My fun day out

I was feeling ok this morning so I was able to go out shopping with my friend - and enjoy it! I had a great time shopping and catching up with her today. She's starting a new job and needed a few pieces to round out her work wardrobe. Before we set out we went through her existing wardrobe so that we knew exactly what she needed: at least one pair of pants and tops with some colour.

We managed to find exactly what she was looking for at the Jones New York outlet! I was very impressed with their selection and the fit of their clothes because the clothes are made to fit real women with real curves. The pants she bought fit her perfectly and were very attractive and slimming (and on sale!). She also found a few tops in brighter colours that fit her very well and are flattering. Everything she bought coordinates with her existing wardrobe so now she has lots of mix and match wardrobe options. She'll be well-dressed and gorgeous at her job.

We had a light lunch while we were out and unfortunately the nausea returned afterward. I did have a yummy brownie that had a lot of fat in it so I wonder if there's something going on with my gallbladder or something. One of my sisters had hers out years ago because it wasn't working and if I remember rightly, she had symptoms similar to mine: nausea that almost feels like you should eat but if you do (or if I drink water) it gets worse, plus some abdominal pain. The pain isn't that bad but it's there sometimes.

My system does tend to be delicate so it's possible that it's out of balance somehow and that's what's causing the problem. I did have some pain a few days ago and had to take extra painkillers which may have caused some extra constipation even though I don't think I'm constipated. Whatever is causing this nausea, I wish it would stop because it's interfering with my life.

Who's sick in this house?

I didn't call my oncologist today. I kind of knew that I wouldn't because I was supposed to meet up with a friend to go shopping and I wouldn't be home for them to call me back. Then I ended up feeling really nauseous and postponing my outing until tomorrow. So while I could have called my oncologist, I didn't because I felt so awful.

I'm feeling better now. I have no idea what was wrong; maybe constipation? something I ate? who knows. I'll call my oncologist on Monday, however. I noticed this morning that the left breast has changed shape a little bit, probably because of the reddish-purple bumps which are probably sarcoidosis, and that's something that I've been told not to ignore. I'm not going to stress about it but I'll definitely call on Monday.

We also noticed a bump on Gozer's chin that we haven't seen before, and I noticed a bump on the roof of her mouth right behind her teeth. I'm seeing the vet on Friday to finish off our behaviour modification program but if the bumps are still there on Monday I think I'll try to get her in to see the vet early on in the week. I don't want my little furbaby getting sick!

I'm looking forward to going out tomorrow. I haven't seen this person in ages and I'm not going to miss it tomorrow no matter how I feel.

More of that and some of this

I should really post more often so that I don't have these posts with multiple topics.

I'm resigning myself to never finishing the SAG awards red carpet post. I lost enough that going back and redoing it is more work than I want to do. I'm not looking at sparkly things on eBay these days... I'm looking at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's online catalogue. Pretty much everything they have, whether it's on display or not, is there. There's so much there; I've been spending hours just looking at twentieth century clothing and I've barely even scratched the surface of what's there.

My back has been hurting quite a lot. This morning it was quite bad until after my new painkiller patch (which went on late because I had to go and pick up the patches this morning) started working. I might have just overdone it yesterday when I took Gozer for a very long walk but that kind of response is unusual for the pain I've had in my back. Of course the pain there can change so I'm trying not to get too worried about it.

My sarcoidosis is also acting up: my lower left leg has lots of reddish-purple bumpy areas and I've got these areas also showing up on my left breast. That's the one that had the primary and recurrence cancers so I think it's about time that I call my oncologist. I wish I had a sarcoidosis specialist that I could call because I feel sort of weird about calling my oncologist about something that I think is probably sarcoidosis. I'll talk about my back as well.

Because my back was hurting so much today, I couldn't take Gozer for a walk this afternoon so I let her run around in the backyard  She loves it out there: we were out for 40 minutes this afternoon and she would have been happy to stay out there even longer. She especially likes playing chase with a rotted vegetable in her mouth. I have no idea why she's so attracted to the rotted vegetables, but she is: she not only holds them in her mouth and runs around with them, she eats them and rolls all over them with the same look on her face that she gets when we rub her belly and chest.

When she's finished with the rotted vegetables, she runs around nose to the ground searching for bunny poo. Did you know that bunny poo is the yummiest treat ever? I didn't, either. She loves the stuff and will happily root around in the lawn for the little poo balls. At first I thought she was eating berries because the little balls looked like blueberries but I was wrong (clearly it's a good thing I don't have to survive on my own in the woods).

Our dog has become comfortable being a dog here, which I love. She's very happy when she's eating all these unappetizing foods and they don't seem to have an adverse effect on her... but I think we're going to clean up the lawn and get rid of the rotting vegetables. She can do without that "tasty" treat.

Some of this and a pinch of that

Last night's Superbowl game was actually quite entertaining, especially in the fourth quarter. It was a very close game and there was a lot of edge-of-your-seat play going on. We watched the game at a friend's house last night with some other friends. I did as much catching up as I did watching the game, at least up until the final quarter. One friend of mine that I haven't seen in ages was there and it was great to catch up with her. I'm hoping to see her for a longer visit later this month.

I haven't done much work on the red carpet post because I'm still drawn to pictures of pretty, sparkling gemstones. So sparkly... so pretty... so expensive. The magpie in me just can't stay away! I do have to pull myself away to walk Gozer, of course. She can't go out on her own and she likes having a fairly stable routine so we have to go out for walks whether I want to go or not.

We took her on a huge walk on Saturday: it was so nice out there that we thought we'd go for an epic walk. She enjoyed herself very much as there were lots of good smells everywhere. She's still barking at other dogs when they walk by her even though we're sitting her down before she gets excited and shoveling treats in her mouth until the dog has passed. She rarely barks at dogs behind fences who are barking at her which is a huge step for her.

During Saturday's walk, a very big mutt was carrying a stick as he walked towards us and when he smelled the treats, he dropped the stick and shoved his face in to get some treats for himself. I wouldn't have responded well to someone coming in and wanting to take my food away so I wasn't surprised when Gozer barked like crazy. The dog seemed sad to have to pick up the stick and leave the treats because he really, really, really wanted one of those treats. We're a little surprised that more dogs haven't done something like that. Silly dogs.

I'm so lucky because I can look at pretty, sparkly things with Gozer sitting with me. If I'm sitting down and Ian's not home, Gozer is with me. Who wouldn't want to hang out with a cute, soft, cuddly dog?

Last Harry Potter movie

I was working on the red carpet post and while I thought I'd saved my work, the next time I opened the post those edits were gone. Wahh!!!! That should teach me to copy the work before closing it down and re-opening it. I'll have to go back and re-do a fair amount of work so I won't be able to get the red carpet post up until Monday or maybe Tuesday. We're out tomorrow evening to watch the Superbowl.

Tonight we finally got around to watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 and we didn't love it as much as most other people did. Maybe if we'd seen this movie in sequence with the other ones we might have enjoyed it more - but we think that each movie in the series should stand on its own. It wasn't even that this movie doesn't stand on its own: it picks up right where the last one left off with no reminders about what happened in the previous movie. We were lost because we couldn't remember what happened in the last movie.

We liked that the movie tied up loose ends but we weren't impressed with the story itself or the action. We had problems with the battle scenes in particular because we couldn't understand why certain things were happening. For example, why were giants there? Who got to do the flying thing? Where did those other people come from? I don't know. Maybe if we'd seen the other movies recently, all of these things would make sense. I think they're explained in the books but bringing in the end result without explaining how it got to be there isn't a good book-to-movie adaptation.

If you've seen all of the other Harry Potter movies and need to finish the movie experience, you'll want to see this movie. If you want to see a movie just for fun, this isn't a good choice.

Gozer is doing so well

I haven't been working on the red carpet post as much as I thought I would have because I got sucked into the world of eBay. There are pages and pages and pages of sparkly gemstones there that I couldn't resist looking at and, in some cases, buying.

I also went in to talk to the person at the vet's about Gozer and her behaviour modification program. She's doing really well: she's barking less at other dogs, she's whining much less, and she's calming down more easily. The person and I agreed that Gozer must have been very stressed at the groomers to not take her favourite treat, and we decided that this person will be there the next time Gozer gets groomed.

I also talked about how Gozer's behaviour at night has changed. I don't know if I mentioned this or not but Gozer clearly doesn't want to go on her evening walk with Ian. When he says, "walk," she turns towards me and climbs up me ass far as she can. Then when Ian guides her down to the floor, she runs around and under the coffee table to try and avoid Ian. After that, if Ian hasn't grabbed her collar, she runs to the other side of my chair and tries to jump up onto my chair. Finally, I either have to lead her upstairs or Ian has to lead her by the collar.

Gozer has also not been as interested in going on walks lately; she doesn't run to the front door like she used to and when the booties and collar go on her she starts backing away from the door.

The person at the vet's thinks that the booties, possibly along with the collar, might be to blame for this behaviour. Gozer used to love to go on walks and over the last few weeks she hasn't wanted to go, so what the person suggested was to not use the booties at all. Fortunately, the weather is good so that's not a tough decision :) The booties used to be sitting at the front door and I've moved them out of sight. Hopefully that will make the difference. Her behaviour at night is awfully cute in a sad and pathetic way but it's not good behaviour.

I think I've looked at all of the sparkly gemstones on eBay that I can so now I'll have some time to finish up this red carpet post.

Gozer's first grooming

Gozer looks much prettier and cleaner and is much softer to the touch now that she's been groomed. Fortunately she doesn't smell too much from the shampoo and conditioner and whatever else they put into her hair. She didn't get a full grooming; instead, she got what might be called "grooming-lite". She was bathed, her hair was trimmed, and her nails were clipped. By doing just this amount the groomer and Gozer can start developing a relationship.

The groomer said that Gozer was very good and that she didn't bark at all. Gozer didn't take the treat that the groomer gave her, however. They have her favourite treats there and for her not to take her favourite treat tells me that she was very scared. Poor girl. She'll have to get used to it because she needs to be groomed regularly.

The groomer was surprised at how wildly curly Gozer's hair is; I think the multi-directional curl makes it difficult to trim the hairs to the same length. it also makes her hair very prone to matting, as I've already discovered. The groomer said that Gozer should be combed every day instead of brushing her (which I've been trying to do every day) because the brush won't get into the mats.

I'm still working on the SAG red carpet post but it's coming along.

More about Gozer

Our sweet little Gozer girl is definitely more comfortable in our house. She's started to play in the backyard- and she's definitely trying to communicate things to us.

Over the last few weeks she's spent a lot of time looking out the patio doors. Now she actually wants to go into the backyard to play and she's been spending some time there on her own (under our supervision). She loves to chase the birds out of the trees and then run circles around the lawn. When she's allowed to go up to the garden patch, she especially loves to go and sniff at the dead cabbage plants. One time I thought she was going to roll around in one of them! Last night when I took her out for her pre-bedtime pee she waded her way through four inches of snow (sans booties) to pee right in front of the gate. All the dogs now know that the backyard belongs to her.
She's also been telling us, in her own subtle way, that she doesn't like her booties. Over the last few days she'd been walking backwards after her booties were put on her feet but of course we kept putting them on her. This evening as soon as I tried to put one bootie on, she laid down and went limp. Do you know how difficult it is to put a sock-style booties on a completely limp foot? I got them on but one came off during the walk.

We clearly aren't getting the message from her that she doesn't like the booties, so I wonder what Gozer will do to communicate this message? I know that the booties hurt her dew claws - and it doesn't help that her claws need trimming - but when there's four inches of uncleared snow out there she has to wear them. She is getting her claws trimmed, along with some of her fur, at her first grooming appointment on Wednesday so hopefully the booties will be more comfortable after that.

I'm still on the lookout for other booties for her that are easier to put on and that don't hurt her dew claws. There are some available on the interwebs but I want to check out a couple of stores in town here before I order something. I'd rather see them in-person so that I can examine them to see how they look and feel and to check their construction. Dog booties are expensive and I don't want to spend a lot more money on booties that don't work or are uncomfortable on her feet.

SAG Awards show

I watched part of the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) awards tonight. I couldn't see part of the second hour because we were recording two things and I had to take the dog out for her walk but I enjoyed the rest of the show, mostly.


This is one of those award shows that has no host or emcee for the viewers although I think there was an announcer for the audience. I find that I miss someone telling jokes and keeping everything together; without that person, the award show devolves into an unrelenting speech after award after speech after award after speech after award pattern with only commercials to break things up.

It also seems that there isn't much in the way of rehearsals for the main event because many of the people were wooden in the way they read the teleprompter. You wouldn't have known that acting paid their bills for them. Balancing this out was that there were no limits on the length of the acceptance speeches. I especially loved the skit that the cast of Modern Family did during their acceptance speech :)


I wonder if winning a SAG award is somewhat more meaningful than winning some other awards because the winners are chosen solely by their peers who (for the most part) really understand what it is they. In my head I figure that the public is more swayed by who wins an Academy Award or an Emmy - and winning one of those awards is obviously a big deal - but I wonder if the actors themselves are more honoured by the recognition from other actors via the SAG award. They might think that the awards is lame, for all I know.

There was no red carpet coverage so I didn't see many dresses but I was impressed with the ones that I saw on-stage. I'll have a red carpet post up in the next few days; hopefully it won't take as long to finish the post as it did the last one!

Sore back

The weather has been crazy here: yesterday we got four to six inches of snow yesterday morning and all of it melted by yesterday evening. Then the temperature dropped overnight, freezing up the melted snow, and it snowed again - that heavy, wet, slushy snow - on top of the ice. The walking is treacherous out there so we didn't take Gozer on an afternoon walk.

While yesterday was kind of extreme, weather-wise, we've had other days where the temperature has risen and dropped and there's been ice everywhere. Walking has definitely been tricky and I think I managed to do something to my back. I don't know exactly what's wrong but I think it's muscle-related because a hot bath makes it feel better. It's on the "mostly good" side of my back and it's very painful so I'm walking with my cane - even in the house!

I hope that whatever is causing my back to hurt heals itself soon because being in pain isn't so much fun. It's also hard to feel positive when I'm in pain so I'm a little cranky and a little more depressed than usual. Knowing that I react this way, I'm trying to rest and do things that make me happy. So I've been thinking about little boxes and jewelry and I've been looking at pretty stones on the interwebs and thinking about what I could do with them.

I'll be taking my cane with me to tomorrow's dog training class. Gozer isn't bothered by the cane at all but we have no idea how the other dogs will react to the cane. It'll be an interesting class :)

Denosumab and metalsmithing

Here I thought that metalsmithing started today but it actually started last week. I don't know how I got that wrong because I thought I put the start date in the calendar right after I decided to take the class. I must have got confused. Of course it turned out ok. I was able to pick up last week's and this week's the projects fairly easily and I've started working on something new.

It turns out that we'll be learning a new stone setting technique. It isn't the one I was interested in learning but I like it anyways and can see how it could be used. This session we're also going to be doing a lot with casting which is something new for me. We're going to start with doing some lost-wax casting of natural objects like flowers, seeds, and leaves. I have to find one and then figure out what to do with it - it's no good just making the mold and using up the silver to cast them. Silver isn't free so I don't want to waste it.

I asked my instructor about synclastic and anticlastic raising and making spiculums and she said, "those techniques require a lot of hammering." There are ten or so students in the class and if everyone were hammering metal the noise would be unbearable. Some people are good at hammering and others are very, very, very loud normally - imagine if they had to hammer this much! While I'd love to learn these techniques, that studio isn't soundproofed enough to make learning them pleasurable so I'll explore them on my own.

I also spoke to my instructor about my compulsion to make little boxes, even though I know very little about how to actually make them. She's fine with me using some of the techniques we're learning to make little boxes, if I want. I ordered a book on how to make boxes today and I'm looking forward to working through it.

In addition to being metalsmithing day, it was also denosumab day. They were running late at the cancer center so I was late to metalsmithing today. My nurse was running a half-hour late and then my bloodwork came back with elevated phosphorus. Fortunately, my calcium levels were normal. The nurse contacted the pharmacist who contacted my oncologist who said that she'd investigate this and to go ahead with the denosumab.

Calcium and phosphorus work together and there could be all kinds of things causing the elevated phosphorus (also known as hyperphosphatemia). My instincts say that it's related to last month's low calcium  levels even though this month's calcium levels were normal. High phosphorus can also be caused by kidney problems, which I don't think I have, or bone mets, which I do have but which are supposed to be stable.

This denosumab was supposed to be my last one at the cancer center and the last bloodwork for the denosumab. However, it would make sense for my oncologist to want me to do the bloodwork again next month and maybe some other tests. For example, if we're concerned about bone met activity then it might be a good idea to see what my tumour markers are doing. There may be other blood tests that she wants to do as well. I spoke with the nurse about this and she was going to contact my oncologist about whether I should come in for more bloodwork next month.

It was definitely a big day. I'm enjoying lazing around and relaxing with Ian and Gozer

Metalsmithing tomorrow!

Metalsmithing classes start tomorrow! It's been too long since I've been in the studio. I have no idea what we'll be learning this time around although I have some ideas about what I want to see.

I have an urge to make little boxes out of metal but I don't know how to make hinges (even though I think I have a good idea of how it's done) or how to make the lid fit properly on the bottom. I could probably figure it out, I know, but it's easier to be taught how to do things.

I'm also interested in using forging stakes to make synclastic and anticlastic forms and to make things like a spiculum (hollow sinuous curves, or tube-like things that are smaller at one or both ends) as I find the shapes interesting and beautiful. I mean, look at this bracelet:

Spiculum Bracelet by Genevieve Flynn

Gorgeous, yes? Oh, yes. Smaller spiculums (spiculae?) can be used in earrings or as accents. They're amazing when done properly.

There are also some other stone-setting techniques I'd like to learn as well. I can work with what I already know but there are a couple of techniques that I've seen used that I think I could do.

We'll see what we end up doing in class. I've barely even scratched the surface on metalsmithing techniques and I'm sure that there are things that I'd love to learn that I've never heard of and know nothing about.

Walking with my cane

I don't think I've mentioned before that I'm walking with the cane again. When Gozer pulls at the leash I go off balance and that's been putting strain on my back which in turn has been making my hip and leg hurt. Of course even when I'm not walking Gozer I've slipped or skidded on ice and that's put strain on my back, too.

Walking with Gozer and my cane hasn't been as fun as you might think. I prefer to walk with her on my right side but that's where the cane goes so I have to put her on my left. Unfortunately, she has a tendency to drift to the right when she's walking with me. She also likes to go from side to side if she gets half a chance. She's only tripped me once so far... but that was one time too many for my liking.

Yesterday was super-warm and gorgeous and then overnight the temperature dropped, leaving a thin film of ice over much of the sidewalk. Gozer was pulling on the leash a lot which didn't make walking over the ice any easier even though I did have my cane. I sort of felt bad for her because every time I'd slip I'd kind of pull the leash back. Then again, if she'd been walking like a good girl with slack on the leash, the leash pulling back wouldn't have been so bad.

Even when Gozer is walking like a good girl and the sidewalks are clear, walking Gozer with the cane poses other problems. My nose runs a lot when I'm doing any kind of exercise or when I'm cold, you see. Letting my nose run isn't an option and sniffing only works for so long so I end up blowing my nose a lot. When I first got the cane I learned how to blow my nose with one hand so that I could keep walking while blowing my nose. With Gozer's leash being controlled by the non-cane hand, there's no free hand I can use to blow my nose. I have to either stop or drop the leash to blow my nose and both interrupt the flow of the walk.

I am grateful that I can walk Gozer by myself, even if I have to use the cane. Still, I'd love it if I could walk without the cane at all, especially when I'm walking our little furchild.

Training and walking Gozer

There's never a dull day with Gozer around!

At training we're learning how to get our dogs to come to us. Each owner tried out the command individually by showing the dog a treat, walking some distance away, and then saying "Come!" followed by a stream of chatter to keep the dog running towards their voice. We were told that we could say anything except the dog's name and the word "come" in that stream of chatter.

When I did it the first time, I kept in mind that I was supposed to say anything but "Gozer" and "come" and ended up saying "Come Gozer girl Gozer Gozer Gozer come come come come Gozer come!" Yep, I said exactly - and almost only - the words I was specifically told not to say. It was like being told not to think about white elephants and only thinking about them.

We discovered that Gozer responds very well to strong male voices. Every time a male called "come" to his dog, she started forward. it was pretty cute to see :)

We got a bunch of snow over the weekend so Gozer was wearing her booties. While I liked the look of the Muttluks, they really haven't held up well. The serging on the inside is coming off and the toes are wearing out. They're also not waterproof and they take a while to dry out. As well, we've discovered that the velcro that keeps them closed tightens across her front dew claws, making her a little uncomfortable. We need a new solution.

I've looked into the idea of the creams that can be put on the dog's feet to prevent cracking and to create a physical barrier against salt and snow. However, she doesn't seem to have problems with her pads cracking and I don't really see how the cream could prevent snow- or ice-ball formation between her pads. Therefore, I don't see the cream as really being the best option for her and I think we need to find new booties. I'm currently doing research to try and find some that will work better for her.

I never thought that I'd be the kind of furparent who would do research on dog booties for her dog. Clearly, that's who I am. I do it because I want my furbaby to be happy and comfortable and well-trained. If she can look stylish, so much the better.

2012 Golden Globes red carpet, Part 2

Here are the rest of the red carpet outfits from the 2012 Golden Globes red carpet. It took a lot longer to get through them than I thought it would; I guess I'm out of practice.

Interestingly, there weren't many black dresses at this event. There were more nude colours than black and even more jewel tones than nude colours. I think blue in its many shades were the most popular colour although green and red were well-represented. Even yellow showed up on this red carpet!

While there were a few all-sequin dresses, most dresses had only a small number of sequinned embellishments, if any at all. Lace is still making a showing but there weren't as many lace dresses as I'd expected.

There were a number of rather ugly dresses making an appearance which I don't understand at all. I also don't understand the trend of doing nothing with your hair and leaving it all scraggly. I know that this event is a bit of a fun party but that doesn't mean that you can skip combing your hair before you arrive.

Enough of my comments; let's get to the dresses. Enjoy them after the jump.

Training our dog

I've been very lazy today with respect to the red carpet post. I have been working on it but I haven't done enough to post. So instead I'll write about our sweet little doggie. She's doing so well.

She's loving having her squeaky toys lying around waiting for her to pick them up. She calms down more quickly when she can put a plush toy in her mouth and squeak it than without the toys. She's starting to properly play with her toys, too, batting them around and kind of throwing them up and catching them as though they were alive. Best of all, when we throw the plush ball she goes to get it and then brings it back and drops it in front of us. It's a proper fetch game!

We gave Gozer a bath yesterday and it went much better than it had the last few times. I'd spent the last week or so trying to get her to go into the bathroom where she gets her baths and it's paid off. The first few days I had to lure her into the bathroom by putting treats on the floor leading into the bathroom, after which I gave her lots and lots of treats. When she would come into the bathroom on her own, I started throwing treats into the tub and when she jumped in after them, I fed her more treats. When she got to that point, I turned the water on and let the water trickle out of the wand, just as it would when she had baths.

During her bath we fed her treats until she was too scared to take more of them. She doesn't like getting wet and she really doesn't like being shampooed so she trembled through that. once we started rinsing off the shampoo she took the treats again. She's gone back in there to eat some leftover treats so we know she'll go in there again. She does look beautiful with her snowy-white fur when it's clean and all brushed out so all that work is worth it.

Training is not going quite so well. We're doing a command where we say "watch", take out a treat, let her smell it, bring the treat up to our nose, wait for some amount of time, say "yes", and give her the treat. The goal is to get her to look at us and she does that. She also starts barking. She wants the treat RIGHT NOW and if she doesn't get it right away, right after it touches our nose, and she demands it. I don't want to reward her for barking but that's what we kind of end up doing when she gets the treat. I'll talk to the trainer on Sunday and see how to handle this situation.

2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet, part 1

There are a lot of these red carpet photos! I'm still working through them but I wanted to post what I've finished so far so that you can get your red carpet fix.

I'm going to save the full analysis of the outfits until all of them have been posted. I figure the analysis will mean more when you can see all of the pictures.

Enjoy the pictures after the jump.

My mom's estate

I'm still working on the red carpet post for the Golden Globes; it's coming along fairly well. It used to be that it was difficult to find the designers for some of the less-known attendees. These days, more and more stylists and designers are  twittering their work, including which celebrity wore which dress. If I wanted, I could include some of the jewelry designers, too, because their names also show up occasionally. However, there aren't always good pictures of the jewelry so I figure there's not much point in including that information.

My mom's estate is pretty much wrapped up now. I received my share of the pension money yesterday and deposited into the bank today. It turns out that the pension amount was close to four times what we thought it would be so we each got more than we expected. The fact that the pension was so much larger than we thought explains why they wanted us to have a named administrator and stuff. Had the pension been the expected amount, all that rigmarole wouldn't have been needed because the estate would have been considered small.

Since the pension, and therefore the estate, is larger than we thought it would be, we have to confirm that there are no more taxes owed on the estate. While the government did take taxes off of the pension monies before they were disbursed, the lawyer has held back some of the pension money just in case we owe any more taxes. Unfortunately, that tax situation won't be settled for another year or so, which means the estate won't be fully settled until then. For now I'm happy to call the estate "mostly settled". Hopefully no more taxes will be owed and we'll get a nice little present next year.

Having the estate mostly settled leaves me a little sad. It means her life is even more over, if that makes sense. These days I'm feeling a bit sad. My psychologist and I are starting to delve into my past which is bringing up all sorts of emotions as well. Of course those emotions were already there buried under the surface so really we're just dealing with what's there. Based on how things are going, I think the emotions are going to get a bit stronger before they get better. At least I can pay for a lot of therapy (retail and otherwise) with the pension money.

Golden Globes

Award season has begun! The Golden Globes are tonight and I'm watching them as I write this. I have to say that Ricky Gervais, the host, is doing so much better this year than he did the last time he hosted an award show. His jokes are funny instead of awkward this year, as are the jokes of the various people giving out the awards.

It helps that the crowd is more raucous this year and I can't help but think that perhaps they've been plied with more champagne than usual. There are a lot of audience members whooping and whistling and clapping through acceptance speeches and the introductions. There's definitely a light, party feel to this event and everyone seems to be having fun. This award show seems to be not taking itself too seriously and I rather like that because it's fun to watch. Gozer can't figure out why I've been laughing so hard through the whole show.

Of course I don't just watch this show to see who gets which award. I haven't seen all of the movies or the tv shows so I don't really care who wins or loses. As you know, I care most about what people are wearing and boy, have there been some interesting outfits. Some of the dresses have been gaspingly gorgeous and others have been amazingly hideous. Some have dressed themselves well and others I wondered if they left before looking in a mirror... or if their stylists hated them. It might take me a couple of days to get the red carpet post up but don't worry, it's on its way.

Dogs, booties, and leashes

Remember when Gozer got new booties and I said that watching her with them was hilarious? Ian recorded her walking in her booties for the second time that day. I think you'll agree that watching her is pretty funny:



She's super-cute, isn't she? I bet you all wish you could have a cutie like her.

Speaking of dogs, I read an article in the paper today about a woman whose dog was killed by a coyote in a nearby conservation area. The dog (along with the other two dogs with her and her friend) were off-leash even though the rules for the area are that dogs must be kept on-leash. This woman wants signs to be posted noting that coyotes are in the area. She says that if she had known that coyotes were there, she would have put her dogs on leashes.

I'm sad that the dog died because I hate to think of an animal dying and this was a senseless death. At the same time I'm angry at this dog's owner because the dog's death was totally preventable. Had the dog been leashed, it would not have died. There are even signs saying that dogs must be leashed in the park! Deciding whether or not to leash one's dog should not be dependent on whether or not coyotes are present in the park; the decision should be based on the law.

The article also mentions another dog that was killed by a coyote after the dog's owners let the dog out into their unfenced yard at night without a leash. I know that the leash laws might not apply to private properties, so let's look at this from a common-sense point of view. Let's see. You have an unfenced property and it's dark outside. Even if you know that your dog will stay on your property, you have no control over any other animals. Raccoons, skunks, other dogs, and maybe even coyotes are more than happy to wander on your property. Is there any way other than a leash that will protect your dog from these intruders? No.

Obviously I have some very passionate feelings on this subject. Aside from the fact that there are leash laws in place, leashing your dog just makes sense. To not do it could have disastrous consequences. We do keep Gozer on a leash during walks and at night although she can run free in our backyard during the day. I couldn't imagine risking her life by letting her run free. Of course I don't think she'd run free while wearing those booties because all the other dogs might laugh at her.

Toys for Gozer

Because our cleaner was here today and it was so nice out this afternoon, Gozer and I went for a long walk. We went to the nearby pet store to wander around and see what was there. In a clearance bin I found a plush squeaky dog and when I squeezed it, Gozer perked right up. I figured that since she responded to the sound, I'd buy it for her. I also dropped a squeaky ball that's part of a puzzle thing and she started playing the ball and carrying it around the store. I bought that toy, too.

It turns out that the squeaky dog squeaks unlike any squeaky toy I've ever heard squeak. It has different squeaks depending on how hard and where it's squeezed and Gozer loves it. She left it upstairs when we came down to watch tv and before sitting down she had to run up and get it.

She doesn't just squeak the dog: she sleeps with it in her mouth. She's done that with all of her plush squeaky toys when they're given to her. It seems like it would be really uncomfortable because for a couple of these toys, she has to keep her mouth open fairly wide. She seems to like it, however. Her mouth does get very dry when she wakes up, which is kind of funny to watch.

I've looked up this behaviour on the interwebs and there are dogs out there that love to sleep with a blanket or plush toy in their mouths (squeaky or otherwise). Apparently once the behaviour has developed it's there for good. They'll give up the object when they have to but as soon as they have the opportunity they're sleeping with it in their mouths again. No one seems to know why some dogs do this but some seem to think it happens when dogs are taken from their mothers too soon (especially if they knead the object, which Gozer does not do), or have had more than one owner, or were rescue dogs.

We don't usually allow Gozer to have a plush toy in her kennel at night - she only gets one when we're going out - but I wonder if she would be happier with a regular kennel plush toy and a special one when we go out. She's been good in her kennel overnight so a regular plush toy probably isn't strictly necessary... although I do want her to be as happy as possible.

Finding a purse

My current purse appears to be on its last legs. The top zipper is coming apart from the panel and some of the binding is starting to come undone. It really looks shabby and I'm starting to feel a bit embarrassed bringing it out. I've been searching for a replacement purse for quite a while and I just haven't been able to find one that I like in my price range. If I was willing to spend a couple of thousand dollars my search would be over but I'm not prepared to spend that much.

I want a top-handled purse that's wider than it is tall and that also has a shoulder strap that I can wear across my body. It needs to have a top zipper, possibly covered by a flap, and at least one big compartment (two is better) as well as at least one small zippered compartment and some interior patch pockets. I'd prefer it to be black, grey, or burgundy/oxblood with silvertone, gunmetal, pewter, or black hardware that isn't too flashy.

For some reason I don't think that it should be hard to find a purse that meets my requirements but it turns out that this quest is next to impossible. I bought one online but it's way too big and looks like a piece of luggage. At this point I'm wondering whether or not I should try to make one. I've thought about trying to buy some leather and making it out of that... but I've never worked with leather before. Making a leather purse might not be all that smart, especially since I don't have a purse pattern ready.

I do have some heavier fabrics and I know I can get some coatings, faux leather or suede, and specialty hardware. I'm thinking that it might be worthwhile to try my hand at making my own purse. We'll see... I'm still thinking it over. Every time I search and cannot find the purse I want, the idea of making my own purse is more and more appealing.

Our first day of training

Our first dog training session is over. There were about eleven other dogs there with three trainers which seemed like a good ratio. 

We were happy to see that Gozer wasn't the only barky dog there - she wasn't even one of the worst! We had some trouble controlling her barking at first and the owner of the place came over and helped us. She tried to correct Gozer's barking and realized quite quickly that correcting Gozer with a regular leash pop just doesn't work. She's got a super-long neck so the leash doesn't fall in the right place, no matter how much we tighten the martingale collar, and we end up pulling against her shoulders, which are very strong.

She asked if we'd be willing to try a Gentle Leader head collar and at this point we're ready to try just about anything to correct the barking. These collars have one strap that goes over the muzzle and another that goes behind the head with the leash ring underneath the muzzle. When the dog is corrected with a leash pop, the dogs head turns towards the person holding the leash so the dog can't continue to pull forward. 

The trainer put the collar on her and it was like night and day with respect to leash correction. Before, we couldn't correct her at all or stop her from barking and suddenly she was responding to the correction. She stopped barking right away and hardly barked through the rest of the hour even though the dogs on either side of us were barkier than she is. This wonderful behaviour came at a price, however: she does not like that collar at all. She tried to pull it off her muzzle with her paws which of course wouldn't work. 

We took the collar home and I used it on tonight's walk. She hated it again and would paw at it by taking both of her paws and trying to pull off the muzzle strap. It was adorably cute when she did it but it's not something we can allow so I had to stop her. If I caught her soon enough I could just pull her along but if not I'd have to stop and pull her paws away from the muzzle. After a while she got used to the collar and walked normally. I kept the walk easy and let her sniff as we went along so that she'd enjoy the experience.

Anyways, back to the training. I know we did seven different things but I don't remember all of them - it kind of went by in a blur. I found it quite tiring because I had to learn to do things differently than I currently do. For example, the praise word the trainer is teaching us is "yes" and I usually use "good girl". I'm also not very coordinated so I had some trouble figuring out which hand to use to hold the leash and the treat and when to say what.

For all that, it was a very productive session and I enjoyed it. I felt comfortable in the environment and with the trainers. This training will be quite a time commitment because we have lots to practice this week but I have high hopes that by the time we're done we'll have a reasonably well-trained dog. 

Looking forward to training

We walked our neighbour's dogs for the last time this afternoon and both of us felt a huge weight lift off our shoulders when we took them home. As much as I enjoy spending time with those two - and I do, because they're super-cute when in their own home - I'm tired of walking them. Gozer needs so much attention right now that walking two other dogs along with her is just too much.

Speaking of Gozer, we gave her a bath today because it's melting outside and her belly was filthy. Poor girl! As soon as we took her into the main bathroom where she gets her baths, she started trembling because she was so scared. She wouldn't even take a yummy treat. We went ahead with the bath anyways and she was definitely not adverse to treats when we were done. I'm happy to report that the red bumps that were on her tummy are completely gone and the sores she had from worrying at her belly are almost gone. Yay!

We're going to spend some time taking Gozer into the main bathroom so that she doesn't get so scared going in there. So far we've only taken her in there for baths and I guess we need to play in there with her favourite toys.

Owing a dog is harder than owning a cat because cats don't need to be trained in the same way that dogs do. There's so much work involved in training a dog because you have to be consistent all the time - and Ian and I need to be consistent, too, which is hard. For example, when putting on Gozer's booties, I touch her paw, say "Paw" while I'm touching it, and lift it. I heard Ian doing things differently so I stopped him so that we could figure out which specific steps we would do. That's only one small thing; there are many more.

Life will be easier for all of us once Gozer's had more training - and we've learned how to train her properly. Because it isn't just about training the dog, is it? It's about training the human to communicate with the dog effectively. I hope I'm a good learner.

Yesterday's walk

I don't know if I've mentioned but Gozer is a bit of a barky dog. She's quiet in the house but if she sees another dog she starts lunging and barking like crazy. I don't know how to stop her doing this yet (we start the training on Sunday) so on walks where we encounter other dogs I end up practically dragging this barking dog away from the other dog.

Over the last week we've been walking our next-door neighbour's shih-tzu dogs Misty and Mya. Misty is all of about 8 pounds and is quite calm and easygoing. Mya is about 15 pounds and is stubborn and a bit lazy. She usually doesn't like going out on walks and tends to drag her feet for the first bit so that she has to be pulled along a bit. We'd noticed when doing this that her collar was loose and that she could probably wriggle out of it but she's not our dog so we figured we'd work with it.

Yesterday Ian had to work in the afternoon so I had the three dogs. We'd generally been going out with them together as it's easier to deal with them and their leavings if there are two of us. However, things had been going well so we figured it wouldn't be a big deal for me to have them on my own.

We started off just fine with Gozer and Misty taking the lead and Mya dragging behind. As we reached the end of the part that adjoins our property, Gozer started lunging. There's a house there that had a small brown dog there that had never, ever been there before along with about six kids between about six and eight years old. I tried to correct Gozer and she started barking (Rrawrf rrawrf rawf rawf). As did the other dog (ARF arf arf arf).

Just then, I felt the resistance that had previously been Mya suddenly disappear because she had wriggled free of her collar. Gozer was still barking, as was the other dog, and Misty was being calm while I tried to catch Mya. She seemed to think that we were having a great game of chase as she waddled from sniff spot to sniff spot. I managed to catch her jacket a little ways away, pull her back to me, and clamp her between my legs.

I knew if I didn't shorten the collar that she'd just wriggle out again because she's stubborn, not stupid. So I pulled my gloves off and frantically started fiddling with the collar to tighten it. Meanwhile, the kids also started yelling at the dog to stop barking and the adult in the house started yelling at the kids to move the dog away from the fence.

So there I was, trying to get this collar tightened with this dog clamped between my legs, and I'm surrounded by this wall of sound:

RRAwrf! RRawrf! ARF arf arf arf! Stop! RRRAWRF rrawrf rrawrf rawf! Barking! ARF ARF ARF! Get the DOG! RRRAWRF rrrawrf rawrf rawf! AWAY! arf arf arf! from the FENCE! RRRAWRF rawrf rrawrf! arf arf arf! FENCE! Barking! Rawrf!

All I could think is, "instead of moving the damn dog away from the damn fence, why don't you take it inside?" but I was trying not to get frustrated or annoyed while listening to this noise. Finally I got the collar shortened and on Mya; I checked it and I could slip two fingers under the collar so we were good to go. I kneeled down in front of Gozer, stared her down, and said NO. She settled down a bit so we started away.

Unfortunately, we had to go past the house because there's nowhere else to go. Naturally Gozer started barking again, only this time I was actively pulling her along. Mya had just noticed the other dog (maybe she is a little stupid, at that) and started lunging towards it as well. I ended up kind of half-dragging both of them along with Gozer's bark sounding more like "Rrawacgh" than "Rrawrf". I could hear the kids whispering to each other that I was choking those dogs. If they weren't lunging, they wouldn't be choking... although maybe the dogs aren't smart enough to figure it out.

Once we were well down the sidewalk, all the dogs calmed down and we had a relatively uneventful walk. Tomorrow is the last day that we have to walk these two dogs. I hope that we can train Gozer to not bark at other dogs before we have to go out with those two again.... although I'm not eager to take these three out on my own again.

Winter for Gozer

We received about six or eight inches of snow just before the temperature dropped to -15C (below -20C with the wind chill). None of us are used to the cold yet, although my long down coat definitely keeps me warm. Ian can look after himself but Gozer has been having a tough time in the cold. She's been getting huge snow- and ice-balls between the pads of her feet during her walks that have clearly been making her uncomfortable. She was holding up different paws when there was too much ice and walking more slowly, which we took to mean that she wasn't happy.

We'd bought her this lovely 3-in-1 coat with a detachable double-fleece lining and waterproof exterior a few weeks back that has been keeping her body warm enough.

She looks positively stylish in this coat, I have to say. It also comes in huge dog sizes of up to 30" length and 32-38" girth so dogs of every size can look awesome. Unfortunately, this coat doesn't cover Gozer's little feets so today we went out and bought her these fleece-lined muttluk booties in red to match her coat:

They had all-weather ones without the fleece lining but they only came in yellow in her size and Ian felt that the yellow would clash too much with her red coat. The red ones match her coat perfectly. We're now the kind of people that dress up our dog in matching clothes and booties.

There is just about nothing funnier than watching a dog try to walk in booties for the first time. The booties are unfamiliar and feel funny so the dog tries to find a way not to put all four paws on the ground, which of course is impossible. Gozer tolerated the front booties pretty well and ended up doing this crazy back step-kick thing with her back paws. We spent some time inside with the treats we bought for Sunday's training class getting her to walk from one of us to the other and back.

After about five or ten minutes on her evening walk she was walking in her booties as though she'd always worn them. I'm really impressed with her ability to adapt to this new situation: at no time did she lie on the ground looking pathetic or try to bite the booties off and although she was slow at the start of the walk, she didn't pull backwards on her leash.

If it gets a lot colder out, we could always buy Gozer a reversible snowsuit. Ian disagrees with me (mostly because they look silly) but I figure that it can still get a lot colder out there. Until she learns to do her business in the backyard, she's going to have to walk two or three times a day in the cold. While I'd like to think that she's smart enough to get the idea that if she does her thing in the yard she won't have to be out in the cold for as long, I'm not sure that's the case.

At least Gozer is well-prepared for current weather conditions and looks stylish, if a little silly. Hopefully the other dogs won't laugh at her booties and matching coat.

The new year has begun

It feels more like winter out there now, what with all the snow, wind, and dropping temperatures. Not that I minded a rainy start to the new year but this is supposed to be winter.

Ian's off on vacation this week and while he's spending some of his time playing video games, he's also doing a lot of work around the house. We mudded and taped the drywall in the sewing room the other day and Ian sanded and mudded a second coat today. I'm going to have a sewing room soon! I have to pick out a paint colour so that we can paint the room this week after the drywall stuff is done and the room has been primed.

I'm excited because I can start looking at furnishing and tailoring my sewing room again. I'd been looking into these things before but since the room still needed work there was no point in doing too much planning. Now that the room will be painted soon I need to do some planning.

I can hardly wait to have a functional sewing room again. There have been times that I want to sew and I have lots of fabric that I'd love to use but my current setup isn't good for sewing. I'd also like to have an area in the room for sketching so that I can use it for metalsmithing ideas, too. This is definitely a great way to start the new year!

Happy New Year!

It's almost time to say goodbye to 2011 and to welcome in 2012.

I'm feeling a bit melancholy tonight, which is no real surprise. I welcomed 2011 with my sisters at our family Christmas party and I'm finding myself missing that family connection this year. I miss my sisters, and more than that, I miss my mom and dad. Funny, I expected Christmas to be the day that bothered me most over this holiday season and instead it's today. I'm not so good with change, you see, and things are definitely changing in my family.

Ian and I are spending tonight with Gozer watching the various specials. We went for a hugely long walk with her and the neighbour's dogs earlier this evening. It's gorgeous outside: there's no precipitation and the temperature is hovering around freezing. It wasn't hard to stay out there with the dogs for a long time - what a difference from last year, when I was walking around, lost, trying to find my sister's place in the cold Edmonton temperatures! T

Ian, Gozer, and I wish that 2012 brings happiness, good health, and much love to you and your loved ones.

Yesterday's Denosumab

Yesterday was Denosumab day at the hospital. There was almost one one there because of the holidays which made for a lovely experience. I don't normally get such a great parking space or have so much room to myself. There weren't as many muffin flavours in the cafeteria as usual but I'd happily give up muffin flavours for fewer people.

The bloodwork and port access went smoothly. When I settled into the chair for the denosumab appointment, the nurse sternly asked me if I was on any calcium supplements. I tried to be strong but after a few minutes I meekly admitted that I had taken some, and then I ran out, and then I didn't buy any more... but I'd buy some today before I left the hospital. She didn't say that was ok or anything; all she said was that my calcium was low and that I'd have to see the pharmacist.

I was a bit nervous (ok, I might have been freaking out a little bit) to hear that there was something wrong. The pharmacist came with printouts that showed that my adjusted calcium (the one that includes albumin) is 2.05 and should be at least 2.1. Apparently the denosumab works so much better than the Pamidronae did that it's really important to take the extra calcium. There's no cause for alarm right now as long as I start taking calcium and vitamin D and continue to take it.

The pharmacist recommended that I start taking Ultra Tums because each tablet has 1000mg of calcium in it so I bought a bottle of that along with a bottle of vitamin D. I don't want to get into trouble or to reduce the effectiveness of my treatment. I also don't want to feel afraid that there's something wrong until there really is cause for alarm.

New word

We learned a new word while we were away. I'd bought some beef chew thingies for Gozer back before she first came home and we decided to give them to her in her Christmas stocking. I'd looked at the package and I didn't really think much about what was in it. There was some small lettering that said "beef pizzle" but I thought that this was just a special way of preparing beef or something.

It turns out that "pizzle" refers not to a way of preparing beef but a specific part of the bull (not the cow), and it isn't the testicles. The French translation - penis - should have tipped me off, but I didn't read that part. Apparently those treats are made of stretched, dried bull penis. And Gozer loved it. She gnawed on that treat for a couple of hours while all of the people were in another room. Normally she wanted to be in the same room as the majority of people but this treat trumped even that. I never thought my dog would love dried bull penis so much (if you know what I mean).

Of course once we found out that my dog was eating and loving bull penis, we couldn't leave the topic alone. There are a thousand jokes to be made here and believe me, we've been making them. How could we not? If I get too many spam comments from this post, I'll close commenting on this post. For now, feel free to be creative. After all, what's the point of learning new words and concepts if you can't use them?

My new warm coat

While we were visiting Ian's parents I took some time to do a little shopping. I don't know whether or not I've mentioned this before but I've been looking for a warm winter coat to wear while walking Gozer in the winter. I have a winter coat but it just isn't warm enough for me to be out for any length of time when it's really cold out. Add in the fact that I have temperature control issues (I get cold really easily and I start sweating when I'm cold, making me colder) and it's clear that I need a really warm coat.

Over the years I've bought a few winter coats and based on how well those coats worked for me, I developed a list of must-haves for this warm winter coat I wanted. A heavy-duty double zipper is an absolute necessity because a wimpy dress zipper can break too easily or not zip properly in the cold. It's also important to be able to unzip the coat from the bottom for walking or sitting. Storm cuffs - preferably made of ribbing or fleece so that they conform to the wrist and are warm - are also absolutely necessary because otherwise my wrists get cold or I get snow up my sleeves. I love having a hood to keep the wind off of my neck but it has to be adjustable so it doesn't fly off in the wind. For me to stay warm, the coat has to be at least knee length.

The warmest, lightest fill out there is down so I definitely wanted a down-filled coat. I did a bit of research and I found out that there are different fill combinations, with the most common being 50% down and 50% feathers. I read that the greater the proportion of down, the warmer the coat will be, so I decided that I wanted the the fill to be at least 60% down with no more than 40% feathers.

Surprisingly, out of all of those requirements, the hardest one to meet has been storm cuffs. Even the high-end coats that are super-warm with fill made of 90-100% down don't have storm cuffs. What's up with that? Clearly most super-warm coats aren't made for our Canadian winters. The lack of storm cuffs on winter coats has made this search take much longer than I thought it would.

Lucky for me, I finally found myself a coat that meets every one these requirements, including having storm cuffs! I went to Sporting Life and found myself this Canadian Spirit Rosedale coat in black, on sale for half price, making it below what I'd been prepared to pay.

Yep, I'm excited about this coat. On me, it comes down to just below mid-calf or to about the top of my boots which is perfect. There are zippers at the hem on each side to make walking easier, if I need the room.  It's also got 90% down/10% feathers fill, making it super-warm. The only thing I was worried about was that it was too shapeless on me, or that it looked too much like I was wearing a down comforter because when I put it on it felt like I was wrapping myself in a down comforter.

I called Ian and described my dilemma. He pointed out that the kind of coat I was looking for would almost certainly be a bit shapeless on me and since this one met all my other requirements, I should buy it. So I did. He was surprised when he saw it because the chevron stitching and vertical lines are flattering. It's less of a shapeless comforter than I thought it would be - and did I mention that it's super-warm?

Because I'll be wearing this coat out in the cold and possibly the dark, I need to figure out a way to add some reflective tape or something to it without compromising the integrity of the coat. That way I'll be more visible to drivers and other people. I might be able to add some around the cuffs and hood. I could also maybe make a belt or something with the reflective tape - we'll see. I have to think about it.

I'm thrilled that I found the coat. I'm even more thrilled that I was purchased it for a reasonable amount and that I didn't have to sacrifice any of my requirements for it. I wore it out today while walking Gozer because it's cold and quite windy out there and I was snuggly warm in the coat. I felt the wind as pressure but not as a cold force on me. This coat is definitely everything I wanted it to be and I'm almost looking forward to wearing it in the deep cold that will be on its way.

Belated Merry Christmas

I hope that you all had a good Christmas surrounded by the people you love while eating delicious food and giving and receiving great presents. Our Christmas was wonderful: we spent it with Ian's parents as well as Ian's brother and his wife. I always look forward to going there because I love seeing Ian's parents and I enjoy spending time with them.

I had a wonderful time visiting and hanging out with Ian's parents this past week and I'm thrilled that we were there. I do wish I got along better with my sister-in-law, though. She's got a strong personality and when I'm around her I often feel like a backwards country cousin. I also feel like we're not quite connecting on things even though we've got some similar interests; I feel kind of like she's dismissed the possibility of any kind of relationship with me, if that makes sense. At least we're civil and respectful to each other even if we aren't close friends.

It turns out that Gozer loves going to Ian's parent's house and seeing Ian's parents as much as I do! She settled in right away and acted pretty much like she owned the place and every lap in it after only a few minutes. She loved sitting on Ian's parent's laps - or their feet - for hours at a time. On those rare occasions where she wasn't sitting on a lap she was happy to sit on her cushion in the same room as them.

Ian's mom outdid herself again by cooking a delicious turkey dinner complete with a ton of vegetable options for Christmas along with muffins for breakfast and each other dinner. She also made lots of fantastic desserts and cookies. I don't know how she's able to get all that cooking and baking done but I'm selfishly happy that she does it because I really enjoy the fruits of her labour. I've eaten so much over the last few days that even though I haven't eaten much today, I still feel full. It's a happy full feeling, of course!

While I was prepared to stay there for a couple of extra days, between my denosumab early Thursday morning, Ian's plans with friends tomorrow night, and the snow we got today, it was better for us to come home today. I hope that we'll be able to go back for a visit or that they'll come here soon. In the meantime, we've got Christmas books and video games (while cuddling Gozer) to keep up occupied.

Gozer's second bath

Gozer's second bath today went much better than her first one. We bought a bathmat for the tub that gave her some traction and a shower head that had a setting for a trickle of water. We didn't have to fill the tub with water, which she liked better, and she didn't have to be doused with water, which she definitely preferred. She still didn't love the experience but it went a lot better this time.

We wanted to get Gozer nice and clean not just because we're supposed to wash her every few days but because we're getting ready to go to Mississauga for Christmas and we want her to look her best. Or as best as she can considering that she went out for a walk in the rain after her bath. Traveling with a dog is much more complicated than traveling alone: we have to wash her coats and towels and gather up her food, her crate, her toys, and I don't know what else. I thought that getting myself organized was hard!

I hope that Gozer's mostly clean, shiny cute state will be so distracting that no one minds her occasional barkiness. Her barking is adorable when she's playing with her toys but something dramatically less than adorable at night. Hopefully she'll be good while we're there.

Oncology appointment yesterday

I saw my oncologist yesterday for my regular visit. Well, it wasn't my oncologist because she was away so I saw someone who's been helping out at this cancer center. Apparently there are two oncologists at this center on maternity leave so they're a little shorthanded and this oncologist was called in from Hamilton.

I actually really liked this replacement oncologist. She and her nurse (who she'd brought from Hamilton) was very thorough in taking my history and understanding what's happened with me. She and her nurse both had an efficient yet caring manner. They dealt with me as though I will be their patient from now on, which I liked because I felt like I didn't have to worry about my care: I won't slip through the cracks the way I did when I first started going to this cancer center if my oncologist is out for a while. Of course I really want my own oncologist to come back but at least I'm getting great care when she's not there.

My CA 15-3 tumour markers were 40, up from 37 last time but still in the low zone. The oncologist ordered a mammogram for me (it was supposed to be ordered before yesterday's appointment), which is scheduled for tomorrow. She also gave me the prescription I'll need for the denosumab when I start getting it at home in February.

I'm happy I have an actual prescription for the denosumab instead of the cancer center calling it in somewhere because I have a bit more time to decide where it goes. I'm not happy with my pharmacy because when my prescriptions come in boxes one pharmacist tapes them together even though I've asked them multiple times to not do that and there's supposed to be a note on the file. There are two problems with this approach, especially with the pain medication prescription: first, I can't get the boxes open when they're taped together because of the way they open; and second, out of the four boxes I get, only two have a label on them. I'm hugely uncomfortable using pain medication boxes that don't have pharmacy labels on them.

I'm going to talk to the pharmacy (preferably the pharmacist who's doing this) one more time about this issue and if the next refill comes with the boxes taped together, I'll find myself a new pharmacy. I'll have to be sure that they can fill the denosumab, of course.

At least I'm happy with the cancer center and my tumour markers (and therefore my cancer) are still stable. Now that's some great news!

A clean Gozer

Gozer had her first bath today. I managed to get through the experience with only one set of scratches on my shoulder, although Ian's forearms are much more scratched up. It turns out that Gozer doesn't like the sound of the water going into the tub or the feeling of water being poured over her body. She'd be happy to do without the lathering bit, too, or really any part of the process.

Unfortunately for her, there are more baths in her future because the bumps on her belly are still there. Because the antibiotics helped a bit and Gozer was quite dirty, the vet thinks that the bumps might just be reactions to the dirt and possible allergens on her skin. The bumps were there when she was being fed the natural lamb meal and rice kibble we first fed her so the vet doesn't think the bumps are a food allergy.

To cleanse Gozer, the vet recommended that we give her a bath every other day for about a week using a mild oatmeal and aloe vera shampoo to soothe her skin. If after a week the bumps are better, we're to go in and get her a conditioner to use after bathing. If the bumps aren't better, then she wants us to use a medicated shampoo. Of course if Gozer gets super-itchy after being bathed and develops new bumps or sores, we'll stop using the product.

She didn't lick her belly at all afterwards so I'm beginning to think there is something in the environment causing the bumps. She looks so much better after having the bath: her white fur is whiter and it's all fluffy and pretty. I hope that she becomes more used to having a bath and begins to even enjoy the process.

Shopping for Gozer

We took Gozer shopping while the house was cleaned today. There's a Ren's Pet Depot about a 15 or 20 minute walk away so we went there. While Gozer was fairly well-behaved most of the time, Ian had to take her out of the store a few times when her barking, lunging, leaping alter-ego showed up. One of these days we'd love it if she didn't bark at other dogs.

We ended up buying her two new coats. One is similar to the one she got when she left the Humane Society and the other is a fancy waterproof outer shell with a double-layered fleece detachable liner. The shell and liner can be worn together or separately so it's basically a 3-in-1 coat. It cost more than some coats we've bought for ourselves!

We also bought her some new toys: a Nylabone bone, a Nylabone ring, and a stuffed hippo. She hasn't shown any interest in the Nylabone products but that might be because she's so much more interested in the hippo. She took it right away and likes playing with it to make it squeak. She's also spent most of the evening asleep between my legs on the chair with the hippo in her mouth. You'd think her jaw would get sore but she seems quite content.

We also bought her some hypoallergenic shampoo. The red bumps on her belly are still there even though the antibiotics end tomorrow. She also scratches at her belly a lot and worries at her paws with her teeth so we think she might have sensitive skin. Of course we haven't given her a bath yet so her fur is a little dirty, which could be contributing to her itchiness.

We spent about an hour at the store and we have very few things to show for it. Making decisions is hard! Will she want this toy, or that one? This bone, or that one? This brand, or the other one? At the same time, it was kind of fun because we got to see her reaction to the toys and squeaks and we could try on the different coats. She wears different sizes depending on the brand so trying things on is important. I love that I can take her into the store with us (even if she does bark).

Shopping for Gozer is nearly as much fun as shopping for myself... and only slightly less expensive. Watching her carry around the stuffed hippo makes the adventure well worth the adventure.

Gozer progress report

Gozer and I are doing very well in our behaviour modification training. I'm thrilled with the progress we've made!

Ian crates her when he leaves for work and before I look at her, talk to her, or let her out of her crate, I've started ignoring her completely for at least 20 or 30 minutes. She has to be completely calm and relaxed before I let her out and I have to wait so she doesn't associate me getting up with her getting out.  I've also stopped giving her looks, hugs, and pets in the half-hour before bedtime so that I'm not withdrawing my affections at the same time as she goes in the crate and she doesn't associate the two things. She still sleeps on the chair with me before bed so she's in physical contact with me but there's no targeted affection.

Another thing we're trying to promote is a feeling of independence in her. Ian had wanted me to crate her when I had my bath but I've been using that time for her to be on her own outside of the crate. At first I was letting her into the master bedroom while I had my afternoon bath in the master ensuite but she ends up sleeping on the bed, which is something we don't want her to do just now (or maybe ever). Because I'm trying to ignore bad behaviours, I'd just grab her collar without touching her fur and, without saying anything, lead her down off the bed. 

The person we saw last Monday said that it is more important to develop her feeling of independence than it is to keep her off of the furniture. However, I don't want her to get used to sleeping on our bed when she has a perfectly good ottoman to sleep on in the living room. Today, after she realized I was running water for my bath, she went and slept on her ottoman all by herself. I closed the door anyway, of course.

Gozer is also behaving a lot better on our walks although when she does behave badly, she turns into a wriggling, leaping, barking, demonspawn of a dog. At least she's good about walking beside me instead of in front of me and she's very good about waiting to cross streets or giving up on yummy-to-her smells.

She's also learning that we control the food and the exit doors in the house and will wait for permission before eating or going through a door. She still has a lot to learn, as do I, but we're definitely making good progress.

Old tv series

Occasionally I get tired of watching regular television. As much as I like watching such compelling shows as Judge Judy or People's Court, the people and the cases featured can be rather tedious. I also think of my mom when I watch these shows because she used to watch them, too, and sometimes those memories are more than I can handle.

On days like today, where I'm feeling a bit sad and upset, I also have no patience for movies. I was thrilled to find the perfect solution on Netflix: the original Alfred Hitchcock Presents series! I remember watching the "new and improved" version when I was growing up. I also have hazy memories of watching the re-runs of the original episodes but I could be mixing up the show with something else. The original version is so much better than the 80s remake and it's a pleasure to watch each episode.

I've been immersed in the series for most of the day and I feel like I'm discovering an old friend in each episode. I love the stories, the acting, Hitchcock's statements, the set design, and the costumes. I'm watching episodes shot in 1955 and everyone is wearing clothes from that era and are surrounded by items from that era. It's like taking a peek into the past, being able to see how people lived back them. Well, how they lived according to television, anyways.

Right now Netflix has only the first 61 episodes (the first three seasons) available. I hope that they add the remaining four seasons before I'm finished watching these first three. This might not be the best use of my time but I'm enjoying it so it can't be the worst thing for me to do.

Things are looking up

Things are getting better. I heard back from the dog training facility and there's room for Gozer starting on January 8 and going for seven weeks. Hopefully by the end of it I'll be able to handle Gozer easily.

We had quite the walk today. We met a few dogs on our path and one of them seemed really interested in Gozer. I asked the owner if it was ok for her to approach and he said that his dog wasn't that good on the leash. It turns out that "not that good on the leash" means "will bite my dog". They were sniffing snouts when the owner tried to pull his dog away and the dog bit her on the face. Gozer wasn't hurt and no skin was broken (thank goodness!) so Ian thinks it was a dominance thing and not an attack. Gozer reacted by barking like crazy while I pulled her away. That owner could use some obedience training with his dog.

Last night was a bit tough for Gozer because her crate was in the living room instead of the bedroom. She barked a few times before I went to sleep and at least once after I was in bed. If she barked after that, I didn't hear it. In the morning Gozer didn't pee as much as she normally does so Ian was worried that she'd soiled her bed (another sign of separation anxiety). Fortunately, her bed was try and didn't smell so she was probably just a bit dehydrated. I know that the pee habits of our dog might be a little TMI but this is an important subject to us.

Gozer spent quite even more time in her crate today because I had an appointment with my psychologist. My next appointment will be in January (although I could see her next week if necessary) and she wanted to be sure that I have my coping skills and techniques in place for the holidays. I think I'm in good enough shape to handle things - not that I expect much to come up. The point is that I have the tools I need and the more I use them, the better able I'll be to handle things as they come up. This is definitely good news.

More about dog training

I'm feeling a bit better today although I still had moments where I felt inadequate and that I couldn't train Gozer right.

Fortunately, we started the behavioural modification program at the vet's today. We were given a number of good tips that will hopefully help us deal with Gozer. For example, because she fixates on me so much, I have to give my bedtime goodnights a half hour before bedtime and then completely ignore her while Ian puts her to bed.

The person also suggested that we take Gozer's crate out of the bedroom so that she can develop some independence from us. Well, from me, anyways. She'd prefer to follow me everywhere, if she could, and to always be at my side, which is where her separation anxiety comes from. At least we caught it early.

I've also sent in a request to join a dog training course that starts in early January. I felt that the only way I could get over my feelings of inadequacy was to take steps to gain more knowledge. Sometimes a whiny pity party is what I need but it's not a long-term solution. I'm learning that it's better to face whatever's bothering me instead of avoiding it; in this case, facing my feelings of inadequacy about training Gozer means to learn how to train her.

You know, I knew that owning dogs and cats were really different and that there were dog people and cat people but I never really understood the differences. Well, now I know. When you own a cat, you basically just accept the cat for what it is and allow it to be itself while you be yourself. You can train it to do things if you want to but training isn't required. Owning a dog means calmly training it and being its pack leader. In fact, you bond while training the dog whereas you bond with the cat when it cuddles.

Owning a dog is rewarding but it's more work than owning a cat would be. I think it's safe to say that I am and always will be a cat person. At the same time, I'm learning to be a dog person, although it will take some time before I'm comfortable in my new role.

A sad start to the day

I've been quite busy over the last few days and so I haven't been sleeping well, leaving me feeling extremely tired. I've also been feeling a bit inadequate because Gozer isn't behaving well and I have no idea what I'm doing with her and I wasn't happy with the things I made in my metalsmithing class. And of course I'm still feeling sad about my mom. It was cold yesterday and I was flooded with memories of being in Edmonton after my mom died.

With all that going on it wasn't really a surprise that I had a huge meltdown last night. I started quietly crying in my bath and when I went to the other bedroom I started sobbing. I also started feeling like I was useless and that I couldn't do anything right. I knew that this was (and still is) a complete exaggeration but that didn't seem to matter at the time.

When I woke up I was still feeling very sad and still crying and I took half an ativan. I"m finally feeling better now. We spent some time this afternoon taking Gozer for a walk and then making some seasonal displays with branches and stuff Ian's mom gave me. Doing something creative helped me take my mind off of my perceived inadequacies, which made a huge improvement in my mood. Having a nap afterwards has also made a huge difference in how I'm feeling.

This evening Gozer seemed to want to play but didn't want to chase any of her usual toys. Ian brought out a small, quietly squeaky cow and she loves it. We've never seen her so attached to anything before! She made it squeak a little bit and then just carried it around with her. She even took it with her onto her ottoman and slept with it in her mouth - which was adorably cute, by the way. When we went downstairs she carried her cow with her and is sleeping contentedly on her cow (when it's not in her mouth, that is). Maybe she'll be calmer when we leave if she gets to sleep with the cow? I hope so.

Watching Gozer happily walk around with this little stuffed cow - with a cow foot on each side of her mouth - had me collapsing in giggles at just how cute she is. I may not know what I'm doing in raising a dog but I know how to love her and I want to make her happy. Watching her carry around the cow showed me that she's going to be all right, even if it takes a while for me to figure out how to train her. I'm not inadequate; I'm just learning. And it's ok to be sad when I remember last year.

Walking the dogs

I think I mentioned before that we're looking after the neighbour's two shih-tzu dogs at the end of December. In order to be prepared to do this, we've been trying to take the two dogs out walking with Gozer. Tonight was out second full attempt and it went quite well.

One of the dogs didn't want to be out and kept dragging behind and turning around to go home until we reached a point where it was clear that we were heading home. After that, the three little doggies walked almost side-by-side ahead of us so we were treated to a view of two pom-pom tail bums and one snake-tail bum. The two neighbour dogs haven't yet learned the trick of getting the leash out from under them, which means that they can end up hamstringing themselves if we're not careful.

After the walk was over we brought the other dogs home and our neighbours invited us in for a bit. Those two dogs are spoiled! They have a huge toybox and a ton of pig ears and feet and other bones for their dogs to gnaw at. It turns out that Gozer also likes pig ears and bones. In fact, she got herself a bone and carried it around when she wasn't gnawing at it. That bone came home with us - she was awfully cute carrying it! Of course we won't let her have the bone when we're not able to supervise her in case there are spurs or anything.

The neighbours also have a ton of treats for their dogs and we ended up bringing some home after giving Gozer small pieces of each one. I tell you, if she goes over there to visit, she's going to get spoiled with food and bones and toys. She didn't do much playing with the other dogs but all three were quite content to hang out in the same room together.

As we walk the three of them more frequently, they'll get used to the way we walk which will hopefully make looking after them relatively easy.

Party and Gozer

Last night's party was fun. They had some actors through dinner doing a murder mystery version of the Scrooge tale and a hypnotist after dessert. The hypnotist stuff was funny at the start while the people were doing some "whitewater rafting". It became much less funny when the hypnotist gave one guy the suggestion that he couldn't say the number six and then put the guy in several situations where he needed to say the number six. The guy is a smart fellow so used all sorts of tricks to define the number six without being able to say it. It's funny if you think that people who stutter or stammer are funny... which I don't. At least now I can say that I've seen a hypnotist in action.

Poor Gozer had a tough time while we were gone. she was frantically panting when we got home and had clearly been trying to escape the crate; her bed was turned around and the blankets were pulled into the crate. We took her outside right afterwards and she had a very big poo, followed by two more poos on the walk we took afterward.

When I left for my metalsmithing class tonight she was howling :( It was so hard to hear her howling and barking and to have to leave her but I did. When Ian got home she was in a panicky state again.

I took Gozer in to the vet this morning for another booster shot and we talked about her behaviour last night. The vet and I agreed that she's showing early signs of separation anxiety. She's got a program they're starting there to heal deal with separation anxiety that involves the mild anti-anxiety drug Reconcile (fluoxetine, or Prozac for dogs) and behaviour modification training. I've signed us up for it and she started taking the pills today. We'll go in to start the rest of the process on Monday.

Gozer also has some bumps on her tummy and the vet gave me some antibiotics for that. It turns out that Gozer doesn't like taking pills by themselves so I lightly covered each one in peanut butter. She loved that.

I have more metalsmithing tomorrow so hopefully Gozer will be fine with Ian for the day. She's very attached to me and has a hard time when I'm not here.

Christmas party tomorrow

Ian's Christmas party is tomorrow night. I bought six different dresses online over the last few weeks and of those, only two looked good. I'm sending the other four back because they just don't look right. I'd have worn last year's dress the dress from two years ago* but I've lost about ten pounds since then and it doesn't fit. Besides, I couldn't make these dresses for what I paid for them.

These are the two dresses I ended up liking and keeping:

Dress #1, by Armand Basi

Dress #2, by Suzi Chin

Obviously both are knee-length on me but fortunately they look good at that length. I have a slight preference for dress #2 because it covers more of my back meaning I don't have to worry about my patches showing through. It also has a soft, warm, stretchy lining which I think will keep me warmer than I'd be in dress #1. I do love dress #1 because it is gorgeous but I think it needs to be saved for a non-winter occasion. I'll save it for another day.

Aside from finding myself a dress for the party, I've done no other shopping in preparation. I'm going to wear the shoes I bought a couple of years ago because they're comfortable and look nice. I've got enough hosiery that I'll be able to figure out something to go with the dress and shoes. I also have plenty of makeup so I didn't need to get any of that, either. Hopefully this means that I'll be relaxed before tomorrow night's party.


* For some reason, as I was writing that, I completely blocked out the fact that I didn't go to last year's party because I was in Edmonton after my mom died. It's weird: I remember what happened last year but somehow it's like it all happened in this alternate world.

Gozer ... and my mom

One of the other reasons I haven't been posting as much is that my mom killed herself a year ago and that's been weighing on me. It's hard to believe that a whole year has passed because it still feels like it happened just yesterday. I have been feeling sad and I have been missing my mom. I miss talking to her and I miss having her in my life. I wish she was still here - only happier than she was when she died. I have no idea whether there's any kind of life after death or anything like that but if there is, I hope that she's happy and content now. 

Having Gozer has helped deal with it because I have responsibilities to her. I can't just curl up and cry all the time, even if that's what I want to do, because she has to be fed and walked and cuddled. I have been taking the time to remember and mourn my mom but I'm not wallowing in it like I might have otherwise done.

Owning a dog is a lot of fun because I do love having her warm, furry body nearby all the time but it's also a lot of responsibility. A dog has to be walked in all weather, even the rain. Walking a dog in the rain isn't as fun as you might think it is. Gozer was so happy to be home out of the rain that she ran around like a crazy dog for a while. That's my girl, all right! Here's a really good picture of her that was taken by Ian's mom:

Look at that adorable face!

Bit of this, bit of that

It's been a couple of days since I posted because nothing really had been going on. I could have posted about how cute Gozer is and the cute things she does - like new moms do with their babies - but I didn't think that would terribly interesting. She does do incredibly cute things all the time and I find myself exclaiming over how adorable she is but if you're not here seeing it, well, it's just not the same.

This last week had been raining and humid and now we have that sour smell in our basement again. This time it's drifted upstairs, too, so our whole house has the smell to some extent. Nothing seems to be wet and there don't seem to be any leaks so we have no idea what's going on. We thought that maybe the traps under the sink or shower might have run dry so we've poured water down there but it hasn't made a difference. I hope it dissipates soon.

We took Gozer to meet Ian's parents today. This trip was a big one because she had two big car rides, went into someone else's house, and meet other people. I'd bought a seatbelt contraption for Gozer before and we tried it out on the drive down but it didn't work so well. It was both too big around and too short for her and at one point she wriggled out of it! Ian's parents gave us one that they had and it worked so much better. Gozer was able to stand up and look outside or lie down and sleep, all while staying safely belted in.

Gozer did very well in the other house and meeting people. She managed to sucker both of Ian's parents into letting her cuddle with them for a while :) She also cuddled with me, of course! She was very good about going into her crate and staying there quietly when we needed her to do that. She behaved herself very well all day and we're very proud of her.

It turns out that I'm not so good at training Gozer. For example, I forget that I'm not supposed to call her name when she's being bad and I let her stand up on her back legs and lick my face. Then I remember that I've never had a dog and that we've only had her for nine days and I feel better because I don't have to be perfect. However, I do want to get better at training her so that she doesn't develop bad habits that we have to undo later on so I need to get to reading the books I bought. I'll spend some time on that over the next few days.