Not at my best today

I felt awful when I woke up; I had a terrible headache and I was nauseous. I think I was migrainy so instead of doing anything productive, I laid down and watched tv. Later on I felt better and did a bit of pattern preparation. I'm going to sew a top out of some striped fabric I bought ages ago - the fabric is primarily pink, yellow, and white and I think it'll be cute.

Tomorrow I need to call my doctor to find out the results from the fine-needle biopsy that my surgeon took 10 a week and a half ago. I very much hope that I don't have more cancer in my breast. I'm a little nervous about making the call tomorrow, of course, but at the same time I'd rather know what's going on. Knowing means that I can deal with it.

My incisions are healing well. There are welts from the bandagey-things that they put on that seem to be everywhere. I can also see new welts forming under the clear dressing I've currently got on the big incision. At least the bruising seems to be going down.

Awake all day

The nurse came by to change the dressings on the incisions. I can shower again! :) The incisions are healing very well. The catheter can be clearly seen on my neck when there's no dressing there - I sort of look like I'm on 'roids :) The reservoir incision is also healing well. There's a lot of bruising there and the area is quite tender. Apparently the steri-strip adhesive (that holds the incision together) didn't agree with me as there were welts under each one. Sigh. I hope that this incision heals better than all of the other cuts and incisions have healed before.

I also did some sewing today. I finished up a dress - it looks interesting although I wish it was a bit longer. It's sort of a trapeze style and is a couple of inches above the knee, which means that I can't put a belt on it to make it more shapely. If I use this pattern again (and I probably will) I'll have to make sure to lengthen it.

This evening Ian and I played Rock Band. I told you he got a PS3 console? Well, he also bought the game Rock Band, where each person can play one of the guitar, bass, vocals, and drums. I have trouble playing the guitar because my hands are so small. So I did some singing. This is about the only time anyone would encourage me to sing :) This game is a lot of fun and I'd recommend it... it also gives Ian and I something to do together when we don't want to watch tv.

I stayed home today

I decided not to go to the visitation for my friend today. I wanted to go and show my love for Pat which I would hope would provide some comfort for her husband Lee. But I wasn't really going for me to lay Pat to rest. Also, I slept all day and the port incision sites are quite tender - I can't put the passenger-side shoulder elt over them yet and it's too dangerous to drive 4 hours in total down the 401 if I can't wear the seatbelt properly.

The nurse is coming tomorrow to change the dressing for my incisions. I'm really looking forward to this as it would be nice if the dressings were smaller. It's weird because I can actually touch the catheter part on the outside of my neck and when I do poke at it, I can feel it in my neck. Both the nurse and Ian say that I'll get used to the catheter, like a person does with a watch. I don't know. Maybe once the tape is off and not pressing the catheter into my neck it'll be better.

Yesterday was also port-a-cath day

Yesterday wasn't the best day ever. Not only did my friend die, but I had to have my port-a-cath put in. If I'd had a choice, I would have postponed it for a day when I was feeling stronger.

The best part about yesterday was when I was telling the nurse about everything that was going on. She gave me a big hug and when we both had a few minutes, she came and talked to me. She'd been a palliative care nurse and so understood the emotions I was feeling. I am very grateful to her for taking the time to talk to me.

The port insertion isn't all that complicated; the two main steps are to put the catheter part into the jugular vein and to put the reservoir part into a "pocket" that they make under the skin. To do all this they give local freezing.

You may not know this, but local freezing and I do not get along. It hurts like crazy when it goes in and I usually need extra because I metabolize it strangely. So the anaesthetic portion of my adventure was pretty awful and filled with howls and screams. Some would say that I'm a big baby when it comes to local freezing pain, and those some would be right.

Things got better after that. I felt a lot of pressure and things felt weird but they got the port in without any problems. I had to spend four hours in the recovery area but that turned out ok, too. I had a big, big nap :)

I now have a gigantic bunch of padding and tape over the incisions and I'm not allowed to get that area wet, so no shower for me until at least Monday :( The area is fairly tender to the touch and is stiff when I wake up. I'm taking tylenol for the pain and stiffness; I figure there's no point taking Percocet if I don't need to. Home-care nurses are coming in on Monday and again later in the week to change the dressing and make sure things are ok.

I'm going to my bellydancing workshop, although I missed the class at noon because I slept in. My plan is to take it very easy. Tonight is the juggling festival show and I'll be going to that, too.

Tomorrow is my friend's visitation in Oshawa; the funeral is Monday starting at 11am but I can't make it to that because of the home-care nurse coming in. I hope to make it to the visitation tomorrow; Ian's offered to drive me but there are juggling people in town and it would be better if he could spend time with them.

A little shopping

So I chickened out of going to my spirituality and healing group today. What with everything, I just didn't want to go.

I ended up going to Fabricland and buying some patterns that were on sale. I looked at some fabrics but decided not to buy any - I have tons and don't need to buy any more. I didn't do any sewing or anything when I got home, though; I just watched tv.

Tomorrow morning I get my port inserted. I hope it goes well.

Recovery update

I had heard that after the kind of surgery I had that women get hot flashes and emotional right away. That hasn't happened to me. I had maybe one tiny little hot flash and I haven't been especially emotional at all. I wonder when these symptoms will arrive. Not that I'm especially looking forward to them - I'd be perfectly happy if I never got night sweats, for example.

It's almost as though my ovaries were never removed. Of course I know they were :) The pain tells me that.

I am moving around quite a bit more. I was able to walk to and from the grocery store at the corner. I'm not in nearly as much pain as before; all of the pain is focused on one area that's about 4 in x 1 in. The scars are looking good and scabby and they don't really hurt. The one in my bellybutton can be tender, if I rub it the wrong way.

Left the house today

We tried to pick up the photos from Sears today, but unfortuantely they were too busy. We waited forquite a while, but the person taking photos didn't acknowledge us or the other fellow that was there, so we left. We'll try again tomorrow.

During the wait period, we took a little walk through the mall today to the food court to get something to drink. This is the first time I've been out of the house since we got here from Mississauga last Thursday. It's also the first walk that I've taken since last Thursday, and this walk was longer than that walk.

I guess this means that I'm healing, although I've still got pain and some swelling in my abdomen. I'm looking forward to feeling like a normal person :)

Still taking it easy

I'm feeling a bit better, although I'm definitely not up to my normal, cheery self. I'm still very tired and have quite a bit of pain. At least I'm moving around quite a bit better - for the last few days, I was always hunched over clutching my abdomen to ease the pain whenever I walked around. Now I'm barely hunched over, and only need to apply a bit of pressure to my abdomen.

The information sheet I received at the hospital said that I would be back to normal activities after two or three days of recovery. Ha! I think I'll listen to my surgeon, who said it would be at least two weeks before I could participate in my normal activities.

I am watching my incisions pretty carefully; one of them is weeping a little bit and has a bit of red around it. The other two also have some red around them, too, which is new. I'm a bit worried about infection, even though I have been keeping the incisions as clean as I can (and putting dressings on them when I think they need it). I'll continue to watch the incisions over the next few days.

I finished the scarf I was knitting for Ian to go with the hat I'd knit him last year. The pictures of the hat and scarf are here. I'm now working on a sweater for me.

Some slight improvement

I took the dressings off of the incisions today. They're healing up ok and don't show any sign of infection. My abdomen is still very swollen, especially on the left. While there's still a lot of pain, it is lessening a bit - I can more easily get myself onto the couch or bed. The painkillers are also helping, though. I'm hoping that by Monday, I'll be able to actually go for a short walk at a reasonable pace.

I'm so lucky to have Ian - he's been helping a lot. I don't have the flexibility to get into the bathtub for a shower, so he's been helping me there. And he's helping me get comfortable on the couch, and he's serving me food when I'm hungry or thirsty :)

I'm about half-finished Ian's scarf. I think it's going to turn out really well.

Home now

I was feeling well enough to travel today, so we came home this afternoon. I am very grateful to Ian's parents for making as relaxing an environment as possible for us before and after the surgery. There's no place like home, though, so we were happy to come home, too. On the way home I was able to pick up the swag that the company gave each employee a couple of weeks ago. My name was in fact on the list, so I guess ther was nust a mix-up that first day there. It's a really nice light brown suede blazer-style jacket with our company logo discreetly placed on a front pocket. People had complained that the jacket was too big, but I found that it fits pretty well. The sleeves are way too long, but that's expected. I can make a small change so that the sleeves look better on me.

Ian curled tonight, and we were both concerned about me being left alone in case I needed help. Although I was feeling well enough to travel, I'm still in quite a bit of pain. I had a friend come over and keep me company for the evening, which we spent knitting and watching tv. I'm finished just under a third of Ian's scarf. I'll be glad when this scarf is done so that I can move on to one of my sweater projects :)

More surgery details

Oh yes, I am still feeling quite uncomfortable, particularly on the left side. It really, really, really hurts if I try to stretch or flex the muscles there. This makes lying down very difficult.

It was kind of a surgery adventure today. I'd been pretty impressed with the nurses and other staff there before, but this time was different.

First, the person who had done my initial intake seemed to be a bit upset when I told her that I couldn't have the type of tape she was holding up. I felt like I had inconvenienced her by my request for a different tape because I have problems with adhesives. Next, we waited in the waiting room for an hour, to 20 minutes past my new surgery time. When they came to get me, it was only to take me to xray, not to surgery. I guess that the pre-op admission clinic would normally have arranged for the xray because I have asthma.

When we got to the xray department, we were left sitting in the hall for 45 minutes. Ian went to ask them what was going on, and it turned out that the technicians didn't know that I was there. Sigh. The volunteer who delivered me there had gone to take the requisition somewhere, and another nurse from day surgery (not xray) took it away. So I suspect that this was the source of the confusion. Ummm, I had a bit of a meltdown during this time because I was so frustrated not knowing anything and because I was so scared. No one really told me what was going on, and I was worried that I wasn't going to able to have surgery today because I wasn't at surgical daycare. It seemed like there wasn't great communication between the nurses.

Once we finished all of that and did the things on the last-minute checklist, I was taken to the operating room. Luckily they had changed the surgery order because I didn't come back until 1:30pm (an hour and a half after my new surgery time), and I was able to have my surgery today. Because I have lymphedema, I'm not supposed to have either an IV or a blood pressure cuff on that arm. The anesthetist said that he didn't see why they couldn't put an IV in the lymphedema arm, so I had to explain the reasons to him. The first reason behind this is that needle pokes can get infected, leading to more lymphedema. The second reason is that if they're injecting something into my arm and for some reason it goes outside my veins, then there would be a buildup of lymph fluid to clean the area, also leading to more lymphedema. In an emergency I can have blood withdrawn from that arm, but it's better if it's left alone.

I woke up in the recovery room in a lot of pain and freezy cold. I actually became one of those people that was screaming and crying due to the pain and the cold. They gave me morphine and told me to lengthen my breathing. That's hard to do in the face of the kind of pain I had, but I was able to do that.

I slept for what seems like a long time after that. A requirement before they release you is that you have to walk to the bathroom and you have to keep down food. I was able to do both. However, the nurse wanted me lying back on the bed. She said that I should get on via a "log roll" technique, where you rest your butt on the bed and roll your shoulder onto its side, after which you bring your legs up. This technique works a LOT better if your feet can touch the ground and your butt can sit on the bed at the same time. I couldn't do that - some of you may have noticed that I am of underaverage height. So once again I became one of those people that cry, whine, and complain, this time because of the pain. It hurt a lot to try to do that manoever on that bed. The nurse just said that I shouldn't be so tense, that I should just do what she was showing me. Sigh. I told her that I couldn't do what she told me to do because the bed was too tall. She didn't bring me a stool to step on, either, which would have helped immensely.

Aside from all of the confusion, things went pretty smoothly. I am in quite a bit of pain that I hope will go away today. Or at least that will respond to painkillers :) I don't feel any different yet, either - I was worried that I would wake up feeling very different. I'm still the same old cranky me :)

Surgery

Chantelle's surgery is over. She is in the recovery area and resting. She will be able to come home in about 2.5 hours from now. She is rather uncomfortable right now. Hopefully the pain will dissipate soon.

Surgery tomorrow

My surgery time has been changed to 12noon from 12:45pm. So I have to be at the hospital at 10am. I still expect that I'll be out of the hospital around 5:30pm. As the surgery time gets closer and closer, I feel more and more nervous. I'm sure that I'll feel better tomorrow morning (that's the way that this usually goes for me), but tonight I'm a little bit on edge. I'm trying not to be too cranky.

I spent some time this afternoon tidying up the house. I didn't do anything that remotely resembles cleaning, but I did put some things away. We're spending tonight and some amount of time after the surgery at Ian's parents house, and I like to return to a clean house. Well, a tidy house, anyways :) So when we go back, the house won't be quite as much of a sty as it usually is.

Surgery info

I had my pre-op appointment today. The surgery will be at 12:45pm on Wednesday, and they expect that I'll be released from hospital around 5:30 or 6pm that day. I have to be there by 10:45am. I can't have any food after midnight tomorrow, but I can have clear fluids (including coffee, if I wanted it) up until 6:45am.

I had my young women's support group today. A couple of women there have had an oophorectomy, which is quite helpful for me. Healing times vary amongst these women; one went back to work within a few days while another one took a couple of weeks to heal. Most women talk about the hot flashes that they experience, but they don't mention any other symptoms. So hopefully it won't be too bad for me. I actually think that I have hot flashes now - there are times where I can feel a buildup of heat, and I start to feel really hot. Then I start to actually sweat. After a while, the heat and sweat diminishes. So maybe these hot flashy things will just continue (possibly more frequently).

Surgery scheduled

I called my family doctor who called my surgeon, and they straightened things out. My surgery date is Wednesday, October 18 (yes, that's next Wednesday!) in Oakville. I'm doing all the pre-op stuff on Monday. The surgery will be laparoscopic, so the incisions will be small and I'll be out of the hospital the same day. If there are any problems, then the incision will be bigger and I'll be in hospital for a day or two.

I'm glad that I'm getting in really quickly, but I'm scared, too. It's going to be a big change, and I don't think I'm ready for it. Then again, I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to be really ready no matter how much time I have. I have an idea of what to expect, but I won't really know what it'll be like until I go through it.

I get to see my oncologist tomorrow. I know that she'll be wanting to start me on the bisphosphonates (bone builders) soon. I hope that she'll see me in a follow-up visit about a month after this, because I'll need to start on the aromatase inhibitors then. I don't want to start on them without seeing her. Also, if I don't respond well to the type of bisphosphonate, then there are others that they can try - and I want to be sure that she'll see me in this case (as I've mentioned before, getting through the nurse is difficult).

No surgery date yet

I got a message from the surgeon's office today. I'm completely confused. Back in August, they told me that once I had the biopsy results, I should call and then we would arrange a surgery date. But they've made an appointment for me to see the surgeon again, with no mention of a surgery date at all. And they want my family doctor to fax them something - presumably a referral (I couldn't really tell on the message). I don't understand that at all, since they received a referral back in August.

I guess that since this biopsy process has taken so long, they've either forgotten what their original instructions were or we need to go through the whole process again. Unfortunately, neither they nor my family doctor's office were open this afternoon. I'll be spending some time getting this straightened out tomorrow. I don't mind going in for an appointment, but I want to make sure that we're definitely heading towards surgery. I also need to know whether or not I need to get anything from the oncologist on Friday before the surgery. I'll tell you, this isn't exactly what I imagined tomorrow would be like :)

A couple of photos

Today I spent slightly less time sleeping than yesterday. I also needed fewer painkillers today, so I think that I'm actually getting better. Yay :)

There was a bug on our patio door today. It stayed there for hours, and so I took a couple of pictures of it. They're here. I don't know what kind of bug it is - maybe someone can identify it?