were so interesting and unusual that I wanted to comment on them. I didn't include every outfit that appeared on the red carpet; a celebrity wearing a pretty dress is just not so interesting to me, especially when there are so many other interesting and unusual outfits to look at.
See the ones I included in this picture-heavy post after the jump.
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